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Reddit user /u/Goldtru's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 48 -> Detransitioned: 49
female
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
benefited from non-affirming therapy
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's comments are highly personal, empathetic, and offer consistent, nuanced advice focused on community, faith, and practical coping mechanisms. The language is natural, with varied sentence structure and personal anecdotes (e.g., growing up in the 1980s, turning 50). The views expressed are well within the range of passionate, often religious, detransitioners and desisters who frame their experience as a harmful ideology or mental struggle they have overcome.

About me

I started questioning my gender in my late 40s while struggling with depression and isolation. I latched onto the idea of being non-binary as an escape from my unhappiness, heavily influenced by what I saw online. I now see it was a harmful obsession that made me focus only on myself. I was able to detransition by turning to my faith, finding a real-world community at my church, and using therapy skills to manage my thoughts. Today, I believe my feelings were a trick of the mind during a mental health crisis, and I'm grateful to have found my way back to being a woman without medical intervention.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started in my late 40s. I was struggling with a lot of depression and anxiety, and I felt very isolated, especially as more of life moved online. I began to fixate on the idea that I might be trans. Looking back, I see it was a kind of obsession, a poisonous idea that I kept feeding with my attention. It was a hall of mirrors where I only focused on myself, and that led to a downward spiral.

I never took hormones or had any surgeries. For me, it was a social and mental transition. I started identifying as non-binary for a time. I now believe this was a form of escapism. I was deeply unhappy and latched onto this idea as a solution, influenced heavily by what I saw online. It felt like an answer to my loneliness and low self-esteem.

My thoughts on gender are that it’s a harmful idea that was separated from biological sex. When I was growing up in the 80s, gender and sex were the same thing. You could be a girl who climbed trees or a boy who liked to cook; it wasn't a big deal. We were told to just "be ourselves." I believe the modern concept of "gender identity" has done untold damage. It took the normal variations in male and female personalities and turned them into something else entirely, something that requires medical intervention. For me, gender now means believing a lie.

I absolutely regret my transition. It was a mistake born from a bad mental state, not a true reflection of who I am. What helped me detransition was a few key things. First, I had to firmly tell myself that I wasn't a man and that I needed to stop entertaining the thought. I had to uproot that poisonous seed. Second, I stopped focusing so much on myself. I found that the only true way out of that self-obsessed spiral was to focus on other people and what I could do to help them. This gave me something positive to hold onto.

I also benefited from non-affirming therapy principles, specifically techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I learned to create a practical "toolkit" of distractions for when I felt bad—like reading, calling a friend, or having a cup of tea—to just get through the difficult moment until it passed.

My faith was a huge part of my healing. Praying and turning to God gave me strength and a sense that I was being listened to. I also found a real-world community at my church, which provided the stable, caring relationships that online interactions could never replace. Getting away from the online world and into a healthy, in-person community was crucial.

I don’t believe my experience had anything to do with sexuality; for me, it was a mental health crisis that manifested as a gender obsession. I’m grateful I didn’t medically transition, as I know the consequences can be severe and permanent. My message to others is that these feelings can be a trick of the mind, and with the right tools and support, you can find your way back to yourself.

My Age Year Event
48 2022 Began to socially identify as non-binary, influenced by online spaces and personal struggles with isolation.
49 2023 Realized my transition was an obsessive, unhealthy fixation and began the process of detransition.
50 2023 Fully detransitioned, relying on faith, community, and therapeutic techniques to root out the harmful idea.

Top Comments by /u/Goldtru:

9 comments • Posting since November 25, 2022
Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains their method for overcoming gender dysphoria by firmly rejecting the identity, focusing on others to combat narcissism, and uprooting the "poisonous seed" of the idea.
15 pointsJul 3, 2023
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I dealt with my own issue by eventually firmly telling myself that I wasn’t a man and I needed to stop. I know that sounds very simple. Try it. Try putting the idea out of your head. Focus on something else. If you can, find ways you can help other people - a big part of this is, unfortunately, narcissism. A poisonous seed was planted in your mind and it is producing poisonous fruit. Try to uproot it entirely. Blessings and love to you. Hang in there.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) advises a user struggling to make friends to seek community at a church or place of worship, suggesting it may be less left-wing, and offers encouragement that the difficult times will pass.
13 pointsDec 29, 2022
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I am so sorry for what you are going through. Have you considered trying to find friends in the real world, perhaps at a church or other place of worship? Depending on the place it may be less left wing. Times are very hard right now but it won’t stay this way. I’m about to turn 50 next week and I can promise you that this too shall pass. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Pray, if you can - God will always listen.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains how focusing on helping others, rather than oneself, is a concrete way to combat feelings of despair and avoid a downward spiral.
10 pointsNov 25, 2022
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I don’t know if this will help … but in my own struggle, I’ve found that focusing on other people and what I can do for them has been the only true way out of this hall of mirrors. If I focus on myself then I go into a downward spiral fast. But if I think about the people around me and what I can do right now to make their lives better, then it distracts from the other stuff and gives me something genuinely positive to hold onto. It’s not a magic bullet but it’s a concrete action you can take right now. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) comments on the loss of gender-neutral childhood freedom, recalling the 1980s when kids were encouraged to "be themselves" without being forced into a mold.
9 pointsApr 10, 2023
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That’s how it was when I was growing up in the 1980s. Anyone could do anything. Girls could climb trees and play soldiers. Boys could cook. I don’t understand where that stopped being true but apparently it did. My generation was told to “be themselves” without being forced into a mold. I got that message very strongly as a teenager.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains their view that gender and sex were once synonymous, arguing the modern concept of "gender identity" is a harmful lie that has caused damage, unlike past acceptance of feminine men and masculine women.
7 pointsJun 29, 2023
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Sex and gender used to be two words for the same thing. As society got coarser, gender became a more polite word than sex. There was a concerted effort for the last several decades by the left to separate the two which eventually succeeded. We were better off when they were the same. There is no such thing as a “gender identity.” It’s an idea. It went by different names in the past, as descriptions of people’s personalities. There have always been feminine men and masculine women. It didn’t used to be a big deal. This evil idea has done untold damage, as ideas unfortunately do. So what does “gender” mean to me? Today, it means believing a lie. 20 years ago, it meant “male or female” and that’s it.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains the challenges of isolation during the transition to adulthood, offering advice on setting small goals, finding in-person communities, and the social value of churches.
5 pointsDec 29, 2022
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Yes, it’s absolutely normal to feel that way. I think several things are happening to you right now. Our current social climate of work from home has many positives, but it also has a ton of negatives - isolation and loneliness being the main one, and the flattening of relationships that happen when they are fully online. Also you are at a transition age - forgive the pun in a “detrans” subreddit, but there are many “transitions” in life - where you are leaving high school and childhood and becoming an adult and forging new bonds. And in addition, you had this terrible mental illness inflicted on you. So there are many heavy burdens happening here that are not your fault.

However, you are not helpless. The more steps you can take to exercise the control that you do have, the better you will feel. These can be very small things, like set yourself a reading goal, check off every day when you have read, and then reward yourself when you finish - and then pick another goal. For me, that was a Bible reading plan, but I am not pushing that on you. Any goal will work to build mental health. Another concrete thing is to think about what you really enjoy doing for fun and try to find a club or group that meets in real life. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Anything that gets you around real people in a good and healthy setting i.e. not bar hopping! I also really do encourage you to pray because God hears. If praying is hard, try writing to him, just like you write to people online. Finally, be kind and gentle with yourself because there is a lot going on here, and strengthen the relationships that you already have and which are good. Make time for the people who seem to genuinely care about you. If you lived in the New England area I would invite you to my church and connect you with other young people. Again I’m not trying to push religion on you, but churches perform very important social functions such as providing a stable community that cares for individuals, and that’s an important thing our culture has lost by abandoning religion. Most good churches will have deacons or others who will help connect people with small groups or with others. Please do look for a good and healthy church though.

Sorry this is long. My final point is not to be too perfectionist. Another problem with our culture today is we believe that things and people should conform to what we want, and that almost never happens. You won’t find a group of people who are perfect and who don’t do things that annoy you or that you disagree with. That’s OK. We can create the illusion of this perfect community in online communities, but as you have seen that is skin deep and it is achieved by banishing anyone who disagrees. Most human interactions are a mix of good and bad and we stick with the ones where the good outweighs the bad.

I hope this is helpful. If you’d like to DM me that would be perfectly fine. Please let me know how you are getting along. I am sending you much love and prayers. :)

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains how to combat obsessive, harmful thoughts by identifying them as poisonous ideas and starving them of attention.
5 pointsJul 3, 2023
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It sounds like an obsession. So much of these problems are from bad ideas in the mind. Framing a problem accurately is the first step to solving it. If you can take a step back and say “this is a poisonous idea in my mind and I need to stop giving it attention” then - I promise you this - it will wither away or at least lose a lot of its power. The trick with these mental illnesses is to stop feeding them. Replace it with something positive and optimistic and other-focused. I know that sounds simple but simple is sometimes right.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) comments that Dylan Mulvaney is an actor playing a trans role for money and influence, questioning why people are so gullible.
3 pointsApr 8, 2023
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I am convinced that Dylan Mulvaney is playing a part and not genuinely trans at all. Look how much money and influence he has from what has to be almost a one-man show. Plus he’s an actor. I don’t know why people are so gullible about actors who are acting.

Reddit user Goldtru (desisted) explains Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a practical toolkit for coping with emotional distress by using distractions like games or tea to wait out difficult times.
3 pointsJul 3, 2023
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There is a kind of therapy called Dialectical Behavior. Are you familiar with it? It doesn’t get into why things are happening. Instead it focuses on practical things you can do or keep in mind when the bad times hit. For example it will ask you to come up with a “toolkit” of things you can do to help yourself when you feel bad. Create this list when things are good and then when the bad time hits, go straight to it. It is as simple as - distract with a videogame, watch a favorite show, call a trusted friend, have a cup of tea - it doesn’t matter what the thing you do is, because the purpose is to distract and get through the bad time. Because the bad time WILL end. It’s like a migraine. This tool helps develop healthy and safe coping skills.