This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user provides highly specific, nuanced, and emotionally charged personal anecdotes about their long-term medical history, surgical experiences, and evolving psychological state. The narrative is complex, internally consistent over time, and reflects the deep, passionate, and often angry perspective common among detransitioners who feel they were harmed by their transition. The language is natural and conversational.
About me
I was born male and my journey started 25 years ago when I found a community of gay men who were transitioning, which felt like an escape from the difficulties of being a gay man myself. My entire transition was driven by fear—fear of not being a good enough woman and fear of other people's judgment, which became utterly exhausting. I was on hormones for seven years and have had surgeries that left me with permanent changes, making the medical reversal incredibly difficult. I now see that I was just trying to escape myself, and my therapists completely failed to help me see that. I've stopped taking estrogen, started testosterone again, and finally feel at peace living as a feminine man without any performance.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was driven by fear and a deep feeling that I was never doing things right. I was born male, and for a long time, I believed I was a woman trapped in a man’s body. Now, I see it was more complicated than that.
It started about 25 years ago when I first met other trans people. They were all gay men, and that was a big part of the appeal for me. I didn't know how to find other gay men, and suddenly, here was this community. I think there was some internalized homophobia there, a feeling that being a straight woman was somehow safer or better than being a gay man. Later, when I went online to places like Susan's Place, it seemed like everyone was a heterosexual male who was transitioning, and I felt like an outlier because I was attracted to men.
My transition was defined by fear. I was terrified of not being a "good enough" woman, of being clocked. I was scared of my government and of other people wanting to hurt me. I was afraid to travel to certain places. I felt like I had to constantly perform and act a certain way to be accepted as myself. It was exhausting, and it started to feel no different from the act I put on before I transitioned. The only difference was whose expectations I was trying to meet. I just got tired of being afraid all the time.
I was on hormones for about seven years. Around the five-year mark, I started to seriously question if I had made a mistake, and by year seven, I stopped taking estrogen. At around the eight-year mark, I started taking testosterone again. The medical side of detransition is really hard. A lot of people can't fully detransition medically. Even though I switched to bio-identical testosterone, my chest growth has actually gotten worse on it than it was on estrogen. There are side effects to any hormone therapy, and if you've had surgeries, you're stuck with permanent changes. I had vaginoplasty, and for a while, I felt like I had no choice but to just live as a woman for the rest of my life because how do you live as a man after that? But now, I can't picture myself living as a woman at all. It doesn't feel like me. I don't feel like I'm acting when I leave the house as myself, whereas I always felt like I was performing when I went out as a "woman."
My therapists and doctors failed me completely. I never would have believed I was trans if I hadn't gone to them. When I went back to one therapist to talk about detransitioning—he had transitioned from female to male while seeing me—he just wanted to help me with what he called my "internalized transphobia." None of them will ever see me again.
To help sort my head out, I used to journal. I did it daily for a while, but it was making me more depressed, so now I just do it sometimes. It did help me untangle memories that got warped from obsessively thinking about gender for years. It helped me find conflicting memories and figure out which ones were in the wrong context.
I don't regret my transition because it got me to where I am now, but I see now that it was a path I took out of fear and a desire to escape from myself. I finally reached a point where I said, "I'm just a feminine man, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can take a long walk off a short pier." That feeling of finally being myself, without any act, is something I never had before.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ~25 | First met trans community (all gay men). Felt a draw due to difficulty finding other gay men. |
| ~35 | Began actively questioning my gender and started seeing therapists. |
| ~36 | Started taking estrogen and began social transition. |
| Began to seriously question my transition and consider detransition. | |
| Stopped taking estrogen. | |
| Started taking testosterone again. Began living as a detransitioned man. |
Top Comments by /u/Educational-Fish-637:
They should extend it out to 10 years and see what happens. I was in that window when I wondered if I should have transitioned, but it was around 5 years before I started to seriously consider detransition and around 7 years when I stopped the hormones. I also switched to bio sex hormones at about the 8 year mark. Would that be a continuation in this study?
A lot of people can't medically detransition, which is why you end up with this mix of detrans people that are still on the medicalization path. Although reversal surgeries sometimes exist, their results aren't going to reset the clock and they could even make things worse. There are also side effects from any exogenous hormone therapy, even if it's based on your biological sex. My chest growth has actually gotten worse on testosterone than it was on estrogen. If you've had your gonads removed, you need to weigh which is the lesser of two evils.
I don't know that my input will be useful to you since the detrans experience is different for women, but I did go through a period where I felt like I had no choice but to get more surgeries to pass better and just live the rest of my life as a woman because I had vaginoplasty and how do you live as a man after that? Now I can't picture myself living as a woman at all. It doesn't feel like me anymore. I don't feel like I'm acting when I leave the house as me where I always felt like I was required to act when I went out as that "woman".
Fear defined my transition. Fear of not being a woman right. Fear of my government and other citizens wanting to murder me. Fear of traveling to certain areas of my country. Fear of the wrong person being elected to office. I got tired of being afraid all the time and I got tired of feeling like I was required to act a certain way to be myself. That was no different than how I felt pre-transition except at least back then, I didn't feel like I was lying about what I was. All transition did was change whose expectations I was trying to cater to. I just had enough and one day decided I'm just a feminine man and anybody that had a problem with it could take a long walk off a short pier.
The only way my therapists could have failed me more would have been if they performed the procedures themselves. I never would have believed I was trans if I hadn't gone to them. The doctors weren't any better.
I went back to one therapist when I decided to detransition and they (he transitioned to male while seeing me) wanted to help me with my internalized transphobia. None of them will ever touch or see me again.
I journal sometimes. I used to do it daily, but I found it was making me more depressed, so now I just do it occasionally. I found it really helped with getting my memories straight, you know, the ones warped by obsessively thinking about gender for years? It helped me find conflicting memories and figure out which ones were in the wrong context.
I think the accuracy of some of these statements largely depends on your environment. Didn't Blanchard's original research indicate that most male transitioners were heterosexual? That was 40 years ago.
From my own perspective, I met trans people about 25 years ago. They were all gay males, which was part of the draw for me. I didn't know how to meet gay men and here they were.
When I went to online sites, it was Susan's Place and by then, it seemed to be predominantly heterosexual males. I transitioned after moving to a different region and found that among my trans friends, I was the only one that was gay. They did talk about how wonderful Reddit was a lot and I'd never even heard of it.
As far as female transitioners, I didn't even know they existed until the last decade or so. I always thought it was because society didn't care if women were gender nonconforming.