This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's comments are highly consistent in their perspective, showing a nuanced, personal, and passionate viewpoint that aligns with a desister's experience. They reference a personal history of same-sex attraction, a husband, and offer empathetic, detailed advice that reflects lived experience rather than scripted talking points. The language is natural, varied, and context-specific.
About me
I'm a gay man who was always comfortable with my own body, and my journey into this started when I tried to support a transitioning friend. I saw online communities pushing a "one-size-fits-all" answer on confused young people, which felt more like a cult than genuine support. I became convinced that many were seeking transition for reasons like trauma or not fitting in, rather than a true identity. Now, my biggest concern is protecting teenagers from making permanent decisions they might regret, and I encourage them to take their time. I believe detransitioners have a vital role in sharing their stories to help others avoid the same pain.
My detransition story
My journey with all of this didn't start with my own transition, but with watching and trying to understand a close friend who was transitioning. I got really involved in online communities trying to figure out how to best support them, and that's where my perspective began to form.
I'm a gay man, and I've always been comfortable with that. Even as a kid, I knew I was different from other boys because I was chasing my male friend around the playground, not the girls. I went through puberty and grew into my male body just fine. I think my own comfort with being a gay man made me question why so many other people, especially young people, were suddenly feeling like they needed to change their bodies entirely.
From what I saw in those online spaces, it felt like a cult. There was this "think like us or else" mentality. I got banned from a sub just for suggesting someone talk to a therapist before making a big decision. It seemed like any confused teen who googled "why do I feel weird about puberty" was immediately told they were trans and to transition as young as possible. I started to believe that only a very small percentage of people are truly trans, maybe around 5%. The rest, I thought, were bandwagon jumpers or people influenced by social media.
A lot of my thoughts came from observing others. I remember one person who was raped and then wanted to transition; it seemed logical to me that she wanted to appear bigger and stronger to prevent that from happening again, not that she was truly trans. I also began to develop a theory that many of these people might be autistic. The dysphoria they feel, which I've felt temporarily myself, felt more like a scary new feeling of "I don't fit in with societal norms." It seemed easier for them to try and change sex than to just be gay, lesbian, or bi.
I saw how the community operates, too. A masculine person with a beard would put on a dress and get dozens of comments calling them beautiful and cute, even if they didn't pass. It created a feedback loop where they got used to that treatment and were afraid of being cast out if they left. It felt like the movement was about gaining numbers.
My biggest concern has always been for young people. I firmly believe that encouraging or even allowing children to transition is immoral and unethical. They are still developing and don't have the life experience to make such a permanent decision. Your body and brain are trying to work together to become their best form, and interfering with that complicates things later. I always advised teens to talk to their supportive parents if they had doubts, to lead a healthy life, and to take their time. There is no rush.
While I never transitioned myself, I have strong opinions based on what I witnessed. I don't regret the time I spent trying to understand and help people, but I do regret that so many are pushed down this path without enough critical thought. I believe people should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies, but they should also pay for it themselves and not expect others to fund their personal choices. My husband and I have found more acceptance from people who just say "you do you" without forcing anything on anyone else.
For those who have detransitioned, I see your value. You could be a key voice in encouraging younger people to not approach transition lightly and to help get laws enacted to protect them. Your experience, as rough as it is, can help others avoid the same mistake.
Here is a timeline of my involvement based on my comments:
Age | Date | Event |
---|---|---|
- | 2019-09-08 | I began questioning the conditional friendships within online trans communities. |
- | 2019-10-23 | I was banned from a trans sub for recommending therapy, solidifying my view of their "all or nothing" mentality. |
- | 2019-11-11 | I reflected on my own comfortable experience as a gay man and grew concerned about online influence on confused teens. |
- | 2019-11-25 | I connected youthful depression and the urge to label everything, often leading to a trans identity. |
- | 2019-12-12 | I analyzed a case where trauma from rape seemed to be a driver for a desire to transition, not innate gender identity. |
- | 2019-12-17 | I advised a confused individual to stop HRT and find a therapist who wouldn't automatically affirm a trans identity. |
- | 2019-12-25 | I developed my theory about autism and dysphoria being a feeling of not fitting into societal norms. |
- | 2020-01-25 | I compared the affirmation in trans communities to cult-like behavior. |
- | 2020-02-09 | I advised a doubting 17-year-old to talk to their supportive parents and not rush into decisions. |
- | 2020-06-26 | I encouraged detransitioners to use their stories to protect young people from making similar mistakes. |
- | 2020-07-30 | I noted that my husband and I, as a gay couple, felt more accepted by the political right than the left. |
- | 2020-08-18 | I confirmed that I speak to trans teens to encourage them to grow up in their own bodies first. |
Top Comments by /u/Henniferlopez87:
You could be a big key voice in encouraging younger people to not even approach the idea of transitioning AND getting laws enacted to protect younger people. Your situation sounds rough, but you CAN help others with your mistake. We all still love you, we are human, and mistakes are okay.
Definitely. It’s so cringe worthy and I agree with you about it being appealing to young people who are still discovering themselves.
I think most people growing up go through a bit a depression and the over access to information lets them throw a label on everything.
“I’m young and feeling down” google search lead to r/Trans - “transitioning while you’re young is the best time to do it! You go girl/boy/toaster!”
I feel like unless you 100% tell anyone in the trans subs to transition you’re the enemy. I recommended someone talk to a therapist about how they felt - BAM banned.
Confused teens and people in general need to be heard and talked to by both sides of any argument before it is too late.
I don’t know her, so keep that in mind. I feel like she an empowerment issue because of the rape. She wants to be bigger and stronger appearing to keep that from happening again. Logical precaution in my opinion. She likes the body she’s in but also sees at as a set up in a way. She doesn’t want to appear too feminine to keep it from happening.
Keep doing you, but encourage some counseling going forward. You’re doing a great job as a partner if she feels like she can talk to you in this detail. Telling her what I said may be enough, if she is in a good place mentally. If she has issues going forward, she may want to talk to a psychologist.
I liked your video, the best way to get though to people is let the whole triggering thing go. The more we pamper people the more set them back.
The more we take a non social society and constrict them with pronouns we make people from wanting to be social, less social.
What I mean is anti social people being forced to be social when society does not want them to be social, forcing them to be more anti social.
I’d say start with the baby steps, speak at schools when that becomes a thing again. You have time to prepare age appropriate conversations. Even right now you create a YouTube channel and talk about your progress and where it’s lead you now. Kids love the internet.
Good on you, be yourself in whatever way it is. I speak to trans teens and encourage them to grow up in their body. It’s perfectly okay to feel weird growing up. The whole thing. Doesn’t help that the trans community encourages younger people to transition as early as possible.
Use your skin creams and wear whatever you want man, it’s entertaining for people watchers like myself going “is he gay or straight?” to my husband.
Think about this. If whatever you chose to do with your own life affected your friend so much, are they really your friend?
I think about this as a friend with terms. My “friend” is only my friend because I do this, act this way, or do that.
Do whatever makes you happy and the people that are rooting for you will make themselves known.
I really feel for you. Growing up I always knew I was different than other guys. At age ten my male friend was chasing our female friend and I was chasing my male friend. I didn’t know why. I matured into my male body and accepted that I’m attracted to men and men only. Nothing wrong with that.
What I think is the problem nowadays and purely my opinion is the over abundant access of information. A 12 year old having the internet can submit a google search on why they are feeling weird about growing into their body (like any person experiencing changes would) and they get 50 pages probably on reddit about how they are transgender.
For you, the best decision you need to make is how can you make the rest of your life the most enjoyable. There are medical advancements being made everyday and you never know when something comes along that may benefit YOU. I emphasized because that’s all that matters. I wish you the best.
Not to sound like an asshole, but what do you expect from a group with the “think like us or else” mentality?
My husband and I have been more accepted by the right than the left. “Cool, you two are married and don’t force anything on anyone else... you guys do you.”
“Neat, so moving on how is that lawn mower working out for you that we fixed?”