This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments display a high degree of emotional depth, personal reflection, and internal conflict that is consistent with genuine individuals questioning their gender identity. The user discusses complex, nuanced topics like childhood neglect, the interplay of sexuality and identity, and the psychological process of repression in a way that feels human and personal. The advice given to others is thoughtful and lacks the repetitive, scripted quality of a bot. The passion and frustration expressed align with the expected demeanor of someone in this community.
About me
I've always felt a deep desire to be a woman, starting from my earliest memories of crossdressing and jealousy of girls' clothes. My journey has been tied to my attraction to men and a belief that I'm unlovable as a man, which led me to start hormones hoping for a miracle. I'm now stuck, feeling that transitioning won't solve my problems but also unable to imagine a happy future as a man. I'm currently trying to take a break from thinking about gender altogether to challenge my obsessive thoughts. My goal is to find a way to accept myself as a man and feel fulfilled without transitioning.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing and painful. For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a deep desire to be a woman. My first memory is of crossdressing, and as a kid, I was always jealous of the pretty clothes girls got to wear. This feeling never went away, I just learned to repress it harder and harder as I got older.
A big part of my desire to transition is tied to my attraction to men. I’m romantically and sexually attracted to men, but as a guy, the dynamic never felt right. I want a man to see me in a feminine way, as a sweet, caring companion. I tried an online relationship with a man and felt I had to be feminine, and when my voice or appearance ruined that feeling, it was devastating. I look at how men talk about women and feel a deep jealousy. I think a lot of this comes from my childhood. My parents fought constantly, and my mom was always sick, so my dad had to do everything. I never saw a positive example of a woman’s love for a man, and I think it left me feeling that, as a man, I’m unlovable.
When I was about 13, I found transformation adult content online, and it was immediately exciting to me. I think it became the only outlet I had for my repressed femininity and sexuality. For a long time, I wondered if this was just a fetish that had grown into something else because I was exposed to it so young. Now, when I wear women's clothes, it isn't really sexual at all, which makes me think it was always about more than that.
I finally started taking hormones, hoping it would be a miracle cure. There have been some small physical changes, but mentally, I feel pretty much the same. I’m stuck between two terrible options. Some people tell me I’ll break down and transition eventually anyway, so I should just do it now. Others say it will never give me what I truly want and will only make my life harder. If I could go back, I would have transitioned when I was young, but now I feel it's too late. I have to find a way to accept myself as a man without being consumed by dysphoria, depression, and my addiction issues.
I’ve started to wonder if I have obsessive symptoms, because I think about this constantly. I’ve been trying a more meditative approach lately. I’m trying to take a break from thinking about trans stuff altogether for a few months. If my mind tells me I need to figure it out, I remind myself that not thinking about it is part of the process. I’m trying to be aware of what triggers these thoughts. I’m asking myself hard questions, like, would I actually be happy if I got jacked and people admired my masculine body? (The answer is no). Or, do I subconsciously think women are better than men? I’m trying to challenge the idea that my male body is embarrassing or unlovable.
Ultimately, I would rather be a woman than be “cured” of these feelings, but I don’t think that’s a real option for me anymore. I just want to find a way to feel fulfilled and learn to appreciate being a guy. I’m not sure if it’s possible to overcome this without transitioning, but I have to try.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Childhood | First memory of crossdressing; felt jealousy towards girls' clothing. |
| 13 | Found transformation/adult content online; it became a major outlet. |
| Early 20s | Started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Hoped for a mental shift, but only experienced minor physical changes. |
| Early 20s (Present) | Began a period of reflection, attempting to stop obsessive thinking about gender and explore the root causes of my feelings. |
Top Comments by /u/Digi-Neet:
I know how you feel. Its a nightmare. I’ve been repressing all this for a long time and getting more masculine every year has made me forget who I ever was.
Do you think you could have obsessive symptoms? Like how often are you thinking about this stuff?
I would ask this in chat but it seems like you have it disabled. For one, do you have any fetishes regarding this? I can say first that I found tg adult content when I was 13 or so and it immediately was very exciting to me. Sometimes I think that’s because it was the only way I was able to express femininity in some messed up way. I pushed it down so far it came out in a strange way with my also repressed sexuality. There were times I felt dysphoria and thought there is nothing else I can do to relieve it. But its also very likely I was just predisposed to a fetish because of early child hood experience; my first memory is crossdressing and I was always very jealous of girls pretty clothes as a child. Maybe that fetish developed into something more with constant repeated exposure and the way it made me think of myself. Maybe you can’t relate at all but I just wanted to share in case you do because it can be a shameful thing. When I wear clothes now its not really sexual at all.
Do you think that women are better than men? Like has your life experience shown you that men are unlovable ugly assholes and women are angels? Did your parents get along well? Why do you feel embarrassed of your body? I promise you no matter how it looks there are people of both genders who would think it was amazing. We are just exposed to much more of guys oggling girl’s bodies because we live in a patriarchal society and hearing guys bodies being talked about makes guys feel scared its gay lol. Like I’m into guys and I can promise that mens bodies are a work of art.
It’s interesting you talk about finding a love of men. A lot of why I want to transition is to feel that role from men too. Im very sexually and romantically attracted to men but as a guy I feel like the relationship is not the same. I want them to see me in a feminine way and be a sweet caring companion to them. The problem is if I transition I’ll probably never find a good man to share love with, but if I stay as a guy it wont be everything I want. I tried an online relationship with a man and I felt like I had to be feminine and when I failed because of my voice or my appearance I’d feel terrible.
Sometimes I think it’s because I never saw my mom show love to my dad. They fought all the time and she was always sick so my dad had to do everything. It was definitely not a positive example of women’s love. Maybe I feel like as a man I’m unlovable? Its strange because I love men and some of them are so handsome or cute it makes me melt. I also only ever see guys talking about how hot girls are and it makes me so jealous. Maybe if I was around gay people I could start to believe it’s possible for me. I have more reasons for transitioning but the role in dating is a big one so it’s interesting to hear you mention it as a previous lesbian.
Thats all good.
Forget the label. Its too politicized and there seems to be more than one typology for trans girls. Do you experience dysphoria? Do you ever look in the mirror and compare you masculine features to your feminine features? I don’t want to ask too much about dysphoria cause its really easy to pass it along.
I think you should take a meditative approach then. For a few months, like three ideally. Try to avoid thinking about this or looking at anything to do with trans stuff. Get off this subreddit even. If your mind tells you that you have to figure it out and think about it, remind yourself this is part of that process. Thinking about it constantly doesn’t help. Try not thinking about it to see if your thoughts have just taken on a pattern. If you do think about it, ask yourselves what triggered that and be aware of that information. If at the end of that there is no improvement then nothing will work but figuring out where this is coming from and fixing that, and you might want to consider transition more appropriately.
Well imagine you got jacked. Guys and girls were admiring your body. Does that sound like something you would like?
It would be amazing to figure out there is some strange complex going on with me that I could relieve and be happy as a man. To be honest, I would rather be a woman than be “cured” but I don’t really have that option. I just want to feel fulfilled enough and learn to appreciate being a guy. I never was sexually abused but I did have an extremely neglected childhood. There are probably a lot of things influencing me to desire to be the other gender. I just don’t really know if I can fix it. Ive been like this my whole life and always repressed it very hard but it never goes away. Im on hrt now but I really have no chance. I was hoping that it would make me feel better in some miraculous way so Id have to keep taking it. Really there are a few bonuses physically but mentally Im fairly similar. I don’t know who to trust. Some people would say I’m going to break down and transition someday anyway so it might as well be now. Others would say it will never actually be what I want and only make my life more difficult. If I could go back Id transition at a young age but now I have to somehow accept myself without it causing me dysphoria, depression, and addiction issues. Is there any evidence that people can actually overcome this without transition?