This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and contain specific, consistent personal anecdotes about their desistance, experiences in lesbian and BDSM communities, and the social pressures of gender ideology. The language is natural, varied, and shows a deep, personal engagement with the topic over time, which is consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister.
About me
I'm a woman in my late 30s, and my journey started when I began identifying as non-binary in my late twenties due to social pressure and discomfort with being a woman. The most important part was realizing how unsafe my community was, especially after a predatory date I went on just to avoid being called a bigot for being a lesbian. I also overcame harmful influences like pornography and found that my true sexuality emerged after I stopped. Through therapy and moving away, I found a new community that welcomed me back as a lesbian woman. Now, I'm finally living an authentic life without fear, comfortable in my own skin as myself.
My detransition story
My journey into identifying as trans started in my late 20s. I was a lesbian who had always felt uncomfortable with the expectations placed on women, and I began identifying as non-binary. I think a lot of my initial discomfort was just typical teenage insecurity and body issues that I never properly dealt with, mixed with the pressure I felt online and in my social circles.
A huge part of my experience was the intense social pressure. I was deeply involved in a community where trans ideology was the norm. As a lesbian, I felt immense paranoia that people would find out I wasn't interested in dating trans women. I was terrified of being seen as a bigot or a TERF and getting excommunicated from my friends. This pressure got so bad that I went on two dates with a trans woman just to be seen with him and hopefully avoid rumors. That experience was predatory and abusive and was a major turning point for me. It made me realize how unsafe and unhealthy that environment was.
I also struggled with internalized homophobia and the influence of pornography. I started watching porn at 12 and was very active in the BDSM community for a few years, which was physically and mentally harmful to me. I thought those desires were my true self, but after I stopped watching porn about six years ago, those desires completely went away. My sexuality became much healthier and more connected.
My detransition wasn't really a medical one for me, as I never took hormones or had surgery. My transition was mostly social. I moved to a new city and cut off almost everyone I knew because they were so embedded in the ideology I knew they wouldn't understand. I found a new community with radical lesbian feminists who welcomed me back as a woman and a sister. They affirmed that my feelings were valid and that I wasn't a bad person for being a lesbian who is only attracted to other females.
Stopping pornography and getting into cognitive behavioral therapy were huge helps for me. CBT taught me how to analyze my thoughts and separate reality from intrusive thoughts. Letting go of caring how other people perceived me was also massive. I wear men's clothes now mostly for comfort and functionality, especially after gaining weight in eating disorder recovery. I just want to be comfortable; it doesn't matter to me if someone mistakes me for a man from a distance.
I do regret the time I lost and the mental anguish I put myself through by trying to be something I wasn't. I regret the fear and paranoia I lived in. I don't believe medical transition is a good solution for most people, and I've seen the devastating long-term consequences it can have. I think what many of us experience is a deep discomfort with the stereotypes and expectations of our sex, not a need to medically change our bodies.
Now, I’m just a woman and a lesbian. I’m trying to live an authentic life without fear, and I’m finally getting to know and accept myself for who I really am.
| My Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 12 | - | Started watching pornography. |
| Late 20s | - | Began identifying as non-binary due to social pressure and discomfort with womanhood. |
| - | - | Was active in the BDSM and polyamorous community, which was harmful. |
| - | 2019-ish | Found radical feminist spaces and began to question my non-binary identity. |
| - | - | Stopped watching pornography. This was about 6 years ago from now. |
| - | - | Went on two dates with a trans woman; the predatory experience was a major turning point. |
| - | - | Moved to a new city, cut ties with my old community, and desisted. |
| Almost 40 | Now | Living as a detransitioned woman, comfortable with my identity as a lesbian. |
Top Comments by /u/Good-Tip7883:
”I was 17 when I started testosterone and 18 when I got surgery. I was mature enough to make my own decisions at that point. I don’t care about your narrative about how teenagers are clueless idiots because they’re not.”
Wait until you’re older and you’re understand. Most of us thought we had ourselves all figured out at that age. And then you actually mature and realize every teenager is a clueless idiot. That’s just what being a teenager is, thinking you know when you actually don’t. And believing that all these adults are wrong and that you’ll never change you mind. I thought that was when I was 17 as well. Now I’m almost 40 and well… when your brain actually matures everything is just different. Doesn’t mean what we experienced as teenagers wasn’t real.
I know it’s so scary, but I promise you your mom is going to be so proud of you and so happy that you’re desisting. It’s a terribly vulnerable thing to say to someone “I was wrong”, but the relief will be so so sweet. Your mom loves you so much and she truly wants what’s best for you. I would really encourage you to tell her sooner and not wait until the end of the school year. At least, then you could have honesty and authenticity at home, even if you are still continuing to go by your trans identity at school.
I was a gold star lesbian when I started identifying as non-binary. And I was immediately extremely paranoid about people finding out that I was not interested in trans women. As trans ideology started taking over my social group people made it very clear to me that any hint of me not being interested in a person with a penis was hateful and unacceptable and would get me excommunicated from my social group. I spent a long time trying to “investigate, my preferences” and change my sexuality, so that I could be open to trans women.
Eventually, I did go on two dates with a trans woman and that is basically what peaked me. I had a friend at the time who was the only person I ever opened up to and talked with about how I was “struggling” with being attracted to trans women. She was also a lesbian, or perhaps bisexual. I’m not sure I don’t talk to her anymore, but she had dated a trans woman, and she told me that basically since she was fat, she felt that there was something unattractive about her that her date had to “get over” to want to be with her so it was OK if the trans woman had some thing unattractive to her that she had to “get over”. Basically I’m fat so I guess it’s OK if my partner has a penis even though I’m not into that. It was a pretty devastating thing to hear, and at the time since I was anorexic and very underweight, I did not feel I could say anything to counter her beliefs. She told me I should just keep “working on it” mentally to get over my aversion to penis.
After that conversation and the experience I had on my two dates with the trans woman who was a super creepy predator, I stopped talking to everyone I knew, and moved to a new city, where I was able to connect with radical Lesbian feminists, who affirmed that I was not a bigot for not wanting penis.
I remember very clearly before I moved, I lived in that city for about a year, and I was very involved with the BDSM community and I was polyamorous and dating a couple of women, all of whom were bisexual, and did not identify as trans, but were supportive of my non-binary identity, but clearly were attracted to me because I was a cute little soft butch lesbian. I was extremely paranoid all of the time that someone was going to ask me if I would date trans women or point out that I had several partners but all of them were female. I was so terrified that if I stayed in the same city, and in the same community for a few years and never dated a trans woman that I would be “found out” as a TERF.
That is basically what motivated me to go on the two dates with the trans woman. He was a well-known figure in the community so I knew that if I was seen with him once or twice, perhaps I could fight the potential rumors. He ended up injuring me on our second date, and I was able to cleanly cut ties with him because of that. It was also after my very bad experience that other people in my community admitted to me that they had heard stories, and knew about him being predatory and abusive to other women. Even one of the women I was dating, didn’t tell me until after my bad experience that she knew he was dangerous. I will say that I did chat with another trans woman at a party in the community, who was a gay man, who was very compassionate and sympathetic to me in my experience, and apologized on behalf of the other trans woman, and said that he hated that people like that made all trans women look bad. He was the only person in my life who was genuinely caring and understanding about what I went through.
I agree with what you’re saying about the word queer too. When I was identifying as non-binary, I also identified as queer because I was paranoid if I identified as lesbian people would find out my big secret about not liking dick lol. It’s so crazy to look back on now. I remember shortly before I peaked and moved telling one of my girlfriends that I didn’t think I was actually queer and that I really was only interested in women. Once I moved, I went back to only considering myself a woman and a lesbian.
I completely agree that it’s a cult. I really don’t miss the mental weight of constantly editing myself and my thoughts and being in fear of letting some little thing slip on conversation that would get me excommunicated.
I love being able to have normal relations with people without the fear of mass social rejection.
There’s a really big difference between a trans teen and a trans child. Preteens and teenagers very well may discover transgenderism themselves through the Internet or friends. Children are not discovering transgenderism on their own organically. Just look at Jazz Jennings. Perfect example of a child who was told they were trans.
This sub is as balanced as you’re going to find. This sub is not anti trans and you will find a variety of opinions, even if it seems the majority of people in here do not support medicalized transition in general. Any other trans related sub is only going to give you 100% affirmation that transition is the right choice, other subs relating to trans are highly censored for any negativity toward medical transition.
I get that it’s frustrating to feel like there’s affirmation only and detransition only spaces and you’re looking for more nuance and I’m sorry but it’s very hard to find in our world right now. At the end of the day whether you choose medical treatment or not YOU are the only person who can make that choice for yourself and you have to wade through everyone else’s opinions to find what kernels of truth ring true for you. This is a take what you like and throw the rest back kind of situation.
No i don’t think there are. I can understand why for some people, for a period of time, the perceived benefits outweigh the side effects but over time the medical consequences are devastating. And by the time people figure that out it’s already too late.
It won’t fade away if you’re still engaging with the media that triggers it. not just porn. You literally have to stop engaging with all of it. Anything that triggers that little tingle. It is possible, but it takes time you have to trade instant gratification for delayed.
Considering you still have your breasts and reproductive organs intact I can understand why you might not completely regret your medical transition. Have you considered that you feel this way because you did not actually suffer the consequences of long-term testosterone use or irreversible surgeries?
What are you seeking by posting in this sub?
In my experience in female only spaces that have stayed female only through the popular rise of transgenderism, by this point most women are quite aware of detransitioned women who still could pass for men. I go to a festival in the summer that’s all female and mostly lesbian and there is a growing number of detrans women in general. Lots of the spaces I’m in now are actively inviting detrans women to get involved and to welcome you back as a sister. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still women in attendance who might be startled or confused when seeing women who can still pass for men.
I would say you are more than welcome to come join us again sister, most women understand, at least in someway, the journey you have been on and want to welcome you back with open arms. You are always and forever welcome back regardless of how much medical transition you have done. And I’m sorry in advance for the moments you’ll have to deal with a sister in our communities who is not as sure that you belong with us as I am.