This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, emotionally complex narratives with specific, evolving details about their detransition, mental health (BPD, trauma), and personal life (partner, employment, wedding plans).
- Consistent introspection and self-reflection that shows a nuanced, non-scripted thought process.
- A clear, multi-year timeline of their journey from initial posts to a follow-up over a year later.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account. The passion and anger mentioned are present but expressed in a way that aligns with a genuine personal experience.
About me
My transition started because I was deeply unhappy and trying to escape my past trauma and depression. I thought becoming a woman would free me from being a man I was ashamed of, but it was really a way to run from myself. My partner's love forced me to honestly confront my pain, which led me to detransition. Through therapy, I've learned my gender confusion was linked to my BPD and trauma, not my true self. I'm now engaged, have a stable job, and am learning to accept myself as the man I am, even with the permanent changes from my past.
My detransition story
My whole journey started from a place of deep pain and confusion. I was struggling with depression and anxiety for years, even before I ever thought about gender. I now understand that a lot of my issues came from childhood trauma that I was never able to properly process. The logical part of my brain knows I wasn't to blame for what happened to me as a child, but emotionally, I still sometimes felt like it was my fault for not being able to escape.
I think my transition was a form of escapism. I felt like society had made me somewhat ashamed of being male, and I saw women as having more freedom to express themselves. As someone who was repressed and dealing with trauma, becoming a woman seemed like the perfect escape. It was a way to be "me" while completely disassociating from the person I really was. I now see that I was living in a delusion of my own making. I lied to everyone, including myself, and I can't blame the doctors for that.
My partner was a big catalyst for my detransition. When she told me she couldn't be with me as a trans woman, it wasn't the reason I detransitioned, but it forced me into a period of intense self-reflection that I desperately needed. She has given me the strength to appreciate my own existence and has shown me a love that I want to return tenfold.
Through psychiatric help, I’ve learned that my symptoms of BPD and my "people-pleasing" attachment style played a huge role. My inability to form strong relationships with other men made me feel isolated, and I found a sense of acceptance in a new identity. Coming to terms with all of this has been very raw and emotional.
I had bottom surgery, and while I don't have serious health complications day-to-day and retain full sexual feeling, I now live with the fact that I am missing a vital body part. I sometimes fear I'm not 'good enough' as a man without it. I mourn both the man I could have been and the person I was in the past who felt transition was the only way out.
I don't really have regrets in the typical sense because I can't change the past, but I do see my transition as a mistake born from severe mental distress. I’ve benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy that helped me address my underlying trauma and BPD symptoms instead of just my gender confusion. I am now focused on building a life for myself. I have a long-term job for the first time in my life, and I'm engaged to be married next April. I'm learning to accept myself rather than try to change my body. I'm not quite at the point where I can say I love myself, but I am working towards becoming an independent, strong, and respectable man. Every step forward brings me closer to happiness.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ? | Struggled with depression, anxiety, and childhood trauma for years. |
| ? | Began identifying as a trans woman and socially transitioned. |
| ? | Underwent hormone therapy (estrogen). |
| ? | Underwent bottom surgery (orchiectomy or vaginoplasty). |
| ? | Partner's decision to detransition prompted self-reflection. |
| ? | Began detransitioning back to male. |
| ? | Underwent psychiatric examination; diagnosed with symptoms of BPD linked to childhood trauma. |
| ? | Secured first long-term job. |
| ? | Got engaged to be married. |
Top Comments by /u/Eggbears_Among_Us:
I know what you feel. It's not the same, but I am detrans the other way (I am MtFtM). I mourn both the man I could have been and the me of the past who felt like it was the only way. Now I am missing a vital body part and am constantly living with minor fears that I am not 'good enough' as a man without my nether region. Fortunately my partner has and will continue to, stick with me, yet it's difficult.
On the days when it's the toughest, I try to tell myself that "whilst things aren't perfect, I'm still me at the end of the day." I search for mini-victories and hold them tight.
Much like trans should have been, we should accept ourselves... rather than try to change. Try to foster an inner strength. You've come back from the hell that is the delusion of transition. You're strong enough!
I am so sorry this happened to you OP. Just know there are many out there who have similar experiences -- and in a way, endeavour to try and prevent anyone from making the same mistake.
Not to defend these individuals, but I always like to try and approach it from where the opposer is coming from and then asking myself: "But why are they acting this way?"
In my opinion, the concept of 'detrans' is one that incites a sense of doubt. It did for me. When my partner, who began frequenting this place, started to detransition, it made -me- concerned about my own identity. For those who are truly suffering, what detransitioners do is sort of pull the security blanket off of them. You become so assured in your new identity, that it is right. But trans individuals for the most part, are often insecure individuals with other mental disorders (myself being one of those!) As a result, it triggers an anxious response, it forces introspection that they don't want to think about.
For some it's impossible to accept because it clashes with their core identity. I don't think that makes them 'wrong' as people. Just misguided. I have nothing against those who medically transition, and I don't think it can't be a solution, but like yourself, I feel it is one of many solutions.
Stay strong. The trans community is full of mentally ill individuals. Sometimes it's better to accept that it cannot be changed (easily anyway) and to be at peace with that. But from what I've read, I don't think you need to know that. :)
On a funny note, your tag, Fresh_Taco reminds me of someone I knew who was FtM at one point. Went by TOAO as well. If it's you, which I doubt it is, hey. :D
No. Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely look into this Shark Cage framework. When I have the prerequisite time.
As for the points on not deserving the abuse. The logical part of my brain believes this too. The emotional/irrational part however sometimes blames myself for being unable to escape (even though children simply cannot).
Sadly? No. Ultimately, T does irreparable damage to the vocal chords. I don't want to be cruel, but without the highly experimental and risky vocal feminization surgery, I don't think you will ever get back what you lost.
OP, you have my utmost sympathy. I'm sorry this happened to you.
It was definitely a coping mechanism for me. I think the important message however is that it’s never too late to turn your life around. I’ve only just started detransitioning, and I’m a failure of an adult, but I’m positive for the future. You have not ruined your life. Your life has barely begun! Time to seize the world :D
I actually wanted to be a writer, once upon a time. So the first sentence brings me more joy than you were probably expecting! The most important thing I think is that we accept the person we were (and all the troubles related to them) and face it with bravery and confidence. I am feeling exceptionally emotional of late, but I know in time it'll pass. This whole coming to terms with things has been very raw.
I hope you luck and safety on your road back. If you ever want to talk, DM me. :)
The thing is, I do not believe this is medical mispractice. I lied to everyone, including myself. I was not aware that I was living in a delusion of my own making. I can't hold any doctor responsible for that. If anything, I should be very grateful that he was once of the best in the nation for the surgery. I retain full sexual feeling and have very little complications in my day to day life.
It's a tough topic really. People are genuinely suffering out there. We need more research on transgenderism as a whole. Empiracal research that escews from trying to protect the feelings of individuals suffering with gender dysphoria. We need to eliminate the stigma on uncovering the true depth of this condition/mental ilness, something that is sadly not possible with today's climate in regards to the issue.
I don't feel very courageous. But I thank you for the kind words.
Thank you. It was hard for me to give this place a chance, but it definitely opened my mind a little. I think that trans people like to deny the idea that someone wants to go back because it's a scary thought. It breeds a seed of doubt. And given that trans people are suffering, at least those who experience gender dysphoria, to call into doubt their decision would no doubt cause extreme anxiety. Simply knowing that other people went back made -me- concerned. And that's why I didn't like this place, as you so rightly phrased.
As for my partner? She has given me the strength to at least appreciate my own existance. More importantly, she has given me a love that I cannot help but desire to return tenfold. Can I say I love myself right now? No. But I will come to. I will not just sit here squandering. Enough is enough. Every step forward will bring me closer to happiness. Of that, I am sure.
Thank you so much for this message. It means a lot to me, truly. I've been on anti-depressants for years, even before transitioning.
I genuinely hope you're in a better place now regarding the 'old you' and are flourishing as an individual.
I will try to treat myself with kindness, but not negligence. There are things I need to do to become a fully functioning human being again. This will not be easy. In fact, it'll be incredibly difficult. I want to become an independent, strong and respectable man who can cultivate self-worth, appreciation and pride in what I do. I am nowhere near that point yet, but somehow of late I've been feeling like I can accomplish it one day.
This is my 'awakening' story.
For further clarification -- more than a year on from this, I have undergone psychiatric examination and we may have rooted out my childhood trauma and my relationship style as reasons that led to my decision. More specifically, I have symptoms of BPD which means my attachment style has always been very 'people pleasing.' Essentially... my inability to forge strong relationships with my male peers isolated me mentally and I found acceptance in another identity.
Sounds sucky, yeah? Well, I am so much stronger than I was a year ago. Mentally, I am stronger than I've ever been. I now have a long-term job (first time in my life) and the woman I mentioned in the above story? We're marrying next April.