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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user shares highly specific, personal, and emotionally charged details about their detransition experience (physical changes, medical procedures, emotional turmoil, social fears). The narrative is complex, internally consistent over time, and reflects the known passion and pain common in the detrans community. The language is natural, with personal reflections and minor grammatical imperfections typical of human writing.
About me
I started taking testosterone at 17, thinking it would fix my deep unhappiness, but it just made me feel more lost and disconnected. I cancelled top surgery twice because of panic attacks, and getting off T was terrifying because I was scared to admit I was wrong. My body has mostly gone back, but some changes like my lower voice and facial hair are permanent reminders. The worst part was the profound loneliness of being called "he" and knowing it wasn't me. Now, at 20, I'm living as a female again, working on forgiving myself, and finally feeling genuinely happy and connected to the world.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was confusing, painful, and ultimately a process of finding myself. I started identifying as a transgender man when I was 17 and was on testosterone for about a year. I’m now almost two years off of it and have been living as a female again for the last three months. For the first time in a long time, I feel connected to the world and genuinely happy.
Looking back, I think a lot of my drive to transition came from a place of deep unhappiness and confusion that I mistakenly thought was gender dysphoria. I never had any surgeries, thank goodness. I scheduled top surgery twice and cancelled both times a week before because I had massive panic attacks. It was a huge relief that I listened to that gut feeling.
Being on testosterone was a strange experience. The shots became a chore and it never really made me happy; I just felt like I was going through the motions. When I first got off T, I didn't even know why I was doing it, and I still identified as male for a while afterwards. I was scared to admit I was wrong because I feared hearing "I told you so" from people and putting everyone through another pronoun switch. But finally talking to my loved ones was a massive turning point. A huge weight lifted off my chest and I felt like I could finally move forward.
The physical changes from testosterone have been both permanent and reversible. My body shape and face have mostly returned to what feels like my natural state, though my face is a little different. My jaw and brows are not exactly the same as before, and sometimes looking in the mirror is hard because I don't fully recognize myself. It eats me alive some days, and I dread seeing my reflection in the morning. I’m growing my hair out long, hoping that will help me feel more comfortable and allow me to wear masculine clothes without being misgendered or reminded of my time on T.
My chest went back mostly, but I lost a lot of fat in my breasts from T, so they have a bit of sag that wasn't there before. I didn't experience much bottom growth, thankfully, just some thickening. My facial hair was much thicker and darker on T, and while it's lessened, it's not completely gone. I'm currently doing laser hair removal for that and hope to do it for my body hair too, as I still have to shave every few days. My Adam's apple did grow a little, but you can't see it from the outside, which I'm grateful for because that's permanent.
My voice is lower, but not extremely deep. People in person usually read me as a female with a low voice, but over the phone, I get misgendered about 80% of the time. I haven't been able to afford voice training, so for now I just sing along to female artists in the car to try and practice a higher tone.
The worst part of my entire experience was the mental disconnect. I used to feel so confused and lost. When people would call me "he," I knew it wasn't me, but I felt trapped and too far in to back out. It was the worst loneliness of my life. I even had a terrifying episode of dissociation where I was at work and saw myself from the corner of the room. I had to go hide and just sit down to process what happened.
I don’t really have anyone to blame for my transition but myself, and I’m working on forgiving myself for it. I don't regret exploring my identity because it led me to where I am now, but I do regret not understanding my own mind better back then. I think my discomfort was more about hating the changes of puberty and general low self-esteem than being a man. I don't think gender is a simple binary for everyone, but for me, trying to live as the opposite sex was a form of escapism that didn't address my real problems.
Now, I’m just trying to accept myself as I am, changes and all, and move forward with my life.
| Age | Date (if known) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 17 | Started taking testosterone. | |
| 18 | Stopped testosterone after one year. | |
| 20 | Stopped identifying as male and began living as female again. | |
| 20 | Present | Getting laser hair removal, growing hair out, working on self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/Gettingby-_-:
This just says who that person is. They are pathetic and have nothing better to do if you are so uncomftable with detransitioning maybe YOU have some secrets you have been keeping or need to uncover about yourself no one should be trigged by something that much unless they possibly are scared of going thru it themselves? I will always and forever support trans Individuals but once they start hating on the detransitioners thats where i draw a line I have no one to blame for my transition but myself and i even am working on forgivness I dont know if they know but alot of us here and i hope most of us arent Terfs and we are very supportive
As someone who is a FTM detransitioner i understand your pain and confusion, I knew for so long but i was scared to hear “i told you so” or put ppl thru once again another pronoun switch, Once i talked w my loved ones everything was okay this huge weight lifted off my chest i felt like i could move forward! I advise to share how you feel with who you love. asap its better for you and if you dont get the response you were hoping for at least you know that person isnt actually there for you. if they love you they will walk any path with you:) Best of luck!!
I got onto T when I was 17 Took it for a year and got off I am now close to two years off of T And I as well can’t get over the small little changes that my face has made I look a lot like my pre t self but my jaw is a little bit different as well as my brows Looking in the mirror kind of eats me alive but I force myself to look at myself because it’s not going to change and I am trying to get used to it but sometimes it feels like I don’t recognize myself which is weird because it’s only small changes that no one else would notice besides myself in the morning I dread waking up because I know I have to walk into the bathroom and see myself. It’s definitely going to take time I can’t just snap my fingers and accept myself also my hair is a very big insecurity of mine I see that you wrote that you thought having long hair would help everything and it didn’t that has been my hope as well I haven’t seen myself with long hair for about four years now so I’m really stoked to see what I look like with it and I hope as well I won’t have to put make up on every time I go out because I have long hair to Prove myself as a girl I have always like dressing up in masculine clothes but with my short hair I can’t dress up masculine without wanting to cry Because it reminds myself of when I was on testosterone but hopefully with the long hair I will be able to dress up masculine and feel a lot more comfortable.
It’s taking me a while to think about all the changes that have gone on in the past two years, due to me forgetting how things were when I was on T I think I have tried to push those memories out I have not had any surgeries at all so I will start with chest my chest pre t wasn’t too big but also wasn’t small I’d say right in the middle my chest has gone back but one thing I would say I do have a little bit of sag that wasn’t there before as I lost a lot of fat in my breast on T, does anyone have any tips to perk breasts up? my facial hair was much thicker and darker but as time went it has lessened but is not completely gone I am currently doing laser to remove that. my body shape has returned to what seems as my natural body shape, my face has re-feminized I don’t think it is the same as pre t there’s something off I can’t pinpoint what it is. bottom growth I luckily didn’t experience much bottom growth I would say it’s just thicker than what it was before, body hair wise I do have to shave every few days all over my body, It is definitely not as much as it was when I was on T I do hope to get laser hair Removal all over my body, Adams apple I didn’t really experience much of a growth of one I definitely have one but is not viewable from the outside of my neck thankfully! Anyone getting off of T your Adams apple does not get smaller that is a permanent effect you would have to get a tracheal shave to fix that when I first got off of T I lost around 30 pounds due to me not being depressed as much and just losing some muscle and fat When I first got off of T I still identified as male I did not know why I got off T I just knew it didn’t make me happy shots became a chore. I recently have been living as female just the past three months so it is pretty new to me but I couldn’t put into words how happy I am and how I feel connected to the world I want to know if anyone has experienced any dissociating due to transitioning? my worst experience was I was at work and I saw myself from the corner of the room it was so terrifying I had to go into the cooler and just sit to think about what just happened I used to feel so confused I didn’t know what I wanted and when people would refer to me as “he” I genuinely knew it wasn’t me but I also had a fear that I was already too far into something and I couldn’t get out of it it was the worst loneliness of my life I would love to hear other people stories and I would love to help other people through this no one should go through it alone. I hope this helps some of you!
Nope Thank god I didnt have top surgery I had it scheduled twice and cancelled a week before each time due to panic attacks about going thru with such a big surgery. I dress feminine although I do like to dress masculine, I am afraid of being misgendered it hurt too much, I am in the process of growing out my hair so in hopes that will help ppl to not misgender me when dressing masculine! n My voice... Well its low but not low low you can take a look on my profile i posted a video of me talking:) i have not done any voice training yet due to money issues but I will for sure! I mostly just sing in the car with female artists and that helps me pick up a little bit of a higher tone. I am conscious about it most of the time especially if I have to talk in a quiet room, The way I dress tho most ppl just assume im a female with a low voice I dont get misgendered in person really ever but over the phone 80% of the time I will get misgendered