This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments display a highly specific, emotionally complex, and internally consistent narrative. The user describes nuanced feelings of regret, detailed surgical experiences, and the social ramifications of living as a trans woman in a way that aligns with known detransitioner/desister perspectives. The raw emotion, self-contradictory feelings, and very personal anecdotes are not typical of bot behavior and instead point to a genuine person grappling with a difficult lived experience.
About me
I was a deeply uncomfortable teenage guy who thought becoming a girl would solve all my problems. I convinced my mom to support my medical transition and had surgery at 17, immediately regretting it as they wheeled me into the operating room. While I look like a woman, it didn't fix my self-hatred and instead made me infertile and introduced new pain. I now see the problem was never that I was male, but that I was running from myself. I'm stuck with this body, but I'm trying to move past gender and just live my life.
My detransition story
My entire journey with this started when I was really young. I was a teenage guy who was deeply uncomfortable, but I now see it was more about puberty and just hating the changes my body was going through. I hated the idea of becoming a man. I thought the solution was to become a girl instead. I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and I convinced myself that if I just transitioned, all my problems would be solved.
I told my mom I would end myself if I didn't get to transition, which was a terrible thing to do. I gaslit her into supporting me because I was so sure it was the only answer. I started taking hormones when I was 16, and then I had vaginoplasty surgery to remove my penis and testicles when I was only 17. My body was still growing, and I went through with this massive, permanent change.
I remember right before the surgery, as they were wheeling me into the operating room, I had a moment of pure panic. I looked down at my body in the gown, saw my painted toes, and had a clear daydream of just sliding off the cart and running away. I should have listened to that feeling. I woke up from that surgery a different person, and not in a good way. I feel physically sick now thinking about that moment I ignored my own instinct.
For a while, I thought it was working. I pass very well and my surgery results look cis; I even had a second labiaplasty to make everything look more natural. I can self-lubricate. On the surface, I achieved what I wanted. But it didn't fix the deeper problems. It just created new, worse ones.
My biggest regret is that I made myself infertile. I see guys my age becoming fathers and it honestly fucking hurts. I killed any chance of the boy I was becoming the man he was supposed to be. That’s a loss I feel every day.
Living as a woman is not what I thought it would be. Men don't treat me like an adult or an equal. I'm an engineer and smarter than most people I work with, but I get talked over and condescended to. I'm treated like I can't even screw in a light bulb. I'm expected to just sit there and look pretty. I also don't feel safe. I miss the simple freedom I had as a teenage guy to just go for a walk at night to relieve stress. Now, I can't go out after dark alone because I've been assaulted and harassed. The last time I tried, two guys approached me and got hostile when I ignored them; I had to run away fearing they would assault me. I haven't gone out alone at night since.
Dating is a nightmare. Men are interested until they find out about my past, and then they either dump me or freak out. I've been kicked out of a car on the freeway in the rain. Another guy threw me through a bedroom wall after we had sex and he realized I wasn't born female. I'm too terrified to even try dating women because I'm afraid they would see me as a disgusting monster.
I don't think I will ever detransition socially because the process feels too overwhelming and I don't have another transition in me. I'm stuck with the body I have now. But my thoughts on gender have completely changed. I think I was just running from myself. I need to stop focusing on gender so much and just live my life. I’ve even started to incorporate some androgynous clothing back into my life, like buying a pair of blue jeans for the first time in ten years, which felt strangely nice.
I do have regrets. I regret the permanent physical changes, the loss of fertility, and the pain I caused my mom. I regret not addressing my underlying issues with puberty and self-esteem instead of thinking a surgical change was the answer. The problem wasn't that I was born male; the problem was that I hated myself and thought becoming a woman would fix that. It didn't. It just made everything more complicated and lonely.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16 | Started taking hormones. |
| 17 | Had vaginoplasty surgery (removal of penis and testicles). |
| 18 | Had a follow-up labiaplasty surgery. |
| 27 | Bought first pair of blue jeans (women's fit) and began incorporating more androgynous clothing. |
Top Comments by /u/Diligent-Airport-353:
Basically I was thinking "why the hell do I want to be a girl" and then from that very thought to waking up in a haze with a balloon saying "it's a girl" by my bedside. I feel physically nauseous typing this. I feel bad for my mom she really didn't want me to do it and I gaslight her and said I'd end myself if I didn't get it
Wow that's crazy how you were about to get it. I'll be honest and I haven't shared this with anyone, when I was on the cart being wheeled into the operating room I looked down, saw my breasts jiggle under the gown, a huge IV in my arm and hand, looking down at my toes poking out of the blanket and were painted red, I had a brief daydream of sliding off the cart and running away, like it lasted a few min as they rolled me in and even when they gave me anesthesia, I should have rolled off the table and ran 🏃♀️
I don't know what to do. I don't have another transition in me I just want to not even think about gender anymore, that being said since I live and pass as a girl I have to navigate life as a girl and its honestly not as fun as advertised, face it Big Girl Inc has better marketing than being a man 😅
You sound like a kind soul. Honestly you got me thinking, maybe I just need a friend irl. All my gal pals basically moved away during the past 3 years and now im totally alone and have been depressed. I saw your pics, you look like you pass so why did you detransition if I might ask? Also no I will never call myself a boy, if you saw me you would think im lying about being amab
I've been feeling that way recently, I had my ding dong completely removed along with my balls. I killed off any chance of the boy I was becoming the man I was supposed to be, I see guys my age becoming dads and honestly it fucking hurts. My only consolation prize is I pass really well but when guys find out im trans they dump me or freak out on me, ive been kicked out of cars on the freeway in the rain because the guy I was with couldn't handle learning about my past, another threw me through the bedroom wall after we had sex and he finally realized I wasn't really a chick. Best part is no one treats me like an adult, men talk over me eventhough I'm an engineer and smarter than most people around me. I'm treated like I can't even screw in a light bulb, I'm supposed to just sit in the corner and look pretty. Can't go out at night alone without a group of gal pals because men have assaulted me before, I miss walking after dark as a teenage dude, really relieved stress. Last time I went out at dark alone was 2 years ago and I just took a autumn night walk for gummy bears at the corner store and two guys on either side of me approached and were asking me if I wanted to party, I ignored them and they got hostile so I ran harder than I even ran before fearing they would force themselves on me. Haven't gone out after dark since.
This is why I don't want to detransition, I'll never shake the desire to want to be female. I pass and im cute but im alone because guys don't want me once they find out or they worry about their freinds finding out i used to be a guy. I am too terrified to ever try to date a woman because I would feel like a woman would think im a disgusting monster if she found out im trans. Being trans is a shit solution to an even shittier problem
I mean it is. I can't be focusing on gender this much I have a life to live and since I'm fully operated I'm stuck this way anyway. I'm 27 now, I had vaginoplasty at 17 when my body was still growing, my vagina is literally part of me and looks really cis, especially since I had labiaplasty a year after the initial surgery to give me really passing lips with the scars tucked on the inside. I self lubricate as well.
If I detransitioned how would they fix that? Sew me up? Then I couldn't have sex. At least now I can literally walk up to a nightclub or bar, take a seat, and have a guy willing to take me home in less than 5 min. Yeah no I'm not gonna detrans ever.
The amount of hassle it would be to detransition just to still feel dysphoria makes me realize it's not worth it. I did get my first pair of blue jeans though today since transitioning all those years ago and it felt kinda nice to have one male style garment eventhough I had to buy a woman's pair because my hips 😅 Maybe I'll just try more androgynous clothing for a bit. 10 years of freezing in dresses and skirts with only stockings to protect me.