This story is from the comments by /u/FarOutFighter that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, deeply personal, and internally consistent over a two-year period. They describe a specific, complex journey (4-5 years on HRT, detransitioning for religious and personal reasons, struggling with being a gender-nonconforming man) with emotional depth, setbacks, and nuanced reflections that are difficult to fabricate consistently. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma and stigma experienced by many detransitioners.
About me
I was born male and lived as a woman for almost five years, driven by a deep shame about my masculinity and a belief I couldn't be a feminine man. My turning point came when I had to choose between my authentic singing voice and maintaining the female persona I'd created. I found faith in God, stopped taking estrogen, and began the difficult process of detransitioning. I now live peacefully as a feminine man, embracing my interests in fashion and art without denying my sex. My journey taught me that the solution wasn't changing who I was, but finally accepting myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, but I’ve found a place of peace now. I was born male, and for about four and a half years, I lived as a woman. I never had any surgeries, which I’m incredibly thankful for now. I’ve been detransitioned for a few years, and while it’s tough some days, the feeling of peace is worth it.
Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition came from a place of deep self-hatred and shame about being a man. I grew up with a father who was a high-functioning alcoholic; he was irritable and neglected my mother. I had no healthy male role model to look up to. Why would I want to be a man if that’s what it meant? I also have a naturally feminine body for a male—I never built much muscle, I have slim shoulders, prominent hips, and soft facial features. My voice is naturally high and androgynous. I found out later I even have naturally high estrogen for a male. I felt like I didn’t fit the mold of what a man "should" be, and I hated it. I also had undiagnosed autism until my late twenties, and I think that played a huge part in how I related to people and why I never felt manly.
When I was a kid, up until I was about 8 or 10, I actually envisioned my adult self as female. But I grew out of it. The feelings came crashing back when I was an adult, especially after I moved back home to live with my two alcoholic parents. The idea of aging as a masculine man was disgusting to me; I thought aging as a feminine or androgynous woman would be better. For the first year of living as a woman, I actually enjoyed it. I passed fairly well. But after that first year, it all went downhill. It became a living nightmare. I was putting on an act every day—using a fake female voice, trying to deceive people into seeing me as something I wasn’t. The mental distress was constant. I felt socially isolated and incredibly anxious.
A major turning point for me was my singing. I’m a musician, and I realized I couldn’t fully commit to my singing voice while faking a female voice. I had to choose between living a lie and pursuing my art authentically. Choosing my voice was one of the first steps toward detransitioning. Around the same time, I found God. Experiencing pure joy for the first time made me turn to Him, and He helped me detransition. I came to believe that God doesn’t make mistakes, and that lying about the body He gave me was wrong. He wanted me to develop my masculinity, which I didn’t want to do at first, but I’m actually enjoying the results now.
My perspective on gender now is that sex is immutable. I am male, and that will never change. But gender expression? That’s a different story. I’ve realized that I can be a feminine man. I wear dangly earrings, I paint my nails, I wear heeled shoes sometimes and jewelry. I can love fashion and be sensitive and artistic, all as a man. Society hates feminine men, and I’ve gotten my share of negative feedback. Sometimes I’m still mistaken for a woman because my face is still soft from the hormones, but I don’t let it phase me much anymore. I refuse to try to appear extra masculine just to avoid it, because wearing typical "male" clothes like button-up shirts and jeans every day made me miserable. My identity isn't about how I feel inside anymore; it's about what I do. I am a man because I am male, and I express myself in a way that feels true to me.
I absolutely have regrets about medically transitioning. Taking estrogen was a mistake. It gave me breast tissue (I ended up with an A-cup), reduced my muscle strength, and affected my genitals. My testes have gotten bigger since stopping, and my penis works, but it’s a bit smaller than before and I don’t produce as much sperm. My facial hair came back some, but it’s sparse. I think of my breasts now as a side effect of a medication I never should have taken. I regret the years I lost living a lie and the trauma it caused. Transitioning was like a bomb on my life, and I have to deal with the after-effects. But I don’t regret experimenting with my expression. Crossdressing and exploring a feminine style was helpful; it was the hormones and the pretense of being a different sex that was destructive.
The solution for me wasn’t transition, it was acceptance. Accepting that I am a man with a feminine side. It’s a continual process. I go to therapy, including a CBT group, and it really helps. I practice forgiveness daily, even toward my mother who emotionally abused me. I’m focusing on building my self-worth and creating a life as my true, integrated self. I’m even recording my first album now. It’s never too late to start living authentically.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 8-10 years old | First experienced gender confusion, envisioning my adult self as female. I grew out of it. |
| Late 20s | Moved back home with alcoholic parents. Gender dysphoria returned strongly. Was diagnosed with autism. |
| 25 years old | Began living socially as a woman and started estrogen hormone therapy (HRT). |
| 29 years old | Began detransitioning after nearly 5 years on HRT. Stopped hormones. A major reason was wanting to reclaim my authentic singing voice. Found faith in God. |
| 30 years old | Fully embracing life as a detransitioned, gender non-conforming man. |
| Present (Early 30s) | Living as a detransitioned male for a few years. Focused on music, self-acceptance, and defining my own manhood. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/FarOutFighter:
I think you feel the way you do because it wasnt completely your fault... The culture is so approving of it, and questioning gender ideology is extremely taboo. You were influenced, as we all were. There is a reason more people are transitioning as of late.
My transition was also "succesfful." I passed fairly well. But then... you realize it doesn't fucking matter. It sounds like you are beginning to see transition for what it is: a sexist trap. There are actually infinite ways to be a man aside from the typical trad male. You can wear whatever the fuck you want. You can get your dresses fitted to your male body. You can wear makeup if you want, as a man. Externally you may get more pushback, but internally you will feel at peace because integration and acceptance is the correct response to gender dysphoria, NOT transition.
Definitely don't transition. It will just make things worse. But there is nothing wrong with experimenting with gender-nonconforming style. I say this, as a detrans male, waiting on a sandwich I ordered, with nail polish on and earrings in. You are a man no matter what you wear - and finding out what style you like, while terrifying, will help a lot with the turmoil you experience. As long as you do it as a man.
You have to realize that your sex will never, ever change. That being said... your sex also barely matters. It dictates a lot of biological functions, but it dictates nothing about what you should wear, how you should act, what things you should like, etc. 99% of gender norms are just based in our evolutionary history, which means... it is a construct. I hate that word because the radlibs have turned everything into a "social construct." but gender norms actually are. Not gender. But the norms. You have to start breaking/ignoring these norms, as a woman, if you want to feel whole.
It's never too late. Never. Things are never hopeless, even if they 100% feel that way.
Transition was like a bomb on my life. Other things contributed. But like I have post-traumatic stress and pseudo-flashbacks about it... but it's been 3 years and I feel so much better. If you are already realizing you never wanted to transition, and maybe that you just wanted more freedom to be yourself as a man, staying trans will only get worse. I had the same social anxiety issue. I had to be high a lot to even be able to tolerate the anxiety.
First of all, no one is "truly trans." If you transition, or declare you are trans, you are trans. End of story. It's a choice, a choice to identify with trans feelings. So I'd really stray from trying to evaluate that in people. It's a way the trans community gaslights people, especially us. I have 100% divorced myself from the trans and gay community. I don't live that life anymore, and my feelings don't even align with that anymore.
My issue is that speaking out against transgenderism doesn't equal transphobia. Sharing a negative opinion about transition doesn't mean you hate people who experience gender dysphoria. Thinking the act of transition is a bad idea and unhealthy and unnecessary is not objectively the same as hating the people who do it. People who equate these things are looking for things to be offended about and are intolerant.
I empathize. I am male but if i got the choice I would probably choose to be a woman. The sad truth I discovered through transition and detransition is that choosing our sex/gender is not something humans get to do.
The positive side, however, is that other than obvious biological things (sex, pregnancy, etc) the only thing stopping you from doing the masculine things you seem to want to do is society's perception and your own. I will be honest, society hates gender non-conforming people. But we dont get to choose that, either. I did not get to choose to be a man who loves expressing myself in a way society deems feminine. But thats who I am. I have long painted nails. I wear dangly earrings. I wear heeled shoes sometimes. But I dont call myself anything but a man, because that is the truth.
If you want to be muscular, go for it. If you want to wear a suit, go for it. If you hate makeup, then fuck makeup! Ya know? Your sex is NOT the problem. Gender norms are the problem, more or less.
I am probably the last person to judge you if you do choose to end your own life. I've attempted twice, and I've dealt with suicidal thoughts for a long time, like over a decade. But now I have hope. Something changed. And your life can and will change, too.
Tell me how calling out bullying is being transphobic. Also, being against transition does not mean i hate trans people. I am anti transition for a lot of reasons. Basically its bc i am a Christian feminist. So look up stuff about those topics if you want to know more. Or pm me.