This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display:
- Personal, nuanced experience: The user shares specific, multi-faceted details about their journey, including their identity as a butch/transmasculine person, experiences with different communities, and evolving self-perception over time (into their "mid/late twenties").
- Consistent, passionate viewpoint: The arguments are consistent with a desister/detransitioner perspective—critiquing rapid medical transition and advocating for self-reflection—and are expressed with the expected passion and frustration.
- Interactive and advisory tone: The user engages with common community topics and offers supportive, practical advice to others (e.g., suggesting voice training), which is typical of genuine community members.
No red flags of inauthenticity are present.
About me
I never felt like I feminine girl, and my discomfort became intense during puberty when I developed breasts. Social pressure and a lack of other options made me believe I was a trans man, so I started testosterone and had top surgery. I benefited from the physical changes, but I later realized a lot of my dysphoria was tied to how people treated me because I was female. Now, I don't identify as a man, but as a butch woman who used medical transition to feel comfortable. I don't regret the physical changes, but I deeply regret that no one encouraged me to explore just being a masculine woman first.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started because I just never felt like I fit in as a girl, especially a feminine one. I was always a tomboy, but as I got older, that felt less and less acceptable. The discomfort really hit during puberty when my body started changing. I hated developing breasts; it felt wrong and foreign to me. I felt more comfortable around guys and in men's clothes, but people always had something to say about my short hair and the way I dressed.
A lot of my social dysphoria came from how I was treated by other people, especially within lesbian communities. Ironically, it was often feminine lesbians who made the most hateful comments about my appearance, which made me feel even more out of place. I also spent time in mainstream intersectional feminist and witchcraft circles, which felt aggressively feminine to me. I never felt like I belonged there. I felt the most comfortable around gay men and other people who identified as FtM or transmasculine.
This pressure, and my own deep discomfort, led me to believe I must be a trans man. It felt like the only option available to me. The minute I was diagnosed with dysphoria, it was like I was put on a fast track to being FtM. Nobody ever talked about other options, like just being a butch lesbian. Where I lived, being butch was basically seen as being a closeted trans man. They never asked me to explore if my feelings were connected to a history of misogyny or abuse, or if I was just uncomfortable with gender stereotypes. Any suggestion of self-reflection was treated like it was conversion therapy.
I started testosterone and got top surgery. I benefited from both; the hormones helped with my dysphoria and I absolutely wanted a flat chest. But then I ran into a problem. People tried to tell me that because I benefited from hormones and surgery, I had to identify as a man. They said that if my dysphoria was real, I must be a "real trans man." This really messed with my head. The whole concept of a "real trans person" felt like mental gymnastics to me. If there's no clear definition, how can anyone claim someone else was never trans?
It took me until my mid-to-late twenties to really figure things out. I had to sit down and ask myself what I was actually dysphoric about and why. I realized a lot of my body dysphoria was made worse by social situations. I wasn't uncomfortable with my body in a vacuum; I was uncomfortable with how it made people treat me and the expectations that came with it.
I also had to confront my sexuality. I'm bisexual, but before testosterone, a lot of straight men took my dysphoria personally. They thought my short hair and discomfort meant I didn't like men, and I started to believe that. It was through meeting gay FtMs that I finally felt comfortable embracing my attraction to men. Once my dysphoria was managed, I realized I did actually want to date guys.
Now, I don't really identify as a man. I think of myself as transmasculine or just a butch woman. I stopped caring if people thought my label was "valid" or not. I think a lot of the anger from trans activists comes from a place of fear. The idea that transition might not always be the answer, or that someone like me can use hormones and surgery but not identify as a man, makes them question their own choices. I’ve seen it firsthand; an FtM once told a butch lesbian that her refusal to identify as a man felt like a "slap in the face" to him.
Do I regret my transition? I don't regret the physical changes. Testosterone and top surgery helped alleviate the specific dysphoria I had. But I do regret that I was never given other options or encouraged to explore my feelings more deeply before medically transitioning. I was put on that linear path without any real questioning. I regret that I felt so much pressure to identify as a man to justify the medical care I received. I wish I had known it was okay to just be a masculine woman.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and developing breasts. |
| Early 20s | Social pressure and dysphoria led to identifying as FtM. Diagnosed with dysphoria. |
| 22 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 23 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| Mid/Late 20s | Through self-reflection, realized social factors exacerbated body dysphoria. Stopped identifying as a man and began identifying as transmasculine/butch woman. |
Top Comments by /u/CreepyAid:
Im bi, but I absolutely relate to this. In fact, part of my pressure to identify as a man came from the fact that lesbians who were more feminine often times made the most hateful comments about my clothes and hair (men were ironically more tolerant of me).
Combine this with the fact that I spent time around both the mainstream intersectional feminist and witchcraft communities which both feel aggressively feminine at times. I've always felt more comfortable around gay men or FtM and transmasculine identified people.
I think it depends on what area you live (country, state, town, etc.) I've seen photos of mostly butch communities so I'm not discounting your experiences, but the area I live in is almost exclusively femme or tomboy at most. Butch is seen as basically closeted FtM where I live.
I noticed in my area the general income of the neighborhood seems to affect the number of butches I come across. I see others more in more rural towns or poorer areas of the city, in fact there's been some butch and FtM specialized stores that occasionally pop up in these areas (but don't tend to stay open for long unfortunately due to lack of funds) but as I get closer to higher income neighborhoods it starts to become predominantly femme4femme.
In the areas that are "woke" and big on intersectional feminism, there seems to be this mentality that butches and FtMs are seen as more "privileged" than femmes and MtFs, so we're expected to stay mostly quiet and let them do the talking. A lot of butches and FtMs are nervous about speaking up at these woke areas because they're worried their actions will be perceived as toxic masculinity.
The whole mental gymnastics and amorphous concepts are what really gets to me. If there's no clear definition on what a real trans person is, then how can they claim a person isn't really trans? Abigail Shrier even brought up gender fluid people in an interview to further illustrate how their hypocrisy makes even less sense. If their trans identity can change, then how can they claim detransitioners were never trans at some point? These activists seem really big on their amorphous concepts, kinda like how they throw terms "real women" and "real men" around but can't give you a clear definition on those terms either aside from amorphous feelings.
I've been thinking, I think when these people make accusations like this it comes from a feeling of fear on their part. The idea of transition not always curing dysphoria makes them uncomfortable, so they make up the narrative of "real trans with real dysphoria" in an attempt to justify their own transition choice so they don't have to come to terms with the fact there may have been other options to address their mental health.
A similar fear is often directed at butches such as myself. I came across a butch lesbian on Tumblr who had similar experiences to mine, and an FtM straight up told her that her refusal to identify as a man made him uncomfortable (or felt like a "slap in the face" as he put it.) The idea of someone benefiting from hormones/surgery but not identifying as a "real man" would make them question what makes them feel the need to identify as a man.
Try not to blame yourself for your friends reactions over the pronouns thing. I used to struggle myself with feeling like a burden because of the whole transition thing, but you are not responsible for their reactions. At the end of the day, we can't control how other people respond to us nor can we fully police others language. All we can do is ask others to be respectful of our identities; if they choose to be rude that's on them not you.
Wow, if people are really concerned about people "stealing trans people's resources" then shouldn't they want people to explore what they're feeling before they transition to make sure it's the right decision for them?
Ugh yes, I agree so much with this. It always drove me nuts that they treat self reflection as if it's a form of conversion therapy. Whenever someone tries to tell kids and teens who identify as trans that it is OK to be a tomboy or butch, or ask if they've ever had a history of abuse or misogyny that might be pushing them to transition, TRAs tend to defensively lash out and treat it like conversion when it's just self reflection questions.
I tend to think of myself as either transmasculine or just a butch woman. For a while I felt obligated to identify as FtM because I benefited from hormones and wanted a flat chest, and people tried to tell me that identifying as anything else but a man meant my dysphoria wasn't real. But I guess as I got older I stopped caring if people thought my label was "valid" lol.
The voice changes you get from testosterone are mostly permanent, but have you tried looking into voice training? Videos that are designed for MtF may help alleviate how you're feeling about your voice. If your voice is the one change from testosterone that's really starting to upset you it may be worth looking into if you're happy with other changes on T.
But I do understand how you feel about the linear transition, as I kinda experienced something like that. It's like the minute you're diagnosed with dysphoria people put you on a fast track to FtM, they tend to not give you other options.
It didn't really change so much as I felt more comfortable embracing my attraction to men. Pre testosterone, a lot of straight men took my dysphoria symptoms personally. They thought my need to keep my hair short and discomfort in bed meant that I just didn't like men period and I let those accusations get to me. Meeting with gay FtMs helped me come to terms with being attracted to men, because once dysphoria was no longer present I realized I did actually want to date some guys.