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Reddit user /u/Head_Equipment_1871's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account.

The user shares highly specific, personal, and emotionally nuanced experiences related to detransition (e.g., vocal retraining, body image issues, past bullying, and mental health guilt). The language is consistent, passionate, and supportive of others in a way that aligns with a genuine member of the detrans community.

About me

I started transitioning in my early twenties because I hated the unwanted attention that came with my female body after puberty. I was on testosterone for two and a half years, which deepened my voice and made me very hairy. I've since realized my desire to transition was tied to trauma and poor mental health, not to being male. I'm now slowly detransitioning, working to regain my voice, and learning to accept my female self. It's been a painful journey of understanding that my body was never the problem.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition and detransition has been complicated and deeply tied to my mental health. Looking back, I think a lot of my desire to transition came from a place of deep discomfort with the attention I got after I hit puberty as a girl. I remember being in middle school and feeling like a bug under a microscope. Boys would gang up on me and bully me for being a "weird girl," and by the time I was 14, I was getting honked and hollered at by men in cars. I hated it. I thought I hated being a girl, but I’ve realized that being a girl is actually fine when I’m with other girls. I think I just hated the unwanted attention that came with having a female body.

A specific part of that was hating my breasts, but only because they made me more visible and brought that unwanted attention. I also had a lot of body image issues. I was bullied for being "hairy" by boys when I was just 11 years old. I felt like Sasquatch and isolated myself for years because of it. Now, after being on testosterone, I am actually that hairy, and it’s made me realize how normal my body was back then. Seeing positive images of women with body hair like I used to have has been heartbreaking, because I see now that there was nothing wrong with me.

I started identifying as transgender and began taking testosterone. I was on it for about two and a half years. I was always really stealth about my transition; I didn’t tell many people. During that time, my voice dropped significantly, which is something I now have complicated feelings about. I’ve been listening to old recordings of my voice and I miss it. I used to think it was annoying, but now it sounds sweet to me.

For the past few months, I’ve been slowly trying to regain my higher vocal range. It’s been a difficult process. At first, it was painful, quiet, and my voice would crack a lot. I even gave myself laryngitis from pushing too hard. I’ve learned to be patient, drink lots of water, and stop if I feel any pain. Slowly, I’ve been able to strengthen that upper range and hit notes I never thought I could again. It’s a small thing, but it feels like a big act of reclaiming a part of myself.

My mental health has played a huge role in all of this. I am mentally unstable and I suspect I might genuinely have bipolar 1. This makes me feel a lot of guilt about my detransition. I worry that by detransitioning and getting treatment for my bipolar disorder, I’m going to make cis people think that all trans people are just unmedicated and "crazy." I feel responsible for adding to that stereotype, and I haven’t gotten over that guilt yet.

I haven’t fully socially detransitioned. I’ve only told about five people that I’m detransitioning, and I’m still using he/him pronouns with most people because I’m afraid of it being obvious. I’m embarrassed about seeming unstable or pathetic for changing my mind. My advice to others feeling this way is to focus on other goals in life, because that can show people you’re more than just your transition story. It’s a traumatizing experience, but if you can work through it and still have empathy for both trans and cis people, you can help improve understanding.

I don’t have any major regrets about the physical changes, like the hair growth, because they’ve given me a new perspective on my old insecurities. But the process has been painful. I wish I could go back and tell my 11-year-old self that she was pretty and normal, and that she didn’t need to shut down or change her body to escape how she felt.

Here is a timeline of the main events:

Age Event
11 Bullied for being "hairy," leading to years of isolation and body insecurity.
14 Experienced intense street harassment, fueling a desire to be invisible and a dislike for my developing female body.
Early 20s Started identifying as transgender and began testosterone hormone therapy.
~23.5 Had been on testosterone for 2.5 years.
Present (mid-20s) Stopped testosterone and began the process of detransitioning. Started voice retraining to regain a higher vocal range.

Top Comments by /u/Head_Equipment_1871:

6 comments • Posting since August 14, 2024
Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) discusses the guilt of detransitioning and the fear of reinforcing the stereotype that trans people are just unmedicated bipolar individuals.
8 pointsNov 3, 2024
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i feel a similar way sometimes/often. The fact that i am mentally unstable & might genuinely have bipolar 1, then makes me feel even worse. If I transitioned, and then detransitioned & took medication for bipolar, then I feel like i'm gonna make it seem to cis people that ALL trans people are just unmedicated bipolar 1s. I feel so guilty about that.

i haven't gotten over the guilt yet, so i can't help on any sure way out of the embarrassment of seeming "crazy" & the guilt of making trans people seem "crazy", but if you need to detransition there's kinda nothing else you/we can do. I just keep an open mind about it all.

unfortunately i may be in an easier position than you, as i haven't really told anyone i'm detransitioning (apart from like 5 people, but i trust them, but i still haven't quit he/him bc i'm afraid of my detransition being obvious), and a lot of people in my life i haven't seen for years so they don't even know i did transition. I don't have to bear the stress of a large family or friend group seeing me transition & then detransition. I was always rlly stealth. Do you have many people in your life who will know about it?

maybe let them know in a relaxed environment.. Let them ask open-minded questions, and you answer open-mindedly. If they are really conservative & loudly bigoted, keep quiet on the subject around them bc dealing with that can hurt your brain.

As long as you have other goals in life, i don't think people will see you as pathetic, weak, mentally unwell, unstable or untrustworthy. Transition->detransition has just given you a new perspective. It's traumatising, but if you can work through it and still live a happy life, then you can show people that you survived. And if you can still have empathy in your heart for trans people and cis people, then it helps improve the societal relationship between both sides.

Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) explains how bullying over normal body hair as a child led to isolation and a distorted self-image, which she later realized was completely normal after seeing positive representations of "hairy" women.
8 pointsSep 3, 2024
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Same <3

I was bullied for being "hairy" by a few boys in middle school. I felt like Sasquatch. I was 11, and I isolated myself for years after that. I really thought I was so hairy.

Now I actually am. The current level of hair I have now, after 2.5 years of T, is how hairy I thought I was when I was 11. Recently, I've been seeing more bodies of women who are "hairy" like I was pre-T (I'm in better spaces online, and in a better headspace to receive that type of positivity), and I feel so sad to know that it was completely normal for me to be that "hairy".

I, too, want to go back in time and tell my younger self she is pretty, and she should keep doing what makes her happy. I don't want her to have to shut down.

Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) explains that not all top surgery methods leave highly visible scars, suggesting keyhole surgery as an option for those with minimal breast tissue.
6 pointsOct 29, 2024
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Not all top surgery methods leave really noticeable scars. Sometimes, breast tissue can be minimal enough for keyhole surgery, even for AFAB people. You could ask doctors/nurses if they think your breast tissue might be minimal enough for keyhole surgery?

Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) discusses the future of detransitioning, feeling out of place in MtF-focused resources, and finding community with other FtMtFs and AMAB individuals with similar experiences.
6 pointsAug 14, 2024
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Also, I think in the future, it's possible clinics will see more and more detrans people as it becomes less stigmatised. The resources I'm looking at are often MtF focused, so I feel out of place sometimes (and like an invader), but I also see other FtMtFs (and women who took steroids for other reasons), so I know I'm not alone.

There will be other MtFtXs out there on similar journeys to you, and even AMABs who never did MtF HRT, like those with gynecomastia.

Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) discusses her journey to regain her pre-transition voice, sharing that through patient practice, hydration, and adjusting mouth shape, she has been able to significantly strengthen her upper range and hit notes she thought were lost forever.
3 pointsAug 29, 2024
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I feel this <3 I've been missing my old voice, too. I used to think it was annoying, but listening back at old recordings it was sweet, and I miss just having a voice that sounded like that.

Over the past few months, I've been practising little by little to sing high again. It seems truly impossible to begin with. It was painful, quiet, "stiff", and breaky/cracky. I stop practising if I start feeling pain, because I gave myself laryngitis from not resting.

Through practise, I have been able to develop and strengthen that upper range a significant amount. I feel sad some days of course, but I do unrelated tasks if my voice is sore/failing that day. I've recently managed to hit notes I never thought I ever could again. I've also played around with mouth/throat/tongue shape to change it from sounding "falsetto" to "girlish".

I'm not a vocal coach at all, so I don't know how to explain any of this technically, but I guess I just wanted to share a moment of pain/empathy/resilience with you. Through my practise I've been sad, but I've found patience to be really valuable to me. And drink lots of water!!! I've been a noise-maker my whole life, and if I don't drink enough water, my throat hurts like hell!

There also exist AMAB singers who can sing in higher ranges and sound AFAB. T doesn't change the vocal structure to be exactly like an AMAB vocal structure. I am rooting for you! Don't give up! <3

Reddit user Head_Equipment_1871 (detrans female) explains how unwanted attention after puberty, including bullying and street harassment, made her feel hyper-visible and led her to initially believe she hated being a girl.
3 pointsAug 29, 2024
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I agree with you 100%. I absolutely despised attention ever since puberty. I did so much to be invisible, but when you're a girl, you're just so visible for seemingly everything you do. In middle school I remember feeling like every single boy was ganging up on me and bullying me because I was a weird girl, even a group of older high school boys. Or, like, being 14 and having cars start honking and hollering at you. Not feeling like you can be anywhere at night, or even the day.

I thought I hated being a girl. Turns out being a girl is fine when with other girls! Turns out I hated my breasts only because they'd bring unwanted attention!

"Bug under microscope" true. It's super annoying. Maybe, do you have friends who like to dress up & wear makeup as well? Idk if it will help, but maybe you can dress up together and compliment each other / take photos of each other! It will be fun attention from friends rather than from random weirdos on the street.