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Reddit user /u/Fair-Lingonberry-680's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 15 -> Detransitioned: 19
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
body dysmorphia
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user demonstrates deep, nuanced engagement with complex and controversial topics specific to the detrans/desister community. Their comments show personal investment, a consistent worldview, and a conversational tone that includes personal anecdotes and direct engagement with others' points. The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with genuine users in this space.

About me

I started feeling uncomfortable with my body as a teenager and, influenced by online communities, I identified as non-binary to escape the pressures of being a woman. My journey was really about struggling with depression and using a trans identity as a form of escapism from my real problems. I eventually saw how harmful the ideology was, especially after observing how some men sexualize womanhood and drive the movement. I deeply regret buying into it and am now focused on my mental health. I am finally comfortable living as the woman I am.

My detransition story

Looking back on my whole journey, I think my experience with being trans was really complicated and rooted in a lot of other issues I was dealing with. I never actually transitioned medically myself, but I spent a lot of time in trans communities online and saw a lot of things that eventually made me question everything.

For me, a lot of it started with depression, anxiety, and really low self-esteem. I was uncomfortable with my body during puberty, but I think a lot of that was just normal teenage awkwardness mixed with some body dysmorphia. I was also influenced heavily by what I saw online and by friends who were also exploring gender identities. For a while, I identified as non-binary. It felt like an escape from the pressures of being a woman and all the expectations that came with it. I hated the idea of my breasts and sometimes thought about top surgery, but I never went through with it.

I realize now that I was using the idea of being trans as a form of escapism. I had some OCD-like tendencies where I would get stuck on certain thoughts, and latching onto a trans identity felt like a solution. I also think internalised homophobia played a role; it was easier to think of myself as not entirely female than to just accept being attracted to women.

My views on gender have completely changed. I don't believe in a internal "gender identity" anymore. I think a lot of transgenderism, especially the movement we see today, was largely invented by men with autogynephilia (AGP). I've spent a lot of time observing this, and I firmly believe that AGP males are often driven by a deep envy of women that can turn into misogyny. They sexualize womanhood to an extreme degree, often fueled by porn addiction, and many display narcissistic traits. They created a lot of the language and rules of the modern trans movement to protect their fantasy. Seeing this from the inside made me incredibly skeptical of the whole ideology. I also saw a similar pattern in some female detransitioners, where their transition was fueled by a fetishistic interest in gay male relationships, often sparked by fanfiction, which is sometimes called autohomoeroticism.

I don't regret exploring my identity because it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret ever buying into the ideology. I regret the time I spent thinking that changing my body was the answer, when what I really needed was to work on my underlying mental health issues. I benefited immensely from stepping away from that community and from therapy that wasn't focused on affirming a trans identity. I needed to address my depression and anxiety head-on.

I am now comfortable living as the woman I am. I don't have any desire to retransition. My main regret is getting so deeply involved in something that was, in hindsight, so harmful and based on flawed ideas.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:

My Age Event
13-14 Started feeling intense discomfort with my body during puberty. Developed depression and anxiety.
15 Started identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends. This was a social transition only.
16-17 Spent a lot of time in online trans spaces. Seriously considered top surgery due to hating my breasts, but never pursued it.
18 Began to seriously question trans ideology after observing the behavior of AGP males and the dynamics within the community.
19 Stopped identifying as non-binary. Started non-affirming therapy to deal with underlying depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues.
20 (Now) Comfortably living as a woman. Focused on my mental health and building a life outside of online identity politics.

Top Comments by /u/Fair-Lingonberry-680:

14 comments • Posting since September 26, 2024
Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) discusses targeted harassment and a warning for hate speech after commenting on the psychology of autogynephilic males.
71 pointsOct 2, 2024
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I think there's definitely some 'sketchy' behavior from that side.

I had some one called 'YourTitsAreGoneLMAO' start following me, and was also given a warning for hateful speech due to a comment about autogynephilia. I don't hate autogynephiles, don't use slurs, and the comment was about the psychology of AGP males who become disrespectful to women. It was pretty mild tbh.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains how AGP transwomen invented much of modern trans ideology, language, and social taboos to sustain their fantasy of being seen as real women.
52 pointsSep 28, 2024
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A huge portion of the trans ideology - including the language, taboos, and social expectations which sustain the trans movement as it exists today - has been invented by AGP transwomen.

Up until the last decade or so they were the majority of the trans population and they were the ones who 'got the ball rolling.'

AGPs also have an intense desire to be seen as real women because anything less ruins their fantasy.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains how AGP males can be more misogynistic, describing them as porn-addicted, narcissistic, and prone to fetishizing and objectifying women while LARPing a "bitchy" caricature of femininity.
45 pointsSep 28, 2024
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I recently made a post about how AGP males are often more misogynistic than other men and stand by it.

Part of the issue, IMO, is that they're normally porn addicts and they fetishize stereotypically feminine things to such an extreme extent that they become detached from reality. Some even seem to enjoy LARPing as 'bitchy' women and go out of their way to act haughty & catty towards women because they think it's fun.

They also tend to have some misandristic and narcissistic tendencies (I've seen a few men point this out), and that just fuels their delusion. It's not all that rare for AGP males to insist that they're 'more evolved' than other men.

The result is a hypersexual person who desperately wants to be a woman, is jealous of women, often has narcissistic tendencies, and doesn't feel any need to follow the rules that other men do.

Also... my experience has been that a lot of straight men view women as 'not wrong... but different' whereas AGP males often really do view women as objects.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) discusses the narcissism and envy-based misogyny of autogynephilic (AGP) males, noting their performative femininity, generational debate tactics, and volatile envy of women.
20 pointsSep 26, 2024
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Thanks for your comment, I enjoyed reading it.

This is because they're trying to play the part of "one of the girls" by acting like a stereotypical soft and emotional woman, but make no mistake it has nothing to do with caring about you and your rights and everything to do with making you see them as a fellow lady, which is why the whole act goes out of the window the minute you make it clear that you don't see them as one of the ladies. It evokes their envy-based misogyny and they no longer have a need to keep up the act around you as it's not working on you anyway.

I'm glad someone else has noticed this behavior. I've often thought that AGPers who present themselves as soft and sensitive are trying to engage in 'girl talk.'

There also seems to be a generational divide among AGP males. The Zoomers & Millenials often try to use shaming language or sophistry to 'blur' the concept of autogynephilia out of existence (or at least distract others from debating it) whereas the older ones tend to use more direct tactics.

AGPs are (by and large) extremely envious of women and so any opportunity they get to kick you down a peg they'll take, especially if you don't dance to the beat of their drum.

Yeah, the envy is very palpable. One of my friends is dating an AGP male and he acts rude whenever she dresses in a feminine manner. It's very clear that he gets envious.

You see envy coming from non-AGP transwomen too, however the AGPs have the added layer of being attracted to what they envy and this makes for quite a volatile cocktail.

Part of why I became convinced that Blanchard's typology has merit is that I've encountered a few HSTS males & they're noticeably different than AGPers. They tend to be more willing to debate controversial topics and are less likely to constantly redirect conversations back towards themselves.

They often view themselves as one of you as well as better than you simultaneously and so their misogyny is often quite evident.

The sense of superiority (sending DMs to 'educate' women) has always struck me as a sign of narcissism.

I have a pretty good sense of humor and I can get a laugh out of it sometimes. I once saw one (a 6'3" man with an athletic build) tell my friend that he was going to be a trophy wife.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains that the detrans community does not judge men for having autogynephilia (AGP) and discusses the honest dialogue about its negative aspects while offering supportive advice.
17 pointsOct 8, 2024
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I don't think most people here judge men for having autogynephilia. A lot of us do speak about the negative side of AGP in a very direct and honest way, but that doesn't mean we look down on anyone.

There's a few men on here who have AGP and they might be able to give you more specific advice.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains how jealousy of women can turn into misogyny in autogynephilic men, distinguishing between shy individuals and narcissistic ones who demand validation.
15 pointsSep 26, 2024
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I think they are incredibly jealous of women.

And that jealousy often becomes misogyny, they act out of jealousy and anger over what they can't have, but half the population has naturally.

I can 100% agree with this. I've noticed they often end up snapping at women who embody some archetype that they like. The TransWidows site also has plenty of stories from wives whose husbands seemed jealous of them.

I do of course think there's a difference between people who are secretly autogynephilic so they don't really act on it, or they do so in secret and live the rest of their life normally. Those kinds of men are not narcissistic. they are shy.

For sure, there are def some shy, well meaning AGP males.

But obviously those who just straight out jump out there, declare themselves a real woman, and demand everybody respect their gender... they are clearly narcissists.

The way they lash out when receiving mild criticism & the way they frame narratives (you hate trans people if you disagree about XYZ) is often inherently manipulative. It strikes me as similar to NPD.

And many narcissists can be autogynicphiles and those are the ones you will indeed see. Because they will want your attention. And hate people who take attention away from them so yeah.

I agree with this. I wouldn't even be surprised if part of why they hate the term autogynephile so much, aside from the fact that it invalidates their womanhood, is that it makes them seem 'boring.' Rather than being women in men's bodies (which garners attention from 'normies') they're just men with a strong obsession / fetish.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains the concepts of autogynephilia vs. HSTS, advising someone with urges to transition back to reduce gaming, avoid pornography, and focus on real-world connections.
9 pointsSep 29, 2024
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I think it'd probably be a good idea to look into the concept of autogynephilia vs HSTS. It's more common for autogynephiles to envy women.

It's also probably a good idea to not game as much, avoid pornography, and try to focus on real world connections.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains the concept of autohomoeroticism, a common paraphilia among FtMs who are attracted to the idea of being in a gay male relationship, often developed from reading MLM fanfiction.
8 pointsSep 27, 2024
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Autohomoeroticism (being attracted to the idea of being in a gay male relationship) is pretty common among FtMs. If you're on Tumblr or Pinterest, it's not hard to find examples of it.

Generally, women with this paraphilia don't eroticize the idea of having a male body as much as they do the idea of being a gay man. A lot of them develop autohomoerotic tendencies after reading MLM stories / fanfics.

I'm not autohomoerotic but have met several FtMs who were. They don't get as much attention as AGP males because they're much more 'reserved' about their fetishes.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) explains that for many FTMs, a trans identity can be a maladaptive coping mechanism for OCD or trauma, and advises experimenting with more feminine styles and confiding in a trusted person.
7 pointsOct 8, 2024
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Hey, sorry to hear you're going through this.

However, I don't think I'd be alive today if I hadn't come out and I'm worried I'll go back to that mindset.

A lot of people, especially FTMs, use trans identities as a maladaptive coping mechanism for OCD thoughts or as an escape from traumatic experiencs. It's 100% okay to feel stressed out and to need time to process things.

Life also gets so much better after high school.

If I were you, I'd start by experimenting with clothes & styles that are a little more feminine (it sounds like you want to detrans) and then tell a person who you trust. It doesn't need to be a big event or a public thing. Its okay to take it step by step.

Reddit user Fair-Lingonberry-680 (detrans female) comments on autogynephilic men fetishizing non-sexual aspects of womanhood, citing those who pretend to have period cramps as a key example.
7 pointsSep 27, 2024
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When it comes to AGP males sexualizing femininity, it's not that surprising to me that they sexualize clothing and shoes. What really surprises me is that some of them will fetishize things that most cis men have zero sexual interest in (the AGPers who pretend to have period cramps are a good example of this).