This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- Personal, specific medical details (e.g., dosage timeframes, specific bra sizes, voice changes, medication effects) that are consistent over time.
- Complex emotional reasoning and introspection about identity, mental health, and the nuances of transition/detransition.
- A consistent, evolving narrative that includes personal growth and changing perspectives, which is not typical of scripted bot behavior.
- A conversational tone where the user engages with others, asks questions, and shares personal experiences to offer advice.
About me
I started testosterone because I thought being a man was the only way to escape my severe depression and a toxic home life. The initial relief faded, and my depression came back worse, but my therapist only pushed for more transition. Getting on proper medication finally lifted the depression I'd had since childhood, and I realized I had been trying to fix a mental health issue by changing my body. I stopped testosterone six months ago, and while my body is changing back, I've accepted that I am a masculine woman. I don't regret the journey because it led me to the real help I needed.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was a long and complicated one, rooted in a lot of pain that I misunderstood for a long time. Looking back, I see now that my severe depression and suicidal thoughts, which started when I was about ten years old, were the real problem. I was in a very toxic environment at home, and I became convinced that all my misery was because I was supposed to be a man. I thought if I didn't transition, I would kill myself.
I moved to a different country, partly to get away from that environment and partly to access testosterone. It took me a year to get on T, and in that year, my depression actually got a little better just from being away from home. But I didn't realize that at the time. I started testosterone when I was around 20, and of course it felt good at first—after wanting something for so long and finally getting it, anyone would feel a sense of relief. I was on T for nearly four years.
But the relief didn't last. After about a year on testosterone, the deep depression and anxiety came back, worse than ever. My gender therapist didn't want to talk about it when I brought it up; we only ever discussed moving forward with transition. It became clear that testosterone is not a treatment for depression or anxiety. It’s a hormone, not an antidepressant. I finally got proper psychiatric help and was prescribed SSRIs. Within a month of taking them, the cloud of depression that I had lived with since childhood lifted. It was like seeing clearly for the first time. I realized that my need to transition was a symptom of my untreated mental illness, and that what I really needed was to address the depression. That’s when I knew I had to detransition.
I stopped testosterone about six months ago. My body has been changing back. My voice is a big one. I’ve managed to get it to sound almost like it was before T, but it’s hoarser, like I have a sore throat. It’s hard to maintain that higher voice for long, and if I’m quiet for a while, I start speaking in the lower voice again. My skin was clear before T, but I had massive acne on my face while on it. The breakouts have calmed down since stopping, especially after I stopped eating dairy, red meat, and high-fat foods. My breasts shrank a lot on T, from a 32DD to a saggy 32B. Now, six months off T, they have grown back significantly, to a 32G, and are much perkier. Since breasts are mostly fat, the changes from T are related to fat redistribution.
In terms of my identity, I’ve always been masculine. My temperament is probably even more masculine now after being on T for so long. I find it hard to fit in with women because of my character, and I can't fit in with men because I'm not one of them. But I've come to accept that none of that makes me a man. I am a woman, and it's okay to be a different kind of woman. It’s hard sometimes, but it’s the physical reality.
I don’t think there’s a fundamental difference between people who are trans and people who detransition. The difference is in life circumstances, self-reflection, and mindset. The causes of gender dysphoria are unique to each person—it could be internalized homophobia, not conforming to stereotypes, trauma, or other mental health conditions like my depression. Circumstances can change. For me, getting away from a toxic home and finally treating my depression with the right medication changed everything. I don't regret my journey because it led me to the answers I needed, but I do regret not getting the right kind of psychological help first. I don't have anything against trans people; I believe transition can be the right path for some. For me, it wasn't, and I see now that trying to change my body was a way of avoiding the real, psychiatric issues I needed to face.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ~10 | Severe depression and suicidal thoughts began. |
| ~20 | Moved to a new country; depression slightly improved away from toxic home environment. Started testosterone (T). |
| ~21 | Depression and anxiety returned despite being on T. |
| ~23-24 | Started SSRIs; depression lifted. Realized transition was a mistake and decided to detransition. Stopped testosterone after nearly 4 years. |
| 24 (Present) | 6 months off T. Body is reverting (voice, skin, breast size). Learning to accept myself as a masculine woman. |
Top Comments by /u/Elona_Muskovka:
I also had a clear skin pre-T and massive acne on my face on T. It took quite a while for breakouts to calm down after stoping T. I have also stopped eating dairy, red meat and foods high in saturated fats as they cause the breakouts to be much more severe. I still get acne on my face but not as often :/
I wasn’t trying to insult or invalidate trans people. I believe transition can be the best option for some individuals. I am glad it worked for you and you are happier now. The OP asked what is the difference between trans and detrans and my point was that the difference is more approach to dealing with dysphoria than being/not being ‘actual’ trans. I might be wrong, just my opinion.
I was severely depressed and constantly thought about suicide and how if I don’t transition I will kill myself etc.
Testosterone is not a drug to treat depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. Its a psychiatric issue. If anyone threatens suicide if they don’t receive X, thats even a bigger reason not to give X and shows that the person needs intensive therapy and actual medication made for this purpose like anti-depressants. Suicidal mind is ill, it does not think rationally and clearly.
I moved to a different country to get T. It took me a year to get it and in that year my depression slightly improved. I started T and I continued to feel better. But what I did not understand is that I felt better mostly because I was away from the toxic environment in my home that caused depression and gender dysphoria in the first place. Also, when you pursue the idea of being a man for so long and finally get what you want it will feel good.
However, my depression did not go away and after a year suicidal thoughts and anxiety started to come back. My gender therapist did not want to discuss that when I brought it up in each appointment.
This time these feelings resurfaced due to improper treatment of depression and living a lie. Turns out what I needed was not T but SSRIs, which were not suggested by the gender therapist, but got rid of all the symptoms within a month that I was suffering since I was 10 or so. After taking them I realised how much I messed up and that I need to detransition.
I don’t think there is a difference in terms of being trans, that is, detrans were no less trans than the ones who are still transitioning. The difference comes in life circumstances, self reflection and your own mindset. The causes of gender dysphoria are unique to each person, let it be internalised homophobia, not conforming to gender stereotypes, trauma, eating disorders, mental conditions etc. Circumstances may change, for example you had an eating disorder and you learn healthy lifestyle and realise that you have no more dysphoria or you move away from abusive family. You might also start doing more self reflection on why you feel the way you do. Others settle into the trans lifestyle and are content and some are happier and see no reason to bother with these thoughts. A lot of them think went so far they couldn’t go back so even the thought of it is terrifying. Some trans are also too deep into their own ideology and cannot think outside of it.
I don’t think the app is reliable in determining what sex you are, especially if you are female with short hair it will read you as male regardless of your face. The app read me as male with short hair and when I grew my hair out it now reads me as female. Maybe a better way to see what sex you look like is to apply female/male filter. Female filter barely changes anything for me and male filter completely distorts the face. Also, pre T with short hair app thinks I am male, post T with longer hair, more masculine face it thinks I am female. So highly unreliable.
I too have always and still do align more with masculinity, my temperament is probably even more masculine then it was pre T due to being on T for so long. I find it very hard to fit in among women even if I dress and look traditionally feminine due to my character and cannot fit in with men due to not being one of the “boys”. However, none of this makes me a man, I am still a woman and its fine. It’s ok to be different even though it is hard. I don’t dislike trans people or try to demean them, I just don’t see a point in denying and going against the physical reality by harming your physical body with cross sex hormones and surgeries.
I kind of managed to get my voice to sound almost like pre T, but it is more hoarse and sounds like my pre T voice with a soar throat. Did you face anything similar? Also, I find it hard to keep talking in that voice for long periods of time and when I am quiet for some time and try to speak, I speak in my low voice again. How do you manage that?
Well I was not on blockers but on T for nearly 4 years. Pre T they were 32 DD, after years on T they have shrunken a lot and became saggy to maybe 32B, and I was very concerned if they will go back. Now I am 6 months off T and they grew aaaa looooot, 32 G plus are much perkier. Since breasts are maid of mainly fat, they shrink due to fat redistribution. I think loosing and gaining some weight would encourage them to going back to normal.