This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts are highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent, detailing specific family dynamics, medical needs (lack of natural hormone production), and complex feelings about gender, sexuality, and past trauma. This depth and emotional resonance are extremely difficult to fake and are not typical of bot behavior. The user's cautious and contemplative stance on potentially re-transitioning aligns with the experiences of many desisters.
About me
I was bullied as a kid for being effeminate, and I started to feel jealous of my older brother's masculinity. I thought my problem was being female, so I began taking testosterone to try and become someone else. I realized the hormones didn't make me happy and that my real issue was low self-esteem and negative experiences, not my true identity. I had to stop and now take estrogen for my health. I'm now working on accepting myself as the woman I am and healing from my past.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I think a lot of it was tied up in my struggles with my body and who I thought I should be, rather than who I actually am.
It started when I was a young kid. I was always a bit effeminate and I got bullied for it, physically sometimes. My older brother was my protector; he'd stand up for me, and I really looked up to him for that. I think that's where a lot of my feelings began. I started to feel jealous of him and my other brothers. I saw how masculine they were, how my older brother plays hockey and is so strong, and I felt like I was thin and small in comparison. I started thinking about how I could have been like them, but wasn't.
This jealousy grew into a deep discomfort with my own body. I hated my breasts and felt like my whole shape was wrong. I think a lot of this was also tied to my struggles with sexuality. I've only ever been with guys, but my experiences haven't been great. I've let things happen that I wasn't comfortable with just because I was afraid they'd leave if I said no. I also have sensory issues that make the idea of traditional sex really unappealing. I think I confused my discomfort with being a woman with discomfort in those sexual situations.
I decided to transition. I started taking testosterone for a while. I thought it would fix my feelings and make me feel more like the masculine person I saw in my brothers. But it didn't really make me happy. I started to realize that my problem wasn't with being female; it was with not feeling good enough as I was. I was trying to escape from myself.
I stopped the testosterone. Medically, I have to take estrogen now because my body doesn't produce its own hormones anymore, and I need it for my bone health. I don't know if that's a permanent result of the testosterone or something else, but it's my reality now.
I don't regret exploring transition because it helped me figure some big things out. But I do regret not understanding my own reasons better before I started. I think my desire to transition was heavily influenced by my low self-esteem, my jealousy, and my negative sexual experiences, not by a true identity. I'm working now on accepting my body for what it is, even if it's not as masculine as my brothers'. It still hurts sometimes to think about what I thought I could be, but I'm trying to make peace with it.
My relationship with my older brother is really important to me, and I was so worried about what he would think. He's always known me as his little sister, and I didn't want to lose that bond. I even thought about asking him to teach me to skate, just to have a brotherly experience with him, even if he saw it as a brother-sister thing.
Now, I'm just trying to figure out who I am without all those pressures. I'm not entirely uncomfortable living as I do now. I'm trying to be careful and not take any more drastic actions until I'm really sure.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8-10 | Bullied for being effeminate. Older brother protected me. |
| 22 | Started feeling intense jealousy of my older brother's masculinity. |
| 22 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone after realizing it wasn't solving my underlying issues. |
| 23 | Began taking estrogen due to my body no longer producing its own hormones. |
| 23 | Started working on self-acceptance and understanding my past motivations. |
Top Comments by /u/DifficultRound97:
i understand what you mean about accepting my body. i mostly accept my body for what it is but when i think of all i could have been it distresses me sometimes. i might have to accept the fact i wont ever be as masculine but it still hurts to think about
i've also been getting jealous of my older brother as of late. he's 24 and is so much more masculine than me and i'm thinking how i could have been like him but instead im so much thinner and smaller overall. not to mention my struggles with sexuality either, i think im attracted to guys because i've only experimented with them.
i hope i make the correct decision. god im so jealous of my brothers though. i kinda wanna do something brotherly with them just to see if i like it. my older brother plays hockey and is good enough he could possibly get paid for it soon so i kinda wanna ask him to teach me to skate or something. it might be a brother-sister thing to him but it doesn't necessarily have to be for me.
hopefully whatever route i go goes good for me :)
i don't want to take drastic action right now just because drastic action as a young person put me where i am right now and as it stands i am not entirely uncomfortable living as i do currently. i'm worried what my brothers will think mostly. maybe they'll be happy to have another brother but some of them have known me as their sister for a very long time. my big brother especially sees me as his little sister
medically i do think i need to keep taking estrogen at least until i switch hormones to testosterone if i ever end up doing that at all. i dont produce my own hormones and i don't want my bones to degenerate at all so it's probably necessary at least for now.
i don't think i necessarily don't accept my sexuality just maybe that it hasn't developed properly due to negative sexual experiences i've had and possibly once again my sensory issues when it would come to having sex in a more "traditional" way. guys i've been with really want to make me do things i'm not the most comfortable with but i accept and let happen so they don't leave
i am worried about my big brother thinking of me differently mostly just because he and i have always had a good relationship. when i was being bullied physically for being effeminate as a young kid he would stand up for me which i always looked up to. i always have wanted to be protective over somebody like that but i've never physically been able to. i dont really think i ever could do that now though which sucks but is something i've kinda accepted.