I relate to you a lot. I understand how you feel.

There are a lot of different causes for gender dysphoria, and you should figure out what that might be for you. For me and a lot of people I know, it's trauma.

So for me, it was processing trauma and learning to accept my body very slowly. My gender dysphoria is not cured, but it's fading more and more the older I get. I'm 21, and have felt it for most of my life. Transitioning took up my teenage years. I only socially transitioned and got on hormones but that experience, along with learning about other people's experiences, was enough to show me I will never be able to turn into a male. It won't make the dysphoria go away, and it isn't worth risking one's health for. My throat hurts constantly and I have difficulty speaking because of it, and it's permanently deepened in such a way where I sound very strange. I realized something was wrong when I was on testosterone and my throat and voice box started hurting really bad--because there is not enough space there in females for vocal chords to thicken like a male's. So even the deep voice was unachievable without hurting myself. It also was bad for my heart; it made my tachycardia worse, and in general it increases the risk of heart attack

You will also find that the regret rate for transitioning is a lot higher than most people think. Most people don't give us the time of day. There is way more of us out there than the media will tell you.

Time, self-acceptance, treating any underlying conditions (trauma, eating disorders, etc) should help. I can't speak on the misogyny thing, because I don't have much experience in coping with that. I would recommend building yourself up so it doesn't affect you as much, and talk to other women who can help you. Having a strong support network and strong women to look up to and learn from will help. That would have and still probably would help me.

I'm in a similar state. I have felt that I was trans for nearly a decade, and lived as fully trans for almost as long. It took up the entirety of my teenage years. I understand it feeling like it's too late. I almost feel that way. But it's never too late, there are detransitioners who have spent decades living as trans before detransitioning.

I would say let him be himself, especially at home where it's safe he could do girly things if he wants to and you're okay with it. You don't need to have him transition, especially at such a young age. It's best to not do puberty blockers or hormones very young, by the way--even if he transitions as an adult, he will not be able to get bottom surgery without fully developing first... And if you put him on blockers, he will be stunted emotionally/mentally/physically. I have a family member who is a transgender girl and went on blockers, she's almost an adult and she still acts like a child and is not maturing at all because she's been on blockers. She's infertile and still stuck as a child basically.

That is extremely helpful advice, thank you so much. I'm being genuine. I haven't asked my partners to call me anything different or treat me differently yet, however, I have an amazing sibling who already started doing so. My sibling has a queer identity but they are very understanding, and started referring to me as both masculine and feminine things without question. I have them to support me at least in this, and they likely still will if I open up to them about detransition. I just don't know if I am brave enough to do that yet. They're the kind that is more progressive but still respectful and understanding and won't be pushy. They also don't push their identity onto people, they are reasonable (I respect their identity, I understand it and how it makes them feel safe and I honestly don't care, they aren't transitioning medically at all so I don't have to worry about them health-wise in that regard.) I could probably ask the other people to refer to me the same way that they do for the time being. It's crucial that my partners don't suddenly think I went terf overnight or anything, I will likely get cut off actually, so your advice is a really good way to go about telling them things. I don't know why I didn't think of that.

My therapist seemed like she needed to be in therapy herself, my sessions seemed to be mostly about her and her eating disorder, or her just writing things I said down and not commenting. So beyond unhelpful.

That's a complicated subject. I don't know what my opinion is anymore other than everyone I know who is trans, I can see the reasons why they are doing that and have thought in the back of my mind about it, but I won't tell them. They all have trauma.

I know how the vast majority of people feel about polyamory and I don't mind other opinions, I am just doing what I want. Thank you though, because some people can be unnecessarily harsh.

That doesn't bother me. I feel way different than I did ten years ago and I know if I live that long I will feel even more different in another ten years. My brain isn't even supposed to be done developing yet. I take what older people say to me into consideration. I knew most people here were a little older than me and I am still asking for help from them.

I need to think about this more and if I want to tell them and how. If they love me then they should still accept me hopefully. My father is too far away to really help. If I told him how I feel I am afraid he would be like "I told you so" but I have no idea how he will react. That also scares me. I am afraid of everyone I care about seeing me differently. What if I actually can't handle detransitioning and it makes me so dysphoric and I go back on it? I don't want to live in this in-between state anymore, it has to be one way or the other, and figuring out which is really healthier and the best route is what is difficult.

I apologize if I sound confusing and repetitive, I did mention I have autism. I'm not being ridiculous on purpose. I also don't know how to talk about these things to begin with.