I’ve been listening to podcasts/lectures/videos from detransitioners gender critical people and psychologists. Im absolutely in the trans archetype and I want to figure out what is happening with me. If they say not to listen to somebody you bet I’m going to listen to every video and see if I can come up with a good argument against it. This is serious. Very very serious. I have permanent body changes from the time I’ve been on hrt. A lot of stuff doesn’t make sense and I’ve seen how the trans community pushes stuff down. In fact I remember looking into this community many years ago and the way they ignored the potential truth turned me off so bad I stopped asking if I was trans for a bit. If they were just honest I would probably have transitioned earlier and wouldn’t have to be so critical of them to see if there is another way.

Even as a trans woman I think stuff like this just seems embarrassing and creepy. There is something like that in a nearby city someone suggested and I was always pretty disturbed by the idea. It’s also like enforcing some expectation of womanhood that sounds pretty forced. I can only imagine what the people are like and how fake that interaction would be. It does seem fetishy too and that makes me feel gross.

My problem as a detrans guy who is 27 is that femininity just doesn’t look as good past a certain age on men. A lot of us transitioned to avoid twink death. I can do my makeup and wear something pretty when I’m alone and just avoid mirrors but publicly it’s just kind of impossible for me. It feels more like I have to just accept that I’m a guy and that I’m not that great looking. It sucks but there are a lot of things in life that are still better than nothing. I’m probably gonna be alone forever now too because I have breasts and guys that like men want a man’s body. I’m gonna try to just become a Buddhist and learn to get out of my head. It sucks but not everyone gets what they want. I’ll always be really jealous of women but is it really that different than someone wishing they were rich or famous?

You are definitely speaking the truth. People joke that on reddit if you are thinking you might be transgender, you are transgender. The more popular trans communities are very ignorant about detransitioners because they see them as a threat. They can be used against us. It’s a shame it has become so political because this is a huge part of people’s lives. If you try to talk about it they just parrot the same stuff and refer to pretty weak evidence from studies. It’s probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better. But I understand. It’s scary and trans people are already a target. We are just trying to live our lives and not go crazy.

I’m glad you think there are genuine trans people. Its mostly baseless but I really think the hormones my mom took during her pregnancy with me made my brain different. I was also born early and was pretty big so I think the hormones were definitely out of wack. It’s a part of me as much as some people are gay and you just can’t change it.

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It’s kind of this way of escaping dealing with it now by pushing off on your future self. But you’d still have to do it eventually if that is the path you are choosing. I get extremely nervous around my friends that they will see my breasts. My dad keeps hugging me and I’m worried he will feel them. They are painful so I’m worried something will hit them and I’ll react too much in front of someone. I can never take my shirt off again around anyone I’m not intimate with.

Breasts are a big deal but trust me I totally get it. You’ve been taught it’s wrong to reveal any of this. I had to force myself to do tell my either and mom but my dad still doesn’t know and anyone of my irl friends do. It makes you resent them for misgendering you and you isolate from them. If you are considering hrt you really should find someone to tell and help you explore your gender identity.

Do you have gender euphoria? Why do you want to be convinced not to transition? Are you just scared about judgment? Would you feel better as an old man or old woman? Have you tried presenting feminine around anyone and gone by a female name yet/called she/her? How did that feel if so?

It’s important to keep in mind that the people here are mostly the ones that found it wasn’t right for them and we tend to see everyone’s experiences as the same as our own. A trans girl told me that. I still value their perspective.

Why do you want to detransition? What changed after all that time?

And yeah I’ve heard there was a large wave of trans men that was a major shift from the usual ratio. There is definitely a social aspect to all of this. I was feeling this way long before I ever knew trans people existed so personally I’m not worried that applies to me. Although I do know some men with extreme shame go down this road and that probably applies to me. But even if I could choose to be like the coolest guy on earth I’d much rather be some average girl. I don’t know it’s complicated.

I feel that it’s impossible to express myself as a man. Every year I lose more femininity. I will look ridiculous and uncanny as I get older trying to enjoy wearing something I feel happy in or using makeup. My personality will be strange like some sort of joke and my body movements will look absurd. This body fails me. One of the things I’m most jealous of cis women for is how they can express femininity and it’s just normal and taken for granted. I don’t think I can do that as a man. I also feel like my sexuality is impossible as a man but I won’t get into that unless you are curious.

Changing my presentation is not enough. My body fails me and that makes me really upset.

I think a lot of the crazy “game” stuff develops because guys don’t understand what they did wrong and come up with weird strategies to avoid getting friend zoned in the future. Often they are just not attractive to them or have some sort of mental health issues and girls turn them down in a way that will cause the least confrontation. I’ve had to do it to guys and I see how they come up with all sorts of reasons. They think they were “too nice” or something.

I had an experience like this. I do have ocd (pure obsession) and have had many obsessions in my life that would consume my thoughts all day to an annoying and stressful degree. Some example are like free will, thinking I was stupid, thinking I was crazy, trying to figure out what “I” means in like a Buddhist sense, and then whether or not I was trans. It has consumed me since I was very little. I know it’s not possible to be a woman. But I was brought so far down by this obsession and the hopelessness, the dysphoria that goes with it that I tried hrt at 27 being 6’3” and not having a feminine face. Long story short it was nice but really scary and now I’ve snapped out of it knowing it will never work out. I’ll lose everything I take for granted and never pass enough. I feel like men won’t want me anymore because I have breasts and I ruined my twinkish body. Now I realize how my body was actually pretty sexy like a Greek statue and I could have lifted to look amazing. Now I can’t even do that because I can never take my shirt off around people again.

Maybe this was inevitable and I had to do it to process this and move on. I still wish I could be a girl but I know I’m just a fucking guy who is delusional.