This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "ElectricalWires" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments are highly specific, personal, and consistent over time, detailing a parent's experience with their gender-questioning daughter. The language is natural, varied, and emotionally congruent with a concerned and frustrated parent navigating this issue. The advice given is nuanced and practical, not the kind typically generated by bots or trolls focused on simple outrage.
About me
I'm a father who began this journey when my daughter was 14 and started identifying as male. We felt pressured by a system that only offered transition and had to set firm boundaries at home against medical intervention. We've tried to help her explore the root of her feelings by asking difficult questions and finding strong female role models. Now, at 16, we are stuck in a routine with no progress on the underlying issues. I share our story hoping to prevent other young people from making permanent decisions they might later regret.
My detransition story
My journey with this started because of my daughter. She’s the one who went through the transition, and I’m her dad. It’s been the most difficult thing our family has ever faced. We started this journey two summers ago when she was 14.
At first, we felt completely lost and rushed to find her a therapist. We looked hard for someone we thought would be "on our side" and help us tackle the root causes of her dysphoria. But we found that the only so-called "experts" on gender issues are almost always pro-transition. The therapist we found, while helpful for her general well-being, ended up somewhat buying into the trans idea instead of exploring why she felt this way in the first place. It felt like we were on our own, except for the support I found in online forums.
We’ve had to set some firm boundaries as a family. We agreed she could use a new name at school and dress differently, but at home and with close family, she uses her birth name. We told her that while we take her gender dysphoria very seriously and believe her pain is real, we do not believe it’s possible to be born in the wrong body. We were clear that we would never assist with providing hormones or surgery. We also didn't allow binders, but were okay with double sports bras.
A big part of our approach, suggested by a therapist we saw, was to ask her probing questions to get her to think deeper. We asked if there was something specific that triggered these thoughts, like a show she watched or an online interaction. We asked her that if being seen as male would make her feel "normal," did that mean being female was "less than normal"? We encouraged her to think about women she admired in music, sports, or politics, and what she admired about them. It was tough to find non-conforming female role models for her to look up to.
I’ve read a lot of stories from people who transitioned, and a common theme seems to be completing one step—like starting hormones—and then feeling compelled to take the next one, like surgery. Each step only gives temporary relief from the dysphoria, and eventually, some people realize they are never going to actually be the other sex. I worry about this path for my daughter.
I also believe that for some young people, thinking about intimacy from the perspective of the opposite sex can be a form of escapism. It’s easier because it isn’t real, and at 16, it’s very young to process all the emotions that come with real intimacy.
On a personal note, I had a very serious incident many years ago—not surgery, but something else that practically destroyed me. I spent years wallowing in misery. I eventually found that inner peace only comes from moving on from regret. You can’t undo the past. I used to dwell on the idea of a time machine, but I realized the time machine wasn’t for me to fix my own past; it was for helping other people who might be making the same mistakes I did. The question I had to ask myself was: have I sacrificed enough to prevent another young person from going down a similar path? That’s part of why I’m sharing our story now.
Here is a timeline of the main events for my daughter:
| My Daughter's Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 years old | She first started identifying as transgender (FTM). Our family began the journey. |
| 14-15 years old | We started therapy, but felt it didn't address root causes. We established family rules: new name/school clothes at school, birth name at home; no binders (sports bras okay); no medical intervention. |
| 16 years old (now) | She is in her third year of socially identifying as male. We have settled into a routine, but feel we have made no real progress on the underlying issues. |
Top Comments by /u/ElectricalWires:
Short dude checking in here.
Believe it or not, it is possible to lead a normal life while being height disadvantaged. In many mays, it really does suck, but it surely hasn't prevented me from anything. Successful, great relationships throughout my life. Hang in there! I would look for some self esteem therapy.
Except for basketball, that is just hopeless for me
wait just a minute here hobbits - (if you recall you had some good advice to me re; my daughter experimenting with this trans stuff).
I have read many of your posts & not exactly sure what I was expecting, but from the pictures you posted, you are blowing your appearance WAY out of proportion.
If your hair bothers you that much, get a wig, but take it from an early 40s straight guy - there is nothing wrong with your looks!
I had a very serious incident (not SRS) many years ago that practically destroyed me.
After many years of wallowing in misery & much soul searching I came to this:
The past cannot be undone. Inner peace only comes after moving on from regret. It is okay to look back on "what could have been", but they are only memories - electrons in your brain.
What is left of your life today (or mine was at the time)?
You mentioned a time machine in an earlier part of this thread & its funny I used to dwell on the concept. I found one. But it wasn't for me - it is for the other folks in this world that might struggle with what I did. Whats done is done, but it not too late to help someone else that might be in your shoes.
Have you sacrificed your body to prevent another young person from making the same mistake?
I think it is probably the same as anything else these days. There are people who rock climb, then there are people who post about it incessantly, put stickers on their car & wear climbing gear for fashion.
Some people like to cook & enjoy food, but can do it without posting pictures of their lunch.
less than average white boy here - (for backstory I have a natal female child that is going through all of this)
These are thoughts from there therapist we have seen - she has asked that the answers to the thought questions might be a good idea to journal / write down
Was there something going on over the time period that made these creeping thoughts work there way back into your brain? (some show you were watching, some online interaction)?
Question - if being seen as male would supposedly make you feel normal, does it stand to reason that being female is less than normal? How do you feel about other women in your daily life - are they less than normal compared to men?
We have also searched for lets say, non conforming role models - its tough.
An exercise in its place - are their any women "rock stars" (in music, sports, politics, art , etc) that you look up to?
If yes - what do you admire about them?
If no - why do you think that is?
16 is still very young to be able to truly process all of the emotions that go along with being intimate with someone. It might be a form of escapisim to have an easier time thinking about it from the male point of view (because it isn't real).
These are some very good thoughts & questions you have posted over the last few days. I think you are on the right track.
The problem many on this forum have complained of is like you said - completing one step and then feeling compelled to take the next one, each step only temporarily relieves the dysmorphia - hormones, procedures, on & on etc only to one day truly realize that you are not going to ever be a man.
Sara - i read through this & your other comments. Sounds like you are where our family was - we started this journey two summers ago. Our daughter is 14.
I suggest that you read some of sasha ayeds writings & sign up for her emails. https://inspiredteentherapy.com/
She is booked solid, but her emails are very helpful. She does offer some skype consultations. I wish we would have found her sooner.
We rushed to find our daughter a therapist -
We looked hard for a therapist that we believed would be "on our side". Not sure at this point if that was a good idea. Therapist has somewhat bought into the trans idea & now we are paying for therapy that, while helpful to the well being of our kiddo, is not tacking the root causes of the dysphoria.
The only "experts" on gender issues are going to be pro transition. Sadly, it feels we are pretty much on our own here (except for this forum!!!)
Our child is a very good kids &does not have any teenage hostility towards us, so it might no the appropriate for you but here is our path: (she is now in year 3 of ftm)
it was pretty messy at first, but we have settled on: okay to use new name at school, clothing, haircut all okay. Uses birth name at home and around close family members. Reasoning - this is her journey through this issue, but be respectful that it is also our family's journey as well.
Double sports bras okay, but no binders. Stated that we do not believe it is possible to be born in the wrong body, but very seriously believe gender dysphoria is real and she feels it very deeply & we are here to support & help in any way possible. Stated we will never assist in providing hormones or surgery.
We have settled into a reasonably good routine, but made no real progress...