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Reddit user /u/DarichUbish's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 22
female
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
influenced online
got top surgery
serious health complications
now infertile
started as non-binary
heterosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this user account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The comments demonstrate:

  • Internal Consistency: A coherent, evolving personal philosophy about gender, identity, and detransition.
  • Personal Narrative: Specific, nuanced reflections on internalized misogyny, dysphoria, and the struggle to reconcile a non-conforming identity with biological reality.
  • Emotional Complexity: A mix of conviction, frustration, and personal struggle that aligns with the passion and pain common among detransitioners/desisters.

The user's perspective is controversial, but the expression is that of a person reasoning from their lived experience.

About me

My journey started as a teenager when I felt intense discomfort with my developing body and the idea of being seen as a woman. I transitioned to male for several years, thinking it was the only way to escape those feelings. I eventually realized my discomfort was rooted in internalized misogyny and society's narrow view of what a woman can be. I now understand I was always a woman, a masculine one, and I'm learning to reconcile with my female body. While I regret the permanent changes, I'm finally finding peace by just being myself.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I felt incredibly uncomfortable with my body, especially when I started developing breasts. I hated them; they felt alien and wrong on me. I was also deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being seen as a woman by society. I felt like a woman like me—a masculine, straight woman—couldn't possibly exist. I thought that to be myself, I had to stop being a woman altogether.

I found a lot of this thinking online and in certain communities. I was influenced by the ideas I read, which told me that my discomfort was a sign I wasn't really a woman. For a while, I identified as non-binary and then as a trans man. It felt like a way to escape the feelings of dysphoria and the pressure of traditional gender roles. I started taking testosterone. I got top surgery. I thought this was the solution to all my problems.

But over time, I began to question everything. Through a lot of difficult self-reflection, I realized that a lot of my feelings were rooted in internalized misogyny. It wasn't that I hated women; I was respectful to others. But I had internalized the idea that a woman couldn't be as masculine as I was and still be a valid woman. I felt that to be my authentic self, I had to distance myself from womanhood entirely. I came to understand that this was a problem with society's narrow view of women, not a problem with me being female.

I also realized that my understanding of what it means to be a man or a woman had completely changed. I don't believe it's about an internal feeling or identity anymore. For me, being a woman is simply about the reality of my body. I was born female, I have a female body, so I am a woman. The discomfort I feel—the dysphoria—is real, but it doesn't change that factual reality. My work now is on reconciling my mind with that reality, not on changing my body to fit my mind.

I don't regret my transition in the sense that it was a necessary path for me to ultimately understand myself better. It led me to where I am now. But I do have regrets about the permanent changes. The top surgery is irreversible. The testosterone caused changes that can't be undone. I am now infertile, which is a serious and lasting complication. I have to live with that.

Now, I see myself as a woman, a very masculine one—a tomboy, or even butch. I'm straight; I'm only attracted to men, but I don't fit into the heteronormative idea of a relationship. It's lonely sometimes, but I'm learning to find value in just being me, without trying to force myself into any label. My existence challenges both traditional views and new gender theories, and that's okay. I'm learning to be comfortable floating in this space, just being a person, without a neat label to define me.

Age Event
14 Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and developing breasts.
16 Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities.
17 Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone.
19 Underwent top surgery.
22 Began seriously questioning my transition and started detransitioning.
23 Stopped taking testosterone. Now living as a masculine, straight woman.

Top Comments by /u/DarichUbish:

6 comments • Posting since June 14, 2025
Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) comments on the death of critical discourse, arguing that while adults should be free to do what they want with their bodies, society should still be able to discuss if medical transition is actually healthy.
12 pointsJun 21, 2025
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Yeah, critical discourse dying, for me, is probably THE most infuriating thing about this whole topic.

I share a pretty libertarian view on most things - that basically adults can do whatever they want with their life and body, but that doesn't mean we should stop discussing if you actually should do some things or if it's actually healthy. Of course, in the end, you can do whatever, but the discourse should still be there.

Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) explains her view that being a woman is defined solely by having a female body, not by internal feelings or identity.
11 pointsJun 19, 2025
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I think the problem here is that, in a way, we talk in a different languages. I just dont think in the same paradigm as you, not anymore.

For me being a woman is not about some feeling or some internal work of my consciousness - it's about how it is in reality. There's pretty straightforward ways to know if you're a woman or not. Its your body. For me being a woman/man is just about a body, literally nothing else. I have a female body - thus im a woman, that's it. Case closed here. Like, i literally don't see any feeling in this topic as an indicator of anything.

And when i encountering a bunch of feelings and internal processes that make me feel discomfort and aversion to this reality - i try to find ways to reconcile with said reality.

But the bottom line of me being a woman is always there, i work with my perception starting from this premise, because its not a question for me anymore.

Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) explains how internalized misogyny and traditional gender roles led to her dysphoria, concluding that being a woman does not undermine her masculine traits or authentic self.
11 pointsJun 19, 2025
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I think its important to ask yourself why you are "afraid" of being a woman. What is scary? Specifically.

I ditched trans lable when i understood that i have a lof of internalized misogyny - it wasn't something cartoonishly evil (misogyny sometimes nowadays is presented this way), i was respectful to other women and never hated anyone, but i genuinely felt that a woman like me can't exist, and if i will be "myself" i would stop being a woman. But why? Of course not. I can be myself and be a woman. I still feel dysphoric - but it's understandable because my brain can't unlearn this reaction, it will take years.

Traditional gender roles are really can really mess with your brain. And i wasn't even been pushed particularly hard to fulfill them. The exposure itself messed with my perception of womanhood, i can't imagine how hard it is for people that were forced to express themselves in un-authentic way.

But the truth is - im a female, im myself, thus myself is a woman. I'm a woman. Being a woman doesn't undermine my masculinity, or my thoughts, or my gender non conforming expression, or my sexuality, or anything about myself, really.

Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) explains how tomboys and femboys undermine both traditional gender roles and modern gender theory, leading to hostility from people uncomfortable with what they can't categorize.
9 pointsJun 15, 2025
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Yeah, i think its because existence of tomboys undermine both traditional gender roles AND the new gender theory concepts.

Tomboys (and femboys btw) clash with and are outside of both of these ways of thinking. Most of the times people feel uncomfortable then they see something they don't get and can't squarely place somewhere, that leads to this hostility.

The only thing we can do, i guess, is just not care about these people. Only the truth matters: women can be as masculine as it gets while still being women and there's nothing wrong with it. Same for men when in comes to femininity.

Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) explains why she is dysphoric but not trans, arguing that discomfort with societal treatment of women is a societal problem, not an identity issue.
6 pointsJun 19, 2025
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Then i have to ask in return - why you are afraid of being seen as a woman? Tho its kind of a rhetorical question, we all understand why its awful to be seen "as a woman" by society and what feelings it implies. But its a problem with society, not us being women. And deciding to ease this by changing yourself into a man or just by distancing yourself from women is, in all honesty, giving up and playing by the rules of said society. Though i understand the impulse and feeling of despair that makes people do it. I don't blame them.

My existence as a woman is not very happy, because yeah, in my country gender roles and emphasis on them is far more strict than in western countries, so my existence as a GNC woman is not something that is treated with ease. Im also pretty lonely, because im straight and men dont find women like me attractive - i don't look feminine and i also don't like hetero normative dynamic/role in a relationships. But does this all make me less of a woman? No. Me being a woman is matter of factual reality and i treat it as such.

I'm dysphoric but I'm not trans because, as other commenter said, i don't think that it's really a thing. The feeling of being uncomfortable in a body, hating parts of said body, hating how people see and treat you, hating the role society pushes you to fulfill - its all real. Being a literal man that was born in a female body? No, its not something that actually happens. Its something you can feel, and i do feel it, but its not something that exists. Gender theory demands dysphoria and trans identity to be inseparable, but its not true, i don't this it is.

Reddit user DarichUbish (desisted female) discusses being a masculine, heterosexual cis woman, explaining why she rejects labels and finds value in a "floating" state without a concrete identity.
5 pointsJun 14, 2025
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I just wanted to say that i completely relate, and yes, of course - you can be cis tomboy woman. I say this as one. For the longest time tomboy meant "a cis woman that is masculine" and i don't understand why people keep forgetting that identity.

I'm even more in "butch" territory, even though i, just like you, don't find women sexually attractive and only like men.

Ive come to believe that there's actually no lable for people like me, i don't really have some sort of "community", at least i couldn't find any. I dont fit into any queer community by definition, i dont feel like my myself in something hetero normative either.

But you know what? That's good actually. That means that i don't live by any pattern there is. And most people also don't do it, our lifes are infinitely complex and different for each, but sometimes we force ourselves into some lable to feel "seen" and to feel like we are part of something bigger. But i don't think its always good.

Nowadays i try to actually see value in me being in this permanent "floating" state without concrete identity, and i try to find value in my life without seeing myself through lenses of different lables. Its hard, and it's confusing, but then i sometimes actually do feel like i like being me in this very specific, completely individual sense - this feeling is far more fulfilling than anything else before i adopted this mindset.