This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative of grappling with internalized misogyny, body dysmorphia, and a history of gender distress without medical transition (a desister). The user's voice is emotionally nuanced, passionate, and contains specific, lived details (e.g., experiences with binding, eating disorders, a mother's breast cancer, philosophical influences like stoicism) that are difficult to fabricate consistently. The account's support for others and expression of anger align with the expected passion of someone who has experienced this specific harm.
About me
My journey started with a deep, traumatic discomfort during puberty, when I became terrified of my developing female body. I desperately wanted to escape being a woman, and for a long time, I thought becoming a man was the only way to stop hating myself. My turning point was realizing my body is just a neutral vessel, and I began to find peace by rejecting things that made me focus on my hated parts, like bras and big mirrors. I've embraced being a masculine woman and have found strength in making my body strong. I am now at peace with my body, and I see that true strength came from facing my discomfort instead of running from it.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was really about trying to escape from being a woman. I never took hormones or had any surgeries, but for a long time, that was all I could think about. Looking back, it all started with a deep, traumatic discomfort during puberty. I was terrified of my developing body. I hated my breasts and felt like I had no control over what was happening to me. I developed an eating disorder because it felt like the only way to have some say in things.
I remember watching the boys and feeling so much envy. They seemed to have it so much easier, and I dreamed that if I could just be one of them, I could stop hating myself and being so afraid. I now know that a lot of this was internalised misogyny. I felt I wasn't beautiful enough, feminine enough, or good enough to be a woman. My parents just thought I was "too sensitive." I felt so inadequate that I didn't just want to be a man; I desperately wanted to not be anything at all, to just opt out of the whole charade.
Binding my chest and staying very skinny were my ways of coping. It felt like it protected me from being seen in a sexual way, but it wasn't a real solution—it just caused more pain. I was incredibly depressed and had very low self-esteem. I used to spend hours in front of the mirror, feeling sick at my reflection, sometimes hitting the glass or hurting myself. The obsession with my body was overwhelming.
I was lucky, in a way, that I lived in a country that wasn't very progressive about these things back then. There was no easy path to therapy or medical transition, which probably stopped me from making decisions I would have later regretted. Instead, I had to find another way through.
My turning point came from a kind of radical self-acceptance. I decided that my body is just a vessel; it's neutral. It's not good or bad, it just is. I am a woman, and that's a simple fact. I started by rejecting things that made me focus on my hated parts, like bras. I stopped wearing them completely, which was uncomfortable at first, but it helped me stop seeing my breasts as sexual objects and just see them as parts of my body. I also got rid of my big mirrors. Just not having to see my whole reflection all the time made a huge difference to my self-confidence.
I also embraced being a gender non-conforming woman. I get strange looks sometimes, but I don't care anymore. This is my body, my only life, and I'm going to use it for all it's got. I find strength in movement and making my body strong, even if I have to work harder for it than a man would. I've learned that femininity is just an idea, not something I lack. I'm in a relationship with a man, and I'm happy living as a masculine woman.
I don't regret that I never transitioned. The pain I went through was a journey that led me to where I am now. I'm okay with my body. It does its job. I don't love it, but I've made peace with it. For me, transitioning would have been an escape, but true strength came from facing the discomfort and learning to live with it. I am a woman, and I am human, and that is enough.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Around Puberty | Started experiencing intense trauma and discomfort with my developing female body. Hated my breasts. |
Teenage Years (around 17) | Struggled severely with an eating disorder, self-harm, and body dysmorphia. Bound my chest and envied boys. Felt intense self-hatred. |
Young Adulthood | Considered transition heavily but had no access to medical pathways in my country. |
Adult | Began a process of radical self-acceptance. Stopped wearing bras, got rid of large mirrors, and embraced being a gender non-conforming woman. Found peace with my body. |
Top Comments by /u/Gramofonika:
Hi, I'm a "masculine" woman with a very small chest in a committed relationship with a man! There's some people who think I'm a butch lesbian or that I "should be" trans, but I disagree. There's so many different people out there! There's nothing wrong with that, you can lead a happy life with your body.
"I now see a huge problem with how easy this was. If the therapist had gone slower and been more careful, she would have seen that I wasn’t actually trans."
See, there's the kicker. She's as much trans as anyone is. It's not a real thing. There are people who may regret it less, sure, but it's just as real for her as it is for anyone else.
I am so so so sorry you had to go through this. I believe that the 7 years are not lost, just like the other person says, they were a journey and you found your true self there and now you have the tools to move on from the pain and suffering and live with open eyes. If you were born today, in this body, you wouldn't know not care about anything before, you would be happy to be alive and be able to do the things you want. Please, if you can, try swimming again. Get to know your body, see what it can do. I find movement so powerful at allowing us to reclaim our bodies. You just got a new chance. You're still here.
Thank you for sharing this. It's really touching to read such an honest judgement of oneself and the pain you've been through. I hope you can find strength on your way towards healing yourself.
I want to tell you just one thing. You don't lack femininity. Nobody does. It's not real. It's an idea sold to us so we would participate in capitalism, don't let it affect how you feel about yourself. I don't read as feminine at all to people but it doesn't matter. I am a woman. It's your life and your body and do with it what you damn want to.
I am so sorry for your pain... I really can't offer any advice in your situation but I want to say that somehow I feel so proud of you for being so incredibly honest about how you feel, when I can imagine how difficult it is to talk about this. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find some happiness despite everything.
Good for you for being honest with yourself. I don't have any advice for you because I have never experienced anything like this, but I gotta say it's really big of you to post this so honestly. You're in a good place to continue growing. I wish you all the best
I never got as far as taking hormones or even seeking therapy (not that it existed in my country), but I relate to your story a lot. I always felt incredibly inadequate as a woman. The "growing pains" were traumatic at best. I was so incredibly terrified of becoming a woman and my developing body. I struggled with an eating disorder and did not feel like I was in control of my body, or mind. The boys seemed to be having a much easier time, I would watch them with envy and dream of being one of them, so I can stop hating myself and being afraid. Now I know it was internalised misogyny, but I couldn't have known that back then. My parents told me I was "too sensitive". I wasn't beautiful enough, I wasn't feminine enough, I couldn't be a woman. But I am. I knew in my heart of hearts I couldn't be a man so I wanted badly not to be anything at all. I wanted not to be a part of the whole charade. I've grown strong since then. And I am so much happier just living in my body and not caring about the words people use to describe what people like me are supposed to be.
We are women and we are human and that's enough.
I hated my body so much at 17 I would become sick at my reflection sometimes. I would cry and hit the mirror in anguish. I could spend hours looking at it and just feeling bad about it. Pick at spots, pinch myself, punch my stomach, just hateful things. I developed an eating disorder and self harmed. Bound my breasts.
I'm older now and I'm okay. I don't really love it - love it, but it's okay. It does its job. I can only realistically make it worse if I do anything. I've learned some things to make it my own and I make sure to feed it and keep it clean. I'm told by some that it's attractive, not so much by others. It doesn't make a difference anymore.
I recently moved and I don't currently have any large mirrors. There's a little one above the sink, but none where I can see my whole body. My self confidence has shot up so much I can't believe it. I feel maybe 100x better about myself just because I never see my whole reflection in the mirror. So really, the problem for me is thinking about it too much.
I can't have another body. I have done things like make it look more athletic or lost or gained weight and nothing helped as much as just not owning a damn mirror.
I'm with you 100% here. And I think it's completely normal. Normal normal normal. We got the shit end of the stick here. I've said this before but I got lucky my country wasn't "progressive" enough to push me to transition because when I was younger this was all I could think about and couldn't find a way to deal with it. I'm still not okay with it. Just now I am sitting with terrible terrible cramps while my male partner is laughing at some memes and trying to make me laugh about it too and I am just so mad he can't even begin to understand how my body makes me feel. It feels so useless sometimes and even when I make it stronger I can completely lose my muscle tone in fucking weeks, because I guess evolution wants me to be soft and supple and attractive and fuckable.
But I'm dealing with it. I am gender non conforming and I reject society's instructions on what I am supposed to do with my body and appearance. I get strange looks and I don't give a shit anymore. This is between me and my body and fuck it I'm going to win. I am so sick of feeling weak, so I do what makes me feel strong. Most men take their strength for granted and we may need to work extra hard to get it, but we can.
It's my life, the only one I have and ever will have, and I will use this stupid body for all it's got. Find the strength in your body and make it your own, out of spite. You'll never be tall and have male muscles, but you can work with what you've got.
EDIT: in case this is relevant to you. I apologize if it is not. I just want to add one stupid little thing but I feel like I really helped me accept my breasts. Bras are fashion items. Your breasts will feel better if you stop wearing them. They keep them elevated at an unnatural angle and make them swell up by pressing on important lymph drainage canals just so they would look "sexy" and then your tissues get lazy and forget how to hold themselves up. One of the most empowering things I have done is I stopped wearing a bra and suffered though a few months of discomfort but now I have managed to reclaim these fat bags as actual parts of my body other than just tools for attracting the male gaze. They don't hurt anymore. They're just there.
Yes, I can totally understand. Now that I am an adult I understand that both boys and girls suffer in this gendered world, but back then I felt like I was trapped and it seemed like a good escape. Binding my chest and being overly skinny protected me from sexual objectification but it wasn't the solution. It just brought more pain.
I'm really happy to hear you are accepting yourself. I know it's hard and it's not the way anyone can go, but I really hope it brings you inner peace in the end.