This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's comments are highly specific, nuanced, and internally consistent, showing a deep personal engagement with complex themes of OCD, gender identity, and detransition. The language is natural, with self-reflection, emotional shifts, and a clear, evolving personal narrative that is characteristic of a real person grappling with these issues. The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a desister.
About me
I'm a gay man who became consumed by the obsessive question of whether I was trans, which I now understand was my diagnosed OCD latching onto a complex issue. I spent countless hours in online forums desperately looking for proof, which only fueled my anxiety with rigid narratives and black-and-white thinking. My recovery began when I learned to accept these thoughts as meaningless junk and to define myself by my actions, not my fears. I stopped the compulsive research and focused on building a life I loved through self-care and acceptance. I'm now living happily and authentically as myself, no longer obsessed with finding a perfect identity.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, but it wasn't a journey of transition in the physical sense. For me, it was almost entirely a mental battle, a period of intense questioning and obsession that I now understand through the lens of my diagnosed OCD.
It all started when I began to obsess over the question, "Am I trans?" This wasn't a quiet wondering; it was an all-consuming fear. I spent countless hours on online trans forums, reading guides like the Gender Dysphoria Bible, and comparing my life to the experiences I found there. I became terrified that any little thing—feeling sad, working out, having trans friends—was a "sign" I was repressing my true identity. I was desperately looking for solid proof, one way or the other, to end the anxiety. I even worried that my OCD diagnosis was wrong and was just a form of conversion therapy I was performing on myself, hiding the "obvious truth."
A lot of my obsession revolved around understanding the theories behind being trans. I dove deep into things like Blanchard's typology and the concept of autogynephilia (AGP). I noticed patterns that disturbed me, like how some male-to-female online spaces seemed philosophically similar to incel forums I'd seen in the past, with a heavy focus on sexual desirability and rigid gender stereotypes. Similarly, some female-to-male spaces reminded me of pro-anorexia forums, with an idealization of a frail, pre-pubescent body type and a repudiation of adult sexuality. Seeing these patterns made me question the narratives I was being sold.
I'm a gay man, and I've always been comfortable with that. I never felt a desire to actually become a woman. My struggle was purely internal and obsessive. I believe my OCD latched onto the concept of gender identity because it's such a complex and uncertain area, perfect fuel for the "what if?" cycle that defines the disorder. The online world, with its endless tests and communities that subtly affirm a trans identity for any kind of gender non-conformity, made it much worse. It created a black-and-white thinking that was very hard to break free from.
My thoughts on gender have solidified through this experience. I think people are too quick to look for granular labels. Instead of asking "Am I trans?", a better question is "How can I lead an authentic life that will make me happy?" For a small percentage of people, transition might be the answer to that, and I don't doubt that real gender dysphoria exists. But I also firmly believe that social and cultural influences, similar to past social contagions like anorexia, play a huge role, especially for young people today. I think transitioning often means trading one set of problems for another, and in the process, you can become dependent on external validation for an impossible goal.
I benefited greatly from realizing that my identity isn't some hidden, fixed thing I had to discover. I am defined by my actions. Since I never acted on these obsessive thoughts, I am not a trans person. I had to learn to accept the intrusive thoughts as meaningless "junk" and stop performing compulsions, like obsessively researching online. I had to accept the uncertainty that maybe, one day, I could change my mind, but that for now, my path was to live my life as I am. Focusing on self-care, like diet, exercise, and sleep, and becoming more decisive in general, helped pull me out of the cycle.
I don't regret the time I spent questioning because it led me to a better understanding of my own mental health. I regret the pain and anxiety it caused, and how much time I lost to the OCD spiral. My main takeaway is that people need to be critical of the information they find online and focus on building a life they love, rather than hunting for a perfect, problem-free identity. Life is hard for everyone, and the best thing we can do is learn to accept ourselves and that harsh reality.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my reflections:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| (Age not specified, but young adulthood) | Began experiencing intense, obsessive thoughts about potentially being trans. Diagnosed with OCD. |
| (Throughout this period) | Spent excessive time on online trans forums, reading resources like the Gender Dysphoria Bible, which fueled anxiety and "what if" spirals. |
| (Age not specified) | Recognized the obsessive pattern as a cycle of OCD: intrusive thought -> anxiety -> compulsion (researching/posting online) -> temporary relief -> more anxiety. |
| (Age not specified) | Began cognitive restructuring: accepting intrusive thoughts as meaningless, defining self by actions not thoughts, and reducing engagement with triggering online content. |
| (Present) | Recovered to a large degree (approx. 80%). No longer obsessed with gender identity. Living life as a gay man, focusing on general self-improvement and acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/Delicious-End-7429:
Do I get aroused seeing posts on Reddit of people talking about how much their breasts have grown or asking about SRS? Yes. Because male brain means vaguely sexual thing=erection.
Classic AGP lmao. Being a "questioning asexual" means absolutely nothing in this context since in Blanchard's typology all non - homosexuals are AGPs. Stop gaslighting yourself that this is anything other than a statistically non - standard sexual orientation/paraphilia/fetish and own it up.
I can GUARANTEE you that if I asked my straight friends if they would be turned on by this scenario they wouldn't, just like I'm not turned on by the idea of me or someone else turning into a sexier man even though I'm a complete homosexual.
This + how most young trans people double down on gender stereotypes and gendered clothing for their euphoria even though they acknowledge that you can be a man or woman that doesn't present stereotypically are the two main things that seem really weird to me in terms of discourse.
IMO transitioning if you have gender dysphoria just feels like trading one set of problems for another, and in the process of hunting for an (by definition) impossible goal you become dependent on other people's validation.
After spending time on trans forums, I noticed that MtF forums are almost philosophically identical to the incel forums of my teenage years (obsessed with looks and becoming an object of sexual attraction, internalized extreme gender stereotypes about men and women etc.) whereas FtM forums are extremely similar to pro - ana forums in their repudiation of adult sexuality, body hatred etc. it's pretty striking if you see how most young girls idealize the anorexic frail twink phenotype, even though very few men see that as an actual goal.
Hey OP.
As someone who has gone through this (check my posting history) and has mostly recovered at a level of 80%, it's pretty obvious that this is an OCD episode.
When you read this, you most likely felt a bit of relief and then almost immediately started thinking whether you're faking or special or exaggerating in order to repress your "trans identity" etc.
This is the pernicious cycle of OCD where intrusive thoughts cause you anxiety, and in order to cope with that anxiety you perform compulsions (e.g. checking profiles of reddit users, reading up on stories of trans and detrans people, researching about Gender Dysphoria and sexology in general, watching videos of gender therapists and trans people in order to find common "signs" with your own life, visiting subs like egg_irl etc.)
Here are some things that helped me get over this and move on with my life:
First of all ignore all people who are telling you in any forums and subs that you might be repressing or that you might be an autogynephile etc. and stop visiting any trans/detrans forums, subs, sites etc. Whenever you catch yourself getting that urge to check those places like an "addict" as I call it, do your best to resist that because it's a compulsion, and by performing compulsions you're training yourself that this anxiety needs to be countered right now.
You have to restructure your cognition. You most likely believe that these intrusive thoughts pop up due to some reason, e.g. possibly due to some repressed trans identity. This is not true, most people have intrusive thoughts of e.g. jumping off cliffs, it's just that they don't get anxious because they don't attach any meaning to these thoughts. And the truth is that these thoughts have no meaning at all, they're "junk thoughts."
Another cognitive restructuring you need to perform is to understand that your identity as a person is not something ethereal fixed in some Platonic "World of Ideals". You're defined ENTIRELY by your actions, not your thoughts or your feelings or urges. Thus, if you don't transition then you're not actually a trans person. There are no "signs", there are no "eggs", these are psychological coping mechanisms that trans people have found in order to soothe one another during a major change in their life. You could have none of the "signs" and choose to transition for whatever reason, or have all the "signs" and not transition.
It's pretty obvious you're going through a stressful period in your life. Did something specific happen? You should try and remove or at least limit all non - necessary stressors from your life, and try practicing relaxation techniques in order to cope with the stress.
You have to accept two things:
i) The existence of these thoughts within your cognition. You don't need to fight them, just accept that these are thoghts that you made and that most likely have no inherent meaning or interpretation behind them.
ii) The possibility that even though this is most likely OCD, that you might have Gender Dysphoria or choose to transition anyway in the future. I know this is probably the hardest point, but if you accept it then you'll reach a point where the name of what you're going through won't even matter for you, since you'll be defined by your actions as I mentioned previously.
You could try at a later stage when you're feeling better researching about Gender Dysphoria and its presentation, Blanchard's trans typology etc. in order to reframe your understanding, which is informed from the mainstream understanding and its metaphysical connotations of transition being something that is essentially "forced" upon you from some "hidden, inner" force and sense of self. Transition is actually a means to an end, where you take a certain set of problems (e.g. possible Gender Dysphoria) and exchange it for a whole other can of worms.
Try becoming a more decisive person in general. Instead of ruminating over and over every single decision you take or every single word you might utter to other people, simply try and do it without thinking too much about it. The irony of OCD is that beyond being a "disease of constant doubting", it's also a disease of "analysis paralysis". But OCD does not live in the world of PROBABILITIES, it lives in the world of POSSIBILITIES, which is a disorted and non - productive way of perceiving reality.
Try doing things that you liked before all this started. Specifically, take care of yourself, especially your diet, exercise and have a consistent sleep regiment that helps you rest. You might be haunted by nightmares here and there, some of them might relate to your gender identity, these mean nothing and you'll forget most if not all of them as you'll forget 99% of your thoughts.
I've personally found that journalling my thoughts, intrusive and non - intrusive, and revisiting them at a later date helps me spot patterns as well as laugh at the absurdity of my intrusive thoughts.
Have hope that this too will pass and that you'll live to see another day. I wish you a swift recovery friend.
Both accusations are wild and baseless, but the thinly veiled misandry one is particularly insulting and sounds a lot like projection on your part, given that it's levied against a man who socializes almost exclusively with other men and who constantly speaks out in real life about issues like the male loneliness epidemic, how young men are being failed and left behind by modern societies etc.
Allow me to address the other charges too:
Your own interpretations or experiences are not universal
I've noticed between most MtF and FtM spaces
most != all
that was not a representation of my idealized form of masculinity
That may be true for you, but take a look at FtM spaces, especially Tumblr and Tumblr - adjacent ones, and tell me that the frail twink phenotype isn't the one mostly being idealized.
I saw how everyone treated women, but especially pretty women, and so wanted to be one
Ironically proving my point but just without the sexual attention part.
OP is taking an entire group(men in the MTF spectrum)
most MtF spaces
They can't imagine guys as having more complex emotions beyond their dicks, and so assume that that's what it boils down to.
Where does this come from?
I've never denied that men have complex inner worlds, quite the contrary in my experience, but no one can deny that many if not most MtF spaces are highly sexually charged.
But of course, the women in the FTM sphere have super complex, totally reasonable reasons
How is a repudiation of adult sexuality or hating your body, a part of normal human development, a reasonable reason? Especially when compared with something like anorexia on top of it all?
You're clearly interpreting my words in a way that was not my intent at all.
It's pretty obvious that at least in teenage girls and young women this is partly a social contagion like anorexia or repressed memories (I would argue it is also the case for some, but far less, young men). The demographics are the same with past social contagions and the sudden change in gender ratios in trans identification points to that.
I would also argue that the rise of people identifying as LGBTQ+ in general is a social trend, especially when you see young women identifying as bi for social cred but not even experimenting with other women.
Do you think many straight men would be horned up by the idea of other men turning into the form of a woman?
As for your rejection of the Blanchardian typology, I do think myself that it's a bit too broad, but cope how you wish lmao, reality WILL catch up with you one way or another.
IMO I think that most people just can't accept the human condition, i.e. that life is hard and sucks for the most part even for those who have easy lives, which is why humans invent philosophies, religions, fads and ideologies. Ultimately, I think the best thing one can do is accept themselves and this harsh reality.
I can read the subtext, because they are talking about me, and other MTF transitioners.
- This mythical "subtext" lives entirely withini your head
- Learn what the word "most" means
But to further drive home my point, you said this in another comment:
I saw how everyone treated women, but ESPECIALLY PRETTY WOMEN, and so wanted to be one (emphasis mine)
Dude you're literally proving my point for me. You're the one saying that you saw how women, ESPECIALLY pretty women were treated and wanted to transition. Are pretty women treated the way they're treated for any reason other than their sexual desirability?
By the way, an obsessive envy with the way pretty women are treated is a common, arguably the most common, incel hyperfixation, go browse some incel spaces if you don't believe me.
No this is about mostly the topics I brought up like how many people claim they have DID, or the prevalence of DID in the WPATH files, trans activists I've seen utilize repressed memories for their self - narratives etc.
I also happen to believe in the monomorphism of the human brain, as well as regard neuroscience and psychiatry mostly as protosciences, but I'm open to being proven wrong on those things and recognize that it's not necessarily clear cut or at least beyond my capacity of understanding.