This story is from the comments by /u/Froidinslip that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the user "Froidinslip" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting the account is a bot or operating in bad faith.
The comments demonstrate:
- Deep, nuanced knowledge: They consistently offer detailed, specific advice on mental health (CBT, DBT, OCD), endocrinology, and the history of transgender medicine, which is complex and consistent over time.
- A consistent, personal perspective: They identify as a cis woman, a mental health professional, and a feminist, and this perspective is woven logically throughout their advice. Their passion aligns with a genuine concern for harm reduction.
- Human-like interaction: They share personal anecdotes (e.g., about their "kiddo," their own past), use humor, and adapt their tone to be supportive, snarky, or academic as the situation warrants.
The account's authenticity is not negated by the user not being a detransitioner themselves; they explicitly state this and their motivation (a professional and personal interest in the topic) is clear and believable.
About me
I was born female and as a teen, I prayed to wake up intersex because I hated my body and envied the power I associated with men. I now see my distress was rooted in societal pressures, internalized misogyny, and my own OCD, not from being born in the wrong body. I looked into medical transition but am grateful I never went through with it, as my issues were about self-acceptance, not my sex. I've learned that masculinity and being female are not mutually exclusive. Today, I accept myself as a masculine woman, and my identity is about who I am as a person, not a gender label.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started in my teens, before the term "egg culture" was even a thing. I was born female, and I remember praying that I’d wake up one day and magically be intersex, that the beginnings of puberty were just a bad dream. I liked a lot of "masculine" things and I absolutely hated my body. It wasn't until I was around 20 that I really began to accept my femininity and my body for what it is.
Looking back, I see now that a lot of my discomfort was just a normal, though difficult, part of growing up. Puberty is hard for everyone, but I think it’s especially tough for girls. We’re taught from a very young age to be overly critical of our bodies. I saw my own mother talk negatively about her body, and that behavior became normal to me. I started to believe my body would never be 'good enough.' I also think I put masculinity on a pedestal, seeing men as having more power and privilege, and I envied that. I wanted to be treated with the same respect as a man, and I think I confused that with a need to actually be a man.
I never medically transitioned. I'm really grateful for that now. I thought about it a lot, and I even looked into things like top surgery and hormones, but something always held me back. I started to realize that my feelings weren't really about being in the wrong body, but about discomfort with the body I had and the societal expectations placed on me because of it. I had a lot of internalized issues to work through, including some low self-esteem and anxiety. I also see now that I have OCD, and for me, intrusive thoughts about gender and my body were a big theme. My brain would get stuck on these ideas, and it caused me a lot of distress.
My views on gender have really changed over time. I don’t believe that any person actually "feels" male or female in some innate way; male and female aren't emotions. They’re social constructs, templates we use to categorize people. Every person defines masculinity and femininity differently based on their own experiences. I think the current narrative that any discomfort with your body or gender roles means you're trans is dangerous. It pathologizes normal adolescent development and pushes people toward permanent medical solutions that might not be right for them.
I absolutely believe that for some people, hormones and surgery are helpful, but it should be a last resort, not a first step. The research on long-term outcomes just isn't there, especially for the huge number of young people, particularly girls, who are identifying as trans now. There needs to be a lot more exploration of other reasons for this distress, like trauma, OCD, body dysmorphia, or just the normal, awful process of going through puberty.
I don’t regret not transitioning. I regret the time I spent hating myself and being so confused. I’m glad I found my way to self-acceptance as a woman, even if I’m a masculine woman who doesn’t fit into a neat box. I’ve learned that I can be strong and masculine and still be female. My identity isn't about my gender; it's about who I am as a person—my passions, my strengths, my sense of humor.
Here’s a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Began puberty. Started praying to wake up intersex. Hated my developing body and felt intense discomfort. |
| Mid-Teens | Felt intense envy towards men, associating masculinity with power and privilege. Struggled with internalized misogyny. |
| Around 20 | Began the process of accepting my femininity and my female body. Started to understand my discomfort was linked to societal pressures, not a true identity issue. |
| Early 20s | Recognized patterns of obsessive, intrusive thoughts about gender, later understanding this as related to my OCD. |
| Ongoing | Continued to explore and solidify my identity as a masculine woman, separate from rigid gender stereotypes. Learned to cope with distress through therapy skills like DBT and mindfulness. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/Froidinslip:
You make a fair point about lobotomies. You could also add the recovered memories events in the 80’s where people were hypnotized and suddenly ‘remembered’ childhood trauma and having been a part of satanic rituals during their childhoods. Most of the claims were never substantiated and a lot of lives were negatively effected.
Hypnotism is not used much in mental health any more.
Human beings get things wrong. It’s part of being human, but learning from and healing from mistakes as well as trying to do better is part of being human as well.
In your third paragraph you summed up exactly what you are feeling. You do not have the desire to be a woman but you find the idea of dressing up as a woman arousing.
Transgender people have dysphoria which includes a very strong desire to be the opposite sex and to be rid of one’s secondary sex characteristics because those features are not supposed to be there.
You are letting your anxiety go nuts with worrying about something that it doesn’t seem like you have. Much of your concern seems to center around whether or not you are performing straight maleness properly because you have a fetish that includes dressing as a woman.
Stop worrying about gender and explore your possible kink.
Now if you can’t get the what if’s out of your head and/or have a history of an anxiety disorder or OCD, talk to a therapist about your thoughts and the anxiety they cause. Discuss ways to cope with the rumination and fear this brought up.
The best advice anyone can give you is take it slow. You don’t have to have SRS right now and you don’t need to go back on hormones. Both of those things can be restarted if you find that they are right for you.
So focus on living right now. Grow your career and work on other passions. Build relationships with caring, understanding people and just live.
You don’t even have to stop identifying as transgender. Transition is not necessary for every trans person. Some find that inner peace without surgery or hormones. If you find transition is still something you need, go for it. If not? Enjoy the extra money and welcome to the detrans community.
As a professional, both the definition of dysphoria and the push to treat everyone with hormones and surgery is problematic. The criteria for what is considered dysphoria is fairly broad and does not provide much guidance on contraindications—red flags. The criteria also do not specify when the dysphoria should begin. Traditionally, transition was reserved for individuals who had experienced dysphoria since early childhood. The idea that dysphoria can begin after puberty is relatively new and not well backed up by research.
Also the criteria can pretty much be applied to every teenager who doesn’t like their body and wondered what it would be like to be the opposite sex. Which is completely normal and gets better over time. Combine that with the internet spreading the message that any (1950’s outdated stereotypical) gender non-conforming behavior or thoughts makes you trans is a dangerous combination.
Clinicians are not encouraged to rule out discomfort caused by normal body discomfort due to puberty (especially in natal females who are taught from an early age to be overly critical of their bodies), OCD, body dysmorphia, trauma, and other things that can cause severe discomfort with one’s body and sex.
As for transition as treatment? I have yet to find good studies where quality of life was increased over the long-term. Most of studies I have read have high drop out rates, short follow up times, or just downplay how many people report a decrease in quality of life because they also report a decrease in dysphoria.
In short, give yourself time to finish growing up and developing your identity outside of gender.
These are extremely unhelpful. Have these folks never heard of OCD? Shitty puberty experiences?
Searching and questioning identity is a normal part of human development. Unfortunately individuals who tweet things like this will generally attack anyone who disagrees even if that person has good evidence.
Who said you can never wear clothes from the women’s section? Who said you can’t wear makeup? Who said you have to cut your hair? Who said you can’t be friends with women? Who said you have to speak/act/be A Man (tm)?
Nobody
Accepting and living as your sex does not mean that you have to conform to any stereotypes or expectations but your own. Keep a couple of your favorite outfits and wear them when you want to feel more feminine. Keep wearing makeup and following your skincare/beauty routines. Might need to change your look a bit but there are plenty of women who have no problems with a man who wears mascara.
Hell we don’t even mind if you rock some women’s clothing (see 1970’s Led Zeppelin, Prince, etc).
You are the only one who defines what it means to be a man when it comes to living your life. Don’t let society dictate your choices and you will rock this.
Be awesome and good luck on your journey.
You are in mourning. Having the realization that you cannot fully become the opposite gender can feel like a huge loss after having that hope of “peace of mind” for so long.
So where to go from here? You should allow yourself to grieve the loss of the hope for a future as an opposite-sex self which you know to be unobtainable. However, to move forward, also focus on accepting and being your best current self.
What are you good at? Art, writing, cooking, making people laugh, finding terrible movies, etc? What things does your body do for you that you enjoy? Strength, endurance, the ability to wiggle your ears, the ability to run in stilettos, etc? Is there something you would like to study or improve in a positive way? Hobbies, skills, physical health?
If you try to spend time focusing on things that are positive about yourself and work on improving things that bring you joy and pride, you’ll be able to be happier with yourself and more able to accept what you wish was different but know you cannot change.
You’ll be ok and you will find new hope. Sometimes it just takes patience.
So if you are looking for ways to cope with dysphoria, look into DBT and distress tolerance skills. You said you can’t access therapy, but you can learn what the skills are and begin to practice them.
You can also try starting a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is a DBT skill which helps teach your brain how to live in the moment and also how to accept thoughts and emotions without judging them. So when you have a thought that you should be a woman, you can accept that thought and know that you don’t have to act on that thought. When you feel distress over your masculinity, you can accept the distress and know that it will pass and it can only cause you as much harm as you let it.
There are some good apps out there that have free guided mindfulness sessions to help you get started and to see if it’s even helpful.
Good luck!
Jealousy and anger are totally justified here. Honestly you are probably feeling some grief over what you have lost and that is ok.
You absolutely will feel better with time so try not to beat yourself up too badly.
Remind yourself that men come in all shapes, sizes, and t levels. You are no less a man because you had a couple of surgeries that have changed your body. Plenty of men have gonads that stopped working for one reason or another and now they require synthetic testosterone. Plenty of men have breasts they don’t want from medication side effects or other reasons. You are not alone. You will heal and you will be more resilient because of your experience.
After the creation of the first gender clinics in the 1960’s, the idea of what makes a person transgender was pretty rigid and since surgery and hormones were expensive, not covered by insurance, and extremely experimental, a person had to be desperate.
In 1966 there was the Benjamin scale link which also used the Kinsey scale. The higher you were on that scale, the more suitable you were for any type of transition. Note that most people treated for dysphoria were natal males.
GNC behavior that started in early childhood was expected and individuals who only had dysphoria symptoms later in life were not usually considered for any type of transition.
Much of the increase in younger people transitioning is probably due to the rise of the affirmative therapy model— which a recent study found not to be helpful— a push away from needing childhood GNC behavior in order to diagnose dysphoria, and the push to make transition easier to obtain for those who need it.
I read an article once that talked about how transgender medicine may have been rooted in racism as many of the first transitioners were black and poor and much more likely to be diagnosed as transgender than white natal males.