This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is consistent and personal, detailing a specific journey from social transition to desisting. The language is natural, with emotional nuance, self-reflection, and advice that aligns with common desister experiences, including internal conflict, societal pressures, and stepping away from online communities. The account expresses a passionate, critical viewpoint that is well within the expected range for the subreddit.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable with my body at 17, especially with my chest, and I began to think I was a trans man after spending time in online communities. I socially transitioned for a while, but I was always hesitant because I knew I wanted to be a mother someday. Stepping away from social media was a huge turning point, as it made me realize my feelings were fading and I was heavily influenced by what I saw online. I came to understand my discomfort was really from anxiety and past trauma, not from being the wrong gender. I've now detransitioned and am at peace living as a woman who just has more male-typical interests.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was confusing and, looking back, I think I got swept up in something without fully understanding myself first. It all started when I was around 17. I began to feel really uncomfortable with my body, especially my chest. I hated how heavy and burdensome my breasts felt, and I missed the freedom I had before puberty when I didn't have to wear a bra. I also felt paranoid when I noticed guys looking at my chest, and I had some past trauma from being harassed by an ex-boyfriend a few years before, which definitely contributed to those feelings.
I started spending a lot of time online and found communities where people talked about these feelings as gender dysphoria. I began to think I might be a trans man, or maybe bigender. I socially transitioned for a bit, using a different name and pronouns, and for a while, it felt good. It felt like an escape from the discomfort. But I was always hesitant. My biggest worry was that I wanted to be a mother someday, and I was concerned that taking testosterone or having surgeries would cause complications with pregnancy or make me infertile. I even remember saying that I didn't support trans men getting pregnant because it seemed "wrong" to me, which was probably a sign of my own internal conflict.
A big turning point for me was taking a break from social media. After about a month away from all those online posts showing happy transitions, my own desire to transition started to fade. It made me realize how much I was being influenced by what I was seeing online. I started to see that a lot of "gender ideology" is just about labelling groups based on interests. I realized I could just be a woman who likes male things and has male friends; I didn't need to change my gender to do that.
I also understood that for me, thinking transition was an escape from my problems. I had underlying issues like anxiety and the lingering effects of past trauma that I needed to address instead of trying to fix everything by changing my body. After about two years of being involved in all of it, I had enough of what I now call the "gender nonsense." I decided to detransition and go back to living as a woman.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to a place of self-acceptance, but I do regret not looking deeper into my own mental health first. I'm glad I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My thoughts on gender now are that it's often made too complicated. Society pushes these strict boxes, and instead of breaking the boxes, we just create new ones. I feel sorry for younger kids who are being taught that this is the only solution to their discomfort, especially when they might just be gay, or autistic, or dealing with trauma. It's so hard to question it when all your friends are doing it.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | Experienced harassment from an ex-boyfriend, which later contributed to discomfort with my chest. |
| 17 | Started feeling intense chest dysphoria and began exploring my gender identity online, identifying as FTM/bigender. |
| 17 | Began a social transition (changing name/pronouns). |
| 19 | Took a break from social media, which helped reduce my desire to transition medically. |
| 19 | Realized I had underlying mental health issues and that transition was an escape. Began to detransition socially. |
| 19 | Fully accepted myself as a woman and moved on from identifying as trans. |
Top Comments by /u/GorillawithRabies:
As someone raised in a more "gender neutral" way as you stated it really didn't cause gender problems for me, it was more of how society taught me to view everything as gendered. Especially at such a young age Im sure a baby wouldn't even really think about "gendered toys". You could let them choose which types of toys and colors they'd prefer. But something like giving a little boy a Barbie isn't going to make them trans, feminine guys exist too 😊
Ive always be a bit desisted since the start, Ig you could say I actually did have internalized transphobia that made me transphobic asf til I socially transitioned a bit (ftm). All it took me was about 2 years and I had enough of the gender nonsense. I realized so much of the "gender ideology" is just labeling groups based on their interests. I can happily be a woman who likes male things and has male friends, without needing to transition or make it all about gender. Though sometimes I still miss being called/mistaken for male or no gender it's nice to actually move on past it and go back to how things used to be.
Im just glad I never got actually too deep into the whole ideology and keep reasoning and understanding as to why it has imperfections. And I feel bad for the young teens/kids that seem to think that the gender ideology is practically a new religion and you gotta believe it word for word without questioning why. It makes it 20 times harder to quit something when all your friends are doing it and would cuss you out if you deny their gender or ask about it. Pretty sure our younger generation is gonna have it much harder if they all keep believing things like neo pronouns and not having gender dysphoria to transition.
I do have a bit of trauma towards my chest, I was harassed by my ex about 4 years ago? It really bugged me for about a year but I don't think of it often unless I'm doing it without noticing. It could also be that I notice guys looking at my chest and that tends to make me a bit paranoid. But they're also just kinda a burden and heavy/uncomfortable. I miss being able to not have to wear a bra, like my chest felt more free and comfortable.
One thing that might help is taking a break from the internet. I noticed my desire to be trans kinda faded after I took just a month break from social media, the longer the better honestly. Since you keep seeing posts of people happy and it makes you desire it even more.
And it's always good to make sure your mental health is at 100% before you make the decision to transition. I'm pretty sure a big reason people detrans is they think being trans is an escape, which to some people it can help, but lots have underlying problems that should have been addressed first.
Sorry I'm not the greatest at advice but it's a couple things for your friend to think with. And depending on the relationship you have with them and their relationship with being trans (since some people take it extremely seriously) I don't think it would be all that rude to mention their other mental health issues. I hope you and your friend work something out though so both of you can be happy : )
Not sure why you had to add the "short" "ugly" comment with it. And lots of people try to transition then end up noticing that they'll never be cis, along with negative side effects with transitioning, changing their mind, misogyny, etc.
I'd say I've seen a bit of a balance on ftm/mtf posts/commenters here, so idk where this is really coming from?
I personally don't support trans men getting pregnant though. It just seems wrong. And I've heard that once you start to transition your body changes in a way where having a child could come with a lot more complications. And yeah I'm attempting to accept myself but it's a struggle 😅
Im in a similar position as you (19 Ftm?Bigender?) there's reasons I'd want to transition/reasons I don't. My main reason I'm iffy is cause I'd like a family and I'd want to be a mother someday as well. It sucks but I'm hoping by the time I turn 21 I'd get myself sorted out/learn to like myself the way I am. The chest dysphoria is horrible though. But trust me and other people when we say waiting is the best choice (if you're mentally capable) the medication and surgery do effect you long term and it's a very big decision. I hope you feel better about it, if you'd need someone to talk to about it I'm willing to listen as well :)