This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments are nuanced, empathetic, and offer practical, personalized advice that reflects a deep understanding of the complex emotional and psychological landscape of questioning one's gender, transitioning, and detransitioning. The language is consistent and natural, showing no signs of automated generation or a manufactured persona. The advice to focus on personal well-being over labels and the emphasis on finding a good therapeutic fit are particularly indicative of a genuine, lived experience.
About me
I started socially transitioning after feeling deep discomfort with my developing body during puberty and spending a lot of time in online communities. I now see my feelings were rooted in body dysmorphia, depression, and internalized homophobia, not in being male. Working with a therapist on my underlying trauma, rather than on my gender, was what truly helped me. I’ve realized that path wasn't for me, and I don't regret the journey because it led me to understand myself better. I'm now focused on being comfortable and happy as a female, without any labels.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was complicated and I’m still figuring a lot of it out. I never had any medical procedures, but I did socially transition for a period of time.
For me, a lot of it started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I hated the changes that were happening to my body, especially developing breasts. I felt like my body was betraying me and I just wanted it to stop. I now see that this was more about puberty discomfort and body dysmorphia than it was about actually being a man. I also struggled with depression and very low self-esteem for a long time, and I think I saw transition as a way to escape all of that and become a completely new person.
I spent a lot of time online in trans communities, and I was definitely influenced by what I read there. It felt like an answer to all my problems. I started identifying as non-binary first, and that felt okay for a little while, but eventually I felt pressured to be more specific and I started identifying as a trans man. I think a lot of my feelings were misinterpreted as gender dysphoria when they were actually rooted in other issues.
I also had to confront the role that internalized homophobia played. I think part of my desire to transition was a deep discomfort with being a lesbian. Becoming a "man" felt like a way to avoid the stigma I felt was attached to that.
I eventually realized that medical transition wasn't for me. I came to understand that not all gender dysphoria requires medical transition. I started seeing a therapist who was willing to help me work through my underlying trauma and self-esteem issues instead of just affirming a transgender identity. That non-affirming therapy was what really helped me. She helped me understand that my problems weren't because I was born in the wrong body, but because I had a lot of pain I hadn't dealt with. I learned to separate my discomfort with my body from the idea of being the wrong sex.
I don't regret exploring my gender because the process of questioning everything led me to a much better understanding of myself. But I do regret that I was so quick to latch onto a label without looking deeper. I regret the time I lost being so focused on my gender identity instead of working on my mental health. I don't think I'm a failed man; I just realized that path wasn't for me.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal thing and there's no one right way to be. For me, it was more helpful to stop focusing on labels altogether and just focus on doing things that make me feel happy and comfortable in my own skin, as a female person. I don't think it's transphobic to be uncomfortable or to question things. Your feelings are your own, and it's important to work through them honestly.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started feeling intense discomfort and hatred toward my developing breasts during puberty. |
| 19 | Spent a lot of time online and was influenced by trans communities; began identifying as non-binary. |
| 20 | Felt social pressure to identify more specifically and began identifying as a trans man and socially transitioning. |
| 21 | Started non-affirming therapy to address underlying trauma, depression, and self-esteem issues. |
| 22 | Realized my issues were not related to gender identity and stopped identifying as trans. |
Top Comments by /u/Gabeajean:
I dont think its transphobic to simply be uncomfortable. Your feelings are your feelings. That said if you start projecting those onto lgbt people or making it a mission to tell them what to do with their lives I think that is when it becomes a problem. Honestly it sounds like youre going through a lot. Maybe therapy might help you sort through your feelings? Youre not a bad person for having them so I wouldnt frame it that way to yourself. I think its understandable given your experience.
I would avoid referring to yourself as a failed man. Even if transitioning wasnt for you that doesnt mean you failed. I would encourage you to ignore all the labels and the community and focus on what behaviors make you feel happy. If they arent harmful to other people then theres really nothing wrong with pursuing that whether thats detransition or retransitioning. Also therapy may help you sort through your thoughts. Good luck!
Shriers work does make some okay points but there is some cherry picking here and there because she is really trying to push a specific narrative. It doesnt stray too far from the topic in the book at least but Shrier is definitely not unbiased in her approaches. Given what Ive read the article you describe does not surprise me.
No one can tell you if youre trans. Gender dysphoria is simply discomfort with a misalignment between your gender identity and your biological sex. Not all gender dysphoria requires medical transition.
That said the only way to figure this out is to seriously self reflect and get the help of a professional to guide you through it.
Others have mentioned AGP which is a thing. I would recommend doing your own research on that because its a bit complicated. Not all trans women transition due to AGP. Youd have to do some reflection to decide which one fits you most.
No matter what you decide this process will be worthwhile because youll be able to have a better understanding of yourself at the end. Ignore the labels and others expectations and evaluate what will give the best outcome for you.
Good luck.
I had a similar experience with a therapist of mine who refused to talk about trauma. You can ask your current therapist for her reccomendation if you trust her. The other option is to go therapist shopping. You can easily search for therapists who are lgbt friendly and deal with other issues through databases like psychology today. Your first meeting with a therapist should be to decide if its a fit. When you go explain clearly what you want to work on. Gauge their responses and how you feel about them. It may take some time to find the right one, but thats totally normal. At the end of the day the therapist is there to help you so its important to find one youre comfy with and that is helpful.