This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's detailed, nuanced, and emotionally conflicted narrative about their transition, self-image, mental health, and fertility concerns is highly specific and consistent over time. The expression of internal conflict, self-doubt, and the influence of autism on identity are hallmarks of a genuine personal struggle, not a scripted persona. The account describes a desister questioning their transition, which aligns with the experiences shared by many on the subreddit.
About me
I was born male and started wanting to be a girl in my teens, driven by jealousy and a deep admiration for women. I began hormones three years ago, but I've never been able to shake the feeling that I don't pass, no matter what I try. My desire to have my own biological children has also become a major source of fear and regret. I often flip-flop, sometimes seeing myself and thinking I look great as a man and that this path might be wrong for me. Now, I'm questioning everything and leaning towards detransitioning to find a life where I can finally be comfortable.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still figuring it out. I was born male, but for pretty much as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to pass as a girl. A lot of that came from a place of deep admiration and jealousy. I saw girls and women as super pretty, beautiful, and cute, and I desperately wanted that for myself. My dysphoria was almost entirely focused on my face; I just never liked my appearance and thought that if I could finally pass as a woman, I would feel that euphoria and finally be comfortable with myself.
A big part of my experience is that I’m mildly autistic. I’ve always had a habit of latching onto fictional characters from shows and games and trying to base my personality on them, almost like an adult form of cosplay or imitation. I know it sounds a bit cringe, but it’s something I’ve always done. I see traits in these characters that I feel are better than my own, and I try to become more like them. I think this played a huge role in my gender feelings, blurring the lines between who I really was and who I was trying to emulate.
I started taking hormones over three years ago. I never had any surgeries. One of my biggest and most constant worries throughout this whole process has been about fertility. I’ve always really wanted to have my own kids someday, and the thought that HRT might have made me sterile is something that could make my mental health crash down. I try to tell myself that maybe my fertility will come back, even if it takes years, or that adopting could be just as good, but the fear is always there.
Even after all this time on hormones, I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that I just don’t pass. I’ve tried makeup, but it only helps so much. I’ve looked into the possibility of surgery, but I have a deep-seated fear that even that wouldn’t be enough to make me pass. This has led me to question my transition many, many times.
What’s really complicated is that I often flip-flop. There are times when I look at myself and think, “Holy shit, I look great as a boy. I’m way cuter as a boy.” In those moments, being trans feels like it might not have been the right decision. It feels like I’m spending my life desperately trying to achieve something I can’t have, instead of just accepting that I could have a good life as a man. It would be easier for relationships and just day-to-day life. I feel like I’m always chasing something I can never quite get, and it’s exhausting.
But then, I find it incredibly hard to completely let go of wanting to look like a girl. It’s a desire that’s been with me forever. Sometimes I want to present in a more masculine way, but I feel like I can’t because people will judge me and see me as less valid as a trans woman. I feel stuck between two impossible choices.
I’ve come to realize that a lot of my self-image confusion is tied to my mental health. Along with being autistic, I have other mental disorders that make it very hard to have a stable sense of who I am. This explains why I flip back and forth so much on this. At my core, I just want a life that’s my own, where I’m finally comfortable. Right now, I’m leaning towards the idea that maybe it's better if I just go back to living as a man. I’m starting to like my appearance more from that perspective. I just never really liked myself, and I’m not entirely sure why.
I don’t have any major regrets about trying transition, as it was a path I felt I needed to explore, but I am questioning if it was the right one for me long-term. The health complications, specifically the potential permanent loss of fertility, is a very heavy weight to carry.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | First started wanting to pass as a girl. Felt intense jealousy and admiration for women's appearance. |
| Early 20s | Began questioning my gender identity seriously. Started to socially transition as a woman. |
| 23 | Started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). |
| 26 (Now) | Have been on HRT for over 3 years. Currently questioning my transition and seriously considering detransitioning due to inability to pass, desire to have biological children, and finding appreciation for my male appearance. |
Top Comments by /u/Gothrenapp:
I haven't had any surgeries, so yeah I do lol. Been on hrt for over 3 years. Which is sad, as it means I may never be able to have kids. But I try not to let it get to me. And adopting is probably just better anyway.
For so many years I've wanted to pass as a girl, but idk if it's possible. And I think I'm way cuter as a boy. Problem is I find it very hard to completely let go of wanting to look like a girl.
Oh wow, a lot of this really hits home for me. I thought I was just kinda weird or I was just cringe but I definitely do the thing with fictional characters or people from shows/games. I'm Mtf though.
There's definitely a lot of times I want to present more masculine, but while also wanting to pass as a girl, so it doesn't feel right as people will judge me and think I'm not as valid.
I'm not really sure honestly. A lot of it was feeling jealous over cis women, wanting to be beautiful like so many of them are. And I've never really liked my appearance. I thought if I passed as a woman, it would bring me euphoria and I wouldn't be uncomfortable with myself anymore.
I'm actually also mildly autistic too and I do the exact same thing with trying to become and base my personality around certain characters lol.
And thank you. Yeah like I said I've wanted to pass as a girl for.. pretty much forever now, but I keep switching, partly because I think I don't have much chance passing, but some other things too.
And the thing with gender too. Like I said I just don't really know who I am anymore.
Yeah, I've sadly had that experience too. It's honestly quite the ride. I've actually questioned my transition multiple times, and every time I do, this sub acts as like a vaccine to those thoughts.
You actually push away people with very real concerns and thoughts by actively being shitty, which is quite funny because having previously been trans, you'd think they'd actually understand. But nah.
Me being trans is almost entirely off of appearance. I can say I'd only really do it for myself, and for others. It's due to how I see myself. I've seen a few posts that talk about this really well. If you're on an island, with no one around, would you still have dysphoria, or prefer to be one gender or the other? I would still have dysphoria definitely, so it's only really doing whatever and for me and not other people.
That being said, like I said I feel like I just don't pass. I've used make up, though my ability is probably a bit basic. And while it helps, it doesn't do a lot. Stuff like surgery would probably also help a lot but like I said again, it probably wouldn't make me pass. Maybe it would, idk.
Right now I'm feeling like maybe it just isn't worth it, since I'm cute as a boy but can't really pass as a girl, even after all these years. Also it might just be easier with relationships and things like that.
I really want to have a life that's just my own and where I'm comfortable, and being trans I'm always chasing after something I can never quite get. So it feels almost impossible. Maybe it's better if I just go back.
I'm actually liking my appearance a lot better now, not as a girl but I think I'd look really good as a boy. I just never really liked myself sadly, I'm not sure why.
It's also important to understand that I have multiple mental disorders that cause me to have a lot of self-image confusion, which explains why I flip back and forth so much.
For me it's more of the admiration thing. You know how when you're a kid you like to imitate everything you see on TV, or basically trying to play as certain characters, or like cosplaying? Yeah that's what I do, except I'm an adult lmao. I actually kinda like it, but talking about it openly does make it sound really cringe haha. Like there's traits I see a lot that are often better than my own. Irl I'm not a very nice person sadly.
And honestly I don't really know how to answer that. I suppose I just love how most girls or women look. They're super pretty and beautiful a lot of the time, cute, and I've always wanted that for myself. My dysphoria has always been 90% my face. I've wanted a nice body too but I've mostly always just been dysphoric over my face.
And when I feel more masculine there's a couple parts. The main thing is I feel like maybe being trans just isn't the right decision after all. I mean I look great as a boy, like holy shit. But as a girl I just look kinda ugly, in my opinion. So it's like might as well be a boy than spend my life desperately trying to pass as a girl but failing. Also I really want kids. And then there's a part of me that actually likes masculine traits. But I can't really be really masculine and soft and feminine at the same time.
I'm actually Mtf so it's probably a bit different, but like I said I like to think fertility won't be completely gone, it'll just take a while to get back, maybe even years, but it'll come back. If I am sterile though, I know it's gonna make my mental health come crashing down.