This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- A consistent, long-term, and deeply personal narrative of transition and detransition.
- Complex emotional introspection and self-reflection.
- Specific, nuanced details about medical procedures, personal identity, and evolving feelings over time.
- A writing style that is passionate, nuanced, and contains the contradictions typical of a genuine human experience.
This is consistent with a real detransitioner or desister.
About me
I started identifying as trans at 16 and began testosterone at 25, later getting top surgery and a hysterectomy. I realized my main reason for transitioning was a deep fear of growing up to be a woman, not a true desire to be a man. I was also terrified of being "found out" as female while living as a man, which kept me from questioning my choices for a decade. I began to detransition at 34 and had to overcome immense shame to finally admit it was a mistake. Now, I'm at peace being a flat-chested woman and am learning to live without that constant fear.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated. It started when I was 16; I first identified as trans. I tried to medically transition at 17 or 18, but the medical system was different back then and I never even got a referral. Instead, a doctor sent me for an invasive ultrasound to check my estrogen levels, which just made me feel more disconnected from being female.
I never stopped thinking about transitioning. I started testosterone when I was 25. I got top surgery and a hysterectomy when I was 27. Looking back, the biggest red flag was my reason for doing it. I used to say I was okay being a girl because I could be a tomboy, but I didn't want to grow up to be a woman. I thought my only other option was to grow up into a man instead. I wanted to be an adult, but I was coming from a very mentally ill point of view.
Being on testosterone changed my sexuality. I've always been bisexual with a strong preference for women, especially for dating. I never dated a man. But T made me indiscriminately horny; I cared less about the person and more about the sex itself. Now that I'm off T, I'm back to my old self, where it's more about quality over quantity.
A huge part of why I kept transitioning for so long was the sheer fear of being "found out." I was stealth at a conservative blue collar job and the stress of someone discovering I was born female was immense. I was terrified that a feminine trait or an old baby picture would give me away. Now, it’s liberating to let go of that fear and not have to hide my past.
I started to question my transition around 32 and began to actually detransition at 34. Letting go was hard because I had so much fear and shame about admitting I was wrong. I felt like I had to double down on my decision for a decade, through all the pain and discomfort, because I couldn't possibly have made a mistake. The idea that it's better to kill yourself than admit you might have been wrong hit incredibly close to home. I had to let go of that shame to be free to be myself.
I don't regret my top surgery. I hated my large breasts and my flat chest now feels like it belongs to me. The surgery wasn't perfect; one side is a little concave, my nipples are stretched, and my scars are big. Some might call it botched or ugly. But I don't care. My mom had chest scars from breast cancer and was always ashamed of them. I refuse to be like that. Scars are surviving. I was in a bad place, but I survived.
Now, I'm fine being a flat-chested woman. Sometimes I feel outside pressure to get reconstruction surgery, like how a naturally small-breasted woman might feel pressured to get implants. But that's not a good enough reason for me to go through another surgery. I wear soft, padded sports bras that give me just a tiny bit of shape, and I'm really happy with that. On days I want to, I can take them off. I can feel sexy and feminine with my minimal chest, and I'm more confident now than I ever was with my natural breasts.
I also understand the desire to escape being evaluated as a woman. It's exhausting. Too ugly? You're not a worthy female. Too pretty? Why are you complaining about getting male attention? It's no wonder we would do anything to get away from all that misogyny.
Now, I work in a progressive white collar workplace. It’s funny; I went from being a stealth trans man to being a stealth detrans woman. I feel like I’m in a disguise again. My workplace is very accepting of me being gender non-conforming and a lesbian, but I still feel the need to conceal my detrans history. It adds to a feeling of loneliness, not being able to be 100% open about my life-altering experiences.
I believe some people are genuinely more comfortable after transitioning, especially if they have realistic expectations. But I don't believe needing to medically transition is as common as current discourse makes it seem. For me, it wasn't the right path, and I’m finally learning to be at peace with the woman I am.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 16 | First identified as trans. |
| 17/18 | Tried to medically transition; was referred for an estrogen check via ultrasound instead. |
| 25 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 27 | Had top surgery and a hysterectomy. |
| 32 | Began to question my transition. |
| 34 | Began to detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/Eqc2D23jThyLN:
Even when I still thought I was trans I hated that reply. No, there's nothing brave about it, I was at my wits' end and desperate to find anything that would help. My usual reply to these people was "I don't know about brave. I have to do this, I have no other option".
I'm guessing they think it's brave because it is a very visible thing to do, especially while you are early in your transition you can't avoid being noticed, and often commented on even by strangers. And most comments were not nice.
So I understand you feel better not having gone through it, but your wording comes of a little holier-than-you, even if you might not have meant it like that.
But I am actually quite fine being a flat-chested woman. It was easy for me to choose top surgery because my breasts never felt like an important part of me. And today my flat chest feels perfectly like it belongs to me. Sure, sometimes I feel pressured to have a reconstruction surgery, but honestly when I can think clearly it is more like how a naturally small-breasted woman might feel like she needs to get silicone implants due to outside pressure. Or because I like dressing up nice and sometimes it annoys me how hard it is to find well-fitting clothes on an unusual body shape. But that's not enough reason!
Botched surgery? Sure, I am one of those without the prettiest results, maybe someone would call it ugly or even horrible if they see me without a shirt. I have a little bit of concave on one side and my nipples are kind of stretched, and my scars are big. But who cares? My mum had chest scars due to breast cancer surgery. She was always ashamed of them. I refuse to be like that. Scars are surviving. I was in a bad place but I survived and my scars prove that. That is life.
i also used to be scared people would find my old baby photos/pics of me before i was 'masculine' and find out that im a girl, but now i post them without a care in the world. im no longer scared to embrace my feminine side now, even if i do still consider myself a 'tomboy'.
I relate so much! A huge part of why I chose to detransition was the sheer stress about being "found out" while trying to be a stealth man. It's really liberating to be able to let go and not hide my past, or to worry that some feminine trait or interest will "out" me.
is being trans itself bad or is it just bad for certain people?
I do believe some people are genuinely more comfortable with themselves after transitioning. Especially those who transition with realistic expectations, knowing they will not become true biological males/females but who just happen to better fit the social role opposite of their birth sex in most practical applications, and I wish our society had more freedom for these people. But I don't believe being trans to the point of needing to medically transition is nearly as common as current trans discourse would have you think.
In retrospect maybe the biggest red flag in my transition was that I said I had been OK being a girl because I could be a tomboy but I didn't want to grow up into a woman so I figured I had to grow up into a man instead! At least I wanted to be an adult, I guess? Just from a very mentally ill point of view.
I've always been bi with a strong preference for women, especially for dating, I never dated a man before. I like men in theory but with a very narrow physical and even more narrow personality preference. But T made me sort of... indiscriminately horny? I cared less about the person and more about the sex. Now off of T I'm more or less back to my old sexuality, quality over quantity.
First identified trans at 16. Tried to transition at 17/18, never even got referred as medical practices were very different at the time. (Instead I got referred to an estrogen level check, by invasive ultrasound that made me even more dissociated about being female lol.) Never stopped thinking about it, tried again and started T at 25. Mastectomy at 27, hysterectomy at 27. Started detrans questioning around 32? Actually started to detrans at 34.
I went from being stealth trans in a conservative blue collar workplace to being stealth detrans in a progressive white collar workplace, ha. And both give me this sense of being in some disguise.
It's hard to seriously complain when my current workplace is more accepting of my gnc and lesbian ways than I am used to, but it does feel a little funny I feel the need to conceal my detrans history while I have some openly early (or non-medical) transitioning trans colleagues.
But it does add to that feeling of loneliness to not be 100% open about myself, my life-altering experiences and opinions.
but being considered an attractive female is sometimes a contributing factor there as well, because many women don't want to be objectified or even simply being desired by men
This falls just as much under misogyny. It is so tiring to be evaluated on your attractiveness whether it is negative or "positive". Too ugly? Not a worthy female. Too pretty? Why are you complaining, you get all the male attention, what else could you want? It's no wonder we would do anything to get away from all that.
I've gone through all the phases, lol, so maybe I can offer some experience. Very early into my detransition I was sure I would be happy just being a completely flat-chested woman. Then I got more insecure, so I got myself some external silicone fake breasts that I could put into bras.
And the prostheses felt kind of great to carry around, they felt very close to the weight I had before, but they also gave me entire new levels of dysphoria that would not let go and I could not deal with (or afford) a full reconstructive surgery... So when I started my new job, meeting all these new people, I decided I was going to tough it out with just lightly padded bras, no extra fillers. And right now, that feels like the right choice for me. I don't need to have a yet another surgery and go through all the risks and healing processes, just because I am expected to look a certain way.
I still wear padded bras and bra tops to give myself a bit more feminine shape, but I don't feel the need to have any bigger chest. I can and do feel very sexy and femme with my minimal chest and I am honestly more confident today than I ever was when I had my natural boobs! It's pretty fun to see what kind of super low cut tops I can pull off now that would basically be obscene on a larger chested woman, or to find a cool colourful bralette or sports bra to purposefully show off under whatever top I wear. Be you and own it!
Thank you, this was so well written and so many important things that need to be said. "What this really tells you isn’t “live your truth.” It tells you: Better to kill yourself than admit you might have been wrong." This hit so incredibly close. It's really the fear of admitting I was wrong that kept me transitioning for a decade, through all the pain and discomfort and self-harm I just kept doubling down because I could not possibly have made a mistake. But it's exactly that shame and fear of failure I had to let go of to be free to be myself, to own my mistakes and grow from them.