This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts show:
- Internal Consistency: The comments consistently express a specific, complex perspective from a desister who stopped transitioning for a multifaceted combination of social, personal, and ideological reasons.
- Emotional Nuance: The language captures the conflicted and painful experience of gender dysphoria and detransition, including feelings of jealousy, obsession, and societal pressure, which aligns with the expected passion and distress of the topic.
- Personal Narrative: The user shares specific, non-generic details from their own experience (e.g., reasons for detransitioning, age of onset for dysphoria, personal struggles with energy and mannerisms) that read as genuine.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a teenage boy after a deep depression, when I felt completely alone and lived online. I thought becoming a woman would be an escape from feeling like a failed man, but it was an exhausting process that never felt natural. I was terrified of not passing and saw a lot of negativity in the community, which made me bitter. Seeing how much my transition hurt my family was devastating and made me realize I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I've stopped now and am learning to accept myself as a gender non-conforming man, focusing on other parts of my life.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was around 16 to 18 years old. It began right after my first major depressive episode, during a time when I was completely alone and living inside the internet. I think a lot of my feelings were tied to that deep depression and isolation. It wasn't a clear "I am a woman" feeling. It felt more like an obsession that would get really bad whenever I was feeling low.
Looking back, I see now that a big part of it was not feeling like I fit into the role society expected from me as a man. I felt like a failure at being a man, and I thought becoming a woman would be an escape from that feeling. The rational part of my brain knew transition wouldn't solve my deeper problems, but the instinctual part kept convincing me it was the answer. Online spaces made this so much worse. It's almost common sense in some places that becoming a girl will solve everything, and they can easily convince you when you're vulnerable.
I started to socially transition and considered medical steps, but I never went through with hormones or surgery. I was terrified about whether or not I could ever pass. My height felt like a huge obstacle, and I was constantly anxious about being seen as a non-passing trans woman. I saw how harshly they were treated, even by other trans people, and it scared me. The whole process felt exhausting. The pressure to train my voice, learn makeup, and change my mannerisms was draining, especially for someone with very low energy like me. It was frustrating and never felt natural. People would tell me I wasn't acting enough like a woman, which was strange because those same people said I wasn't acting enough like a man before. It felt like I could never win.
I also started to really disagree with a lot of things in the transgender community. I noticed a lot of cattiness and people being put down for not being feminine enough, or paradoxically, for being too feminine. There was a real superiority complex among those who passed better. I also developed a very bitter feeling about the focus on transitioning children. And I noticed many trans people had a very low view of gender non-conforming people of their natal sex, which I still don't understand.
What finally made me stop was a combination of things. I had a total lack of social support; everyone stopped talking to me or was openly hostile. Seeing how much my family was hurting, how they couldn't sleep and blamed themselves, was devastating. I realized I wasn't doing this for the right reasons. I didn't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. I felt like a loser who wanted to be a woman because I felt I had failed as a man.
I don't regret exploring transition because it helped me figure myself out, but I am glad I stopped. I've come to terms with my feelings by accepting there are some things I can't change. I try to focus on other things now. I know that feeling some degree of dysphoria is normal, even for people who detransition, and it likely comes from the subconscious. It's okay to be gender non-conforming. I believe that for at least 90% of people, being trans is caused by external factors, and it would be so much better if society was more open about letting people take on any role they want, regardless of gender.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16-18 | First experienced gender dysphoria as an obsessive thought, which began during a major depressive episode and period of extreme social isolation and internet addiction. |
| N/A | Began a social transition. |
| N/A | Stopped transition after realizing it was not right for me, due to family distress, social hostility, exhaustion from the process, and the realization my reasons were based on a feeling of failure, not a true identity. |
Top Comments by /u/EatingOrangesAlways:
I'm sorry to read that, but the truth is that not everybody has the potential to pass, it's a very ugly truth that nobody in the trans community dares to talk about, but that doesn't mean you need to be miserable for the rest of your life, you can still look and act feminine or androgynous.
Unfortunately it's very common for strangers online to say becoming a girl will solve all your problems, it's almost common sense in certain places and they can easily convince you, but the therapist notice you were "taking refuge in the internet"? That's a red flag and it's very irresponsible they didn't ask you more about that.
Transition doesn't work for everybody, even among those who transitioned successfully some are still feeling miserable, it's normal to keep feeling dysphoria, many people who detrans or desist still do, you sound very GNC, just remember it's fine to be that way.
You are right, many people feel exactly the same, not feeling like you fit in your expected gender roles can make you want to be the opposite sex, at least in some people, it would be better if society was more accepting of people who don't fit in their gender role, but it seems like the opposite is happening lately.
I don't believe there are valid or invalid reasons to be trans, but in at least 90% of people it's caused by external factors, it woud be great if society was much more open about letting people take the role they want regardless of gender, but this won't ever happen and that is very unfortunate.
So many reasons I could write a book about them, but these are the main reasons:
- Total lack of social support, everybody stopped talking to or were openly hostile, my family could no longer sleep at night and blamed themselves for what I was doing.
- I wasn't sure if I could pass or not, my height was a huge obstacle, but my face was pretty good to transition, knowing how non-passing MTFs are made fun of and treated as barely human by everybody including other MTFs made me feel contantly anxious about passing.
- I wasn't really feeling like I was a woman trapped in a man's body, I only felt as a loser who wanted to be a woman because I failed as a man.
- I disagreed on many things with the transgender community, and they weren't open to listen to different ideas.
- My manneirisms weren't feminine and trying to make them that way all the time was very tiring and made me anxious.
- Trans women were very catty and often put down others for not looking or acting feminine enough, paradoxically, they did the same for those who were too feminine.
- Trans women who passed better often made fun of those who didn't, often very subtly but sometimes not, their superiority complex was terrible.
- The constant need to train voice and makeup was irritating, I was getting better at it but it never stopped being frustrating.
- Being told I wasn't acting enough like a woman by many people, itself strange because these same people said I wasn't acting enough like a man before.
- As somebody with very low energy, the constant pressure to leanr millions of things very fast was extremely draining.
- The obsession of many trasgender people with transitioning children left a very bitter taste in me.
- I noticed many trans people had a very low view on GNC people of their natal sex and I still don't know why.
What you're feeling is normal and probably common, feeling jealous of those who are transitioning successfully, even if to NB, is a completely normal experience, most detrans still feel at least some degree of dysphoria, and that likely comes from the subconscious, so you still feel it even when you know transition doesn't solve your problems.
I understand how you feel, it's like the rational part of your brain understands transition won't solve your problems but instinctual part keeps thinking it will, I think many people keep feeling like that for a very long time, just keep in mind it's an irrational idea.
To begin : do you even have GD? Yes, but it's more like an obsession, it only feels really bad when I'm depressed.
Or thought you had? If yes : Did you always had it? Had it since 16-18.
How do you live with? I try focusing on other things.
Did an event provoked it, or made it worse? It began soon after I was hit with my first major depressive episode, during a time of extreme social isolation and internet addiction.
Did you experienced GD but come to terms with? If so, how did you do ? Accept there are things you can't change.