This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "HauntingBowlofGrapes" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an actor. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed experience with detransition, hormone therapy, and mental health struggles.
- Consistent, nuanced views over a two-year period, expressing a complex relationship with gender and transition.
- Empathetic engagement with others, offering support and advice specific to the detrans/desister experience.
- A recognizable persona with a consistent writing style, including occasional humor and frustration, which aligns with a genuine, passionate user.
About me
I was born female and always felt like a tomboy, but my confusion grew from my attraction to girls and my serious, untreated mental illness. I thought becoming a man was the answer to my self-hatred and trauma, so I started testosterone. I stopped after a few months when I realized I didn't actually want to be male and that the changes were making me feel worse. Getting the right treatment for my schizoaffective disorder was the real solution, as it made my desire to change my body fade away. Now I've accepted being female, I mix masculine and feminine expression freely, and I'm just happy to be myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s deeply tied to my mental health. I was born female, and from a young age, I was a girly tomboy. I loved Barbies and dress-up, but I also loved video games, racecars, and fighting with the boys. I got along better with boys because I felt like I understood them more, and it was confusing that I couldn't do everything they could. I also discovered very early on that I exclusively liked girls; my first childhood love and my first kiss were both with a girl. This made things even more confusing for me growing up.
I struggled a lot with my mental health. I have schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and I also have a history of childhood trauma. For a long time, I hated my body and myself. I found an escape in online communities and learned about being transgender. It felt like an answer. I thought that if I could just change my body and become a man, all my problems would be solved. It was a way to try and erase being female and to gain some control over how I was seen by others. I started identifying as non-binary at first, and then as a binary transman.
I decided to take testosterone. I was on it for about five and a half months. The doctors never really informed me of all the possible risks or side effects; they just handed it out. While I was on T, I started to realize that fully becoming a man wasn't what I actually wanted. I was trying so hard to be a macho man and purge all my femininity, and it was making me feel awful—it gave me reverse dysphoria. I didn't want permanent facial hair, and I knew I didn't want top surgery or bottom surgery. The idea of those procedures felt risky and wouldn't actually solve the deep issues I had.
I stopped T cold turkey. After I stopped, my voice kept getting lower for a bit. I can now sing at an A2 comfortably, and I have a deeper speaking voice that never returned to how it was before. I sometimes get mistaken for a man on voice chats, and my voice still cracks sometimes. I also developed what might be autoimmune pancreatitis a few months after stopping, and I have to wonder if the T had something to do with that, since pancreatic issues run in my family. The clinic never warned me about any of this.
Getting on the right antipsychotics and mood stabilizers for my schizoaffective disorder was a huge turning point. Once my psychosis and rapid mood swings were under control, a lot of my desire to drastically change my body went away. I realized my gender dysphoria was heavily influenced by my untreated mental illness and trauma. I needed to accept my body and my birth sex. I am female, and that is a biological fact that doesn't change, no matter how I dress or what I call myself.
I don’t regret taking testosterone. I'm actually happy with some of the permanent changes, like my deeper voice. If I could control what T did and only get the specific changes I wanted, I might still be on it. But I am so glad I never got any surgeries. That would have ruined my life. I’ve found a balance now. I wear men's clothing sometimes and women's clothing other times. I mix masculinity and femininity without the baggage of labels. I don't really care what people call me. I'm just me.
My thoughts on gender now are that sex is biological and immutable, but gender expression is social and changeable. You can be a feminine man or a masculine woman without changing your sex. I believe in biological truth, but I also believe that nobody should be forced into a box by society's expectations. For me, detransitioning was about coming back to myself and accepting my female body as my base. I needed to address my trauma and mental health issues instead of trying to escape them through transition.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Felt confused as a girly tomboy who liked girls. Had mostly male friends. |
| Young Adult | Discovered trans identity online. Struggled with self-hatred, trauma, and mental illness. |
| 22 | Started identifying as non-binary, then as a binary transman. Began taking testosterone. |
| 22 | Stopped testosterone after 5.5 months. Realized I didn't want to live as a man or get surgeries. |
| 22 | Started proper treatment for schizoaffective disorder. Gender dysphoria significantly decreased. |
| 23 | Accepted my female body and found a balance in expressing both masculinity and femininity. |
Top Comments by /u/HauntingBowlofGrapes:
Preexisting eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and/or other psychiatric condition.
An incel or incle-adjacent
Only concerned about aesthetics of being transgender.
Obsessed with Anime and Manga and makes it their transition goal
Believe that they possess physical abilities and sexual organs of the opposite sex. (MTF believing they have periods and testicles are ovaries, FTM believing they have prostates and penises.)
Fixation on gay people and trying to sleep with them.
Wanting to avoid being perceived as homosexual when they are indeed homosexual or heterosexual if they are indeed heterosexual.
No dysphoria
Substance abuse
Threatening suicide
Botox and surgery addiction
Spirituality or religion tied in with transgender beliefs
Politics tied in with transgender beliefs
Art, music or theatre major (or just an artist in general) hyperfixated on gender
Under 35 years old
Wife is currently pregnant
Obsessed with crossdressing and gender for sexual reasons
Auto-androphilia or Auto-gynephilia
Pronoun obsession
Non-binary, gender fluid, two-gender, ect.
Childhood trauma or victim of sexual assault
Fandom tied into transgender beliefs or activity
In a cult
Using gender to feel special and seek attention online and offline
Self diagnosed mental illnesses/ Munchie/ illness faker/ DiD
Personality disorder
Several transgender identifying friends and associates.
Autistic or on the spectrum
Neo pronouns, Xenogender, otherkin
That's quite evil twords trans, detrans, and cis (god, I hate that prefix) gender nonconforming people. If we can't be accurately informed about the state of trans healthcare then we can't hold these surgeons accountable and improve the system.
These mods are running on extreme insanity. It actually hurts the whole trans community.
This isn't at all accurate and it's extremely offensive. Please refrain from posting content like this. I'm reporting you to the mods for bonkphobia. There needs to be at minimum 42 bonks and a boot to the head. A sole bonk is both false and inaccurate.
Because they are just kids, trying out new identities, and trying to find themselves. During your teenage years of self exploration you adopt different aspects like joining subcultures, new religions, popular societal trends, new fashions and such to try to figure it all out. Almost all kids do it and it is a normal part of growing up. There's nothing wrong with trying out a new gender identity per say but when you add medicalization ( and queer theory) that's where the problems begin because it's not reversible for the most part.
Look, you aren't damaged goods. It's not worth it to compromise your true self to please others. There are plenty of queer women who are wholeheartedly attracted to transwomen and who will respect you as a person. There are queer and straight women who are attracted to feminine men.
Even if you do decide to detransition it doesn't mean you have to stop being yourself. Sure people will disrespect and look down on you but the fight to be authentically yourself is worth it. Living in silent misery isn't the solution. It will take a huge toll on you. Don't let others have control over you because at the end of the day you have to live with yourself. You have a right to be you. You have a right to live life (as long as you aren't hurting anyone) as you see fit.
Well, you already are male. You don't have to "be male" as in conform to stereotypical masculinity and behavior. There are many feminine males who honor their true selves. I know of one who dresses like a doll, wears heavy makeup, wears wigs, heels, and is extremely feminine. I think he's straight also. Still identifies as completely male.
Don't let the world shame you into self hatred and hiding. This world tries hard to break us all down as a means to control individuals for different purposes. As hard as it is to try to be you, the true you, it is still worth it in the end.
If you actually took time to read the book you would know that she did indeed research and consult with doctors and scientist. She cites several peer reviewed and verified sources throughout the book. Foot notes citing every scientific statement. There are interviews with detrans females stating their personal experiences. There are trans resources cited. Sure, her words are abrasive at time but she is not being transphobic. Maybe try reading before making declarations on a book next time, k?
Authentic sex and presentation are two different things. A man wearing women's clothing is still a man with manhood if he so chooses. What you wear and how you behave doesn't magically degrade or upgrade this status as people seem to believe it does. In my eyes a man unafraid to step out into society looking like a damn porcelain doll has more manhood and balls than any wannabe-"alpha male" dude-bro who is afraid of the opinions of others, thank you.
Also, that's extremely sexist. Men can wear whatever they please and it doesn't have to erase their entire manhood.
You don't have to stop hrt if it makes you happy. No need to live in misery. You can just socially detransition and live as a feminine man. But you must really go deep and ask yourself "am I detransitioning FOR ME or am I detransitioning FOR OTHERS?" At the end of the day you have to live with yourself.
Also, don't let other people's cringey behavior make you feel less than. Although you all may be in the same category they do not define you. You define you. They may be delusional and creepy but you are self aware and aren't delusional and creepy.
Because big pharma, plastic surgeons, and hrt prescribing doctors have found an easy cash cow to suck dry. Also the tra pushing this are a mix of people who are genuinely insane, cult-esque, fetishes, have personality disorders, untreated mentally ill, children with no life experience, trauma survivors, suicidal, incels, and etc.. Combine all these factors and this is what you get.
Even some transitioned transexuals believe this medicalization only route is dangerous but they are hated and outcastes by the current "trans" majority.