This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's story is highly detailed, internally consistent over a year of posting, and reflects the complex, nuanced, and often painful experiences typical of genuine detransitioners/desisters. The narrative includes specific personal milestones (surgeries, therapy experiences, having children), emotional reflections, and evolving perspectives that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced real harm.
About me
I'm autistic, and my discomfort with puberty and feminine social expectations made me believe I was a boy as a teenager. I had top surgery at 23 and briefly tried testosterone in my late twenties, but it never felt right. Having children in my early thirties completely changed my perspective, making me proud of my female body. I now live happily as a gender non-conforming woman who rejects stereotypes. My biggest regret is not having proper psychological evaluation beforehand, as understanding my autism would have prevented my transition.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I’m autistic, and I think that played the biggest part in everything that happened. I didn’t really think about gender at all until I was an upperclassman in high school. That’s when I found trans stuff online. As an autistic teen who was wildly uncomfortable with my changing body during puberty, I fell pretty easily into believing I was trans. I bought the idea that some people just don’t realize they’re trans until later in life. I don’t believe that now. I think actual trans people have felt strong gender dysphoria their whole lives.
The discomfort started around age 11 when my peers began commenting on me not doing feminine things or dressing in a feminine way. I started wanting to be a boy, and that feeling got progressively stronger. I think a lot of it was that so many things considered feminine in our society were a sensory overload for me. I spent so many years thinking that if I hated all those feminine things, then I must not be a girl. I socially transitioned in college, living as male.
When I was 23, I got top surgery. I really, really wanted it and was easily able to manipulate the system to get it. The therapist I saw had zero experience with trans patients; she even asked me to bring in a sample letter so she could see what was needed. The surgeon didn’t care where the letter came from. I wish that therapist had questioned me more or tried to delve into things, but she didn’t. My consent was informed because I had done obsessive research, but I wish I had seen someone who was better informed.
A few years later, around 27, I tried testosterone. I was on it for only about two months. I quit so fast when I noticed my facial hair changing. It made me incredibly uncomfortable and didn’t feel right like I thought it would. I felt embarrassed by it instead of proud, and I immediately knew it wasn’t for me. I’m thankful I wasn’t on it long enough to have any long-term changes.
Through all of this, I never felt like I truly belonged in the trans community. I still felt like an outsider and a loner there, and when I realized that, I started to question if I was really trans. I didn’t feel any better after transitioning socially or having surgery.
Everything changed for me when I had kids in my early thirties. It surprised me, but I loved being pregnant. I felt so proud to have a female body. Since then, I’ve identified as a cis female. For some reason, having kids made it easier to feel no shame in being gender non-conforming. I don’t shave, I don’t wear feminine clothing, I don’t do makeup or jewelry—it all makes me want to rip my skin off, probably because of my autism. Now, in my late thirties, I’m very comfortable being female. I like to tell myself, “Everything I do is what a girl would do because I am a girl.”
I do believe being trans is real for some people, but I don’t believe it’s as common as it seems. I wish people, especially minors and their parents, were required to undergo more thorough psychological evaluation before hormones or surgery. If someone had screened me for autism back then, I doubt I would have transitioned.
I have some regrets. My main regret about top surgery is related to breastfeeding. It never registered with me at the time because no one in my life breastfed, but when I had kids, I almost missed being able to do it. I say "almost" because I probably wouldn't have been able to handle the overstimulation, but I wish I had at least given myself the option.
Looking back, my view on gender is simple: being female doesn’t mean I have to do feminine things. I’m still a girl even if I don’t. I also used to think men had it all, but since embracing being female, I see that men get a lot of shit, too. It’s not easier one way or the other.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Started feeling uncomfortable with puberty and social expectations to be feminine; began wanting to be a boy. |
| Late teens (upperclassman) | Discovered trans communities online and began identifying as transgender. |
| College Age (approx. 18-21) | Socially transitioned to male. |
| 23 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 27 | Took testosterone for 2 months; stopped due to discomfort from changes like facial hair. |
| Early 30s | Had children; experienced a shift in identity, began identifying as a female again. |
| Late 30s (now) | Living comfortably as a gender non-conforming female. |
Top Comments by /u/Expensive-Web-2989:
After accepting I’m a female and living as a female for several years now, I couldn’t disagree more about women having it all. We are judged, and harshly, for every life decision we make. You’re wrong if you have kids, you’re wrong if you don’t have kids, you’re wrong no matter the career you choose, you’re wrong if you want to be a stay-at-home mom. If you’re quiet then you’re a weak pushover. If you’re loud and strong then you’re a bitch. Women can’t win, there’s always someone there to say she’s wrong.
But I also don’t believe men have it all. I did when I identified as trans, but since embracing being a female I’ve been able to see that men get shit too. It was like when all I wanted was to be a man then all I could see was how perfect being a man was. But once I got over that I could see being a man isn’t all that amazing either.
It might be related to billing and coding. I’m a coder and at my facility we have to put in a special code for trans/NB patients that allows us to code gendered conditions (like pregnancy or genital surgery). Idk if it’s necessary for something like breast reconstruction after top surgery but they just might be trying to cover all their bases.
I do believe in trans and that it’s real for some people. I don’t believe it’s as common as it is diagnosed. I wish those pursuing transition (and their parents if the person is a minor) were required to undergo more thorough psychological evaluation prior to hormone therapy and surgery. Looking back a letter from any old therapist saying I knew what I was doing in my early 20s was stupid. And now you don’t even need that to receive hormones/surgery when you’re even younger, which blows my mind. If someone had screened me for autism beforehand I doubt I would’ve transitioned (but then again back then nobody screened females for autism).
I wasn’t on T long enough to have any long-term changes (thankfully), but I don’t get why anyone would want to try it for just 1 or 2 effects. You can’t pick and choose which effects you get and you can’t choose the intensity of those changes. She could be lucky and get exactly what she’s looking for, but she also could get everything she doesn’t want and nothing she does.
Broad shoulders doesn’t equal masculine. But it does mean people say weird things. I have broad shoulders, always have. I love it but people ALWAYS assume I’m some kind of amazing swimmer. I am not, I’m scared to go under the water without pinching my nose.
I had top surgery in 2010, I was 23, and for sure my consent was informed. Idk what it’s like now but then I needed a letter from a therapist and that’s where I wish more had been done. She didn’t really question me much or try to delve into things and I wish she had. Or that I had chosen a therapist who was better informed.
I did hormones for a very short stint in my mid-20s and that was basically walk in and say I wanted them. I had done enough obsessive research over the years that I personally felt well informed. I’m not sure if I conveyed that I knew all the risks and side effects or they just didn’t give that information to patients.
I had top surgery over 10 years ago. The therapist I went to had zero experience with trans patients. She was asking me all kinds of things and in the end asked me to bring in a sample letter so she could see what was needed. Surgeon didn’t care where the letter was from. I really, really wanted top surgery and was easily able to manipulate the system in place to get what I wanted.
Nope, I didn’t. I don’t remember thinking about gender at all until I was an upperclassman in high school. That’s when I happened upon trans stuff online and being an autistic teen who was wildly uncomfortable with my changing body, I fell pretty easily into believing I was trans. I bought the line that some people just don’t realize they’re trans until later in life. I don’t believe that now—I get not acting on it until later in life but I believe actual trans people have felt strong gender dysphoria their whole lives.
Similar experience but with facial hair. When I noticed my facial hair changing I quit T so fast. It made me so uncomfortable and didn’t feel right like I thought T changes would make me feel. I felt so embarrassed by it instead of proud. Immediately I was like “nope this is not me” and quit. I was only on T for 2 months.
I didn’t feel any more accepted in the trans community than anywhere else. I never really felt like I “belonged” there than anywhere else. When I realized I still felt like an outsider and a loner in the trans community I started feeling that maybe I wasn’t trans.