This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user shares detailed, emotionally resonant personal experiences (e.g., childhood as a tomboy, family dynamics, an unwanted pregnancy) that are consistent over time. The language is nuanced, empathetic, and reflects the stated professional background (RN). The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a desister who is angry about the harm they perceive from gender ideology.
About me
I desperately wanted to be a boy as a kid, mostly because my family's rigid views made being a woman seem like a trap. Moving away from that environment helped me realize I could just be a masculine woman without changing who I am. I'm grateful I never took hormones, as I've seen how dangerous they can be in my work as a nurse. My biggest regret is that I ever believed changing my body was the answer, instead of challenging society's expectations. Now I want to help others see that you can be whoever you want without making permanent medical changes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a kid, around 8 years old. I desperately wanted to be a boy. I was a huge tomboy, wore boys' clothes, and really hated the idea of being a girl. But looking back, I see now that it wasn't about wanting to be male; it was about not wanting to be female. This feeling came from my family's very religious and traditional background, which had rigid ideas about a woman's place. My dad had just abandoned us, and I saw him living a carefree life while my mom struggled to feed us. To me, being a man looked easier and like I would have more freedom. I felt a lot of discomfort with puberty and the changes that came with it, but I think it was more about the social expectations than my actual body.
I grew out of that phase after we moved away from that toxic environment. I realized a woman doesn't have to be married, have kids, or be dependent on a man. I could just be me, a woman who isn't super feminine. I rarely wear makeup and my hobbies aren't "girly," and that's okay. I have a very feminine body, which I've had to learn to accept. I think a lot of people, regardless of gender issues, aren't completely happy with their bodies.
I never medically transitioned. I'm so grateful for that now. As a nurse, I've seen how dangerous hormones can be. They aren't like switching from diesel to unleaded fuel; our bodies are incredibly complex systems. I've seen a young woman die from a blood clot caused by fertility treatments. Exogenous hormones are serious medicine with serious risks, and I believe the idea that they are a simple solution is a lie.
My main regret isn't about something I did to my own body, but that I ever believed transitioning was the answer to my problems. I regret that the progress we made for women in the 70s to 90s, where we learned to say "fuck it" to gender roles, seems to have been forgotten. I see young people now thinking they need to change their bodies to escape oppression, when the real solution is to reject the box society tries to put you in.
I also feel a deep responsibility to talk to younger people, like my siblings, about my experience. I want to help them understand that you can be a masculine woman or a feminine man without changing your body permanently. The goal is to help them avoid the pain of making irreversible decisions based on temporary feelings.
I don't regret my social exploration because it led me to this understanding. But I am deeply saddened by the permanent changes I see others making, and I worry for them. My thoughts on gender are that it's largely a social construct, and our bodies are just our bodies. We should be able to be whoever we want to be without needing to medically alter our healthy selves.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8 | Wanted to be a boy, hated being a girl due to family trauma and social pressures. |
| Pre-teens | Moved away from toxic family environment, began to outgrow the desire to be male. |
| Teens to Adulthood | Accepted being a gender-nonconforming woman. Realized I didn't need to transition to be myself. |
| 40s | Reflecting on my journey, grateful I never medically transitioned, and advocating for caution. |
Top Comments by /u/HOT__BOT:
Knowing what you know and your experience with (mistakenly) identifying as trans, you should definitely talk to your siblings about this. If you can get through to thwm before they make permanent changes to their bodies you could be saving them a lot of pain down the road. My advice talking to teenagers is this: don’t go on the offensive, they will percieve they are being attacked and be defensive.Have some open discussions with them and explain your experience and why it happened to you the way it did. Offer a nonjudgmental place for them to talk and help them come to their conclusions without being an echo chamber.
Wise words from Bjork
There have always been women who wanted to be men to escape the oppression of women from society. Wanting to escape that does not make you a man, and transitioning is not the answer to this problem. Saying “Fuck it, I’m going to do what I want” is the solution.I swear all the progress we made as women from the 70’s to the 90’s has just been forgotten. The last 20 years have been so regressive and painful to watch. If you had been born 20 years earlier, this would be a non-issue, because girls who didn’t want to be put in a feminine box just said “Fuck this, fuck you, I don’t give a shit.”
Just because poison A is worse than poison B does not negate that B is still poison. There are genetic women who refuse hormone replacement, hirmonal fertility treatments, and hormonal birth control because of the risks. I have seen a 24 year old woman die from fertility treatments, she had a clot that went the length of her jugular vein from behind her ear to her chest. Hormones are dangerous.
Exogenous estrogen is not less dangerous to a man than endogenous testosterone, and whoever is feeding you this bullshit is mistaken, ignorant, or lying. I’m betting on lying. I’ve been an RN for longer than a lot of redditors have been alive, this trans logic gaslighting doesn’t work on me. I onow facts, and facts are not up for debate, they don’t care about feelings either. Our bodies are insanely complex, everg system, malenir female, depends on all the others to function. It isn’t as easy as switching from diesel to unleaded. In fact, if you know anything at all about cars, the diesel to inleaded analogy should demonstrate to you that you can’t change one element and expect the whole machine to shift over and still work.
David Reiner’s case makes me sick to my stomach and want to cry.
I wanted to be a boy sooo badly when I was a child. My parents and extended family were very toxic towards women (there was some Phyllis Schlafly influence there). When my parents got divorced and we moved across the country with my mom, I no longer hated being a girl. I allowed myself to do “girly” things in addition to the “boy” things I already loved.
I was 8 fucking years old.
Are you physically still able to have children? I’m not being snarky, I just want to understand, because you said you still have a uterus and ovaries. If you can, and I am not minimizing the loss of your breasts, plenty of women that birth children don’t breastfeed, either because they can’t or don’t want to. And their children don’t love them any less for it.
I know you feel hopeless now, but you don’t have to give up on finding love and companionship. Not every partnership is hypersexual and hyperromantic like it is on TV. Sometimes it’s just about finding your best friend to live your life with (not diminishing less romantic/sexual relationships in any way).
The future isn’t written yet. These things can still happen for you. And if they don’t, then I hope you can find happiness in yourself. Having a partner is a good thing, but there are other good things, too, and you are a valuable human being. Please remember that.
eta: I have known many women who have children without a partner, knowing they were going it alone. They did it on purpose, knowing the dad wouldn’t be around., or fostered older children and then adopted. A couple of women I know ended up raising relatives’ children, due to death or the parents not being able to do so. A cousin had severe rape trauma and never got over it, couldn’t date or have sex, and adopted 2 foster children. 2 other women I knew were approaching 40, had no serious partner, and got pregnant on purpose, and told the dad stick around or don’t, it’s up to you. One did and one didn’t. They for one reason or another couldn’t or didn’t have a LTR, but a baby only takes sperm to exist, not a husband. My point is, there are a million ways to make your life happier, no one’s life is perfect, there is always hope.
May I ask your birth name and the name you go by now (or at least give me similar names so I can understand how similar they are to each other)?
If you haven’t started HRT, there’s nothing physical you really need to do. Gendernonconformity was quite common when I was your age (late 90’s), and I’m genuinely sorry gender presentation has become such a sticking point. I went through phases of more masculine presentation and phases of more feminine presentation, but I never felt like I had to change my identity. My best friends were a masculine girl and a feminine boy, both straight.
I would just start going by your original name, and when people ask, just say you have decided that you are happy to stay a woman and that you don’t need to transition to be you like you previously thought. If your names are similar, it might be easier.
Maybe your wanting to be a man has some roots in your family’s religion? If your family has rigid ideas about a woman’s place, that could definitely make you wish you weren’t a woman.
When I was a kid, I was a tomboy, and I even went through a phase where I wished I was a boy, wore boys’ clothes, etc., but it was more about not wanting to be a girl than it was about wanting to be a boy. This was after my dad abandoned us. He was living a comfortable, carefree life, while my mom struggled to feed us. I was also very aware of the social inequities between men and women. I wanted to be a boy because it seemed easier and like I would be more free. I grew out of it later when I realized that a woman doesn’t have to be married, have kids, or be dependent on a man if she chooses not to. I’m still not super feminine, I rarely wear makeup or have “feminine” hobbies.
I do have a very feminine body, but there’s not much I can do about that so I’ve come to accept it. It’s not that big a deal, though, especially as you get older. I’m willing to bet a very large majority of people in general don’t like their bodies, gender dysphoria or not. At this age (40s) I just want to be healthy more than anything. Transitioning can’t be undone.
GNC women were very common when I was your age, and I really don’t remember any of them saying they wanted to be men. They just didn’t want to follow women’s traditional gender roles, and they are almost always happier than GC women in my experience.
You just do you, you don’t need surgery and hormones to be who you are.
This sounds like a serious life decision being made rashly at an emotionally vulnerable time. Training to kill people will not make you a man, unless you equate violence with masculinity. Perhaps you are confusing violence with bravery. In that case, joining the military is an act of ignorance, cowardice, or greed. You seem to be seeking validation, but the validation you will get in the service is false. You don’t need to prove your manhood to anyone. Just be a man. Just be.
Oh no, definitely wait until you are in a better place. I had an unwanted pregnancy when I was younger that would have been a DISASTER. I’m sorry you feel like your choices have been taken away from you. I know how that feels (different situation, though). I have decided to make the best of what I can, because you can’t go back, you know? Grieve the losses, but remember there is tomorrow as well.