Less "explaining" and "teaching", more questions. Asking what they mean by things e.g. terminology or gender concepts - not in an aggressive but a curious way. Pointing out studies rather than feelings e.g. into how gender socialisation affects the brain rather than there being a 'male' and 'female' brain (neuro-plasticity etc.). Talking about feminine men and masculine women in positive terms. Just be curious and open and honest about your responses without being aggressive or uncompassionate. We need more people to meet in the middle - help make nuance ok and critical thinking in all areas of life something to be aspired to.

I am about to do this. I found Leslie Feinberg (writer) a great comfort at the moment. She physically transitioned (T and surgery) but never stopped calling herself "her" and a lesbian. She considered herself transgender *and* lesbian. I think I consider myself the same. Physical (partial, for me, i.e. taking testosterone) transition is what I need, but not social because that feels like an impossible thing and kind of a lie. I will present as a very very butch lesbian I guess, and be casually read as male sometimes by people who don't know me, but not expect anybody who is personal with me to lie about the fact I am female (albeit a female with dysphoria and trans-ing gender norms with how I look, so: transgender). I think what you propose to do is fine, it's a body modification that is available and makes you feel better, and you know the risks and can stop taking it if the risks start to outweigh the benefits again.

Skipping one dose won't do anything major to your transition or detransition, so it is perfectly acceptable to say you need a bit of thinking space and so you would like to skip this shot, knowing that nothing major will come of skipping it, but mentally it gives you more time.

I hear you. You wanted to do something so you went for it. It didn't go so well. You did nothing wrong, you just went down a path which has caused you pain due to imperfect results. It is ok to be who you are - complete with the mistake you made in thinking you could have a "perfectly female" body. You are ok and you are enough. If you detransition you are still somebody who has strong transgender feelings due to wanting to be feminine and not feeling a fit with other boys and men. That is still true. You did not lie to anybody - it is just that you have realised how fruitless transition has been for you. It is ok to explain this nuance to people. It is ok to just be you and not seek after impossible dreams.

Yes this makes lots of sense, actually. Thank you. I am a very easily mentally addicted person, but I have never been physically addicted. I am autistic, so I think get more easily "mentally addicted" due to routine formation around stuff. There are also impulses coming from more dissociated parts of me who really see themselves as male, too. Plus it is slightly a reckless self-harm feeling (self harm can sometimes cause a dopamine hit?). I am really grateful for your response because this might help me get a handle on it if I see it as a kind of habit that is forming, mentally. And hopefully I can slow things down or get a handle on why I am so stressed that I am forming a new mental addiction.

Firstly, dysphoria sucks and I can relate to the things you have said. Your feelings sound hard. I had lots of problems as a teenager and I still do now, at 33, but the problems are different. At 16 I was having non-stop panic attacks and now I rarely have a panic attack. I still have depression, but I deal with it a bit better due to learning new tools and also being in a better environment. I had an eating problem which is now very differently experienced, too. I did not have the knowledge to call anything gender dysphoria before this year, but when I realised what it was it seemed to get worse. I hope that dysphoria is another of those things, like panic attacks, like self-harm (which I did as a child/teen) and like overt self-hatred, which I will move out the other side of in the end, with all the support that I need to get there. If it isn't, then I will have to re-evaluate.

I guess the point is, with all these things I struggled with as a teen and young person, I got self-help books from the library which taught coping skills for distress tolerance and changing distressing beliefs, had counselling (just the free, voluntary services kind, nothing fancy), and get involved socially with community groups where there were older teens and adults who had a better handle on their mental health, and who I could learn from. All these things are good first ports of call.

If, in response to my mental health issues, I had simply talked to/watched other people with the exact same problems and the same inability to cope with the feelings, then I would never have moved through the other side. Whilst transition is a last port of call for many to feel like they can get relief from their pain (like with desperate people with body issues getting plastic surgery etc.), I think that at first it is always a good idea to get support from a variety of people who don't think that the only answer is transition, but who are still respectful and can listen. It is very tempting in a culture of quick fixes to go to an extreme fix rather than go on a journey of difficult, but worthwhile, recovery. Journeys, unlike quicker fixes, can help people learn more deeply who they are as a person and to have greater empathy with others and themselves on similar paths. Journeys are less likely to create further problems by going too fast.

I am teaching best what I need to learn still, by the way. Mental healthiness is a struggle for so many of us, especially with the systems of power we live under and the confusing information overload of the internet. I honestly don't think many of us are wired to cope with it. Best of luck on your journey.

Yeah... apart from lots of kids and teens are dealing with more than "a bit of depression". I was autistic and severely bullied and abused, to the point where I developed a serious mental health probelm. I prefer adult life where I am safe from abusers and can start to recover. A lot of children and young people (maybe a lot of those who end up desisting) are dealing with these kinds of issues which are complex and hard even for an adult to work through. There are a high number of children in care going through gender identity clinics... how do you think they are experiencing childhood?

I had a mum like that and it can do lots of damage. Girl does not equal wearing pink, wearing skirts, or ever remotely liking those things and mums enforcing their standards of what a female is supposed to be is damaging whether you realise it right now or not. It sends a message to the subconscious part of the brain that you are doing girlhood/womanhood "incorrectly" and then this can manifest in feeling like you must therefore me male. Truth is, *all* that girl/woman means and should ever mean is that you have female reproductive system, and that's literally it. You can do everything a man can do, feel everything a man feels, be very into women, be confident, assertive, sporty, wear mens clothes, wear mens underwear, minimise your breasts and pack, you can do absolutely *anything* and still be a girl/woman, because it literally only means that you happen to be female. Fuck pink and dresses and pretending to be weak and not taking up space and not being bold or loud. Those are all female things too, because they are what lots of humans are, and females are just humans that have an inny, not an outy.

I am so so sorry for your loss. It might be good to get some grief counselling - I mean that very sincerely. You have lost a part of your body and certain things which you could have had in your life with that part of your body intact. When people have amputations that were medically necessary they still feel grief. It's double-so for you, because now you are thinking it wasn't necessary. I am so sad this happened to you and can't imagine how you feel. But please grieve this and get some counselling if you can - you deserve it and you deserve care. You can live through and past this like so many do who have had amputations and medical negligence etc. but it might be really difficult and upsetting for a while. Sending you warm wishes.

Take up space as a woman, it is very important. We have to realise that taking up space as female people is ok. Being that for yourself and other women is important. You have the benefit of being partly socialised as a boy so that it is easier for you. Great! Make friends with people who are feminist and 'get' that. You don't have to make yourself small.