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Reddit user /u/Fleurista's Detransition Story

male
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's writing is highly personal, emotionally varied, and shows deep, nuanced reflection on their own complex history with gender identity, trauma, and desistance. The language is consistent and demonstrates a clear, evolving perspective over time, which is atypical for inauthentic accounts.

About me

I was born male, but the adults around me convinced me from a very young age that I was actually a girl, which caused me immense distress and led me to transition. I now understand my dysphoria was a symptom of deeper issues, including childhood trauma and endocrine problems, not a problem my transition could fix. I've psychologically stepped back from that identity after realizing the medical community often offers a one-size-fits-all solution without addressing root causes. It's frustrating when people dismiss my traumatic experiences or treat them as something enviable. I'm now focused on untangling those original issues and understanding what truly needed to be healed.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I see how many different pieces fit together. I was born male, but from a very young age, I was led to believe I was actually a girl. I blame the adults in my life for this, both the ones who intentionally abused me and the many more who, without meaning to, confused me by reinforcing sexist stereotypes instead of explaining that the real difference between boys and girls is just our bodies. Society as a whole failed to make that clear. I don't hold a lot of anger towards most of them now, as I see they were just products of a homophobic and heteronormative culture, but their actions and inactions had a huge effect on me.

Because of this, I developed a deep-seated belief that I was female. This wasn't about wanting to become a woman; in my mind, I already was one, and my male body was a mistake. This feeling caused me a lot of distress, what I now understand as gender dysphoria. I still struggle to fully recognize myself as male and a man because of the foundation that was laid in my childhood.

I eventually identified as transsexual and transitioned. For a long time, I welcomed the affirmation from the trans-positive community. But my perspective has shifted significantly. I haven't medically or socially detransitioned, but I've what I call "psychologically desisted." I've stepped back from that identity.

A big part of my change in view is realizing that the medical community often treats transition as a one-size-fits-all solution for anyone with gender-related issues. I think this is irresponsible. My own experience included trauma and what I call "little kid logic" that led me to the wrong conclusion. I also have my own endocrine issues that affected my development, and I suspect they played a role in my cross-sex identification and my sexuality.

It's incredibly frustrating now when I try to talk about the things that contributed to my dysphoria, like childhood bullying or pressure to conform to gender roles, and people respond with well-meaning but thoughtless slogans. It feels like victim-blaming. I'm also sick of people envying my traumatic experiences, as if they were something desirable. They weren't. They were horrific.

I don't see my gender dysphoria as something that needed to be fixed by transitioning. I think it was a symptom of deeper issues that weren't addressed. If I were to give advice to someone else struggling, it would be to really think about the specific things that bother them and try to trace those feelings back to their origins. For some, it's social roles; for others, it's their body. Understanding the root cause is the key to figuring out what actually needs to be healed.

I don't regret my past self for needing that affirmation at the time, but I now see my transition as a response to a problem that was misunderstood. My feelings about it are complicated, and I'm still working through untangling everything.

Here is a timeline of the key events I can remember:

Age Event
Early Childhood Adults in my life, through actions and inactions, led me to believe I was a girl instead of a boy.
Childhood Experienced bullying and trauma related to not fitting sex-role expectations.
Unknown Diagnosed with endocrine issues that affected my development.
Late Teens/Early 20s? Socially and medically transitioned, identifying as a transsexual woman.
2021 (Age unknown) Began "psychological desistance," meaning I stopped identifying as transsexual internally, though I have not detransitioned medically or socially.

Top Comments by /u/Fleurista:

7 comments • Posting since April 4, 2021
Reddit user Fleurista (Socially Trans - Regrets Medical Transition) explains their frustration with "transition victim-blaming" and being told to "just accept" being female, arguing it mirrors the harmful sex-role expectations that contributed to their dysphoria.
11 pointsOct 2, 2021
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I'm really sorry, I am still really worked up so I want to preface my response to tell you that this is not at all directed at you and I am not upset with you or your question, actually I appreciate you asking this. But I am writing with a lot of fervency.

I wish that people would actually listen, because if they did I just cannot believe they would have the impudence to say things like that to me now. I don't really care what people say otherwise, if it's respectful, but don't pretend to listen and then parrot back exactly what I said was one of the things that almost certainly directly contributed to dysphoria and becoming a transsexual.

I feel like this is transition victim-blaming: sharing how others hurt and abused you, and then having people defend them by saying they were right to do so, because you deserved it. Just...... fucking NO. Blaming a child for being unable to fit into sex-role expectations? JFC.

It's these trans-positive slogans that people jump to without actually listening or thinking before they speak. I had the same issue earlier this year when I tried to talk about my experiences with predatory, abusive trans people and the first thing people would jump to is 'respect their pronouns'. It's just infuriating.

In fairness, in the past I would have welcomed such responses and reactions as an affirmation that I was finally living the right life, and I do not in any way regret or fault anyone for sharing that in the past. But now it is completely different, and I'm explicitly sharing how and why it is different.

I am also just sick of being envied for my fucking horrific experiences, like they were desirable or pleasant or fun. Fuck OFF.

Again, none of this is directed at you whatsoever, you just asked a really great question and I am still worked up. Thank you for asking

Reddit user Fleurista (Socially Trans - Regrets Medical Transition) explains they blame the adults in their childhood for leading them to believe they were a girl, causing lasting gender dysphoria, while also acknowledging the role of societal homophobia.
7 pointsAug 18, 2021
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Not medically or socially detransitioned, but I've psychologically desisted for lack of a better term. I wasn't sure about answering the poll, so I'm just commenting (I hope that's OK!)

I blame most of the adults in my childhood for both intentionally and unintentionally, directly and indirectly leading me to believe I was a girl. I'm mostly not mad at them, save for a few who intentionally abused me, but I doubt I would have experienced the level of gender/sex dysphoria that I did/do. I still struggle to recognize that I'm male and a man, and those adults are largely if not entirely responsible for that, I feel.

ETA: Of course, I also blame society as a whole, and I think that many of the adults in my life were just products of society's values and permissions, so that's why it is difficult to really be mad at anyone who wasn't intentionally abusing me. The medical community's approach to transsexualism and cross-sex/gender identification is a remnant of more rampant homophobia of the past in the West, and I do want to believe that most medical providers and therapists have genuinely good intentions (though some certainly don't). I can't be too mad at the children who bullied me, either, since they were just acting how they were taught to behave and how they saw adults behave in their own lives. So, really I wouldn't have even maybe faced or experienced any of that had it not been for the adults who confused me very early on.

Reddit user Fleurista (Socially Trans - Regrets Medical Transition) explains how a combination of childhood trauma, societal pressure, and a pervasive cultural failure to distinguish between biological sex and sexist stereotypes led them to conclude they were transgender.
7 pointsOct 26, 2021
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I'm not sure if this is what you're talking about regarding 'larger societal things', and I do apologize if this isn't, but my experience includes different instances of trauma and pressure, but also gender and sex confusion and little kid logic, and conclusions being drawn from what evidence and recommendations were available.

There was a pervasive inaction on the part of everyone not just in my life, but the culture as a whole, failing to establish or clarify early on that the true difference between boys and girls was anatomical and physiological, not all the stereotypes and generalizations that were derived from sexism, misogyny and heteronormativity.

It's lots of little things and big things and actions and inactions all taken together leading me to conclude I am somehow female. It really feels like the entire world telling me so from when I was very young to the present.

ETA: It's probably evident from the flair, but I should disclose I am probably not considered detransitioned at this time

Reddit user Fleurista (questioning own gender transition) discusses their acceptance of potential rejection, trusting their gut feeling that things will work out as hoped.
4 pointsApr 27, 2021
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Thank you for watching and responding! I know that you're right, there is a lot of hope built up and things may very well not end the way I hope, but I'm OK if they don't. I just have such a strong feeling that everything will happen as I hope and feel in my gut it will, it makes me feel better about the idea of him rejecting me. I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt or crush me, but it's something I've already made peace with in my mind mostly.

Reddit user Fleurista (Socially Trans - Regrets Medical Transition) explains the diverse origins of gender dysphoria and suggests tracing its roots to find the best path to alleviation.
3 pointsJan 30, 2022
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I think we all experience gender dysphoria in different ways, some more similar, some less. For some people it's social roles of their sex that bother them the most, but for others what might really bother them is their body. Many people want to look certain ways to attract certain people. For some people passing matters, for others it does not. There are so many different aspects and factors and differences between people who experience gender dysphoria! 🙂

Please do understand I'm not asking you to share anything here that you would prefer not to, but I'm just suggesting thinking about the things that bother you the most that you want to remedy with transitioning. You might be able to trace your dysphoria to clearer origins and from there conclude what needs to be addressed in order alleviate the gender dysphoria.

Reddit user Fleurista (Socially Trans - Regrets Medical Transition) explains the difference between believing you *are* the opposite sex versus *becoming* it, arguing the latter group is more likely to detransition and that it's irresponsible to offer the same medical treatments for all gender-related issues.
3 pointsJan 3, 2022
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A while back I made a video about people believing they were the opposite sex as opposed to believing they were becoming the opposite sex--I noticed that it seems like most detrans and trans people see transition as becoming the other sex or gender, and ones who believed they were or are the opposite sex tend to desist/detransition less often.

I tend to worry for people talking about becoming the opposite gender when they transition, since I originally understood transition to just change sex, not gender, so if you didn't already identify with the opposite sex (as in believing you somehow are a member of it), then you would be miserable 😬

It's irresponsible of medical and professionals and researchers to just extend the same treatment for transsexualism onto anyone else having issues with gender, sex, gender identity or anything else that might appear as or correlate with it, treating it as a cure-all for any gender-sex issues. And the way you distinguished between 'true trans' and those who supposedly are not really highlights just how messed up this practice is.

Reddit user Fleurista (questioning own gender transition) explains how their own endocrine issues affected development and may have contributed to cross-sex identification and sexuality.
3 pointsApr 4, 2021
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I'm so sorry if this was inappropriate to ask here, I really didn't mean to encourage anyone to share anything deeply personal they didn't feel comfortable with.

I ask this because, yes, I have my own endocrine issues that affected my development, and I suspect that they played a role in my cross sex identification and sexuality. I was just curious to see how common that might be and if it were something that other people feel affected their gender identity and/or sexual orientation, too.