This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's narrative is consistent, deeply personal, and reflects the complex, often conflicted, and introspective reasoning common among genuine detransitioners and desisters. The account details a specific journey from transition to detransition, driven by a mismatch between expectation and reality, concerns about fertility, and a nuanced view of dysphoria. The tone is passionate and critical, which aligns with the stated context of the community.
About me
I started out as a male who was deeply uncomfortable and thought I’d be happier as a woman. My medical transition was surprisingly easy, beginning with hormones after just one short counseling appointment. However, living as a woman didn't relieve my dysphoria and instead created a lot of new stress that conflicted with my goals. I ultimately realized that accepting myself as male was the real path to reducing my discomfort. I've stopped transitioning and am now living as a man again, which feels much more right for me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started from a place of discomfort. I never felt like I fit in as a male, and the idea of being female seemed so much better. I had this dysphoria, this strong feeling that I would be happier and more myself if I were a woman. But looking back, I think a lot of it was about escaping the stresses of being a man and romanticizing what it would be like to be a woman. I had a vision of a "traditional life" with a wife, kids, and a career, but I thought I could only achieve that as a woman, which is a confusing thought now.
I remember going to a therapist to get a letter for hormones. I was so sure of myself that I told him I only wanted the letter, not any therapy. He even mentioned I was the only client who had ever done that. I was in a Republican state, but getting HRT was surprisingly easy. It was just one short appointment with a counselor who had already agreed to write the letter, and then a two-month wait for a doctor's appointment. I had a lot of conviction going in, and nothing was going to change my mind.
Once I started transitioning, though, things didn't turn out how I imagined. The hormones and social transition did very little to actually relieve my dysphoria. I realized I was dysphoric about being female, not about being a person who had transitioned. Being a cis woman seemed cool, but being a trans woman held no appeal for me. It started to feel awkward and fake. On top of that, the process itself was incredibly stressful—the costs, the social awkwardness, the constant effort. I started to see that transitioning was actually conflicting with my life goals, especially my desire to have a biological family. The stress of transitioning began to far outweigh the stress of my original dysphoria.
A big moment for me was realizing that having gender dysphoria doesn't automatically mean medical transition is the right answer. The ultimate goal is to reduce dysphoria, and for me, that came from accepting reality, not from fighting against it. When I stopped identifying as the other gender, my dysphoria became much more manageable. I came to this community originally to look for warning signs that I might detransition, but I didn't find any that resonated with me at the time. I think that's because if you're not willing to honestly consider detransitioning, you won't see the signs.
I don't have any major regrets about my transition. In a way, I needed to go through it to understand that it wasn't the solution for me. It was a learning experience. I stopped primarily for health reasons, like concerns about long-term effects of HRT and fertility. I'm now just living as a man again, and it feels more right, or at least, less stressful.
I’m still figuring out my thoughts on gender. It seems like if you don't have to physically transition to be your gender, why go through all of it? Why not just identify that way internally? The whole experience has made me question a lot of the assumptions we all live by.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| (Age not specified) | Began experiencing gender dysphoria and a desire to live as female. |
| (Age not specified) | Attended a single 20-minute counseling appointment to get a letter for HRT. |
| (Age not specified) | Started taking hormones after a two-month wait for a doctor's appointment. |
| (Age not specified) | Socially transitioned. |
| (Age not specified) | Realized transition was not alleviating dysphoria and was increasing life stress. |
| (Age not specified) | Stopped hormones and detransitioned. |
Top Comments by /u/DeepSeaSasha:
Transitioning is all about stress at the end of day. Does the stress of gender dysphoria outweigh the stress of transitioning? For me it didn't, in good part because it didn't actually relieve my dysphoria all that much.
"I’m really conflicted, a big part of me wants a traditional life. Biological kids, wife, career, all that." This is a big red flag. Transitioning will make all that so much harder, even if you have a successful transition and pass fine. You'll transition and maybe be happy about that after a couple years but then you have to do the rest of your life like the goals you mentioned and realize how much more difficult you've made your life.
It didn't help mine. My dysphoria is to be female, not a person who transitioned. Didn't get what I wanted out of transition. Wish I had realized that sooner. If people are dysphoric to be male or female then transitioning is only going to do so much. At the end of the day it doesn't make you the same as a cis person.
I initially came to this subreddit to see if I related and if I had warning signs of detransitioning. I didn't find any. And then I still ended up detransitioning. If you don't want to honestly consider detransitioning you're not going to find any warning signs of it.
This is something I've also thought about. If people don't explain what a man or woman is then how does one know how much to transition? If a person doesn't have to transition to be their gender why don't they just internally identify and not social or physically transition?
Transitioning did little to alleviate my dysphoria directly (Being a cis woman is cool, being a trans woman is of no appeal to me) but I realized reality and acceptance of that lowered my dysphoria to be much more manageable. Additionally transitioning felt awkward and fake and was making my life vastly more stressful due to the costs associated with it and it conflicted with my life goals of having a family. The reason to transition is to alleviate stress from dysphoria so if that doesn't happen, or even if it does but the dysphoria relief doesn't outweigh the stress caused by transitioning, then there's no point to transitioning.
That's a good question, what is a good or bad reason to transition? I saw a thread along this line the other day and the OP was actually told the only bad reason to transition is being forced to by people. Which is a bit ironic considering how much peer pressure is in the trans communities.
Having gender dysphoria doesn't make you trans. And even if you identify that way it still doesn't mean medical transition is a good idea. It'd probably also be a good idea to stop identifying as the other gender if you want to help your dysphoria which is the ultimate goal of any of this. That is, reducing or removing gender dysphoria.
Not OP but for me I feel like there's a lot of problems I'd rather deal with from a female instead of a male perspective. Although for some reason some mtf seem to fetishize some women's problems. Some women romanticize being a man but not sure if any really fetishize it.
I'm in a Republican state and it took me all of one 20 minute counselor appointment (who had agreed beforehand to write me a letter to get HRT) and then 2 months of waiting for a doctor's appointment to get HRT. Could have done it faster even. HRT is not hard to get in the US.
All humans are ultimately emotional creatures living in a universe of assumptions. Life is about having the right ideas where you only need to be so intelligent enough to exploit the good ideas. But everyone has assumptions and even the most intelligent can have bad assumptions (i.e. racism) thus bad ideas as a result.