genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/Fickle_Horse_5764's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 17 -> Detransitioned: 20
male
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
escapism
trauma
depression
body dysmorphia
became religious
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
autistic
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user's narrative is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and deeply personal, focusing on their specific struggles with gender dysphoria, autism, BPD, and finding a positive masculine identity. The language is nuanced, includes self-deprecating humor, and references specific cultural touchstones (Bojack Horseman, Andrew Tate) in a way that feels genuine. The account shows a clear and evolving personal journey, not a scripted narrative. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account.

About me

I felt trapped by the pressure to be a stoic, aggressive man, which made me believe I was a trans lesbian who would finally be happy as a woman. I realized my dysphoria was actually rooted in trauma, autism, and a personality disorder that made my sense of self very unstable. What really changed me was experiencing positive masculinity, like protecting my cousin, which showed me I could be a caring man. My faith also helped me find peace with being male and focus on my goal of becoming a father. Now I accept that I'm a man, but I'm just a fruity guy who wears what he wants, and the dysphoria is mostly gone.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started because I felt completely trapped by what it meant to be a man. I was born male, and for a long time, that felt like a prison. I hated the expectation to be this stoic, money-driven, aggressive person. I called it "mask-ulinity," because it felt like I was just playing a character. The voice in my head sounded a lot like Andrew Tate, telling me I couldn't cry, that I needed to be an "alpha," and that I wasn't good enough.

My gender dysphoria got really bad during my senior year of high school. I was wholeheartedly convinced I was a trans lesbian. I truly believed that if I could just become a beautiful woman, all my depression would disappear and I would finally find love and be happy. I thought life would be infinitely better. I took a friend's estrogen pill one time and, in that moment, it felt nice, but I never medically transitioned.

What really changed for me was a slow process of self-discovery. I realized a lot of my feelings were rooted in trauma, specifically an internalized self-hatred of men that I got from my father. I also became aware that I'm autistic and have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I think my autistic brain works differently, and the BPD caused me to have a very unstable sense of self, which latched onto the idea of being trans.

I also struggled with a kind of internalized misandry and low self-esteem. I didn't like a lot of men, and I often didn't find myself attractive. I saw women as "naturally desirable" and felt envious. I now see that a lot of my desire to transition was a form of escapism from the pressures of masculinity and my own mental health struggles.

The biggest turning points for me weren't in therapy, but in real-life moments where I experienced positive masculinity. There were two key instances. Once, I walked a woman who was having a panic attack to a bus station so she would feel safe. Another time, my cousin was crying about her emotionally abusive boyfriend, and I hugged her and told her, "You deserve better, and if he hurts you, I'll hurt him worse." In those moments, I felt a strong, protective instinct. It felt good to step into that role. It showed me that being a man didn't have to be about instilling fear or making money; it could be about caring for and protecting the people you love.

My faith also played a huge part. I reached out to God, specifically Jesus, to help with my dysphoria. I came to accept that I was born a man and will die a man, and I found a sense of peace in that. I also have life goals that are more important to me than transitioning, like one day being a father and having my own kids. I'd gladly take the occasional dysphoric episode over never having that.

I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to these realizations, but I do regret that I didn't put more effort into just being a feminine man instead of jumping to being trans. I wish I had worked on my "femboy" style more instead of just throwing on a bad tennis skirt.

Now, I accept being male and being seen as a man, but that doesn't define my character. If I want to wear fishnets and eyeliner, I will. If I want to wear overalls and a trucker hat, I will. I'm just a fruity guy who likes what he likes. The dysphoria is mostly gone, just a ghost of what it used to be. I still sometimes feel gross about body hair and shave my arms and legs, but that's more like body dysmorphia.

I believe for most people, being trans is a manifestation of deeper issues like trauma and neurodivergency, and it's treated in the worst way by just affirming and affirming without ever questioning the root cause. What helped me was real self-awareness and finding a higher power.

Age Event
17 (Senior Year) Gender dysphoria became severe. Became convinced I was a trans lesbian.
19 Took a friend's estrogen pill once.
20 Realized my dysphoria was linked to trauma, autism, and BPD. Began to accept being male.
20 Key moments of experiencing positive masculinity (helping a stranger, protecting my cousin) solidified my acceptance.
20 Turned to faith (Jesus) which helped immensely. Dysphoria greatly diminished.
Present (20) Live as a masculine man who occasionally presents femininely. No medical transition.

Top Comments by /u/Fickle_Horse_5764:

15 comments • Posting since March 27, 2024
Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how realizing they had cluster B personality disorders (BPD/NPD) eliminated their gender dysphoria, which they had previously believed would be solved by transitioning and becoming a "transbian."
43 pointsJun 22, 2024
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This is so funny because before I realized all my cluster B traits (bpd/npd) I was fully convinced I was a transbian who's life would be complete if I could become a beautiful woman and find a woman that loved me and my depression would be gone forever, but self awareness of my PD's made the dysphoria go away or at least put it in perspective where it's now a ghost of itself 

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) comments that the pressure to conform to social masculinity is a key reason many "fruity" men mistakenly identify as trans women.
23 pointsMar 27, 2024
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Aight imma be honest I think I got a bit upset by this post not because I can't be a woman, but because the way I read it felt like there was an overtone of "conform to social masculinity" and that doesn't work for be because I'm just kind of a fruity guy, who likes eyeliner and chokers And I think one reason why we have as many trans "women" as we do is because men aren't allowed to be a bit fruity without people assuming they're trans

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) recommends a three-part plan for recovery: finding a part-time job, attending SLAA for porn addiction and family reconciliation, and finding faith in Jesus.
21 pointsSep 26, 2024
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Honestly I'd recommend looking for a part time job, get yourself somthing to do to get our of the house and get a bit of money, Start attending SLAA (sex and love addicts they work with porn addicts too) you'll find people who've been through simular things and hopefully if you stay with it make amends with your sister. Find a higher power, I recommend Jesus since he saved me from suicide (he will love you even if your home church didn't)

User Fickle_Horse_5764, who is questioning their own transgender status, explains that many trans women share sexual images of themselves online because receiving attention for presenting as a woman can be very powerful, especially after spending 18 or more years being brought up as a boy and disliking that experience. The user suggests that the desire for attention is a strong motivator, and that trans women may seek out any attention they can get. Additionally, the user notes that many "straight" men are attracted to trans women, likely due to exposure to porn, which makes it easier for trans women to receive attention by sharing such images. The user's own questioning of their transgender status informs their perspective on these motivations.
21 pointsOct 13, 2024
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Attention is a hellova drug, think about it, you've been brought up as a boy for 18+ years hating it and finnaly start getting Attention for presenting as a woman, it makes sense you would take what you can get Plus a number of "straight" men have a thing for trans girls (probably from porn) easy Attention 

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how internalized hatred of men and the pressure of "mask-ulinity" manifested as gender dysphoria.
16 pointsApr 11, 2024
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I'm gonna paraphrase one of my favorite bojack horseman lines "My father gave me an internalized self hatred of men so my male body is a prison I can never escape, this manifest in gender dysphoria because I subconsciously believe that life would be better if I was a woman but being male that will never happen so the dysphoria gets worse and at points it felt so woven into my identity it's unfathomable that it will ever go away"

For me, it was about being allowed to be soft and meek. To not have to live up to this persona I felt trapped in living as a man I would refer to it as mask-ulinity, because it was a character,

 "you can't cry, you need to make money, you aren't good enough, stop being a fag, what color is your bugatti" (Andrew tate is the voice of my inferiority complex)

I've for the most part accepted that I won't be a woman and being a trans woman would put me at a major disadvantage in every aspect of my life,  I still get dysporic at times but I accepted that I was born a man and I will die a man, nothing aside from God could change that (and I truly don't think he will or I'd have been born a woman) so I just live as a dude bro most of the time and sometimes get dolled up as a slightly feminine twink

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how a protective moment helped him find pride in a positive, caring form of masculinity after years of dysphoria.
14 pointsAug 12, 2024
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Try to find the beauty in the masculine, for over two years I struggled intensely with gender dysphoria, I white nuckled it for a while and just suppressed my emotions. There was one moment while my cousin was really upset because her boyfriend was being emotionally abusive, and I hugged her and said " you deserve better, if he hurts you ill hurt him worse" In that moment I felt this masculine urge to protect the people I care about, for the first time in a long time I felt proud to be a man. For much of my life being a man felt like it was all about instilling fear, make money "bE aLpHa" bullshit. But being a man is about caring for those you love. There's really something beautiful in that properly honed and focused masculinity I fear is being lost and misguided by the Andrew Tates and mysandtist of the world.  Find what you love about being a man and Lach on, you got this

Much love brother

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) advises against transitioning, warning of societal prejudice, dating difficulties, and minimal financial aid, stating it should only be considered for severe dysphoria.
11 pointsJun 28, 2024
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This is advice from somone who was in your shoes and is out the other side, I can't control what you do but please head this warning.

All your reasons seem do stem from envy, also let's be realistic trans women aren't treated very well by society and even when they are a lot of times it's a fake complement or somone who's disguising their fetish for trans women by being a "nice guy"

1: Dating will be MUCH harder, a lot of men and lesbians are turned away by trans women, 

2: people will make judgments about you for being trans, mostly behind your back but some to your face, you will definitely get weird looks in public

3: Sure, certian scholarships are available for women and queer people, but it's not gonna be a full ride to your school of choice, at most you'll get 500-1500$, you're better off applying for EBT

4: It's not at all to late to be a "real man" your diet is 80% within your control and if you're not exercising you won't have the body you want regardless 

TLDR: ask any trans woman about her experience and they will tell you it was FUCKING HARD, I've known people who got turned down from jobs, disowned by family and experienced a load of bullshit due to transitioning, even if you live in a safe liberal city like Portland, LA or Seattle it will be a massive struggle 

Unless your dysphoria is pushing you to the point of suicide I would not suggest transitioning, you can accomplish a lot as a man. I understand that life can fucking suck as a guy and your emotions are almost never validated but this isn't a reason to become a trans woman, 

I believe in you brother, it will get better  Listen to some babytron and get to grinding 

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) explains how they overcame dysphoria by accepting they couldn't become a woman, reaching out to God, and realizing their life goals of being a father didn't align with transition, attributing their previous conviction to autism, BPD, and trauma.
10 pointsMay 16, 2024
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1: I didn't really discover I wasn't trans, I just got myself to stop feeling dysphoria by accepting that becoming a woman wasn't possible, reaching out to God to aid in my dysphoria and realizing my life goals didn't align with being trans ( Being a father, succeeding in sales est)

2:Never medically transitioned, took a friend's estrogen pill one time, though it was nice

3: accepting that I'm autistic and have BPD really helped, and recently my cousin was crying about her manipulative boyfriend and a sense of wanting to protect her came over me, and it felt good stepping into that masculine protector role.

4: I experienced some as a child but it only got REALLY bad my senior year of high-school 

5: I wish I had put more effort into my femboy fits then simply throwing on a tennis skirt 🤮( it was bad)

6: didn't medically transition

7:I was born a male and I cannot change that, I'm greatful for the privileges and accept the responsibility being a man entails

8: I didn't want to be trans, I just wanted the crippling dysphoria to go away

9: I don't like a lot of men and I often don't find myself attractive (I'm not really my type bisexuality and bad childhood make it hard)

10: Yes and no, I accept being male and being seen as a man but that doesn't define my character, my character is who I am regardless of gender, if I want to wear fishnets and eyeliner I will, if I want to wear Overalls and a trucker hat I will

11: I was whole heartedly convinced I was a transbian, at the height of my dysphoria if you would have told me I could be happy as a man and not just fake it because it was the right thing to do, I would have laughed in your face and or told you you don't what it's like,

PS The mind is a tricky place that can make you believe all sorts of things, most people aren't really trans, I believe it's a manifestation of trauma and neurodivergency that's treated in the worst way, Most people need REAL Therapy that questions the root of dysphoria and doesn't just affirm affirm affirm

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (Questioning own transgender status) comments that the real treatment for depression is accomplishing goals and "doing epic shit," rather than focusing on unattainable ideals.
7 pointsJun 28, 2024
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I'm not gonna pretend I know the circumstances of your life but I believe you can acomplish whatever you set out to do within reason, sure you might never become a billionaire or drive a Lamborghini but I think we all have capacity to achieve, and honestly the real treatment for depression is doing epic shit

Reddit user Fickle_Horse_5764 (detrans male) advises a user to tell his girlfriend about his detransition, suggesting she likely won't be surprised if she's okay with dating a femboy and to explain it was a past mistake from a bad place.
6 pointsNov 23, 2024
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Bro, if she's okay with dating a femboy the fact that you thought you were trans at one point isn't much of a stretch  I doubt she's gonna be all that surprised. If you're worried about her bad experience explain you were in a bad place and you regret it and never want to go back