Some people are just very impulsive and short-sighted. Add in things like autism, OCD, trauma, being lovebombed by other trans people online, encouraged to ignore any doubts, and told you'll die without surgery... not a good combination. I didn't get bottom surgery but I have a load of tattoos that I got the second I turned 18 and regretted them within a year. Unfortunately I learned nothing from this experience and still decided to transition a few years later because I was convinced this was totally different!!!

It wasn't.

And it pisses me off so bad when I see comments from older trans people comparing the two because "tattoos are just as permanent, maybe more so, than transition and we don't make people get a psych eval beforehand". It's not the same thing at all. I hate my tattoos but I can cover them up with makeup and clothes. I can get them removed one day with minimal scarring. I can't magically get my breasts back or the natural shape of my genitals. I can't fix my fucked up hairline or my uncanny valley voice without great difficulty.

Teens ALWAYS think they know everything because that's what being a teenager is. It's madness to give them the power to change their bodies like this.

I believe there are some doctors (and definitely many therapists) who genuinely believe they're helping but for the majority it's clearly just about the money.

they're willing to totally overlook the fact that all of this queer ideology is destructive and nuts because all they care about is virtue signalling online for likes and retweets.

I see it like a club. People on the left want to either Be A Good Person or to Be Seen as A Good Person. It's important to their sense of self. It makes them feel like they're putting something positive into a world which can be incredibly cruel, especially to those who are different. In championing transition they get to feel like saviours of the broken™ without actually having to lift a finger. I know because, before I transitioned myself, I was one of them. Anything related to trans issues (be it identification, medical transition, puberty blockers, changes to the law, trans people in sports and prisons and bathrooms etc) has been strongly linked to the political left to the point it's become purely tribal.

You're not allowed to question anything because that would make you A Bad Person who's hurting others (which matters a great deal to sensitive folk) and it would also get you ostracised and de-platformed (which matters a great deal to those who profit from being seen as progressive).

This is why they simply refuse to acknowledge stats and facts even when it's staring them in the face.

Since detransitioning I've had conversations with vocally pro-trans friends in which they admit--in hushed and fearful tones--that they're not really sure it's such a great idea to medicalise children or for grown males to be playing women's rugby, and is it really fair to imprison vulnerable women with violent males just because they've decided to identify as something else? But they always bookend these confessions with assurances that they'll do anything to support trans folk, that they'd never agree with terfs and so on.

It's as if they simultaneously believe and disbelieve that trans women are women (trans men rarely even enter their minds even when I'm sitting in front of them with a 5 o'clock shadow lmao).They clearly struggle with the discomfort of cognitive dissonance these thoughts engender but aren't willing to risk the consequences for publicly voicing them unless they're also willing to switch sides politically. It's a complete mess.

I'm not looking forward to the inevtiable conservative backlash that's coming to a head because, as a disabled lesbian (two things I have absolutely no control over) who still reads as trans, it's going to really fuck me over.

Yep. Same. I was a cute girl and I felt like an absolute monster. I had BDD so some days I couldn't even bare to look in the mirror. Hated my breasts for being "too saggy" and having faint stretchmarks, hated my little tummy and my wide hips. I hated all of the things that made me obviously female because they weren't enough to "qualify". I thought girls either had to be completely angular, modelesque and androgynous or petite and curvy with a little button nose. Totally black-and-white thinking. Since I had a mix of both I started to feel like an impostor; instead of an ugly, unappealing girl I was now a young man trapped in this chimerical uncanny valley body and I needed to forcce the outside to match what I'd decided the inside must represent.

I, too, would give anything to be able to hug my younger self, tell her she's beautiful the way she is, tell her what womanhood and being female actually means, that all of the things she's internalised from her mother and her peers and society are absolute bullshit.

We were let down.

Your face looks female to androgynous to me but your clothes, in combination with a deeper voice, would have me leaning toward male. Obviously if that's your style and you want to stick to it that's fine but a different style of shorts and top would probably go a long way in helping you not be misgendered.

It just shows the plurality of reasons people identify as transgender and why it's such a terrible idea to operate under the assumption that the same "treatment" will work for all of them/us.

Within my little online circle of detransitioners we've got a woman with body dysmorphic disorder who hated her body, a woman who felt she couldn't fit into the stifling confines of female beauty and didn't "deserve" to be female, 2 fujos who thought they could get the gay boyfriends they always dreamed of (they're pretty open this lmao), a formerly religious and formerly self-hating bisexual woman, a gay headcase with OCD and c-PTSD (me), and somebody who was pushed towards transitioning as a child due to displaying gender nonconformity. The only thing any of us really have in common is that we regret transitioning.

You make a very good point about how female bodies are devalued. We are seen as inferior, failed men with switchable parts. I was also told that if I changed my mind about top surgery after the fact then I could simply get some new breasts bolted on. Voila! No mention of lasting numbness and pain, no mention of the psychological side effects of removing healthy body parts, no mention of the dangers associate with implants.

My mother went along with my transition in the same way she went along with my dropping out of college and developing an alcohol addiction and spending all of my savings on impulse buys. She was never "pro" anything; just totally and utterly uninterested in my life.

She has her own problems with misogyny. I wonder how common that is among FTMs and detrans women.

She bullied me throughout my childhood and teen years for being "ugly", having a big nose, appearing too masculine, being too emotional and "soft". All things she hated about herself. She mocked me for "looking like a boy" when I cut my hair into the exact same style she wears hers. Meanwhile, she treated my brothers (both older and younger and very similar to me in appearance) like kings, routinely praising their handsomeness.

I suspect my dysphoria was driven by body dysmorphia and internalised sexism based on the above.

When I requested she refer to me by a gender neutral nickname it was met with a shrug and passive acceptance. It was the same with testosterone. It was the same with surgery. I found out, via family friends, that she was calling me "weird" in private and that my stepfather was repulsed by me but there was never any pushback against any of it. Just a lackadaisical "whatever" as I destroyed my body and my life.

Since I made the choice to detransition I have frequently found myself overwhelmed with anger and grief at how nobody in my life seemed to care enough to intervene. I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't have been easier for me to deal with if they'd been enthusiastically positive about my transition because at least then it would have meant they gave a shit. I could have forgiven them for believing they were doing the right thing. But who knows? The grass is always greener on the other side.

Dealing with the physical, psychological and social fallout from transition is tough and you have my sympathy.

People might also know that you're obviously a woman, but just tell you what they think you want to hear because of the current state of gender politics. That's what happens to me.

Yeeeah I literally just had that happen this morning. I asked a woman in the health food store where something was but she didn't know so asked a colleague like "this... gentleman(?) is looking for [foodstuff]. Could you take him(??) to the right aisle?" with an encouraging, slightly scared smile lol. I honestly felt bad for her because I could see she was trying her best. I nearly left it but I kind of feel like it's my duty now to let people know masculine women exist so I just told her I'm a woman and not to worry about it. She looked mortified and said she thought I was but didn't want to offend me. So there's definitely a lot of pretending going on.

and FtMs have the whole transandrophobia thing which is them realising that transwomen are acting like men

Honestly, this is one of the first things that helped me to question my own trans identity. I kept seeing other trans men complaining about how we were left out of trans conversations and talked over in LGBT spaces because "queer people hate to be reminded of masculinity and value femininity more" and when I was like, what? no it's just lifelong male and female socialisation coming through I got horrified looks and called a terf lol. I was like... but it is??? It obviously is?! And all of these people who I'd totally trusted as a source of trans information started telling me that gendered socialisation and sex based oppression are myths and terf dogwhistles.

The response really threw me off because it seemed like everybody around me was just deciding to completely ignore reality. Maybe because I was involved in feminist causes for so long so I'm aware of rates of femicide and domestic abuse and things like period huts and girls being banned from education I was just like... how can you possibly believe that's about "gender" (a nebulous concept which doesn't exist in the same way in many societies) and not sex??

So then I started deconstructing a lot of other things I'd accepted and spent like 2 months straight having panic attacks about "becoming a terf" which is so fucking stupid in retrospect.

(if you got this twice just ignore one. My reply got removed for lack of user flair despite having a user flair set...)

Whenever I tried to talk about it (while still identifying as trans) I got yelled at for fearmongering and accused of putting people off from getting "life-saving surgery" which is why you don't see it discussed much. This also makes it very difficult to ascertain how many people are dealing with similar problems post-op.

I ended up with a lot of scarring due to a then-undiagnosed genetic disorder which affects wound healing and the entire process was really grim for me. Although I did eventually gain quite a bit of feeling back I still have two spots with zero sensation and a persistent burning by my left armpit. Unfortunately I didn't document when these changes occurred due to poor mental health and an erratic schedule. I'd guess it was around after 8 months that I started to get some sensation back in numb areas and maybe 2 years for some of the "zapping" pains to go away. I still get random itches sometimes that I can't actually scratch, especially after exercise.

It also just doesn't look good. It has never looked anything like a male chest; it looks like what it is, a botched mastectomy. This is why I dislike it when people photoshop out their surgery scars and also why I hate that fandom trend of drawing male characters with heavily stylised/"prettified" top surgery scars. You have no clue what you're actually going to end up with.

In my experience, in the UK and having to rely on NHS therapists, it's really difficult to find ones who aren't explicitly and enthusiastically pro-trans right now. However, I'm working with a fairly small sample size here and obviously confined to one little area of one little country, so it's by no means representative of the general situation worldwide. I've attempted to broach the subject of detransition with therapists can see that they immediately feel out of their depth and aren't really sure how to proceed. I assume they're nervous about going against their programming. It sucks because it's such a huge part of my life and I wish I were able to deconstruct and examine the whole thing properly.