This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The user's posts display a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative about their struggle with gender dysphoria, transition, and the consideration of detransition due to an inability to pass. The internal conflict, specific personal details (like procedures and timelines), and the evolution of their perspective over time are highly indicative of a genuine person. Their passion and frustration are consistent with the experiences of real detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started hormones at 28 because my need to be a woman was overwhelming my life. The medical steps I took, including surgery, made me feel more authentic and happier for a while. I've realized, however, that I will likely never consistently pass as a woman due to my height and frame. I am now considering detransitioning not because I want to be a man, but because the constant effort to pass is exhausting and feels hopeless. I am stuck between what I truly want and what seems possible, still taking hormones while I figure out my next step.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still figuring it out. I’m a biological man, but for years, I’ve had this deep desire to be a woman. It’s more than just a want; it feels like a need. I started taking hormones about two years ago, when I was at a really low point. My dysphoria was so overwhelming I could barely function. I didn't believe I could ever pass as a woman, but I thought I’d try HRT anyway, just to see what would happen.
The hormones helped my mental health a lot. I feel more authentic on them. I actually have a range of emotions now instead of feeling numb all the time, and I’m generally happier. I can connect with people better. When someone genders me as female, it feels amazing. It’s like a weight lifts and I can act like myself, less inhibited. But when I’m gendered as male, it’s frustrating and makes me feel hopeless.
I’ve taken a lot of steps in my transition. I’ve had laser hair removal on my face and body. About a year ago, I had Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), and six months ago, I had an orchiectomy. I hoped these would help me pass. For a while, I was “male-failing” occasionally—where people would see me as a woman without me trying too hard—and that gave me a lot of confidence. I started voice training and going out presenting as a woman sometimes.
But over the last few months, I’ve hit a wall. I’ve realized how difficult it’s going to be for me to pass consistently. I’m 6 feet tall with a male frame, and HRT can’t change that. Even after FFS, my face is just androgynous at best. My body fat hasn’t redistributed much; I have very little breast growth, and when I gain weight, it goes to my stomach, not my hips or thighs. My voice training is a struggle, and I’m convinced my voice will never sound like a typical woman’s.
So now I’m considering detransitioning. Not because I want to stop being a woman, but because I don’t think I can ever truly be seen as one. I don’t pass and I doubt I ever will. My options seem to be living as a visibly trans woman or living as a feminine man. I think society would treat me better as a man, even a feminine one, than as a non-passing trans woman. The idea of having to constantly perform femininity with makeup and specific clothes just to have a chance at passing is exhausting. If I can’t pass in jeans and a t-shirt with my hair up, it all feels artificial and like a lie. I think I would burn out from the effort.
I have a lot of regrets about getting surgery. I wish I had known how little it would change things for me. I also struggle with seeing a future for myself. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with a non-passing trans woman. I intentionally avoided serious relationships in my 20s because I felt it was immoral to get into one when I had these unresolved gender issues. I thought it would be a bait-and-switch to marry someone as a man and then transition. I can’t see myself having kids either, since I’m infertile from the orchiectomy, and adoption seems complicated and unfair to a child.
I’ve been working through some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) workbooks, specifically one for Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which has been helpful. It’s a free online resource since I can’t afford proper therapy right now. It’s given me some tools to manage my thoughts.
My thoughts on gender are messy. I feel like I am lying to myself and to society by wanting to be a woman. I’m a biological male; that’s a fact. But my brain wants something else. I see online trans spaces where people claim most trans women pass, but that hasn’t been my experience at all. It feels like a cope. I wish I could just be happy as a handsome, feminine guy, but my brain won’t let me. I’m stuck between what I want and what seems possible.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 20s | Intentionally avoided serious relationships due to unresolved gender feelings. |
| 28 | Started Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) after dysphoria became overwhelming. |
| 28-29 | Underwent laser hair removal on face and body. |
| 29 | Had Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). |
| 30 | Had an orchiectomy (surgical removal of testicles). |
| 30 (Now) | Considering social detransition because I do not believe I will ever pass as a woman. Still taking HRT to avoid masculinizing further. |
Top Comments by /u/EquivalentEvening329:
the left wants to make more rigid boxes as opposed to riding ourselves of em.
I agree with your take completely except I would argue that the right is generally against GNC behaviour even more so than the left. Do you think the average right wing person would be open to a more gender non-conforming society? Conservative values are often about maintaining gender roles in society and keeping the boxes rigid as well
I'm considering detransing because I don't pass and I doubt I ever will.
I'm definitely dysphoric and would love to socially transition and live as a woman if I could. I don't have that option because of genetics. My options are visibly trans woman or feminine man and I think that society would treat me better as a man.
I'm a biological man who wants to be a woman more than anything. I don't think I actually am a woman or that I can ever achieve my dream.
I still just take HRT and have long hair because it makes me less masculine and aging as a regular man would is intolerable to me.
Why do you feel like giving up? So, to be clear, you are mtf now?
I'm mtf. I've been on hrt for 2 years, had laser on my face and body, had FFS ~1 year ago and I had an orchi ~6 months ago.
I started hrt when I was at a low point and my dysphoria was becoming overwhelming to the point I could barely function. I didn't believe I had a chance at passing so just thought I'd take hrt for the heck of it to see what might happen. I really liked the effects (even though they weren't particularly drastic) and it helped my mental health massively.
After a year on hrt and after FFS I started malefailing occasionally which made me pretty confident that I might be able to pass so I started voice training and going out presenting as a woman occasionally.
Over the last few months I've realised how difficult it will be for me to actually pass as a woman. I malefail very often now but it's still not close to 100% of the time. I'm struggling with voice training and I'm pretty convinced my voice will never sound like a normal woman. I'm 6ft and that makes passing way harder. I have a male frame and hrt will never fix that. My face is still only androgynous at best event after FFS. And my body fat hasn't redistributed much, I barely had breast growth and the majority of my fat still gathers on my stomach when I gain weight instead of on my hips, legs, butt.
Basically I've had underwhelming hrt results and I don't think I'll be able to pass consistently. I would rather be seen as a feminine man than a visibly trans woman.
Do you still have gender dysphoria? If you are a man, and on HRT, will you not still develop breasts? Wouldn't that make it harder to live "as a man"?
Yeah, I've definitely got gender dysphoria. It's better than it was. I'm happier with how I look now but I'm far from content. I've barely grown breasts 2 years in so I doubt I'm going to see anything drastic over the next few years. I'm easily able to hide my breasts atm with a sports bra and I'll just continue to do that.
Yeah, these types of stories have been around forever.
I actually think that it's pretty selfish to allow yourself to get into a serious relationship and have kids with someone when you have trans feelings. It feels like a bait and switch to marry a woman who believes they are getting a cis man and then suddenly come out as trans woman and force them to deal with the fallout. Early transition is chaotic and emotionally draining and roping an unknowing partner into that chaos is not fair.
I intentionally avoided serious relationships in my 20s because I knew I had gender issues and though it was immoral to commit to a serious relationship with someone when I hadn't accepted my gender.
It helped me see how delusional trans ppl are personally. The reality is that like 1% of trans people will ever be truly passing, and with males they have to get hrt at like 10.
The longer I've spent in trans spaces the more I start to believe this is true. Online trans spaces love to declare that the majority of trans women pass but I've only met one girl irl who passed and her behaviour clocked her to me after a while of hanging out.
if I were you I'd just enjoy being a handsome guy instead
I wish I could accept being a normal guy but it's just not what my stupid brain wants
I feel like you haven't listened to my reasons for wanting to de-transition 😅
I want to de-transition because I don't pass and never will.
I don't care about superfluous concepts about whether or not I'm lying to myself and society through presenting as a woman. I admit that I probably am lying to myself and society as a biological male who wants to be seen as a woman. That's not my issue though.
True. I mostly talked about this from a mtf pov but I actually don't know if this is a common thing for ftms ie) marrying a cis man and then coming out as a trans man and expecting him to stay.
I imagine this isn't common for some reason, mostly because straight cis men are very averse to being seen as gay
Point being, if you keep doing what you've been doing you're unlikely to be perceived any differently from how you are now.
Yeah, in trans spaces people love to hugbox and tell me that changes can keep happening in years 3-5 which sounds like a cope to me. I imagine once I reach year 5 I will be told that the 'real' changes start in year 10 or something..
Personally, I did put forth that effort but ultimately I got exhausted with the artifice and went back to male. The feeling of falseness and ridiculousness never went away, and in the end it wasn't worth it.
I've heard this from a few detrans men. I know for a fact I would burn out if my daily presentation and passing depended on fashion, makeup and other external things. I've I can't pass in jeans an a t-shirt with my hair tied up and no makeup then it all seems a bit artificial to me.
you can be a feminine male
Feminine/gnc men are judged very harshly by society. As a gnc man in society, most people would just see me as a visibly trans woman anyway.
If HRT helps you, try your best to live your life until the male failing happens more than it doesn’t.
This is what I'm planning to do. I just have days where I feel like I'm wasting my life living as a sad guy while waiting for changes that may never come.