This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and contain personal anecdotes (e.g., husband, friend's surgery, PCOS diagnosis) that are consistent over time. The language is natural, and the advice is complex and empathetic, which is not typical of bot behavior. The passion and perspective align with a genuine desister's experience.
About me
I started transitioning to male because I felt a deep discomfort with my body during puberty and found a community that supported that path. I was on testosterone and nearly had surgery before I realized my feelings were tied to anxiety and low self-esteem, not my true identity. When I detransitioned, I lost almost all of my friends, which was painful but showed me those relationships were conditional. I don't regret the journey because it helped me understand that I don't have to fit into a strict gender box to be happy. Now I'm married to a man who loves me for who I am, and I've found peace by just being myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was complicated and, looking back, deeply tied to a lot of other issues I was having. I never felt like I fit in, especially as a teenager. I was uncomfortable with my body during puberty; I hated developing breasts and felt a deep sense of wrongness. I think a lot of that was tied to low self-esteem and anxiety. I found a lot of community online and with friends who were also questioning their gender, and that influence definitely played a role in me deciding to transition.
I started by socially transitioning and then began taking testosterone. I was on T for a while and it did change my voice and give me some facial hair. I was seriously considering top surgery and was almost at the point of making permanent decisions that would have cost me my fertility. In the end, I decided against any surgery. I'm actually really glad I made that choice when I did, because even though I have a medical condition (PCOS) that later made me infertile anyway, I'm happy I had the chance to make that decision for myself.
A big part of my detransition was realizing that my friend group at the time was mostly built around us all having "gender stuff" in common. When I stopped transitioning, almost all of those friendships disappeared. It showed me they weren't really my friends to begin with; we were just allies in a shared struggle. That was hard, but it helped me see things more clearly.
I don't really regret my transition because it was a process I needed to go through to understand myself. It led me to where I am now. My thoughts on gender now are that it's not black and white. You don't have to force yourself to live a certain way if you're not sure it's you. I've found a way to live that works for me. I choose to present in a way that gender conforms now because it makes my life easier and helps me fit in, but I don't feel trapped by it. I found a wonderful husband who gets the complexity of my feelings. I can present however I want, and I'm always just myself to him, which is a great feeling.
I’ve learned to cultivate a public persona that flies under the radar so I don't have to talk about gender with people unless I choose to. My real focus now is just on finding people who accept me for who I am, instead of thinking I need to be fixed.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Began feeling intense discomfort with puberty and hated my developing breasts. |
| 19 | Started socially transitioning to male. |
| 20 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Seriously considered top surgery and was nearing permanent infertility decisions. |
| 23 | Decided to detransition and stop taking testosterone. |
| 24 | Lost most of my friend group from my transition period. |
| 25 | Met my future husband, who understands my history. |
| 27 | Diagnosed with PCOS, which caused infertility. |
Top Comments by /u/Evening-Werewolf:
I think it's just hard to make friends as an adult. Thinking of the people I'm close to these days, I basically met all of them by chance. It sucks but just do what you love and wait for lightning to strike. Imo the people I hung out with as default because we had gender stuff in common disappeared when I desisted, so I feel like they were not really my friends anyway (with one exception)
sorry to hear about that. That sucks. Unfortunately with lots of transition stuff there's not enough research to be sure yet. There's this: https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-testosterone-hormone-therapy I have pcos (women with naturally higher T, among other things) and many if not most women with pcos have diabetes. So there's definitely some relationship
I knew one guy who was weirded out by my past. Broke up with him for a different reason; wasn't a huge deal. I think maybe a lot of straight men have not thought a lot about gender, so for at least some of them, they appreciate the opportunity to speak openly about that topic with a partner. I choose to gender conform at this point in my life to make it easier to fit in but I know my husband gets the complexity of my feelings so I still feel seen which is a great feeling. I can present however I want and I'm always myself to him
Find people who accept you for who you are (someone like me who doesn't relate to societal expectations about gender, I'm assuming) instead of thinking you need to be fixed. I cultivated a public persona that I knew could fly under the radar so I don't have to talk about gender with people unless I choose to
You may be able to wax the facial hair at home if it's sparse enough and you can't afford laser. The voice can be kinda hit or miss. But I think you can count on the rest improving with time. I don't know if you're into men or women, but at this point I think a fair number of wlw are okay with top surgery (if that type of acceptance is one of the things you're worried about).
With your voice, remember that even women who didn't take T get a deeper singing voice in their twenties than their teens. I have naturally fucked hormones, so I have had to adapt my singing as well. No one has had a problem with me singing as an alto/tenor. For me at least music is incredibly liberating so if your current voice is upsetting you too much at the moment (you have a lot else going on), maybe try another type of music until you're ready to take it on
Life isn't black and white. You can decide to not have the surgery without taking T. You don't have to force yourself to live a certain way if you're not sure it's you.
I have a friend who had the male lower surgery and deeply regretted it from then on. I am glad your decision has eased your stress.
Like you I made the decision when I was almost going to permanently lose my fertility. Because I have PCOS I ended up losing it anyway, but I'm really glad I had the chance
I think even the more conservative parts of the US have become more relaxed about gender expression. It's increasingly common for gay guys to have feminizing plastic surgery. I'm sorry to hear you've faced discrimination in hiring; I can't say whether that would improve if you detransitioned. It's exhausting starting off in a career. If you felt happier and more yourself before, I think that confidence could help with any challenge