This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user's posts show a consistent, evolving, and deeply personal internal dialogue about their gender identity, transition, and eventual detransition/desistance. The language is nuanced, self-reflective, and shows a clear emotional and intellectual journey over time, which is not typical of bot behavior. The passion and critical perspective align with a genuine desister's experience. No serious red flags were found.
About me
I started questioning my gender at 17, feeling my male body was wrong and that being female would fix my deep discomfort with puberty. I now see my desire was a form of escapism, heavily influenced by online communities and my own low self-esteem. I'm grateful I never pursued hormones or surgery, as I realized that was just avoiding the real issue of learning to accept myself. Through a lot of self-reflection, I understood my feelings were tied to a temporary struggle, not a true need to be the opposite sex. I have since made peace with my body and am comfortable living as a male.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was 17. I began to feel that my male body felt wrong and that the idea of being female felt better, like a wound healing. I thought my body wanted to be female. I didn't think it was a sexual thing for me, even though I had fantasized about having sex as a woman. I believed I was mentally healthy and that I didn't need outside validation to be a girl; my own feelings were enough.
I was really questioning everything. I wondered if my feelings were just because of subconscious messages from society about gender roles that had been ingrained in me since birth. I started to think that maybe I wouldn't be fully happy as a binary woman either, but that it would still be an improvement over being a man.
At the time, I was very against the idea of taking hormones or getting surgery. I thought the most I would ever want was hormone blockers, because I liked the idea that I could just stop them and my male puberty would resume if I changed my mind. I was okay with having a male body and just tucking, or stuffing a bra to imitate breasts. I felt I could be content with just crossdressing, but it wouldn't be the "full female experience" I thought I wanted.
Looking back, I think a lot of my desire was a form of escapism. I was deeply uncomfortable with the changes of male puberty and I thought becoming female would fix that discomfort. I also had very low self-esteem and was influenced by what I saw online and by a few trans friends I had at school. I noticed that most of the trans people I knew were female, and the two trans girls I met were not great people, which made me suspicious of the community.
I’m glad I never went through with any medical steps. My questioning only lasted a few months before I found online communities that made me think more critically. I realized that telling myself "HRT will make you look better" was just ignoring the real problem, which was not being at peace with my own appearance. I had to learn to be patient with my body and not be so hard on myself.
I don't have any regrets about transitioning because I never medically transitioned. I only ever thought about it socially. I now see that my feelings were likely tied to puberty discomfort and a desire to escape from myself, not a true need to be the opposite sex. I benefited greatly from the non-affirming therapy I gave myself by really questioning my motives. I understand my body better now and have made peace with being male.
| Age | Date (Approximate) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | Dec 2018 | Began seriously questioning my gender, feeling my body was wrong as male and would feel better as female. |
| 17 | Jan 2019 | Experimented with mentally convincing my body it was female, which felt expressive and freeing. Began to suspect societal influences. |
| 18 | Jun 2019 | Concluded that I wouldn't be fully happy as a binary woman either. Recognized the role of online and social influence in my questioning. |
| 18 | Jun 2019 | Decided against medical transition, realizing it avoided the root issue of self-acceptance. Began to make peace with my body. |
Top Comments by /u/Gameboy_Connoisseur:
Your body is just as valid and hard working now as it was then. As hard of a challenge as this is, things had to happen this way for a reason. Your looking back at older pictures a lot worries me that you're being too hard on yourself and your appearance. It's a lot of baggage to hold on to one's past. Your body needs time to recover from T, it's important to be patient with yourself and your body.
Even at like 13, I could tell a considerable chunck of the trans/non binary population was assigned female. There are several trans guys at my school, yet I've only met two trans girls there. Nobody liked the latter two, one was manipulative as fuck, and the other has been up to some illegal shit and is banned from a lot of places in town.
You are not too old to consider making any sort of change regarding your life. This is no different.
Though I have no professional opinion on the matter, I have heard that obtaining estrogen through such means will not accomplish much as far as things like breast growth go.
It is important that you don't get too caught up in how you will look when it's all said and done. It is important to allow whatever changes that must be made to happen, so long as they are not life threatening.
Have you struggled with any sort of long term mental ailment, such as depression?
I would like to add, I don't agree with the advice given in the video. It's always "Oh, don't worry. The hrt will make you look better." And I feel that doesn't address the underlying problem of not being at peace with one's appearance well enough. It seems like an excuse (ironically enough) to ignore the root of the problem.
I think I did this to an extent, because I still wouldn't mind having been AFAB and looking like a typical woman anywhere near as much as I mind being a man. With me, it's mainly that I realized that I wouldn't be fully happy as a binary woman, either, even if it would be an improvement.
Simply put, I treat myself as male be telling myself as such, likewise with female.
To enforce the male sex on my body presents either no feeling whatsoever, or one that feels like I'm holding something in. Say what you want, but I hold true that I am an empath who can feel the emotions of others. This same feeling of holding in, I felt it in this one ftm friend of mine before his transition.
Enforcing the female sex results in the opposite. I feel more expressive this way, as if I'm letting my emotion out more. I have adopted a new sort of medication as of late. Convincing my body that it is in fact producing estrogen rather than testosterone. This is, by a very wide margin, what has made me feel most like a girl. It feels so great, and it boosts this extra expressiveness.
Upon finding this sub, I question if subconscious implications originating from society are at play here. Gender roles are ingrained on each of us from birth, so what if those have seeped into my subconscious, thus infecting my thoughts and affecting how my body feels?
have you considered that it's a fetish
It doesn't feel very sexual to me, though I have fantasized having sex as a female. Sexuality doesn't play a very big role in me wanting to transition. My body feels better about being female than male, and why is this? I personally interpret it as my body wanting to be female, similarly to how a body feels better upon a wound healing over time. I believe my body feels better in reaction to secondary female attributes put in place by society because of what it means to me, because those attributes can be called back to the female sex at its most primordial. But don't get me wrong, I know I don't have to be an utter girly girl to be female and I do not intend to act this way. I understand that I can redefine society's implications.
Do you need hormones to live as a girl?
No. The most I would want is just hormone blockers, at least at this point in time. It will be easier to look female if I don't have a ton of testosterone in my system that's actively shaping my body to be the opposite. I understand that this is a very 3D way of going about life, but I want the full female experience. I've already lived as a guy for 17 years, so what about being female? My body feels good about it and I'm not overly attached to being male, so why not give it a try? This is another reason why I don't want the full kitten caboodle transition. If it turns out for whatever reason that I actually hate it, my body would only be affected via suppressed testosterone. Everything I've read up on shows that I would just resume male puberty after going off blockers.
Would you be content just with crossdressing?
I suppose I could be ok with just crossdressing, but it wouldn't be the full female experience. Only a fraction, which I can already attain.
Would it hurt you if you were misgendered by others?
In the moment, likely, but then I'd remind myself that being treated like a guy doesn't mean I am one. This would help me feel better.
Finally, what do you think hormones and surgery would offer you? Are you ok with the risks and limitations of this treatment?
Hormones and surgery would certainly shape my body to look more female, but that wouldn't make her any less female than before. I'm ok with having a dick and no breasts (though I would stuff a bra to imitate breasts.) Dicks can be tucked, and mine isn't humongous. Even if I would go on female hormones, I probably wouldn't get surgery ever.
Concluding thoughts: Thank you, this has given me a lot to process. I still wanna live as a girl, because that appeals more than being a guy. I don't need outside validation to feel like a girl, the only validation I need is my own. I understand that people will disagree with my decision to the point of harrassment or worse, but I can take it. It won't break me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a mentally healthy person and I know how to detox. Male or female, I love my body all the same.
I don't really think that there's any one thing I can blame. Maybe society, alongside many family members throughout the years for subconsciously enforcing gendered stereotypes on me? I'm just glad I didn't immerse myself into the trans cult or any online trans community until the last few months of thinking I was trans. At least ot was through that that I was able to find this sub and others like it.