Yeah, very familiar. What happened to the “misgendering is like the worst offense you can do to someone” attitude they had? Oh it only applies when you’re trans? Sounds hypocritical and disgusting to me. If we pulled this shit the sub would get shut down. Note: do not do this

As someone who is a semester away from a psych degree and going into a clinical psych program after.... your analysis is pretty spot on. They view us existing as a threat to heir identities, which really shows when a detransitioner speaks up about their experience and you ALWAYS have the people who feel the need to say “not all trans people! Your experience can’t speak for everyone! You’re an anomaly!” They’re essentially saying, “hey anyone reading, don’t listen to them”. But if you say that on their posts? You’re a bigot. Detrans people can’t have a voice, not without trans people feeling the need to immediately validate themselves by invalidating detrans people because again, somehow we’re a threat to them existing. Please keep in mind I’m also making pretty generalized statements here and I do realize yes, not all trans people are against detransitioners.

I feel this so hard- I do use it defensively, because even after having identified as trans and still having my name changed, after having a long term trans partner, after everything and still supporting trans rights I still get called transphobic if I don’t. Which I guess it only has as much power as you give it but why do I have to say a disclaimer whenever I talk about my experiences when they don’t take away from the experience of trans people at all? I really do understand that a lot of the world still has a ways to go about LGBT topics and GCers use us against trans experiences but we as people do not devalue or take away from the validity of trans identities, fuck, we lived it. It just didn’t work for us, and a lot of people who detransition still identify as trans for their own reasons. Even without all of that, it’s just counterintuitive to claim you support people being their authentic selves and then demonize them when their journeys don’t end where yours ended up. It shows it’s not about being oneself but being a specific way. There’s still a huge degree of conformity even if the premise is “coming out as the true self”.

I really wish the internet culture wasn’t so... disconnected. I know the pandemic didn’t help but people had a hard time with humanization online before. Now though it seems like there’s no actual discussion, just power plays and gotcha moments. Been seeing it since I came into the internet but its been building hard since 2016. When there is actual discussion people are so shocked people are being civil for once. But you can’t have a discussion when the person is playing to win in the first place. And especially not when people have to walk on glass to the extent where most of the communication is finding a way to circumlocute to avoid upsetting the other party. That’s not discussion, it’s platitudes.

I’m excited for when people realize we have been pigeonholed into such a narrow worldview enough people get tired and cramped that they realize, hey, people can bring up nuanced points and I can see what they mean before jumping the gun and dismissing them as -phobic.

You know, I never see these people, but I always see trans people talking about how much they think detrans people hate them. When this sub was created there were some people from GC (or a lot of detrans people who were also GC for predictable reasons) as well as some religious people trying to dissuade people from transition, but I haven't seen that in months.

And honestly? So what. Trans spaces are suffocatingly pro-transition to the point of censoring any other suggestions, why is it so bad for someone to take the opposite stance here? Is it hurting you? I wouldn't blame someone for having those feelings after going through what we have as detransitioners minus blatant transphobia. I'm not saying transphobia is good, but having a sore spot in relation to transition for detransitioners is sort of par for the course. You can support trans people while not thinking transition is the best course of action for everyone. There's pretty distinct differences in how a detrans person begrudges transition due to their own experiences (and detrans people are allowed to feel that way thanks) and how a transphobe who has no teeth in the fight talks about transition.

Seriously, the only time I hear this complaint is from trans people who don't know detrans spaces, but I never actually see any of this blatant awful transphobia within detrans spaces. At least in my experience this sub is pretty good about recognizing the differences in everyone's experiences.

Edit: great replying to me, deleting your reply and then just editing the entire comment I responded to lol

I desisted long before I was comfortable with my femininity, I used they/them pronouns for a few years after desisting. Confidence? Still getting there. Take it at your own pace. Hell, you never have to become comfortable with feminine things to be a woman. Most days I’m about as unfeminine as I can get. Tshirt, shorts, no makeup, I don’t shave, and when I’m not wearing wigs due to a hair loss disorder, that sure does not help.

Femininity can look like so many different things.

I think you’re gonna have doubts either way. But wait to make big decisions unless you’re absolutely sure.

Let’s start with what you mean by “believe in”; I think a lot of people answering the question are doing so from the perspective of a belief in/“real” = biological reality. I can’t speak for anyone else but after taking a few years of cog sci, psych and sociology classes I’ll try and clarify this. I don’t think gender has a biological basis, but it is a very real social construct. Being a social construct rather than a scientific one makes it no less real and impactful; social constructs affect us to a great extent. I think it’s like saying “do you believe in race?” as far as a social construct goes; there’s not really a biological basis to it, but it’s a social construct that has had impacts on all aspects of society through history all the same.

I think people have gender identities as a consequence of social constructs, first because gender roles exist and obviously because people transition gender presentation (as it’s impossible to truly change sex) to align more with the notion of self in the head. That being said, I don’t think it’s this concrete, innate, immovable and biologically based thing but more a product of the gene-environment interaction which is just innately subject to change as we do. Is it a social construct or biological reality? I think it’s both.

I don’t know about the whole “gendered brain” thing, it sounds like when they were trying to find a scientific basis for racism; that’s a folly because race is a social construct. In short though, trans people existing in of itself proves gender is a separate entity from ones biological sex, even if we haven’t personally experienced our gender separate/different from our biological sex. I guess it depends on your perspectives relating to cognitive science and the mind-body relationship.