This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's posts display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal internal struggle with gender dysphoria, self-acceptance, and faith. The emotional tone is raw and conflicted, which aligns with the stated passion and pain of real detransitioners/desisters. The complexity of their reasoning, including self-contradiction and exploration of OCD-like thought patterns, is highly indicative of a genuine human experience.
About me
I was born female and started feeling a deep discomfort with my body when I hit puberty around age twelve. I became convinced I was supposed to be a man, trapping myself in the idea that my masculine interests meant I couldn't be a woman. My mental health struggles, including obsessive thoughts, and my later religious beliefs made everything feel even more complicated and wrong. I finally realized that transitioning wouldn't change my fundamental self, and that I will always be a woman. Now, at twenty-two, I'm working on accepting myself as a masculine woman, even though the dysphoria is still a real struggle.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a long time to understand my own feelings. I was born female, and from a young age, I never felt like I fit in with what people expected from a girl. Around the age of 12 or 13, I started to feel a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I began puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt completely wrong and foreign to me. I didn't feel like a woman, and my brain kept telling me I was supposed to be a man.
I spent a lot of time thinking about gender. For other people, I firmly believe there’s no right or wrong way to be a man or a woman. A man can be feminine and a woman can be masculine; it doesn’t change who they are. But I couldn't apply that same logic to myself. I trapped myself in stereotypes. Even though I knew a masculine woman was still a woman, I felt that because I didn't fit the feminine ideal, I must not be a woman at all. I thought that since I acted more like what people expect a man to be, I would be a better man than a woman. I fantasized constantly about being male and having a male body.
This dysphoria only got worse as I got older. I knew that no matter what I did—surgery or hormones—I would still be female. I have XX chromosomes and a vagina; that is a biological fact. But the feeling was so powerful that I thought I couldn't live my life feeling that way much longer. I considered transitioning so that people would see me as a man, which felt like it would solve the problem of being seen as a woman, which made me feel alienated.
My mental health played a huge role in all of this. I’m not sure if I have OCD, but I really related when someone described their own obsessive thoughts about gender. They would think that liking something feminine meant they must be a woman, and I realized I do the same thing but in reverse. I get stuck in these obsessive loops about what my interests or personality say about my gender, even though I know it’s a trap with no end.
I also became religious when I was 18, and that added another layer. I was raised in a secular home, so my religious beliefs came later. I don't believe my religion caused my dysphoria, as it started years before. The church I joined teaches that men and women are different but equal, with different roles, and it praises strong women like Joan of Arc. But it was hard because some verses, like one about not wearing clothing of the opposite sex, felt like they applied to me since strangers often saw me as a man. I felt like I was sinning by dressing in a masculine way, which was draining and made me feel like I had to force myself to be feminine.
I’ve wondered if internalized misogyny from society played a part. Could a little bit of internalized misogyny really make someone feel this crazy? I don't know. I’ve had to work through a lot of low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety throughout all of this.
In the end, I realized that transitioning wouldn’t change who I fundamentally am. I will always be a woman, and I have to find a way to accept that. I’m working on accepting myself as a masculine woman, but it’s a struggle because it doesn’t feel like it’s enough to satisfy the dysphoria. I don't regret exploring my gender, but I do regret how much time I spent trapped in the idea that I had to be a man to be myself. I am learning to separate my interests and my personality from what it means to be a woman.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started experiencing intense puberty discomfort and gender dysphoria, hated my developing breasts. |
| 18 | Became religious and joined a church community, which added a new layer of conflict with my gender feelings. |
| 22 (Present) | Working on self-acceptance as a masculine woman and managing dysphoria without transitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/Empty_Voice21:
How do you know the thoughts are male or female thoughts?
I don't think males and females have different thoughts. In the end we're humans and think about the same things. The thoughts that led me to think I was a male were thoughts linked to my gender identity, like fantasising about being a man, negative thoughts about my female body parts, etc.
Remember that no matter what you do though surgery or chemicals, you still will not be a man and you will have those thoughts still.
I agree with that. No matter how many changes I put my body through, it won't change the fact that I have XX chromosomes and a vagina. I will always be a woman and I know it's time to accept that. And I've been working on that for years, but my gender dysphoria has only worsened and how to get better.
One thing you should consider if you have OCD and perhaps a therapist could help you with that, I have OCD and I really struggle with gendered everything which in my mind translates to "oh I like the violin, therefore, I must be a woman" or "I like cooking" and so on and so on. I don't however, pick out in my mind the categories of "masculine" things I enjoy such as chopping wood or doing yard work. Once I get started going, my wife can barely get me to stop. While I'm not trying to say that chopping wood is gendered, it is in my mind and I don't focus on that. I do however focus on the aspects that are feminine which is part of the obsessive side of things. Hopefully I'm making a little sense here, but what you do or think is not a defining characteristic of being male or female and thinking that is an obsessive trap that has no end.
I don't know if I have OCD, but I can totally relate to this. Which is weird because personally, I don't believe in gendered stereotypes for other people. A masculine woman who dresses like a man and do stereotypically male things is still a woman to me and vice-versa. But when it comes to me, I trap myself in those stereotypes. Maybe I feel like I'm not a woman, because I don't follow the stereotypes and don't fit what a "Woman" should be like to most people, which makes me feel alienated. But I do fit more what people expect a "Man" to be despite having a vagina, so I feel like I would be a better man than I am a woman.
Also thank you so much to your wife for her words of encouragement. I'm in a pretty bad place right now so it always feels good to hear that. Specifically considering so many people of my own community can be harsh with me because of my mental health struggles.
Though there are stereotypes and I guess a "majority" of women and men who are rather similar, I don't think it means anything. A man can be feminine and a woman masculine. There is no right and wrong way of being a man or a woman.
I wish I could accept myself as just a masculine woman, but it isn't enough to satisfy my dysphoria.
I have a very different view.
The Church teaches that men and women are different but equal. They have different roles but in Jesus we're the same. Yes, women should be able to trust men and let them have the role of leadership, but men should be ready to die for women, etc. Different but whole together.
The Catholic Church specifically always praises women. And not women who take care of children and submit to men, but strong, independent and brave women such as Joan of Arc, probably the most famous female Saint of the Church.
I do 100% agree that there is a big issue of misogyny inside of religious communities though. But I don't think that Christianity itself is misogynistic. If you study it more thoroughly you may even say that it's the opposite.
And unfortunately, I know that religion is not the cause of my dysphoria. I realised that I was suffering from that when I was 12-13. I only became religious and started frequenting religious communities at 18. Now since society itself is misogynistic, I don't know if maybe I have some internalised misogyny coming from it, but can a little bit of internalised misogyny really drive somebody crazy like me ?
Definitely. Jesus Himself probably wore a sort of robe or long tunic, clothing that are more linked to womanhood today in the West. So you have to adapt this verse based on the society you live in.
In my case, this verse does apply to me as strangers see a man when they look at me. I'm basically crossdressing, which is the sin that this verse refers to. So that's also a reason why I feel like I have to force myself to be feminine which is very draining.
No, I'm not worried because I am seen as a half and half freak, I just feel like one since I'm a woman yet my brain thinks otherwise. But I'm seen as a woman by other people. But if I transitioned and passed as a male people would only see a man. Which once again isn't something that I will do.
But I know that I can't live my life feeling this way much longer.