Hello there,

What you were saying about having to prove your female to get estrogen resonated with me. I have already asked for estrogen once and for denied. Doc said there was too many health risks. If I hadn’t had a hysto I would just be able to stop testosterone. But I don’t have that choice. Now I have to go about proving I’m a woman just to get the hormones that were there to begin with. And like you, I hate it. Particularly because I don’t know if I identify with woman. I’m not sure what I’ll do know. But I would like to try being back on estrogen and see how I feel. Ideally I’d like to be on estrogen and a micro dose of testosterone. I know other people who do it who identify as non binary. But not sure I can convince my doctor. Stupid thing is, before I surgically transitioned I would have been allowed to micro dose testosterone and have my natural estrogen.

The medical community has not the slightest clue of how to deal with detransitioners.

Hello,

I’m ftm and am considering detransition. I’ve been on T for over 5 years. I’ve had complete hysto with oopho and double mastectomy.

I too see a lot of people detransitioning early on. Lots of people haven’t had surgeries yet for instance. A large majority. So I’ll be curious to see some of the answers you hopefully get. I am also curious about the effects of estrogen on the body of a female detransitioner. I have asked on here before about the risks of taking estrogen and never really got a response. So I’m hoping you’ll get a response.

Apparently, I saw a post that showed that hair thinning filled in. So that’s good to know.

Just a guess but I do think it would be a little like a third puberty. Being that our body is once again adjusting to a hormone even if it was naturally occurring before. Similar to a woman adjusting to synthetic E after a hysto or menopause.

I am comfortable with my chest after double mastectomy. I had dysphoria that is now gone. So I wouldn’t want fat gathering on my chest in fear that I’d feel dysphoria again.

Also, I think the vocal changes are quite permanent from thinking back to what I was told when I went on T. Things like hair growth, vocal changes, clitoral growth, are permanent. Things like fat redistribution will reoccur when changing back to E.

Can I ask a personal question? Why do you wan to detransition? You said you were comfortable with your chest. Just curious as I’m trying to figure out how I feel about things still and I’m exploring the idea of being non-binary or fluid.

Hello,

First I wanted to say I also had surgery with dr. Meltzer. And like you I did not have this euphoric experience once I woke up. I felt the same, if not worse than when I went in. I felt confused and had horrible nightmares after surgery that went on for weeks. I kept telling myself it’s just anxiett it’ll subside and you’ll feel amazing. Well, hasn’t happened yet.

I too feel suicidal when I think about my gender and what I have done. I also wish that therapy had gotten me to accept myself before I transitioned. Now we are working on accepting myself because that is the only option. I had top surgery and a complete hysterectomy. I didn’t go as far as you but I think I understand how you are feeling to a degree. I’ve been hospitalized on the mental health unit twice since I finished my surgeries. And I only recently started talking to my therapist about how I really feel and what’s going on. Now I’m trying to figure out exactly what I feel and what I need to do for myself. Do I want to detransition or do I want to identify as non binary. I’m not sure yet really.

I think that the only way forward is with acceptance. As well as considering the things we want and can do to make us feel better. I’m wondering if you’ve considered some of the things you could do to detransition and feel more comfortable.

Hang in there. And keep reaching out for support.

I would be supportive of her exploring gender and what gender means to her. There’s no harm in playing around with clothes or names/pronouns. Through experimentation is how you figure this stuff out. Just like you described for sexuality. Have open and honest discussions with her about gender and what it means to identify as transgender or non-binary. There are also other gender identities out there that you may want to look up and being into these conversations. Playing around with gender doesn’t mean you will end up being trans, it simply just means your exploring gender.

Telling her no she’s not tans or non-binary or whatever will likely push her away and could make her resent you. And through supporting her to explore gender you may find she’s more open in conversations about it and you can more easily talk to her about her gender and what identifying as certain identities means.

I also wouldn’t jump to thinking cutting just happened because of a peer group. People still don’t usually just cut because of friends. It’s likely a sign of the struggle that’s going on inside her right now.

Yes, your counsellor should have taken into consideration other mental health conditions. This is very important because sometimes dysphoria is due to other mental health or mental conditions like depression, anxiety, autism. I have bpd and irs quite common for people with bpd to have dysphoria but it doesn’t mean they are transgender. This dysphoria should be managed in therapeutic ways not surgical ways.

Detransition looks different for everyone. Maybe start by socially detransitioning and seeing how you feel about things and if you want to retransition. I would go back to expressing my gender of my biological sex as a start. This could mean clothing, hair style, pronoun usage, etc.

No real way of knowing in my opinion. That’s why this is so hard. And most trans people will tell you that some transition anxiety is normal. So it’s hard to read what your gut is telling you. I think something important to remember is that dysphoria can happen for many reasons and causes. And if dysphoria is being caused by mental illness for instance then I think it’s important to afresh your mental health first. I think if your having some anxiety it’s wise to take time to assess what you want and need. I unfortunately believe a lot of people are transitioning now adays that could be otherwise treated without surgery or hormones. Even when you do transition or if, it also doesn’t mean the dysphoria goes away. So be prepared for that. Or it could get worse. People think oh you transition and presto you feel like yourself. Well that’s not the case for some people. Whether their trans or not, the transition led to more dysphoria. For instance I have run into a lot of people now who say that they get dysphoria about not feeling like a true man or woman. Some people get body other body dysphoria. So just something to be aware of that it’s definitely not a magic pill.

Personally, I wish I had worked with a therapist who we worked towards me accepting my body. Now I’m working on that because transitioning didn’t fix it which makes me believe I may not have needed to transition. I would suggest anybody seeking transition should be working with a therapist on you gender and body issues and be certain through exploration what is the cause of this. But even then, it’s hard to know till I’m e you r done it and found out it feels wrong. Maybe not at first, but maybe eventually.

Sorry for the shit news on that. And, it’s just my opinion. Of course there are a million and one unresearched opinions on this.

It really resonated with me when you talked about how you sweep it away and the gender questioning comes back up, then sweep it, and it comes back up. It does the same for me. I try and leave the gender questioning be, and just love myself as an ftm and it doesn’t last long before the gender questioning comes back up. Something inside of me feels like I need to detransition. But I don’t think I have the courage to do it.

It’s been suggested to me by mental health professionals that I shouldn’t see gender as one or the other.basically gender is fluid and I could also be non binary. So many people are non binary now and a lot of people who detransition come out as non binary. A part of me has to wonder if that’s just because it’s easier than fully detransitioning and is the only way one can understand what happened and how others understand it all.

What keeps coming back for me is that I’m female. Now, I did have gender dysphoria and a lot of that has gone. But now I gained a whole body dysphoria. And dysphoria with my facial and body hair for example. Dysphoria using the men’s washroom. I had top surgery and a hysterectomy. I’ve tried to get back on estrogen instead of testosterone and my doc aid bed never do that because of the health risks.

I think the lynchpin for me was top surgery. I woke up from that and had nightmares for months. I immediately had this feeling of what have I done. I though oh it’s just normal tears so just ignore it and they’ll go away. But I don’t think it has. Top surgery did help my dysphoria but I do wonder if I couldn’t have doing a happy place with wearing a binder. I think I probably could have.

When I was introduced to the trans world it was mostly online and my understanding was that you had to have dysphoria and gender dysphoria meant you were transgender. It wasn’t till this past year and a half, through exploration, I have come to recognize trans looks different for everyone. I also believed that gender dysphoria meant that to fix it you needed surgery. So what did I embark on, well to change and stop this dysphoria. I was broken and needed to be fixed. That seems to be what trans activists say is going on. Gender dysphoria means your broken and need surgeries and hormones to fix it. Sigh...

So I’ve come to understand a lot through my exploration of things. Unfortunately it hasn’t made me more confident in my identity. I’ve felt more confused. I’m trying to explore the idea of being non binary. But I’m not too sure how to go about being non binary when I’m presenting as male. And I don’t know if I have it in me to do laser hair removal or the money to do it. I’m not sure about being fluid. I know that many times I’m not thinking about gender and I feel good about things when I’m not thinking about gender. But other times gender is in my face and it bothers me and I don’t know who I feel like. I’m most comfortable being androgynous I feel, which I can’t be currently the way things are (hormones, etc).

Right now I think I’m experiencing different types of dysphoria that I have gained. Because I’m short, men’s clothing doesn’t fit me so it gives me what I understand as dysphoria and anxiety and overall discomfort. Shoes don’t fit me either because I have women’s feet and that gives me dysphoria. I have facial and body hair which has also started giving me discomfort. Overall it all feels fake and not the true me.

But I do think there was a good about my transition. Although this whole detransition stuff makes me feel suicidal, I think transitioning saved me. Just after I came out and started hormones I was diagnosed with cancer. I feel like I then really grasped onto this trans identity to give me strength and something to focus on. I almost dissociated and took on an identity till I no longer needed it. So I do think there was a purpose to it. And I also think that nobody could habe stopped me even if they tried. Trans activism taught me exactly what to say and I do remember that on atleast one occasion I called someone transphobic for getting in my way of surgery. I was taught to think this way and do these things and have these beliefs.

I was in a detransition group online but left it recently because of their radical vireos. They are no different then radical trans activists. I find a lot of detransition talk and publicity comes from religious sources and some will even say things along the lines of pray away the trans. Many also believe there’s no gender but biological sex. I have gotten the vibe that they think there’s no such thing as transgender. And I don’t share a lot of these beliefs. I spoke up and got jumped on for questioning the motives of the religious organizations publishing detransition stories. I’m just opposed to it being used to forward a religious agenda, or being done out of hate. I was told I was being hateful saying that. When in fact I was just critically thinking. See what I mean they are exactly like trans activists calling people transphobic. So I left. And I have come to reddit trying to find the people that are more like minded and having similar experiences. I believe some people are transgender. But not as many as are coming out. I also believe that things like autism, bpd, trauma, etc can cause gender dysphoria and in those cases those people aren’t transgender they have mental health issues that should be addressed by the mental health system. So I don’t hate the trans community and I don’t believe you can pray it all away. Nope.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry your going through so much questioning right now and I hope you find your answers. Be true to who you are and feel you are. Don’t let others away you either way. This is about you and you only. But I also understand how hard it can be to try and determine who you are and what you need to do. Going though this can be so isolating becuase we are losing a community. We are also not acknowledged as being real but healthcare, which is thanks to the trans activists getting research shit down. So doctors can sign off on major surgery but then when it goes wrong and we turn back, the healthcare system turns its back on us. We should be given mental health support at all points of before a transition and especially if detransitioning. But there’s no mental health care. I saw two therapists for two hours and that for me surgery. Cake walk for major surgery. Where was the therapy??? Where’s the therapy now???? Sigh.... I’m right there beside you in the questioning. It never seems to end.

Sorry for the long message. I just needed to talk about it and I felt like I shared common feelings and experiences to you. Thanks for listening.

To play devils advocate, they are safeguarding essentially. You have proven you were not certain with transition so now they are making sure you are certain about detransition. The other stuff about how they judged gender expression is inappropriate and wrong. But not allowing you to jump onto estrogen is a way of ensuring that this time you are certain and correct about what you need.

Just take it one moment at a time. Right now just focus on keeping yourself safe.

I have a fear of rejection if I detransition. And a lot of other fears. I’m just trying to accept myself as I am ao I can try and see a path forward, whether that’s to remain identifying as trans, identifying as non-binary, or identifying as detrans. I’ll figure it out in time. But first I have to love myself. And sometimes that means facing fears and facing our past. Something important was said to me about my past, it was to remind myself that it’s not happening now, even if it feels that way. So I try and remember it’s not happening to me now. I try living in the now. But it’s also important to get therapy to help process some of what happened and reframe it in your mind in a way you can understand. Right now I’m trying to reframe trauma I experienced. It’s difficult trying to find a path forward but with time, things do get better.

Just try being present In the moment as it is. You don’t have to change anything right now. Wait for a moment that it’s easier to tolerate. Also remember that once you detransition, it’ll be like ripping of a bandage. It’s hard to do and it hurts, but there will be some relief after it’s done.

Hang in there.

Well first off, you can take birth control continuously to stop periods. So it doesn’t have to be estrogen. But doctors don’t just do hysterectomies for no reason and you have to be able to prove your situation. You need to speak to your doctor and a gynaecological surgeon about your options. There are many other ways to handle dysphoria instead of surgery. Like I said about birth control but you should consider therapy. If you don’t think you are trans then you need to sort out this issue and why it’s happening for you.