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Reddit user /u/FallynFinder's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 35
male
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
got bottom surgery
now infertile
autistic
This story is from the comments by /u/FallynFinder that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the FallynFinder account shows no serious red flags of being inauthentic, a bot, or a fake detransitioner/desister. The account appears to be a genuine person.

Explanation:

The comments display a high degree of internal consistency, personal history, and nuanced, evolving thought over a significant period (October 2022 to September 2023). The user shares specific, complex personal experiences with transition, detransition, surgery, and ongoing identity struggles. Their perspective is critical of both the modern trans movement and transphobic viewpoints, which aligns with the passionate and complex views found in the detrans community. The language is natural, contains personal anecdotes, and shows engagement with other users' specific situations, which is not typical of bot behavior.

About me

I was born male and transitioned because I felt like a stranger in my own body, hoping to become a woman would fix that. I had surgery and it was an incredibly lonely and painful experience that left me with permanent regrets. I now see my discomfort wasn't about being the wrong sex, but came from other issues like depersonalization. The surgery didn't bring me peace and serves as a daily reminder that I am, and always will be, male. I'm now just trying to find a way to live authentically without any labels and be at peace with my body.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long, complicated, and full of confusion. I was born male, and for a long time, I felt like a stranger in my own body. I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back. It was like my mind couldn't keep up with the physical changes I went through, from being a heavy-set man to a slender one, and then presenting very effeminately. This feeling of disconnect, of living in an avatar that wasn't me, was a constant in my life.

I eventually came to believe I was a trans woman and started my medical transition. I took hormones and later underwent vaginoplasty. The surgery was a profoundly difficult experience. The physical pain was intense, but the isolation was worse. I felt completely alone; the trans community I thought would support me only seemed interested in their own positive stories, and my pain was met with jealousy or silence. I was left to deal with the recovery largely by myself, and it was one of the loneliest times of my life.

Looking back, I realize my reasons for transitioning were muddled. I now believe I was running from myself. A lot of my discomfort wasn't pure gender dysphoria but a mix of other issues: a deep-seated feeling of depersonalization, where I never felt real in any body, and possibly being on the autism spectrum, which made social roles and expectations confusing and painful. I thought becoming a woman would solve this fundamental disconnect, but it didn't. After surgery, I still had moments where I felt like an alien in my own skin. I sometimes even have dreams where I'm a man again, and I wake up with a confusing mix of feelings.

I have serious regrets about my transition, specifically the vaginoplasty. The results are permanent and a constant physical reminder of a choice I made in a state of confusion. While I can still experience orgasms, which I am grateful for, the neovagina is not a real vagina and serves as a daily confirmation that I am, and always will be, male. It didn't bring me the peace I was searching for. If I could go back, I wouldn't have had the surgery.

My thoughts on gender are that true gender dysphoria is a real and serious medical condition, but it's become dangerously diluted. The modern trans movement, with its focus on self-ID and the idea that you don't need dysphoria to be trans, has caused a lot of harm. It sucked me in and has led many others, especially young girls uncomfortable with puberty or dealing with trauma, to make permanent changes they later regret. I believe proper, non-affirming therapy and strict medical gatekeeping are essential to prevent people from making life-altering mistakes based on temporary feelings or social pressure.

I've come to see that transition is just one possible tool to improve quality of life, not a cure-all. It doesn't guarantee happiness. For me, the cost—losing my fertility, undergoing painful surgeries, and the social difficulties—was far too high for the little benefit I gained. I'm now trying to find a way to live authentically without clinging to any label, whether that's as a man or a woman. I'm just a person, trying to be at peace with a body that has been through a lot.

Age Event
29 Started medical transition (Hormones)
32 Underwent vaginoplasty (bottom surgery)
35 Realized I had significant regrets and began to detransition socially

Top Reddit Comments by /u/FallynFinder:

193 comments • Posting since October 28, 2022
Reddit user FallynFinder (Questioning own gender identity) compares medical transition of minors to sterilization, arguing the ethical debate is already happening through the use of hormone blockers.
79 pointsApr 15, 2023
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I think this concept is easily sold to the world if you equate it to sterilisation. Kids dont want kids when theyre kids. So lets just make a statement by having them sterilized or advocating for it to happen as a protest. This should spark the debate how unethical this is at which point you merely have to point out how normal this already this is by putting potentially trans kids on hormone blockers and more with very similar effects.

Reddit user FallynFinder (Questioning own gender identity) discusses their disappointment at a Trans Visibility Day event, noting most speakers were nonbinary and equated gender non-conformity with being trans, while the only mention of a transsexual was a tragic suicide.
78 pointsApr 1, 2023
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I actually went out to an event and it kinda saddend me. 7 of 8 speakers where nonbinary and 6 of them thought deviating from gender stereotypes made them trans. The only time it was about transsexuals it was about a transwoman from russia that killed herself in a refugee center here in the netherlands because she wasnt protected from the fortune seekers that abused her. Of course there where some antifa there but they behaved. All led by a guy that believes having a trans gf and wearing a skirt makes him trans.

Reddit user FallynFinder (Questioning own gender identity) lists false claims they were told about MTF transition, including voice changes, passing, non-binary identity, vaginoplasty, and the need for dysphoria.
75 pointsJun 3, 2023
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context: MTF transsexual

False claims:

HRT will make your voice higher

Being told i pass

Nonbinary being inherently trans

vaginoplasty will magically make you fully a woman

You don't need to change voice or behaviour, whatever it is is now female because you are

transwomen are female

HRT will make lactation possible

HRT will change bone structure

Transition will make you happier (it changes you but only you and your stance in life will truly make the difference)

A neovagina being a designer vag. This makes it seem like it is somehow superior but in the end it's a medical compromise with a high complication rate.

You don't need dysphoria to be trans. That lie suckered many people into transitioning and becoming terribly uncomfortable with their bodies because they're not trans, they where gaslighted into believing they where.

Implied is also that transvestites and drag queens ARE transwomen too. Even a guy that does nothing but just likes wearing dresses is a transwoman now when it comes down to it. Weird.

Believing women are the stereotypes of women so liking or being stereotypical behaviour makes you a woman.

Reddit user FallynFinder (questioning own gender transition) explains how the idealization of being trans felt insulting and stemmed from a "female gaze" on an imagined version of masculinity.
68 pointsFeb 16, 2023
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no matter what point of my transition, regret and detrans phase i ever found myself in... i never wanted to be trans within itself. this idealisation feels insulting at best.

But it's interesting within itself because even the most effeminate of men i've ever met wouldn't come up with stuff like this. It's the female gaze i suppose upon an ideated version of manhood/masculinity and i always found such things deeply interesting. Same with transwomen and everything else... it does tell you how a person grew up to think about the target gender.

Reddit user FallynFinder (questioning own gender transition) explains how sexualization during puberty can cause breast dysphoria in young women, arguing it's now being medicalized as nonbinary or trans identity instead of being addressed through coping and discussion.
60 pointsNov 28, 2022
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I actually support the idea that women with chest issues is common. A girl is suddenly very sexualized once breasts become a thing and that sudden change seems a shocker that causes issues and sometimes even hatred for ones own breasts. But instead of coping with it and more importantly, talking about it, it is now called nonbinary, transed and hacked away. Now some of those girls are here asking if their boobs will grow back.

Reddit user FallynFinder (questioning own gender transition) explains their dislike for the "progress pride flag," criticizing its design, preferring the original pride flag, and calling the intersex flag an "eyesore."
55 pointsDec 18, 2022
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i guess you're talking about the so called progress flag that makes being black queer too? I just hate it from a design standpoint alone. It's growing into something that looks more like old school tv test image than a comprehensible flag.

I like the original pride flag way better. Iconic, simple. Perfect. The OG trans flag i think is kinda ugly but then again i hate pastels. Intersex flag is an eyesore too, Messing it all together is just something for the hip kids, not something seriously but then again the vast mayority of us have no say over what flag we're branded with.

Reddit user FallynFinder (Questioning own gender identity) explains that detransition is seen as counterrevolutionary within a framework where LGBT activism, rooted in queer and critical theory, serves a Marxist political agenda.
51 pointsSep 13, 2023
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simply put all current lgbt activism is based upon queer theory, which is derived from critical theory principles and all part of a push for marxism in the west. So it may superficially seem to serve the trans movement in case of current gender theory, while in reality serving the needs of global marxist movements to establish marxism in the west. The same is true for many other current social movements through critical race theory etc. Your victimhood serves the needs for the ruling bourgeouisee of the movement to gain and hold power. Your detransition is desistment from this ideology and thus counterrevolutionary and harmful, thus the hate from those within the ideology since you no longer serve their purposes.

Reddit user FallynFinder (questioning own gender transition) comments on a post about obtaining HRT, suggesting trauma may have led to a crossdressing urge and advising against medical transition.
50 pointsNov 24, 2022
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if i where a shrink i'd defenitely expect that some sort of trauma drove you to seek expression in an alternate persona, which developed into a crossdressing urge and sissy fetish. It would stand to reason somebody powerful might have hurt you and you seek to recreate the moment in a sense of finding comfort with the experience through familiarity or processing.

I would strongly recommend further therapy to healthily cope with your experiences and desires and be adamant you do not start HRT or any other transition beyond the scope of transvesticism. you will likely hurt yourself in ways you can't reverse in the future.

Reddit user FallynFinder (questioning own gender transition) comments on the lack of honest discussion in trans spaces, where even "honesttransgender" polices language and denies that a trans woman was ever male.
42 pointsJan 11, 2023
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heck even honesttransgender became a sub where you must watch your language because they don't even know what the difference between a man and a male is and full of people that believe that a transwoman could have never been a male. But honestly, you could either shut up about your experience and continue to let them live in their bubble or just speak up because what is it you have to lose at this point? If you can't be honest with people they're not worth your time.

Reddit user FallynFinder (Questioning own gender identity) comments on the double standard in medical gatekeeping, contrasting the accepted protocols for mental illness and ADHD with the lack of safeguards for gender dysphoria.
40 pointsMar 19, 2023
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It still baffles me how its normal to first diagnose mental ilness and only then treat some of them with meds. But not gender dysphoria. Suddenly some countries dont care at all. Adhd has medical gatekeeping everyone accepts but its different with trans somehow. Gatekeeping doesnt exist. Its safekeeping.