This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake persona. The comments show:
- Personal, consistent narrative: The user shares a specific, multi-faceted history (top surgery, T, hysterectomy) with emotional reflections that evolve over time.
- Nuanced and balanced views: They express support for others, acknowledge that transition helps some people, and differentiate between harmful and beneficial "gatekeeping."
- Appropriate emotional tone: The language is supportive and passionate without being performative, matching the expected tone of someone sharing a difficult personal experience.
The account is consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner.
About me
I started identifying as trans as a teenager because I felt deeply uncomfortable with my developing female body and wanted to escape the expectations placed on women. I had top surgery, which helped for a while, but later taking testosterone only made me feel worse and created new insecurities. A necessary hysterectomy for medical reasons left me feeling a profound sense of loss and emptiness, which led me to seek therapy. Through that process, I realized my goal was never to become a man, but to find relief from my discomfort as a masculine woman. I now identify as a gender non-conforming female and have found peace in simply being myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated. I identified as trans for fifteen years. It started when I was a teenager, feeling deeply uncomfortable with my body during puberty. I hated developing breasts and just felt wrong in my own skin. Looking back, I think a lot of this was tied to internalized misogyny; I didn't like the expectations that came with being a woman and I think I wanted to escape that.
I was also influenced by my friends. Many of them were trans and starting their own transitions, and I felt a bit left out of that shared experience. I passed very well as male for many years without hormones, all through high school and university and at work. I got top surgery years before I even considered testosterone, and that surgery did help alleviate a lot of my dysphoria. I was satisfied with that.
But I eventually started a low dose of testosterone because I felt this social pressure, like it was the next step I was supposed to take. I only took it for a few months and didn't have many physical changes, but it ended up making me feel worse. It caused me to experience more dysphoria, not less. I started inventing new things to be dysphoric about, like my hip width or my voice not being deep enough. It made me realize that my goal wasn't to fundamentally change my body into a male one, but to just find relief from the discomfort I felt.
I also had a hysterectomy, but it was for legitimate medical reasons, not for transition. I was very sick and it was necessary. Even though it was medically needed, it made me incredibly sad for a long time, like a big part of me was missing. I felt empty. I started seeing a therapist to help me grieve that loss, and that therapy was really beneficial. It was a non-affirming therapy in the sense that it wasn't about pushing me to transition further; it was about helping me process my feelings and my trauma, and it helped a lot.
Sometimes I feel angry at myself for getting top surgery. I don't have the same deep sadness about it that I did with the hysterectomy, but I do sometimes feel it was the wrong choice. I've learned that not having breasts doesn't really stop people from seeing me as female; I still get called "she" in public, and that feels affirming now.
I've come to understand that our society is having a big conversation about gender stereotypes, and I feel like the world is now a safer place for me to just be a gender non-conforming woman. If I could do it all again, I would have chosen to be a masculine female instead of identifying as trans.
I don't regret my journey because I learned so much about myself and what my "authentic self" really means. But I do have regrets about some of the medical steps, particularly starting testosterone. I think there's a real need for better oversight before people make these huge decisions. Informed consent is important, but so is talk therapy beforehand to really explore things. Gatekeeping is unnecessarily demonized; good therapy can be a helpful tool, not a barrier.
My thoughts on gender now are that you don't need to be on hormones to be trans, and you don't need to stop them to be detrans. You don't need to perpetuate a stereotype to be a woman—you already are one. It’s easy to be a woman. For me, it was about finding relief from dysphoria, not about becoming a man.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with my body and puberty. Hated my breasts. |
| 15 | Began identifying as transgender and socially transitioning. |
| 20 | Had top surgery. This helped my dysphoria a lot. |
| 32 | Took a low dose of testosterone for a few months. It increased my dysphoria. |
| 33 | Stopped testosterone. |
| 34 | Had a hysterectomy for serious medical reasons. Felt profound sadness and loss afterwards. |
| 34 | Began therapy to process my grief and trauma, which was very helpful. |
| 35 | Stopped identifying as trans and began identifying as a gender non-conforming woman. |
Top Comments by /u/Ferrous_xy:
Take a deep breath.
For what it’s worth I’m also post T and post top surgery. I am pleased to tell you it’s easy to be a woman — you already are one. I was surprised how many people were unsure about my sex and just didn’t ask, even though I pass as male. You don’t need to perpetuate a stereotype to be a woman.
Hang in there. It gets better.
Quick answer is I don’t see the benefit. Top surgery alleviated dysphoria so what is the point in being male identified? I felt that I was inventing things to be dysphoria about (wider hips, voice not low enough, not enough facial hair). At the end of the day is my goal to fundamentally change my body or to have relief from dysphoria?
I’ll have a better answer with more thought.
Thank you for the advice. I have been reading a lot of radical feminism and it’s helped me understand my internalized misogyny.
To answer your question I’m from midwestern USA.
To be honest I feel that our western society is having a conversation around what gender and gender stereotypes mean and I personally feel that the world has become a safer place for me to be a gender non conforming female.
Thanks for your comments and I’m sorry to hear you also had childhood traumas. It makes a lot of sense to want to take on the opposite gender role in my opinion.
I don’t know if it’s useful to speculate on if transgender is real or not. It seems pretty clear that transitioning helps some people.
To your point, I am concerned about the lack of oversight. For instance a lot of my trans friends who go to low cost clinics don’t get their bloodwork done. Even worse is when people start HRT and regret it. I think there’s merit in gatekeeping and I don’t see why that model can’t coexist with informed consent. I feel that gatekeeping is unnecessarily demonized.
For example it took me 6 years to get a hysterectomy for legitimate medical reasons. I kept getting told “you might want babies!” even though I was most likely sterile anyway. I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I couldn’t walk. That kind of gatekeeping is bad. But having talk therapy before making a huge life changing decision in my opinion is a good thing.
That sounds like s painful situation. No one should have made you feel like you had to “man up” or “be a man” and I’m sorry people have made you feel inadequate. I’ve felt stuck too.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and I hope letting it out makes it a little better. Hang in there.
I want to share my experience as a trans identified female for 15 years. I didn’t take hormones (correction: I took a reduced dose for a few months and didn’t have appreciable changes).
Here’s what this means: I passed very well in high school/university. I passed very well on the job. I also appear to have Benjamin Button syndrome to my coworkers. I am repeatedly mistaken for an intern or a teenager. This has not been good for my career.
It is worth considering how you will appear as you age. I assumed I would always appear my age which has not been the case. It has not been a good experience.
If I could do it again I’d be masculine/GNC female rather than no-HRT trans.
Thanks for sharing all that. You don’t need to make any big decisions or announcements. Just take it one day at a time and see what unfolds. You don’t need to be on T to be trans and you don’t need to stop T to be detrans. If it feels overwhelming find something else to focus on for a while and take a break from thinking about gender.
Hang in there :)
If I could give advice to myself, I would say don’t feel pressured to start HRT. I had top surgery years before T and was satisfied with the impact on my dysphoria. I started T because I felt left out of the journey my trans friends were on and I thought it would improve my life. In the end it caused me to experience more dysphoria. That’s somewhat of a mixed blessing because I discovered more about myself and what my “authentic self” means.
I felt like this after I had hysterectomy. I just felt empty inside, like there was this big part of me missing (which was true literally).
In my case I had hysto for medical reasons but that didn’t change the sadness I felt about it. I was sad about it for 2 years and when I think about it now I’m still sad.
I have been angry at myself for mastectomy. I don’t have the same sadness I did about the hysterectomy but sometimes I do feel like it was the wrong choice.
What I can tell you is it does get better. Whatever you’re feeling is ok. It might hurt (emotionally) for a while. I am very sorry to hear you are going through a loss.
If you have access to counseling/therapy this can be very useful. I started seeing a therapist regularly after I had hysterectomy because it was too hard to go through on my own. But the grieving did get less and less as I did work with the therapist.
I don’t think having breasts hugely impacts people’s perception of me being female. I still get she/her in public and it is affirming.
Stay strong and please don’t be too hard on yourself. Sending love.