I had father issues growing up, can relate. My parents found out when I was 13, and it turned into a long 8 years of personal cringe related storylines.

Going back was easy...ish. It was always awkward, they knew I was a weird kid. My eldest brother used it as a weapon. My father distanced himself from me completely after I moved out of the house, but we are more estranged towards one another nowadays more than anything else. His second wife never liked his kids anyways.

I found that they just appreciated having me turn into the decent one of the lot. No tatoos, alcohol, hard drugs, I dress appropriately and respectfully. I care about family and keep my finances in good order. I didn't have children on short notice out of wedlock.

They never asked me why I was wearing trousers instead of dresses. They never asked why I cut my hair short, only commented that it looked good. They admired that my tie was always symmetrical. They were supportive of my first, second, and third girlfriends. By the time I became an uncle, it had been years since they felt obligated to ask "what's going on with you?".

The family never bring it up unless I do in relation to something else. These days it's politics of lgbt, drag kids, other table talk.

The shame still lingers for me, because even though I got over gender dysphoria and the other baggage that fueled it it never really stops being a regret. It will hinder me in the future for prospective relationships and marriage if I am to be fully honest about my past.

You tend to grow into your own person around 23-30. You will not see as much in you the other women in your life you despise. It gets easier, or you get resilient. I haven't felt destined to become my father since I was about 20. I haven't hated men in at least 9 years.

The faster you get back on your own track, the quicker you can get to your own personal development instead of chasing an ideal you think you ought to chase out of fear.

You may be in a case where many may not be able to directly relate.

I say this because reddit skews towards millennials and for someone that is 30s, getting access to T as a reliable and steady prescription was much more rare when we were your age.

The only people I knew in high school that had access to T were gym bros taking anabolic steroids obtained from the grapevine of who you knew and places like silk road.

Giving teenagers in midst of puberty cross-sex HRT wasn't encouraged by medical professionals or health officials as the preferred route of treatment unless asterisk. It just was much more hassle and you had to get through some therapy or counselling before they jump to giving teens HRT.

My first HRT wasn't until I was ~18 and I had to lie through my teeth and abuse the harm reduction clause. I was coached what to say by users of Trueselves.

For my own curiosity, how did you get yourself on T at 14?

Generally, HRT in pubescent years is much more affecting for primary and secondary sex characteristics than at the end of puberty. You may be experiencing some actual damage (from a female sense) to your sex organs or the effects are much more pronounced.

Give it more time, maybe go see your doctor for a blood test to see your hormonal balance.

Are you looking for argument or did you have a personal view already set?

Anti-trans for me was reclaiming my sanity and future. There comes a point with a person considering detransitioning that they must once again consider frightening options either way.

When I was was questioning and doubting my own transition I found nothing but doomsayers from the trans community save one person who was a good friend throughout, much older and willing to think critically about a variety of topics. Everyone else warned me that the masculinization from my natural hormones would forever give me regret. My argument was continuation of HRT risked irreversible damage. Depending on your view, either was right.

The vitriol from supposed friends was 180 degrees from what I expected. Friendly support evaporated after I announced I was off HRT for 2 weeks. I was called a suicide case, mentally unstable.

When I finally came to my own conclusions about my destiny I was once again called confused, "repressed" (they never used that term correctly), in need of therapy to strengthen my resolve.

So some people view it as a false cope, yet in consideration of this possibility I examined myself every day.

Ask yourself questions such as:

1. How is depression?

2. How do you naturally react to natural gender roles, sex stimulus, social interaction?

3. How is the rumination, time spent daydreaming or fantasizing/"la-la-land"?

4. How do you honestly feel about your emotions? What did you like about blockers in this regard? What did you like about E/T in this regard?

5. Self-esteem?

6)How do you spend your time before, during and after transition? Are you wasting away or being productive?

7)Substance habits? Tobacco? Marijuana? Alcohol?

Before I transitioned, I would engineer the answer I wanted to be true, look for affirmation all over the internet and in trans support groups to validate my desires. I was lying to myself about many things in life.

I realized I can live a good life, even if I wanted to cross dress later or present a feminine personality. The aspects of transitioning I enjoyed did not come from HRT or other irreversible choices, I did not require it.

Over time I realized that I was happier without transitioning, and came to enjoy being a man and developing my masculinity. The former trans friends were cut from my life as they began to look on me in disgust.

I even found I didn't want to be around men sexually, and found that comfort in women, some of them my friends during my transitioning days. I knew after my first girlfriend that I could obtain all the feminine presence of being by seeking a wife.

I don't think detrans is a mental illness, it is overcoming it.

I was diagnosed with GD at 13.

Been cross dressing forever up until 21, the last time I ever put a dress on or any make up. When I became late teens the cross dressing became part of a fetish of sorts, reflecting my desire for womanhood onto myself.

I wanted women, knew women in my life I lusted after and envied them in a fashion. I know what you are talking about, or think I do.

To be brief: I was a fucked up child with a relatively broken family. I was molested at various times and played doctor too much with some friends and neighbours (boys and girls). My relationship and feelings towards sex was tainted from before puberty, it was already dark before it was supposed to get dark.

I wanted to escape some shame and achieve a sexual desire in transitioning. I was convinced that I could choose to become a woman, not that I was a woman. It turned me on and gave me personal satisfaction to pass as a woman and see a woman in my reflection.

Nevermind I was attracted to woman. At that point I was capable of promiscuous sexual contact with anyone who wasn't ugly.

I started taking blockers at 18 and E at 19, stopped HRT at 20. I had been dressing in girls/women's clothes since about as early as I could get away with it, maybe 10.

I didn't take any surgery. Breast development didn't go beyond something I could call baby fat. I got off easy when I ceased. I felt good returning to normal, if moody.

This is unpopular and has gotten me banned in many subs but this seems to be the place of last refuge for trans dissenters: I am firmly convinced transgenderism is a mental disorder. When the brain doesn't follow the body, there is a dysfunction in the brain or mind. The body is whole and good, the chromosomes line up, everything in otherwise normal development is aligned....except the mind.

I think that the zeitgeist of choose your gender is a ridiculous argument based on a belief or hope system. Some of the people pushing it word it in a way that they suggest there is a proper sex you should have been put into, like you were a pre-gendered spirit put into a mis-sexed body - either they believe in strange things on top of a religious conviction or they are making poor arguments. If they deny the existence of a divine creator and the spiritual, then there is no spirit or soul to pregenerate into a body. We are reduced to material, atomic particles and a temporary organized organic computer with no permanent "self" and no afterlife to go towards. Their argument is also then shit because then it is obvious that their mind or brain should be aligned with the body as determined by sex and normal mammalian development as human primates. With the materialistic view of our existence, at least they are left with a nihilistic oblivion and there is no real morality and none fucks to give about the excesses of indulgence or hedonism, they may do as they wish because there is no judgement in the end. If they believe in a divine creator, at worse they spit in the face of God by accusing him of fucking up their soul transfer or something along those lines - and generally in the big picture of the universe this divine creator must be of an intelligence on the order of Lovecraftian or other incomprehensible magnitude for us to properly assess what the what really is. At best they are lost to God if there is a divine who cares about us.

It comes across as very libertarian for society to stop caring about us to the point they say..."hey, you do you, as long as it doesn't really affect me and you can otherwise make and spend money on products all the same. Degeneracy of the mind, soul, spirit or whatever in someone else has no effect on me personally." At some point someone said it was fine that the mentally insane and heavily addicted drug users roam the streets so I have to conclude it is libertarianism combined with not giving a damn about our communities anymore since we have become so fractured, stopped following the old moral codes, religion etc. If we are going to spend money all the same then whatever. We would help those unwell in the past, now we enable and indulge.

Now don't get pissy with me in this sub over my own opinion about the topic. I critiqued the topic, not an individual. It's my own personal take, a response to a question. It's a very heavy but simple thought process, but anyone that went through GD should be no stranger to these kinds of musings. Mods better not ban me or they are definitely gay in the jovial sense.

The rates of transgenderism in children are going up, alot, and that is not normal. That is a fad. I can remember when being gay made you cool with the girls in high school, I was one of those collected as the token queers. Same thing, but now the goalposts have shifted.

Now, transvestism is not the same thing, but if you are doing things in your own time in your own space, you shouldn't be harangued by today's standards. No one should be fucking with you. That's not what my personal objections to transvestism suggests. Having it around children is where I get pissy. Yes, literally "what about the children?" and I won't explain why I care about not exposing children to adult sexual expressions; if people don't have a problem, they are the ones that should be explaining themselves, not me.

If you are just enjoying your time and space cross dressing, you have an answer in the description: cross-dressing. You are a man dressing as a woman, or vice versa. You are a man with a kick and a twist.

IMO: don't take hormones, trust me that shit can make you sterile after the first month in some cases. You can never bounce back fully after exposing yourself for too long.

Maybe you just need someone committed to you the way you are in life? Imagine you, a man, getting married to a woman who loves you. You make a regular life, you have kids, there are good family ties and retirement plans. Except she also is okay with you cross dressing in your own time, maybe together. The both of you have dinner, some wine, dance together in dresses and the nine yards; you have sex and finish off your night. In the morning you go about heteronormal vocations like an otherwise normal couple. How does that sound? Could you be happy with something like that? Or are you also attracted to the same sex, for whatever reason? If yes, then just change it to homonormal (whatever that means for them) behaviour and life partners, and you have dogs and cats not children.

The truth...likely. You can form relationships but doing the deed is obviously out of the question. You could find a partner who accepts this and engage with them through other sexual activity and play. You could be step father to a woman and her child from a previous engagement, if you desire to be patriarch and show kids how to life.

If you are single forever, you could cope by hyper focusing on your vocation, work and hobbies. You can still be quite useful and productive to your family in as many ways.

We are two different people but my personal choice would be to never marry. You could be a skilled tradesmen 4 times over with the extra time this would get you. I would focus on building a business, 20 acre hobby farm you could transition into serious cash at home, stuff of this nature. Distractions.

I have nieces and nephews already, so would opt to be as involved as possible with them.

There is no positive outlook for transgenderism to be found in real life; the conclusion you seek is that there is a positive outcome for transgenderism, just not for those that desist, or just yourself. The positive outlook is overcoming it and being able to forget about the phase of our lives spent on it.

What do you and I know (not necessarily you, per se - but a reader that has gone through some form of gender dysphoria and has come back from it) now after experiencing it and meeting others going through similar experiences? What could we generalize amongst those who find common ground on an emotional or sexual level with one another enough to agree they share a similar or related experience? I don't seek to put it to strict form or pass checklists at the gates, but very rarely did I meet other people with wholesomeness. They were still experiencing sadness related, longing to be that never could be - on a spiritual level they were still broken - not in a religious sense but they were broken human minds from GD in some form or another.

Then there is the hyper sexual activity of a frequent number amongst those we could find agreement with. Some of those people, for me personally, terrified me - and the people (not just men) that collected them, too. When I see another going through GD, this is one of the things that my memory always calls up.

When we find the answer to why deeper inside ourselves - it makes you wonder the why for others. We can also find people who went through this and again come to agreement that we share similarities. Everything wrapped up into GD. Rarely now, more frequently in the past, do I notice shame of GD affecting my mood after desisting. Dread is the right word. Sometimes I do dread. But in comparison my life is so much better and I can identify myself with myself.

You talk about friends going through this stuff - maybe you're lucky they are just friends - friends come and go. People learn, and people will learn - or they don't and none of that is a positive ending. I know someone who's son is going through some manner of feminization urges at 14, but the father is in denial or aloof. I don't say anything because that leads to very serious confrontations at my age in life. "Th'Fuck about your kid, I'll watch your kid wipe his bike out all day long, they ain't mine" He'll learn on his own, or not.

Saving them from themselves will never work, really you can't think through someone else's GD and cornering them with reality begets hostility and defense. If it is indeed GD, it depends on the reason for their feminization urges (or masculinization). They will manifest however they do for them and they will either indulge or avoid. But GD isn't generally this contagious. If it isn't GD and they are jumping on the most special status fad but would probably move on better through life with themselves as a femboy, twink, homosexual or some manner of fairy-type pokemon then they will learn something the hard way.

Try not to worry about them labelling you transphobic in your personal mind. Make whatever overtures you have to make in order to keep your job or enrollment at school, but understand transphobic is a label applied like a weapon and is supposed to create an illusion that "fearing Gender Dysphoria" or suspecting those affected by it is morally bad, in fact The Big Bad. It's a political slur and a weapon. Dispose of this - you actually thinking concern for your friends is tantamount to transphobia and therefore bad things must come to you, or that some higher power will punish you. You have a concern for your friends and - as you personally know - for very good cause.

Scary things, internal and external, are associated with the experience of GD - you are right to be wary. But you can't be Holden Caulfield and your friends will either rebuke, suck you dry or treat you like an emotional pin cushion or maybe even try to make a lover or a nurse out of you.

i really hope that kid isnt being sexualy abused to be frank.

Open your eyes. Encouraging drag in children is encouraging cross dressing for what adults is a sexual kink.

support body autonomy, equality and socialism

Okay so you're a commie, that is normal in left wing space. You're a leftie. Whatever.

End of discussion for you and me, I have no kind word to say to you or people that think like you.

Actually, when you get to know recovered addicts they will generally tell you they turned their life around after hitting rock bottom and almost everyone of them will admit that their bottom was after police and courts get involved.

If heroin addicts were institutionalized and forced through tough love rehab they would not be filling up the streets and being enabled by a system of lax laws and comfort coddling.

Comparing marijuana and heroin? I can put down the marijuana after smoking it for years straight but you can't do that on heroin.

taking only estrogen injections and progesterone pills.

My understanding is that without blockers, your body will convert or otherwise try to rebalance the excess E into T and there will be nothing to stop uptake of that - as there is no receptor blocking happening. Careful with this, hormonal imbalances.

Prior to taking being on hormones, I was already androgynous looking, had a smaller athletic body, and long hair.

Ditto. Except my hair was a darker blond before hormone replacement.

Could easily put on makeup and attract straight men or no makeup and attract gay men. I liked how I felt and how people responded to me when I was in my feminine form

Have you discovered what feeds the feminization urges? I had some self denial but I did feel best when attracting straight men as I was quite passing. I noticed that I passed more with East Asian men. Gay men I stayed away from, mostly. I had been groomed earlier in life and gay men were a reminder I was a male. The men I was always on guard against were the men specifically attracted to trans, although many friends had these men in their orbit for the perks. Some actually only dated or fornicated with these types because, well they were prostitutes and these men are the clients.

The main drawback, which I knew was a risk going into HRT, is my decline in sex drive.

Very common from what I read. My libido also plummeted. Which had a feedback of restraining feminization urges a bit - a strange place to sit in transition if there is a sexual component to it all.

Masturbation feels more like a chore and is fractionally pleasurable than how it used to be

Yep. Can relate.

If I were to detrans would the estrogen-induced face fat dissipate?

Over time, yes. Without E, deposits most affected by it will over time dissipate. You'll go through a period where you eat less calories than normal and your body will draw from these sources readily. That's what I noticed. It took less than 2 years for my bum to return to a guys bum.

If I were to detrans, would my strength return in my entire body

If your T levels return to normalcy (assuming your T levels are going to be the average) then you will once again be able to make muscle gains. Energy returned for me.

I feel so torn and am grateful for this pandemic to allow me time to figure this out.

Lots of people are experiencing introspection in this time, let us hope we all use it.

Could you expand on what you mean by cross dressing?

Cross dressing as per the child drag queen phenomena is drag. Drag is a sexual caricaturization and lampoon of the opposite sex. Drag is a sexual kink. Ergo, having child drag queens is also sexualization of children.

(many of us) just prefer some clothes that are labeled for the opposite sex

in the context of GD, I agree.

Is me wearing short shorts or a woman wearing a men’s shirt considered cross dressing to you?

Much more ambiguous than drag.

I feel like a lot of this absolute gender stereotyping is what pushed many of us into transition in the first place.

That is also a quirkydink. Sterotypes push us into stereotypical clothing of the opposite sex? Reinforcing the duality of gender and sex.

People should wear what they want, provided it’s appropriate for the situation

A child engaging in drag to the entertainment and voyeurship of adult homosexuals and pedos is not an appropriate context for a child to cross dress.

Drag is not GD. Drag is a fetish. Kids shouldn't be engaging in sexual activity involving adults. Adults should not be dragging up children.