This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal perspective that aligns with a genuine desister/detransitioner. The user shares specific, multi-faceted life experiences (e.g., age, history with body image, autism, relationships) and offers empathetic, non-formulaic advice that reflects real-world wisdom and introspection. The tone is passionate and personal, not scripted or propagandistic.
About me
I started out as a teenage tomboy who hated puberty and felt cursed by becoming a woman. I struggled for years with low self-esteem, feeling like I didn't fit in anywhere. What really helped was getting stronger through running and the gym, which made me feel confident in my own skin for the first time. I’m in my forties now and completely at peace with being the kind of woman who doesn't wear makeup or feminine clothes. My journey taught me that being a woman isn't about fitting a mold, but about relaxing into and loving the person you already are.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a young teenager. I hated being a girl. I hated the changes my body was going through during puberty; getting my period felt like a curse. I was a tomboy and always felt like a different kind of girl. Feelings were never my thing, and I'm pretty sure I'm on the autistic spectrum, which made social things and understanding myself even harder. I had good parents who loved me, but I never felt that love. We were just different, maybe had different love languages.
I never transitioned medically, but I spent a long time deeply uncomfortable with being a woman. My self-esteem was very low and I struggled with depression. For a time, I even questioned if I might be gay or bi, but I concluded that I wasn't. I think a lot of my struggle was internal, a product of hating myself and not feeling like I fit in anywhere.
What helped me turn a corner was time and focusing on my health. In my early twenties, I started running and going to the gym. Getting stronger and more athletic helped me feel comfortable and confident in my own skin for the first time. I made peace with having periods. I also started to become better adjusted socially, especially when I entered the working world and found acceptance from older, wiser coworkers. Surrounding myself with good people was crucial.
I learned that being a woman isn't something you force yourself into; it's something you relax into. You don't have to try to be one, you already are one. The key is getting comfortable with the woman you are, even if that woman isn't super feminine. I’m in my forties now and I still don't wear makeup or particularly feminine clothing—it's just not my style—and I've grown to be completely comfortable with that. My boyfriend loves that I don't wear makeup and thinks I'm beautiful without it.
I benefited from realizing that masculinity isn't toxic—selfishness is. True masculinity is about strength, sacrifice, and protection. And for me, part of maturing has been about bringing the masculine and feminine aspects of myself into balance through a process of acceptance, not force.
Looking back, I see how vulnerable young people are to social influences. There's a big difference between a 30-year-old choosing to transition and a 14 or 16-year-old. The pressures are so strong you can hardly call it a free choice. I'm grateful that I found my way through the confusion without making permanent changes to my body that I might have regretted later. I don't regret not transitioning; I regret the years I spent hating myself. My journey was about learning to love myself for who I always was.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Hated puberty, felt cursed by my period, was a tomboy. |
| Early 20s | Started running and working out, began to feel comfortable and confident in my body. |
| 40s | Fully comfortable and at peace with being a woman, without conforming to feminine stereotypes. |
Top Comments by /u/GreyGhost878:
No matter how caring and supportive of everything you've been through, I'm sure she misses the daughter she had. You can even say it gently: "Mom, I'm not sure about this whole trans thing. I want to try going by my birth name again." See how she responds.
You're not transphobic if you have compassion for trans people and believe in treating them with respect. Transphobic (and homophobic) are words thrown around to describe anyone who doesn't fully agree with and support their ideology. You're seeing flaws in this ideology and thinking critically about it. You're allowed to do that and your opinions and feelings matter, especially since you've lived through it yourself. Please don't worry that you're transphobic, you're not.
I don't think he would have loved you less. He would have had a hard time understanding and it would have strained your relationship. When you love someone and they make life choices you would never make, or adopt values that differ from your own, it hurts. It sounds like your grandpa is expressing that he loves you very much and he's relieved that he won't have to live with that strain. It also sounds like he loves you just the way you are. The fact that he took you to a consultation despite his reservations about it proves an unconditional kind of love. I bet you could even ask him if he would have loved you less and he would tell you something along those lines. Not to dismiss the understandable hurt you feel, but I think he might be able to reassure you a bit. This sounds like a sensitive moment in your relationship and you just need to be gentle with each other. It sounds like you have a special relationship.
So happy for you. Part of the maturing process is bringing opposites into balance, including the masculine and feminine. It's not something we force but more a process of acceptance. You are truly masculine because you are a man but you are comfortable with the feminine aspects of your personality as well. It seems like you are ahead of the curve.
So glad to hear it! You do not have to like anything typically feminine, you can just be yourself!! And I hope you will find (as I did as a young adult) that being yourself is enjoyable. And the more you are happy with yourself, the more others feel safe and happy around you. You have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy it!
It sounds like you've been through a lot recently and congratulations on your sobriety. But you're in a vulnerable time now. Be kind to yourself. You don't have to do anything or make any major life decisions right now except to focus on being healthy.
Fwiw I've never worn makeup or particularly feminine clothing (except at formal events). I'm in my 40s now and I've grown into my femininity but I still don't wear makeup. It's unnatural and just not my style. My bf actually loves that I don't wear it and thinks I'm beautiful without it.
I think you look absolutely great in your second picture. You are beautiful. You look female to me, with LGBT vibes, and I wouldn't call you sir or ma'am, I would assume it's a sensitive thing and I would just be kind to you. I'm sorry it's a crazy world and people make so many assumptions.
As a smaller woman I prefer smaller men. I joke with my bf that he's too big, and it makes him feel good of course (or I wouldn't do it) but honestly it's uncomfortable a lot of the time. The smallest man I was ever with was my favorite one. He had a wonderful personality everyone loved, had a great time together, and he was a perfect size for me. Would have married him if I could. I don't like getting this personal on reddit and I will probably delete this comment in a few days so it's not in my history but I just want to give you a woman's perspective you may not hear otherwise.
You are beautiful! Sincerely. I think a little bit of mascara and/or lip color would go a long way to define your features as feminine. And some simple jewelry. Do you have pierced ears? You would look great with a little nose ring (if you wanted to go bold.) As others have said, clothing that is distinctly women's, or form-fitting enough to show your shape (if the trip is casual and not business.)
Depending on where you live there can be a certain safety in being female rather than male. Human beings (male and female) are vulnerable, life is fragile, and it's wise to recognize it. However it also sounds like your self-confidence is unusually low. I would work on that through therapy if you can before even considering a major decision like transitioning. If you do something like that you should do it (or not do it) for the right reasons and your reasons aren't so sound. Your reasons are because you think one group has an easier life (which is usually false, women and men both have their hardships.)
Big difference between a 30 year old choosing to transition and a 14/16/18 year old. The social influences are so strong you can hardly call it a free choice for a young person. The people who are responsible are the ones encouraging and enabling them.