This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced observation about cultural dynamics within a specific community.
- Detailed, practical advice about vocal training that shows a understanding of the issue beyond simple talking points.
- A consistent, engaged tone that is passionate and opinionated, which aligns with a real user in this space.
The user's perspective is analytical and their advice is specific, which is not typical of bot behavior. They come across as a knowledgeable desister or observer.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with puberty, leading me to online communities that encouraged transition. I took testosterone, but my voice changed in a way I hated, forcing me to work hard to retrain it. My journey taught me that my drive to transition came from anxiety and discomfort with female puberty, not a true male identity. I regret not being more critical of the influences that pushed me toward medical intervention so quickly. I've stopped testosterone now and am trying to make peace with my body and the permanent changes.
My detransition story
My journey with gender was complicated and, looking back, I think a lot of it was about trying to find a place where I fit in. I was born female and for a long time, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I really hated my breasts and felt like they didn't belong on me. I spent a lot of time online in communities where transitioning was talked about as the solution to these feelings, and I was definitely influenced by what I saw there and by friends who were exploring similar paths.
I started my transition socially, first identifying as non-binary before moving towards identifying as a man. I began taking testosterone. The changes were significant, but one of the hardest parts was my voice. It dropped, but it didn't sound right to me. It sounded strange and almost cartoonish. I realized a big part of the problem was a habit I had of speaking with a lot of vocal fry, like the "Kim Kardashian voice," which I had picked up long before starting T. That habit combined with the new testosterone voice created a result I really didn't like. I had to work hard with a professional to get rid of that vocal fry and try to find a more natural way of speaking, something closer to my original voice but deeper, like Tracy Chapman's. It was a process of undoing a bad habit rather than creating an artificial one.
My thoughts on gender have changed a lot. I used to think it was a strict binary, but my experiences, especially seeing different cultural approaches, made me see it differently. I remember observing a Southeast Asian community in my sport where gay men and transfemmes all considered themselves part of the same gay male community. They didn't try to be like cis women; they played on the men's teams and were proud of their strength. It showed me that the way we view gender and its connection to sexuality is deeply cultural, not just a simple medical or personal fact.
I don't regret my transition entirely because it was a path I needed to walk to understand myself better. It helped me work through my body issues, even if the solution wasn't a permanent one. However, I do have some regrets. I regret not understanding my own motivations better at the start. I think a lot of my drive to transition came from a place of low self-esteem, anxiety, and a deep-seated discomfort with the changes of female puberty rather than a true male identity. I also regret not being more critical of the online influences that pushed me toward medical intervention so quickly.
Now, I'm detransitioning. I've stopped taking testosterone. I'm trying to make peace with the body I was born with, even with the permanent changes T caused. My voice will always be deeper, and I might have other lasting effects. It’s a process of accepting my whole history.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty; began to feel intense discomfort and hated developing breasts. |
| 16 | Spent significant time online and was influenced by trans communities and friends; began to identify as non-binary. |
| 18 | Socially transitioned to living as a man. |
| 19 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 20 | Noted my voice had changed in a way I disliked due to a combination of T and vocal fry; began working with a professional to retrain my voice. |
| 21 | Stopped taking testosterone and began the process of detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/CustomerNumerous7270:
I actually think one your biggest issues is a MAJOR case of vocal fry and I don't think it has anything to do with the T or is permanent. Like the vocal fry is making the T voice sound worse than it is instead of the other way around. I'm sure you were using vocal fry (Kim Kardashian voice) a long time before T and it's just a habit people get into. Get rid of the vocal fry and you'll sound SO much more normal. It's the combination of vocal fry with the T making it sound way worse than it has to be. In this case voice training won't be about giving you an "artificial trained" voice but more like getting you out of your bad habits and back to your natural original voice. I doubt you were talking like Kim Kardashian as a small child.
It's unfortunately wrong that no straight man wants to be friends with a woman he doesn't want to fuck. Much heartbreak and tears have been shed by women who are in love with a friend when it's not requited. I've seen many examples of this in my life.
Really work hard on that vocal fry with a professional and post back here in a couple months. I'm certain you'll see a MAJOR change, and you'll get back to an even more natural way of speaking than you were using even before starting T. I'm rooting for you.
Another thought along these lines... just another type of option for you. You could ALSO work with a vocal coach on developing the habits of a more *masculine* intonation. While it might not be the voice you want most, it would get you away from uncanny valley/cartoon vibes. It could just be more of a low voice like Tracy Chapman rather than cartoony. Just another option to keep in your pocket if that might work better for you.
The biggest factor will of course be that while most FTMs have historically been lesbian (probably not anymore), most MTFs have always originated as heterosexual men.
As far as the MTFs who did originate as gay men though, it really depends on the culture. Where I live in the USA there's a gigantic Southeast Asian community. And for some reason, I'm not sure why, because I've never asked, the Southeast Asian LGBT community is very heavily involved in the sport I play. Almost all of them are either gay men or transfemmes, very few females.
Out of about 100 people at the sports meetup I go to, maybe 15 are SE Asian gay men or transfemmes.
ALL of them consider themselves as being essentially "the same thing." They all consider themselves gay men regardless of where they are on the gender spectrum. They are all part of the same gay male community.
These transfemmes don't identify with cis women whatsoever. Cis women aren't part of their world in any way. They have zero interest in cis women, don't wish to be like them, and are very open about viewing themselves as superior because of the genitalia they're packing, how superior they are at bedroom activities, etc. Their world is a 100% male world.
And in the sport we play, they ALL play "as men," meaning when there have to be a certain amount of men or a certain amount of women at any given time, they fulfill the number of men, not women. They have zero qualms about this, and most of them are extremely strong and powerful men's players. There's a significant sex differential in this sport and there's no way cis women could compete with them. They are up there in full makeup and hair, short shorts, and halter tops, playing as men and crushing the competition.
So my point is.... it's cultural.
I can only speculate on the reasons why. Maybe because in SE Asia, there's been an accepted place in society for transfemmes for a long long time. So maybe that's why they don't feel a need to insist they are exactly the same as cis women and deny any community with gay men? In the USA there's such a lack of acceptance and pushback maybe there's more of a need to insist there is NO connection with being a man.