This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Deep, consistent expertise in the niche topic of autogynephilia and Blanchard's typology, using specific terminology correctly over time.
- Personal investment by sharing their own identity as an autogynephilic transsexual and relating their experiences to others'.
- A coherent, evolving persona that shows curiosity, offers advice, and even expresses gratitude for help with a separate issue (ADHD).
The passion and pointed arguments are consistent with a genuine, highly knowledgeable individual in the detrans/desister community.
About me
I was a feminine boy who thought I was gay, but I really wanted to be the woman in a relationship with a man, which I later understood was a specific sexual desire. I transitioned hoping it would fix my distress, and while I loved the physical changes at first, the constant pressure to pass as a woman became completely exhausting. I realized my attraction was more about the idea of being a woman than about men themselves, and my dysphoria actually got worse. I stopped hormones and discovered I had undiagnosed ADHD, which treating helped me immensely. I now live happily as a feminine gay man, understanding that my desire to transition was a maladaptive coping strategy, and I'm much more at peace.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a very feminine boy and for a long time, I thought I was gay. But it was more complicated than that. I didn't just want to be with a man; I wanted to be the woman in the relationship with a man. I wanted to be the girlfriend. This feeling was deeply tied to my sexuality, a specific arousal pattern I later understood as autogynephilia (AGP). It’s the erotic desire to become a woman yourself.
I believed that transitioning would solve this deep-seated longing and the distress that came with it, which I called dysphoria. I started taking estrogen. I loved the physical changes at first—softer skin, not smelling like a man, and growing breasts. It felt like I was becoming the feminine ideal I was so attracted to. I fully embraced the identity of a trans woman and became a strong proponent of the scientific theories behind my condition, specifically Blanchard's typology, which categorizes men like me as autogynephilic transsexuals.
For a while, living as a woman and dating men felt like I was managing my condition. But a constant, exhausting pressure came with it. I became obsessed with "passing"—with being perceived by everyone as a real woman. The fear of being "clocked" was overwhelming. This led to what I call "passing burnout." I was mentally and emotionally drained from the performance and the underlying knowledge that, no matter what I did, I wasn't female. My dysphoria, instead of getting better, became worse because I was constantly confronted with the gap between my ideal and my reality.
I also realized that my attraction to men wasn't straightforward. Through my own research and understanding, I came to believe it was a form of "pseudo-androphilia." I was aroused by the idea of a man being with me as a woman, not by men themselves. It was about the dynamic, not the person. This was a key insight for me.
Ultimately, I decided to detransition. I stopped taking hormones. I came to understand that my desire to be a woman was a paraphilic condition, not an innate identity. I had to take responsibility for my own mental health instead of expecting the world to validate a self-concept that was causing me so much stress. I also discovered around this time that I had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood, and treating that helped me get a better handle on my life and my impulses.
I don't regret exploring transition because I needed to go through it to understand myself. But I do regret not looking deeper into my mental health and the nature of my desires sooner. I now live as a gay man, a feminine man who is comfortable with that. My boyfriend is bisexual and loves me for me, which has been a huge relief. My thoughts on gender are that it is not something you can identify into. Women are adult human females. I am an autogynephilic male who found that medical transition was a maladaptive coping strategy for me. I am happier now, living in reality and working on my health, than I ever was trying to become something I'm not.
| Age | Date (if known) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| ~15-16 | (Teen years) | Realized I was feminine and initially thought I was a gay man. |
| Early 20s | ~2017-2018 | Understood my feelings as autogynephilia and began identifying as a trans woman. |
| 23 | Early 2019 | Started taking estrogen (HRT). |
| 23 | Throughout 2019 | Experienced "passing burnout" and increasing dysphoria from the pressure to be seen as a woman. |
| 23 | Mid-2019 | Stopped HRT and began detransitioning. |
| 23 | 2019 | Was diagnosed and began treatment for ADHD. |
| 23 | Late 2019 | Began living as a feminine gay man and found a stable relationship. |
Top Comments by /u/EverIsNoTimeAtAll:
I spend a lot of time here reading the stories of detrans men in order to get a better idea of what motivates us to detransition. From what I've observed, the most common motivation for detransitioning is what I like to call Passing Burnout. Essentially, we become so preoccupied with passing, so terrified of being clocked, that we become mentally and emotionally exhausted. This exhaustion leads to paranoia and persistent feelings of inauthenticity. I believe this is what detrans men are describing when they speak of transitioning making their dyshoria worse.
The countless individuals who've seen a drastic improvement in mental (and physical sometimes) health following transition prove the existence of trans women.
This does not "prove" the existence of "trans women". It merely demonstrates that some men function better as transsexuals.
The difference is that your ideas imply the existence of "true trans" people. The reality is that some men and women have conditions which can be allievated by medical transition. It does not imply that we share some essential quality of womanhood/manhood.
How is feeling most comfortable having female sexual characteristics not an essential quality of womanhood
Because the desire to have a female body is not a quality of womanhood. It is not optional for women. The quality you are describing is Autogynephilia. A condition affecting men.
If someone has a medical condition that can be alleviated by medical transition then, yes, that means they are "true trans", as that is what the definition of being transgender is.
Sure, I would not necessarily disagree with that definition. A "true trans" person is someone that functions better as a transsexual. In that sense, I am "true trans".
However, that does not imply that we share an essential quality with the opposite sex, or even that we can become the opposite sex via the available transition technologies.
the narrative of this “dysphoria” will only get worse and worse and then I will transition as a middle aged man.
This isn't true. Simply being autogynephilic does not guarantee that you'll transition. Most of us simply live our lives as paraphilic men without developing a pathological need to change our bodies and identities. The science is far from settled, but AGP dysphoria can be thought of as a cocktail of comorbid disorders and trauma plus desire. Improve your mental health and you should be fine.
I genuinely feel that I would be much happier as a gay man
So do that, dude. Be the feminine gay bottom that you desire, and try not to worry too much about your identity.
I love not smeilling like a man, growing breasts, softer body etc.
If you think these are normal female preferences, you're seriously mistakenly. What you are describing here are the things a heterosexual man enjoys about women.
By the way, it's not at all unusual for trans women to be attracted to themselves. Here's a huge list of posts on /r/asktransgender where gender dysphoric males discuss being turned on by their own bodies.
Im simply looking to be happy
Yeah, me too, but I can admit I'm autogynephilic.
Hey, I read some of your comments on here concerning your experiences with ADHD, which lead me to going thru your comment history and discovering /r/ADHD. The stories there really resonated with me. I saw myself reflected in them. I recalled that I had been diagnosed with it as a child and briefly medicated before my father decided it wasn't necessary. I struggled for years with the idea that I was simply a bad person, and bought into the lie that ADHD is a fraudulent illness. I've since started Adderall, and I just want to say thank you. This explains so much about me, and I'm excited to finally get a handle on my issues. So, once again, thank you.
Hi, I'm an autogynephilic transsexual and a proponent of Blanchard's Transsexual Typology. I could get into the idea of pseudo-androphilia and supply references to support it, but first I'm wondering if you could tell me a little about yourself.
Are you aroused by the idea of two masculine men having sex with each other?
Are you aroused by images of naked, masculine men?
If you've had sex with masculine men, did it include cross-gender dynamics such as crossdressing?
Are you a top, switch, or bottom?
What do you mean by "what do I do"? You just keep on being a gay dude, I guess. Listen, "gender dysphoria" is not a condition in and of itself. Every dysphoric male represents a cluster of mental health concerns and trauma, at the heart of which lies one of two discrete conditions: Autogynephilia or extremely effeminate homosexuality. If you want to address your dysphoria without transitioning, then work on your mental and physical health in general. Read, study, exercise, meditate, start a new hobby, etc. Realistically, you would have to do all of these things even if you did decide to transition.
The vast majority of trans activists are autogynephilic males desperately trying to validate their own self-perceptions. In their hearts they know it isn't true. To compensate for this mental in-congruence they lash out at anyone that challenges the "Trapped In The Wrong Body" narrative. As such, they find the notion that transsexualism is typological, that dysphoria can be transitive, or that transition can be a maladaptive coping strategy for comorbid mental health issues to be intolerable.
Consider reading Dr. Lawrence's essay "Shame and Narcissistic Rage in Autogynephilic Transsexualism". She's an autogynephilic transsexual too (as am I), and her insight into to the minds of trans activists is invaluable.