This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares a highly specific, emotionally charged, and consistent personal narrative about their transition and detransition experience, including interactions with medical professionals. The language is nuanced, contains personal reflection, and shows a deep, passionate engagement with the topic that aligns with a genuine detransitioner's perspective. The comments also demonstrate an understanding of community-specific issues and terminology.
About me
I was born female but never felt I fit in with other girls, so I thought I was meant to be a man and started taking testosterone. After being diagnosed as autistic, I realized my struggle was with social expectations, not with being female, and I cancelled my surgery. When I told the clinic I wanted to detransition, they were confused, pressured me to be non-binary instead, and then dismissed me as mentally unstable. I am now left with deep regret over the physical changes and no support, trying to accept my body again. I am angry that my autism was mistaken for a reason to transition.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of not fitting in. I was born female, but from a young age, I always felt more like a boy. I preferred doing boyish things and was more logical than emotional. I got along much better with my brothers, my dad, and other boys because they were direct, while I found it hard to understand the social subtext that other girls and women used. I felt like an outsider among females.
When I started learning about transgender identities online, it felt like an answer. It explained why I felt so different. I thought that because I identified with men and their ways of communicating, it must mean I was supposed to be a man. I started to believe that my discomfort with my body, especially during puberty when I developed breasts, was a sign of gender dysphoria. I hated my breasts and felt they were wrong for me. So, I decided to transition.
I went to a gender clinic and was prescribed testosterone. I was approved for a double mastectomy and was scheduled for the surgery. But during this time, I started having serious doubts. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was making a huge mistake. A few years into my transition, I was diagnosed as Autistic. Learning that was a massive turning point for me. I started hearing stories from other autistic women who had similar experiences of identifying with male stereotypes and feeling out of place among women. It made me realise that my struggle wasn't with being female, but with being an autistic person trying to navigate a world with strict gender expectations. I finally understood my feelings this way: I identify with men, but I am not one.
I made the incredibly difficult decision to stop transitioning right before I was due to have my top surgery. When I told my gender doctor that I wanted to detransition and go back to living as female, they were completely confused. It was a shocking experience. They couldn't understand why I would want to stop. Then, a director from the clinic started calling me, trying to get me to come back in. He even suggested that I should just be non-binary instead, which was something I never wanted or asked for. When I stood my ground and refused, they discharged me.
The worst part was the letter they sent to my GP, which I got a copy of. It said that because I didn't want to continue transitioning, they didn't believe I was 'mentally stable'. They completely dismissed my decision and framed it as a sign of instability. They were happy to help me become a man, but when I said it was a mistake and I needed help as a woman, they offered nothing and even denied my reality. I was left with no support and felt completely abandoned. It was devastating, and that letter still makes me emotional when I think about it.
Looking back, I see how much I was influenced by online communities and how my autism played a huge role in my confusion. I don't think I ever had a problem with being female; I had a problem with the stereotypes forced on females. My regret is profound. I regret taking testosterone and going as far as I did medically. I deeply wish I had never started, and I am angry that my autistic traits were misinterpreted as gender dysphoria by both myself and the professionals who were supposed to help me. I am now trying to accept my body as it is, but the physical changes from hormones are a constant reminder of a path I never should have taken.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Always felt more like a boy, preferred male company and hobbies. |
| Puberty | Felt intense discomfort and hated developing breasts. |
| Early 20s | Discovered transgender identities online and decided to transition. |
| 23 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 25 | Was approved for and scheduled a double mastectomy. |
| 26 | Diagnosed as Autistic. Began having serious doubts about transition. |
| 26 | Cancelled top surgery and told clinic I wanted to detransition. Faced pressure and dismissal from clinic staff. |
| 26 | Discharged from gender clinic with no support for detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/Daxmunro:
When I told my gender doctor that I no longer wanted to transition, they seemed very confused. I said I wanted to go back to living as female and asked if anything could be done to restore my breasts.
From their point of view, it may have seemed like this was a sudden decision (I was due to have a double mastectomy soon at the time), but for me I had had doubts for a while.
Then I began receiving calls from the clinic, not from my doctor but from a man I had never heard of or spoken to before, some sort of director of the clinic I believe. He called quite often, asking me to come into the clinic and even suggesting that I adopt a non-binary identity, which they would help me to present as. I refused these attempts to get me back into the clinic and explained, as best as possible, that medically transitioning did not relieve my gender dysphoria (this confused them a lot too!)
After all of this, the clinic eventually discharged me and sent a letter or my GP, which I also received a copy of. I read it back a few weeks ago and was alarmed by how they had phrased things. In the letter, it states that I no longer wanted to take hormones or have surgery, and said (not suggested or implied, but said) that they did not believe I was 'mentally stable' as I did not want to continue transitioning.
They stated confusion over why I would seek reconstructive surgery for my chest and said it likely would not be offered (which it wasn't). The director said the clinic would be happy to see me again in the future if I ever wanted to 'continue with my transition'. However, they completely denied my decision to detransition, framing it to my doctor as if I wasn't of sound mind for believing I was not, in fact, a man.
I was honestly so distraught by the experience, especially the fact that I was taken so seriously as a female wanting to be a man, but my feelings dismissed when I expressed having made a mistake and wanting to express my actual female sense of self. I was offered no help or guidance and essentially just left with noone to turn to.
(Sorry for the mini rant. This threat prompted a lot of emotions in me.)
It sounds like you are simply more masculine than your peers. There are lots of masculine women in the world. You can be feminine or masculine and the way you dress or act does not determine your gender.
Femininity and masculinity are ways of self presentation for both men and women. You can express yourself in a variety of ways and still be a woman, regardless of how your peers act.
If you're feeling uncertain, please talk to your family. x
I've been in ADHD subreddits or PMDD ones and people talk about their own experiences. I remember one woman saying she didn't 'feel' like a woman based in the stereotypes if femininity, etc. She also stated that she does identify as her birth sex.
Immediately, one or two people consistently tried to convince her that she is secretly trans, not that (as she stated, from her own experience) she doesn't adhere to traditional forms of feminity. :/
This was similar to my experience. I have a letter from my clinic saying they didn't understand that I now didn't want to continue transitioning, suggesting I was non-binary and saying they'd be more than happy to help me present as non-binary (not something I ever mentioned to them, nor want). When I refused to continue and asked about help detransitioning, they have written in the letter that I am unstable. I tear up every time I read that letter. They had zero understanding of the pain I was trying to communicate to them, and refused to help me unless I agreed to keep transitioning. . That is one of the key reasons the stats are so low and this has been discussed in some research papers: doctors don't do long-term follow up with transitioners, let alone detransitioners. Success rates are measured within the first few years of transition, usually when people are still happy to keep going. It's very sad. :/
I always felt more like a boy because I did more stereotypically boyish things and was more logical than emotional as a child, which the female members of my family didn't seem to like. In contrast, I got on really well with my brother's and fathers, and other boys my age.
As I grew up, I understood men more easily as they communicated in a more direct manner with me, while other women would use more social subtext which I often misread.
I only learned a few years into my transition than I am Autistic. Since then, I have heard similar stories about identifying with stereotypical male behaviours and interests from fellow autistic women.
I now frame my dysphoria in the following way: 'i identify WITH men, NOT as one'.
Based on how your friend came to this conclusion, it would be wise for them to take some time away from the online communities they are becoming obsessed over. Nothing you say can dissuade them, unfortunately. A proper intervention would need to be set up, to get them away from those who are influencing them.
I would be wary of quoting this one study. There are also big differences in the brain matter of Autistic females, and a fair proportion of ftm individuals are also autistic.
Autism used to be explained in females using the 'extreme male brain theory' based on brain structure, alright the theory may be considered somewhat controversial now.
I got in contact with the Gender Dysphoria Alliance yesterday. There are detransitioner videos on their website and I have offered to tell my own story.
There is also a forum you can sign up for, to speak to other people who have had similar experiences. Might be worth checking out if you think it is something that would interest you?
This was well written. :) What you mention, about identity and if we were not around people links into the psychology theory: social identity theory. It argues that our identity is shaped by our social environment and that we identify with groups we belong to, or feel we are similar to in some aspect. That being said, if we were ways alone, our only reference point would be ourself.