This story is from the comments by /u/Diligent_Passage6247 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
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About me
As a teenager, I got caught up in questioning my gender after seeing trans YouTubers and friends who seemed happy, thinking it was the answer to my insecurities. My confusion was deeply tied to my discomfort with sexuality and the pressure to fit in, which made me believe I wasn't a normal girl. I now realize a lot of gender is just stereotypes, and I'm comfortable being a tomboyish female without needing to change my body. I spent years confused, but I've stopped consuming that content and am finally getting to know my real emotions. Ultimately, I've accepted that I am a girl, just on my own terms.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I saw a lot of trans YouTubers and had friends in real life who seemed super happy after they transitioned. It made me think that if I did it too, I’d finally be happy and fit in somewhere. I think that’s a big part of it—it’s like a social contagion. It becomes a coping mechanism for a lot of insecure teenagers, boys and girls. I never ended up physically transitioning, but I definitely got caught up in the questioning.
For a long time, I felt really disconnected from my emotions. As a kid, I never showed how I felt, and I was aloof, never trying to connect with others. Now that I’m a young adult, it feels like I’m just starting to get to know myself emotionally and figure out what my real insecurities are. It’s like I’m going back and forth on the same issues, but I’m trying to move forward.
A huge part of my confusion was related to men and sexuality. I’ve always hated the idea of sex, ever since I learned about it when I was ten. I still feel weird about it, especially since everyone my age seems to be doing it. I hate it when guys look at me, even if they’re my age. I’ve never dressed to attract a man or thought about it. Looking back, I realized I haven’t had a real crush on a guy since I was about twelve. After that, I’d just “choose” to have a crush on a guy because I was bored and thought I should, but I’d always feel relieved when he was gone or I found out he had a girlfriend.
Questioning my sexuality has been a years-long process. I’m open to talking about it, but I don’t really like the term “queerness” because of its history. I’m not political at all; I’m just in the center.
My thoughts on gender now are that a lot of it is just stereotypes. I see so many girls who feel they have to wear makeup every time they leave the house, and I think that’s exhausting. For me, not shaving or wearing makeup doesn’t make someone a man; it’s just casual stuff you can choose not to do. I shave because I hate body hair, but that’s my personal choice. I see a lot of tomboy erasure, where every girl who looks a bit masculine or androgynous ends up identifying as a boy or using they/them pronouns. It makes me wonder why being a tomboy isn’t enough anymore.
I don’t think people who question this are hateful. I think detransitioning or deciding not to transition makes people question the whole agenda. Questioning something isn’t hate. I believe that deciding to medically transition isn’t fully an individual’s choice. The messages are everywhere online, in kids' shows, doctors' offices, and classrooms. I know people who had trans identities and medical interventions pushed on them when they’d never even thought about it before. It feels like manipulation. They say transition will solve all your problems, your insecurities, even if you’re suicidal. But it’s a huge decision. I think it’s a fact that teenagers don’t have adult-level maturity. You can’t even get a tattoo or drink at 18 because you’re not considered mature enough to handle the risk, but you can start hormones? That seems wrong to me.
I don’t want to be a man. In fact, sometimes I worry I look too much like a little boy. I just want to be a girl, but on my own terms. I don’t watch any trans content anymore because I’m scared it would influence me and make me start questioning again. Sometimes I see these super feminine girls and I feel like I don’t know the codes they use. I feel like I can’t be pretty like them even if I tried. I often wonder what the world would be like if there were no gender stereotypes, or if they were switched—if boys were the ones expected to wear pounds of makeup and have perfect hair, and girls could just do whatever we wanted. I feel like men wouldn’t put up with half the beauty standards women are expected to.
I don’t have regrets about transitioning because I never did it. My regret is that I got so caught up in the idea and spent so much time confused. The best advice I can think of is to imagine a perfect world where surgeries and hormones don’t exist and you can magically be whatever you want. In that world, who are you? For me, the answer is clear: I’m female.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 10 years old | Learned about sex and hated the idea of it. |
| Around 12 years old | Had my last real crush on a guy. After this, I felt I had to "choose" crushes. |
| Teenage years | Influenced by trans YouTubers and friends; began questioning my gender identity as a social contagion. |
| Young Adult (now) | Stopped consuming trans content. Realized I am a tomboyish girl, not a boy. Working on understanding my emotions and real insecurities. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Diligent_Passage6247:
I understand what you’re saying but why do you think someone’s who is 17 or 18 can’t drink in the US? It’s because they’re not mature enough to handle that kind of risk. I mean, starting hormones but can’t get a tattoo yet? Seems like more of a development issue than a personal one. It’s just a fact that someone who is still a teenager doesn’t have adult level maturity, speaking from a biological standpoint. And I say that as someone around the same age as you when you got surgery. I don’t think I’m clueless either, but I know I was wrong to believe in trans ideology.
The tomboy erasure is so real, like every time I meet someone who looks tomboyish, fast forward five minutes and I find out she identifies as a literal BOY, like why lol. Or like how every masc or androgynous lesbian also exclusively uses they/them pronouns or smth
Fully agree with the second part, like I understand why GNC is used as a term BUT ALSO like everything OP mentioned is literally not even masculine, it’s just casual? Like not shaving or wearing makeup doesn’t make someone a man, it just is stuff they don’t choose to do because it’s not required to be a woman?? Like me personally I shave bc I hate having body hair lol but I get why someone else wouldn’t care to put the effort. And I don’t go out in makeup and dresses a ton either, I know so many girls who think it’s a requirement to wear makeup every time they leave the house, and I just think that’s exhausting
I guess the only advice I can give to you is imagine yourself in a perfect scenario, a perfect world where surgeries and hormones don’t exist and you can magically be whatever you want and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Are you male or female in this scenario?
Yeah the thing about creepy men haha…that’s definitely on my mind quite a bit. I hate it when guys look at me, even if they’re my age. I remember learning about sex when I was ten and I just absolutely hated the idea of it, and honestly I still do and it feels weird since a lot of people my age are doing it and have at least kissed someone else by now. I’ve never ever thought about dressing “for a man” or trying to attract a man/guy. In fact I haven’t had a crush on a guy since I was like 12, because ever since then I’ve just had to “choose to have a crush on a guy” bc I was bored and thought I should, when really I didn’t and would be relieved when said guy left or I found out he had a girlfriend already lol
I don’t think people are very hateful per se, but rather detransitioning or desisting makes them question the trans and lgbt agenda in general. And questioning something or disagreeing with it isn’t hate. I’m sorry to say that deciding to medically transition isn’t fully the individuals decision. There are people and messages promoting transition quite literally everywhere online, with just a few examples being in childrens shows, doctors offices, and classrooms. I don’t think any person, especially not those who began transitioning so young, chooses to mutilate their own body because it’s what they truly want. I know people who are having trans identities, puberty blockers, and cross sex hormones being pushed towards them when they hadn’t given it a thought before. Transition is basically manipulation. If somebody has problems, transition will solve them, they say. If somebody is insecure, transition will fix it, they say. Heck, if somebody is suicidal, transition will fix it, they say.
I feel like a lot of it does have to do with the social contagion aspect, like for example seeing a trans YouTuber or irl friend who seems super happy with their transition will make you think that you’ll also be happy transitioning or you’ll fit in/have a community etc
Yeah for sure, I don’t want to be a man or a boy at all, in fact I think I look TOO much like a little boy sometimes lol, I just wanna be a girl. Transitioning is definitely a social contagion that’s become a coping mechanism for many insecure teenagers, both male and female.
I can’t relate as someone who hasn’t transitioned physically, but damn I can sure relate to those feelings. I’ve always been a sort of aloof person, as in I didn’t try to connect with others emotionally, and I NEVER showed my emotions as a kid. But now that I’m a (young) adult, I feel like I’m just getting to know myself emotionally and trying to reconcile with who I really am and what my real insecurities are. Sometimes I feel like I’m going back and forth between the same issues as well, but as another commenter said even spirals can travel upward.
I’m not left or right wing, I’d say I’m just pure center but I’m not really political at all. I’m questioning my sexuality and have been for years, and although I don’t like the term “queerness” due to its historical context, I’m open to discussing the topic itself.