This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user consistently identifies as a 40-year-old bisexual woman who questioned her gender but never medically transitioned (a desister). Her perspective is detailed, nuanced, and internally consistent over time. She expresses a coherent, if strong, worldview regarding gender, transition, and detransition, which aligns with the passion and frustration that can be expected from someone in this community. The writing style is natural, with personal anecdotes and a conversational tone that is difficult to fake.
About me
I am a woman in my late thirties who always dressed in a masculine way, which made me lightly question my gender at times. I saw friends rush into transition to escape other mental health problems, and I noticed a lot of social pressure online to identify as trans. I believe you can be a woman who doesn't fit the stereotype without changing your body, and I think these medical procedures are serious and don't change your fundamental biology. I regret how the community often bullies those who realize they've made a mistake. Now, I am at peace living as a woman who loves who she loves and dresses how she wants, without any need for a label.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been one of questioning and observation, rather than medical transition. I am a woman in my late thirties, bisexual, and while I've always presented in a way that feels authentic to me—often wearing men's clothes and keeping my hair short—I never felt the need to change my body. I am very curvy and feminine-presenting, but I've also experienced moments of discomfort, especially during my teen years when I was sometimes mistaken for a boy even after I'd developed breasts. This confusion made me lightly question my gender at various points, but I always came back to the same conclusion: I am a woman. If explorers found my bones in a thousand years, they'd find the bones of a woman.
I believe my ability to step back from medically transitioning came from a place of self-awareness, even though I’ve seen how mental health issues can play a huge role in this. I know from others that many people who transition suffer from untreated mental health issues and use the concept of being trans as a way to run away from themselves. It becomes a form of escapism. I’ve seen friends get caught up in it, convinced that changing their gender will fix everything, when really, they’re just projecting their deeper problems onto their gender.
A big part of what kept me grounded was seeing the social contagion aspect of it all online. There's a lot of pressure in certain spaces to identify as trans, and I’ve watched people get brainwashed into thinking it’s the only solution for any discomfort with gender roles or their body. I’ve seen how this is especially prevalent among people who are autistic or struggling with other mental health conditions; they can misunderstand the concept of gender or get swept up in the need to belong to a group. I was lucky that I could see through that and recognize that I could be a woman who doesn’t fit the stereotypical mold without needing to change my body.
My thoughts on gender are that it’s separate from sex. I support trans people, but I think it's important to be realistic. A trans woman is a trans woman, not a biological female. The surgeries and hormones are serious medical interventions that change your body, but they don't change your fundamental biology. Your body will always fight against these changes because they aren't natural. I’ve seen the devastating effects when people rush into this without proper psychological help. Many clinics just hand out prescriptions after a simple questionnaire, without addressing the underlying trauma, internalised homophobia, or other issues that might be driving the desire to transition.
I’ve seen this happen particularly with gay men and lesbians who struggle with internalised homophobia. They think transitioning will allow them to live as a straight person, but it doesn’t work. You can’t cure being gay by becoming trans. I’ve talked to detransitioned women who realised they were just lesbians who hated the pressure to be feminine, not men trapped in women's bodies.
Because I never medically transitioned, I don't have any regrets about my own transition, as there wasn't one. But I have immense regret for how the community sometimes treats those who realise they've made a mistake. Detransitioners are often vilified by radical trans activists who claim they were never really trans or that they’re grifters trying to bring down the movement. It’s a sad and bullying attitude that prevents people from getting the support they need.
My overall view is that labels are unimportant. You can love who you love, dress how you want, and express yourself freely without needing to medically transition or fit into a specific box. The pressure to find a label and join a group can be overwhelming and, in my opinion, is causing a lot of unnecessary misery. The key is to learn to love yourself as you are, without feeling the need to change your body to fit a social ideal.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early teens | Experienced puberty discomfort; sometimes mistaken for a boy despite female development. |
| Various points in adulthood | Lightly questioned if I was non-binary or trans due to my presentation and occasional dysphoria, but always concluded I am a woman. |
| Now (almost 40) | Comfortably live as a bisexual woman with a non-stereotypical presentation, without having medically transitioned. |
Top Comments by /u/FlamingoDingoRingo:
How you present is up to you, but as a desisted 'tomboy' AFAB, I can say with 40 years of experience - nobody cares. Literally. You're young, and you'll not understand it yet because everything's a catastrophe until you're at least 25 years old.
But trust me. Nobody cares at all. You are allowed to be a woman who identifies as a woman, who wears baggy jeans, and short hair, and won't touch glitter with a barge pole.
You get so much hate, it's unreal and unfair.
Trans people are as valid as anyone but there is a growing stain in that community that is becoming radical and dangerous, and it's the reason the detrans community is also growing, due to the regret and misinformation handed round.
Nobody in my 40 years has ever asked me for my pronouns (talking IRL, not on the internet - and even then, tbh, nobody has ever asked me).
I think it is important to realise that the NB/trans community is a 0.1% type deal in the actual world, but online there is a social contagion that makes people believe it is 'everywhere' and that trans/NB issues actually affect the 'real world' (which largely, they do not).
Trans activists think all detrans people are grifters who either faked their transition for attention, or purposely transitioned to detransition in order to bring down the trans movement.
It's why they don't welcome anyone who is detrans into their space; it rocks their narrative that transitioning is 'practically risk free' and something anyone who ever questioned their boobs or penis should do.
This whole genocide meme right now is infuriating. It's not genocide. You can cherry pick situations that make it look like the gov't want genocide of women, black people, Mexicans, gay people, you name it. Hell, if you dug hard enough you could even find 'evidence' of genocide against white men, because those pointers are not exclusive or extensive.
But genocide is a VERY specific thing that goes so so so far beyond the few points being spat around idiotically.
This. And let's talk other specific male elements.
You can't de-male your naturally male skeleton.
You can't de-male the fact your body will STILL produce more T than even a trans woman on E, or a trans man on T.
You can't de-male the fact that you will grow male levels of body hair and may experience male-pattern baldness.
Your gender is your own and is whatever the heck you say it is, OP. But your SEX is what it is, you cannot 'nullify' it by attempting to look like Alan Rickman in Dogma. It won't happen.
Define safer?
I am sure medical science will eventually find a way, but (for e.g.) infection and bust stitches are most commonly a patient problem - not cleaning properly, moving too much, generally not caring for themselves once discharged, etc.
Outside of that, you must understand that the body does not want to be altered in this way. It will fight, tooth and nail, to revert to its former status. SO if you're a MtF trans woman, your neovagina will try to close for the rest of your life, because it will see it as a wound. Which it is.
It's not about safe. It's about 'should I be doing this to a body that wasn't meant to have it'
(I am not at all transphobic but from a purely scientific POV, these surgeries are no different to a nose job, boob job or face lift, or that weird leg-lengthening thing. They can all go SO WRONG because of how not-natural they are - such surgeries are NOT the same as fixative surgeries that attempt to put the body back how it is meant to be)
I have never medically transitioned, so I cannot speak from that level of experience, just from observation.
Some of the legit most happy and well-adjusted trans people I know of have 100% accepted their biological sex, and acknowledge their gender is expression is fully separate. They know they are (for e.g.) a biological man, but live 'as a woman'. This means perhaps breast implants, make up, dresses, female pronouns, etc. But they don't bemoan their biology anymore. Yet they are trans, 100%.
Yet some of the most miserable trans people I know, you can't even MENTION biology in front of them, even if you're not talking about their particular body.
I guess just from this observation - be who you are. The label? Unimportant. If you feel good on hormones, do continue. You can do this, and use she/her, whilst acknowledging you were born male and won't ever be a physical woman.
Someone else already said it but, you're a lesbian.
It's such a hard topic to talk about without unintentionally being insensitive (so apologies in advance) but even at full transition, you won't ever have sex 'like a man', because even with the most perfect bottom surgery, your neopenis won't function in the way a real penis does. That barrier will never go away.
I watched a detrans FtMtF video and the girl in that said she realised she actually did feel female in her mind (despite her dysphoria) because when she dreamed, she was a woman. When she had thoughts about her doing something, she thought of it in the place of a woman doing it, and had to constantly remind herself to think about things from a 'male' POV because it didn't come as naturally to her as she thought.
E.g. if someone made a joke about women, her gut reaction was to react as if it was said about her, know what I mean?
Not at all questioning your transness, that is for you - but it's a common thing.
My FtM friend has adopted all the cliche man-traits (manspreading, body language, talking about boobs and sex non-stop all of a sudden) but get them around baby clothes and it's all 'awwww that's so cute omg'.
I'm so sorry you were groomed in this way.
Whilst there is a huge sector of the trans community who ARE good people, who do understand gradients and boundaries in human wants, needs, safety and behaviours, sadly the 'trans cult' is also a thing, and they have developed a way of garnering a lot of attention.
The thing is, when you are trans (or gay, or lesbian, or even black, or disabled, etc) other people of your ilk are simply people you have things in common with. But you're all still different and you may not agree on major points of your culture - that's perfectly okay!
The problem with these trans cultists who turn their prominent demographic into a belief system, is they are them, you are them, and you represent them as they represent you. It becomes a prison and a toxic feedback loop of confirmation bias, lies and fear.
The moment ANY group forbids you from asking questions, that is the moment you get out and you never, ever look back.
The really sad thing is, had you encountered the good trans people, they either would've left the decision up to you rather than gauded you, or outright would've said 'do not do this, I think you need to think first'.