Yeah, it's nuts, but the more I think about it, the less shocked I am, because I was definitely delusional about my body when I was identifying as male. The really shocking thing is all the apparently "sane" people, like the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (who wrote that "Breast Book") who must obviously know better, and yet are misleading children about the reality of medical transition in order to score woke points.

I am naturally narcissistic, so my botched chest surgeries, and the complications and health problems I developed from testosterone, which prevent me from lifting weights and staying buff the way I like, hit me hard at first. Fortunately I developed interests outside myself, so now my appearance does not bother me so much. I got really into botany and identifying native wildflowers, and that is a hobby where I can pursue beauty just as obsessively as I once pursued my own beauty.

Thank you for sharing. My son will be 2 in January, and I detransitioned over a decade ago. I was afraid that whole time that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant because I had developed atrophy while on testosterone, and still have pelvic pain, but it all worked out in the end. One of my motivations to go off of hormones at the time (in addition to the fact that they were destroying my health) was that I started thinking about becoming a parent (these reasons are related of course). I actually bought a baby onesie with a print on it that said "I love my two dads", before I officially detransitioned. Transmen (who have of course quietly gone off hormones) having babies gets a lot of attention these days, but the reality is that many (if not most) females taking testosterone will eventually lose their fertility, even if they don't have a hysterectomy (which many do). We are really fortunate. It is great to see more representation for detrans women and pregnancy. I wish you and your little one all the best!

That testosterone would cause me to develop atrophy and a pelvic organ prolapse that I would be dealing with for the rest of my life, which prevents me from lifting anything heavy. I thought testosterone would make me stronger, and it did for a while, but then it made me permenantly weaker. I thought testosterone would eliminate my body dysphoria. Instead I got saddled with a health problem which is most commonly associated with elderly women who have given birth more than 5 times.

I detransitioned for three reasons, none of which was listed in poll.

1. Because after two botched chest surgeries and developing vaginal atrophy from testosterone, I realized that medical transition was literally destroying my health.

2. Because I realized that continuing to participate in the trans community would mean having to hide my regret and thus contribute to luring new people in, who would also be harmed.

3. Because I realized I had a sex addiction, and that my obbsessive pursuit of gay men needed to stop.

I developed atrophy from testosterone which affected me permanently. I have a mild pelvic organ prolapse, urinary urgency, and some relatively minor urinary incontinence.

I suspect that these kinds of problems (which are common in postmenopausal females) are also common among females who have taken testosterone, only no one talks about it. I wish accurate data would be collected on this and shown to females considering going on testosterone. If I had known that this was a common side effect, I might have decided differently.

Some detrans women have much less trouble dating men than I have. I found dating so difficult that I ended up giving up and deciding to become a single mom when I hit 34, because I did not want to end up childless. I am currently not attempting to date, but probably will again when my son is older. I think it will be easier then, because part of the problem I had in my late 20s-early 30s was that I felt under pressure to find a partner to start a family with, because I could feel my biological clock ticking.

Here are the reasons why I personally think I've had so much trouble, some would have applied even if I had never transitioned, others are direct or indirect results of my transition, some will apply to many other detrans women, some to just a few;

1. Part of why I transitioned to begin with is because I am on the autism spectrum. I have made progress with my social skills, but this continues to make it more difficult for me to socialize and establish relationships. This is huge, and for this reason alone, I think it's possible that I would still be single even if I hadn't transitioned.

2. I am heterosexual, but I also have autoandrophilia, which is probably the biggest reason why I transitioned to begin with. During my time as a "gay trans man" I was a narcissistic sex addicted mess, manipulated my way into male only spaces, sexually harrassed gay men who weren't interested in me, and generally made a pest of myself. Post detransition I no longer engage in any of these behaviors, nor am I haunted by sexual obsessions in my daily life, but I am merely abstinent, I still have AAP. I have not been able to develop a "normal" heterosexual orientation. Maybe this would have been ok, if I had never transitioned? Maybe I could have just enjoyed the fantasy, and found a partner who didn't mind, but as it is, I did so much damage trying to turn my fantasy into reality that I kind of ruined it for myself. Today I avoid "gay" spaces, am careful to respect the boundaries of gay men, and am reluctant to pursue socially "gay" bisexual men, because I don't want to trigger old behavior.

3. I developed atrophy and a pelvic organ prolapse while on testosterone, and even though the prolapse is pretty minor, it still limits my physical activities, impairs my sexual functioning, and affects my self confidence. I am grateful that I stopped taking testosterone before it got even worse, and I am grateful that I did not have a hysterectomy, but this still sucks.

4. I was on testosterone for 4ish years, and even though I am fortunate that I did not go bald or grow thick body hair, my appearance was masculinized enough that I am not infrequently mistaken for a MtF, and this has surely affected the pool of men attracted to me. I am not interested in dating "tranny chasers", and they are mostly not interested in me once they find out I don't have a penis.

5. I had a double mastectomy, and it is my experience that men who are attracted to women without breasts disproportionately have pedophile tendencies, or an amputation fetish. I was looking for a psychologically healthy man to start a family with, so obviously these types were off limits. I cannot stress how important this is enough. If you are female, and may want a male partner at some point, do not have a mastectomy! It is especially tragic that many girls (like me) are motivated to do this partially out of the misguided often subconcious belief that it will help them escape the attention from "creepy" men which began with puberty. It will have the opposite effect!

6. I was not interested in casual hook-ups, but rather finding a man to start a family with. However, if I was a man looking for a woman to have children with, I would probably not pick someone who couldn't breastfeed, and whose eggs may have been damaged by taking testosterone and putting herself through a temporary "menopause" as a young adult. Moral of the story; If you think you might want kids, don't medically transition!

I'm a straight GNC detrans female who had a mastectomy and was on testosterone for 5 years, and I would absolutely date a detrans male who had had bottom surgery. However, I would not date the same person if they still identified as a transwoman, and wanted to pretend we were lesbians.

I am 37, and I detransitioned 14 years ago, when this was a really rare experience. I think partially because of this I have found dating difficult, and I am still single. The situation would be different and better for detrans people in their 20s, because there are (unfortunately) so many more of you. So that is definitely a silver lining.

I am now mother to a toddler, and considering trying to date again. The only factor that I can imagine that would have theoretically discouraged me from getting into a serious relationship with a detrans man if I had met one when I was younger is that I knew I wanted to have a baby, and obviously a man who is infertile (for whatever reason) couldn't help me do that. Of course, there are other ways of getting pregnant, I ended up with an informal sperm donation from a friend anyway.

At this point, since I already have a kid, a guy being infertile would not play a role in my decision to pursue a relationship with him at all. However, because I now have a kid, and don't want to subject him to unnecessary stress and potential trauma, I will have to have much higher standards for mental health and sexual boundaries in prospective partners than I would otherwise. For instance, if someone is using drugs, self harming, has kinks that suggest a possible pedophile tendency, is engaging in exhibitionistic/sexually compulsive behavior, is threatening to kill themselves, etc., I obviously can't allow them around my kid.

Another thing that I wouldn't want to deal with (that would have been a deal breaker even if I did not have a kid to be concerned about) would be if someone was so driven by reverse dysphoria/body dysmorphia that they were pursuing things like facial masculinization surgery or, in particular, a phalloplasty. For me, detransition is about self acceptance. It's ok to feel ongoing regret/grief, but I don't think it's healthy to act on it like that, and if someone else wants to, that's obviously their choice, but I would not be able to deal with that in a relationship.

I saw some ignorant people recomend a Phalloplasty to you, so I just want to mention that most phalloplasties (even if they are not considered "botched") do not work for intercourse. Also, just because a woman is heterosexual does not mean that she necessarily wants/needs/can have PIV sex. I personally prefer oral sex. I also experienced a great deal of vaginal atrophy on testosterone, that never completely reversed, and I have been told that my vagina feels like a crumpled up paper bag. Some detrans women have even worse ongoing effects from atrophy, and penetration is painful for them. Some have also had bottom surgery themselves, and don't have a vagina anymore. Sure, many of these women are lesbians, but not all of them, and over the next few years, as this generation, the first big generation of detransitioners, processes what they have been through, and figures out what they want to do with their lives going forward, I think your chances of finding a partner who will not only be ok with the fact that you are infertile and can't have PIV sex, but who is in the same boat herself, are rather high. So chin up.

Cosmetic vulva surgery is a growing industry. When I was diagnosed with a mild pelvic organ prolapse (caused mainly by testosterone induced atrophy) a few years after I detransitioned, I was referred to a "specialist" who turned out to be a predatory surgeon. He claimed that he could "reverse" my prolapse using a mesh implant. At first I thought that sounded great, but then he made an offhand comment about reducing the size of my clitoris, and I realized that he was a butcher, just like the surgeons who screwed up my chest.

When I got home (this was in 2011, right before I got my first smartphone, how time flies) I did my research, and found out that having a mesh implant would interfere with having children (which he had not informed me of), so I decided that that was not an option for me after all. A few years later, there was a huge class action lawsuit against the makers of the mesh implants, which had horribly injured many of the women who had recieved them. I am so grateful that that surgeon outed himself as a creep before I made a decision that I would have certainly regretted!

This experience also led me to research cosmetic vulva surgery. Plenty of cultures have a long tradition of surgically modifying female genitals to fit an artifical norm. One of the things that western culture has had going for it was that we didn't do that, but now this is changing, under the guise of "personal choice". A whole generation of girls has been raised now to shave off their public hair and then they don't like how their genitals look.

My reccomendation to you is to grow your pubic hair out, and stop fixating on your genitals.

Another thing you should be aware of is that MtFs who want to avoid "bottom shrinkage" while on hormones do so by making sure they are having regular erections, some even going so far as to take Viagra. Avoiding masturbating, or doing things likely to cause arousal, like looking at porn, will have the opposite effect. In my experience, long term near abstinence from masturbation caused shrinkage, and that was not even a goal of mine. If you want your testosterone induced clitoral growth to revert to the extent possible, you should try this too.

Another thing I will say is that I am also a heterosexual woman, and although I have so far failed to find a partner, this is definitely NOT because of the size of my clitoris. I had a larger than average clitoris even before going on testosterone, and while I was on it, I experienced a lot of growth and convinced myself that I had a huge cock. Of course my friends and sex partners told me this too, but in retrospect, that was only because they knew that that was what I wanted to hear, and I was living in an affirmation bubble. Since detransitioning, I have only been intimate with a few men, but they have all had one thing in common, they did NOT notice the size of my clitoris. Compared to their penises, it is tiny, and it always was. My "huge cock" turned out to all be in my head, and I assure you, yours is as well.

Medical transition harmed me, and for me detransition meant not harming myself any further. It breaks my heart to see that so many young detransitioners are still putting themselves in the hands of these surgeons who are making a killing by perpetuating the belief that there is something wrong with our bodies.

I can totally relate to this! My son is only 2 but I'm 37 and I transitioned around the millennium and then detransitioned in 2006, when it was still possible to avoid trans stuff and move on, and I can easily imagine being in a situation like this if I had had kids younger. As it is I worry about my son's future because society has gone completely insane and is pushing transition on kids, and teenagers end up in a world on the internet now that did not exist when we were young (I'm guessing you are a couple of years older than me). I know my son has my genes and I'm also a single mom, and I'm guessing I went farther in my transition than you did (I took testosterone and had a mastectomy) so he already notices that I look different from other moms. It's very nerve wracking trying to do everything right, and being afraid of being judged, and feeling responsible for everything, when the reality for us as parents is that there is so much that is out of our hands. Big hug